Dear Tazi-Kat:
I am 11 years old, and started middle school this year. I have made lots of new friends and really like the way we move between classrooms during the day, especially since I get to see this cute 8th grade boy during passing periods. He is always nice to me, and I really like him a lot! There is a Halloween dance coming up and I want to ask him to go with me, but all of my friends tell me to stay away from him. They tell me he is too old for me and that he has a bad reputation; that he likes to smoke and drink and party, but that is what makes him so fascinating to me! I get very good grades and am very mature for my age, and I know I could change this bad boy's ways just enough so that my parents will approve of him; but not so much that he is boring, like so many of the other boys at school. What can I do to get my friends to lay off and see that I know what I am doing?
Signed,
Lovestruck
Dear Lovestruck:
The first thought that comes to my mind is some advice given to my Mommie back when she was single: When the two combine, the mud does not get "glovey"; the glove gets muddy. No matter how mature you think you are, the fact of the matter is that this boy's immature ways are what attract you to him. How mature is that? You may think that you can change him, but are you certain that he will not change you?
Drinking and partying during the school year (and at such a young age) are behaviors that lead to bad grades and serious health problems in the long-term, and loss of privileges in the short-term. How boring would that be, stuck at home on a Friday night because your parents grounded you for failing a math test?
I am not going to tell you not to ask this boy to the Halloween dance because this is an opportunity for you to get him out of your system. Most likely, an 8th grade boy is not going to accept a date with a 6th grade girl, no matter how pretty or "mature" she is. However, should you decide to ask him to go with you, be prepared for him to tell you no and to move on to greener pastures. If he does say yes, there is the matter of transportation to and from the dance. Since neither of you are of legal age to drive it is safe to assume that your parents will be chauffeuring you, and meeting this young man in the process. If this is the case, telling your friends to lay off of the criticism will be the least of your concerns as you attempt to win your parents' approval of this boy.
Middle school is a time of your life when boys and boyfriends will come and go; but where they take you in life can have more permanency; and you should choose wisely. Accept only a date that would make a good mate! In a few years, this boy may have straightened out a bit all on his own or he may end up receiving a bit of unsolicited help from time spent in a juvenile detention center. Either way, those boys you find "boring" right now should look a whole lot more interesting by then, so don't write them off just yet!
--Tazi-Kat
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