Dear Readers:
Autumn is here! Or
fall, if that is what you prefer to call it; regardless, the season has
arrived! Being a cat, this is my
favorite season of the year. From the
grumblings I hear from humans, autumn also sounds like the most under-appreciated time of the year. I
have heard many complaints about how the days are getting shorter (more time
for naps!) and the cold weather is coming.
This may be true, but the cold weather is not here yet, so let’s enjoy
the beauty of autumn while we can! To
help you appreciate the wonders of this season, I will walk you through my day,
so you can see it from your cat’s point of view:
5:30 AM – I have to wake up my Mommie! She needs to be at work by 9:00 AM, which
means she only has three hours to get ready.
She doesn't need nearly this much time, but that is beside the point;
the truth of the matter is that I want my morning treat and some outside
time! An autumn sunrise is a cornucopia
of color and I do not want to miss it!
5:35 AM – Loud, obnoxious meowing has not worked in waking
Mommie; maybe if I sit backwards on her chest and whack her in the face with my
tail a few dozen times.
5:45 AM – I seem to have angered this slumbering beast. I will let her sleep a little while longer
and amuse myself by looking out the window.
It is still dark, but I can see in low light. I like the autumn dark! There is a crisp coolness about it that I can
feel through the window glass. It makes
me want to snuggle into a blanket and watch as the world goes by me. I am so relaxed; maybe Mommie has the right
idea by sleeping in…
6:45 AM – I will wait no longer! I walk up and down on top of Mommie until she
gets up out of bed and feeds me! Doesn't she realize her purpose in life is to take care of my every need and to indulge
my every whim?
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| When training your human, consistency is key! |
6:50 – Temptations treats at last! Ahh…I must now supervise Mommie as she posts
my column to the social networking sites.
No offense, but I cannot trust humans to do things right without my
corrective paw by their side.
6:55 AM – Outside time!
I slowly poke my head out of the door as my Co-Mommie stands there
impatiently asking me if I want in or out.
Why does this have to be an either/or kind of thing? Can’t I do both at the same time?
7:00 AM – Hide under the deck and scan the area for
predators…and my overly-persistent lady friend.
Doesn’t she understand that I am not interested? Once the coast is clear, I will be on the
prowl!
7:01 AM – 8:00 AM – I am on the prowl! The smell of dead and dying leaves is in the
air….and is that a hint of sage?
Mommie’s herb garden is fighting the changing weather. The leaves are on the ground now, and they
are all bright yellow, red, and orange – my black fur would look so sexy
against those vibrant colors! Maybe I
will hide in a pile of them and take a quick nap, if I have time.
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| "Right Said Fred" was wrong! Nobody is too sexy for their cat! |
Oh, look! A pumpkin;
or as I like to call it a squirrel trap!
Silly things chew a hole in the shell and climb right inside of it! I wonder what I would do with those things if
I ever caught one. Probably give it to
Mommie. I would put it right on her
pillow so she would be sure not to miss it!
This pumpkin must still be fresh; I can’t smell much through the
shell. In a few weeks the scent of
pumpkin will permeate the air. Too bad
you humans will be unable to smell it, what with your inferior olfactory
systems! What was that? Is that a toad over there in the tall
grass? I must investigate! I will be careful; last week a hawk tried to
drag me off but I was too heavy…maybe I should talk to Mommie about the evils
of this diet she has me on – skinny kitty = raptor prey! Is that Mommie’s voice? Is she calling me to come in already? Uh-oh, she just called me a “petulant kitty”
and told me she will “slap the black out of me” if I don’t get in the house
RIGHT NOW! I’d better…oh, look! A chipmunk!
I will bring Mommie one as a present to show her how much I love
her! She can’t be angry with me for
being late if I come bearing gifts!
8:15 AM – Apparently Mommie CAN be angry with me for being
late, even when I come bearing gifts!
How could she not like a live chipmunk?
They are such fun to chase around the house! Why is she letting it back
outside? Now what am I supposed to do
all day? Nap?
8:16 AM – 12:00 Noon – Wow, that was a refreshing nap! I think I will explore the house to see if
anyone left a window open. If I can
crawl through it there will be more time to explore!
12:15 PM – drat! The
windows are all open but there are screens in them! *pluck* *pluck* *pluck* These screens are not
ripping; they are made with the good stuff!
I can smell a wood-burning stove from somewhere outside. Why must you torture this kitty so?
12:16 PM – 2:30 PM – Stare out the window. Is that the Chihuahua next door dressed up in an orange
parka? I hope he is dressed up for
Halloween and not to go hunting with Dick Cheney! I’ll miss you, little guy! Why you subject yourself to the humiliation
of a leash is beyond the power of my understanding. Oh, I see…because the alternative is a
stroller, like the dog coming down the street in one right now. Isn't putting the dog in a stroller completely defeating the purpose of a taking the dog for a walk? What’s next, a cat in diapers?
 |
| Oh. I think I may have spoke too soon! |
2:30 PM – 5:00 PM – It’s time to change windows. Looking out the back window, I get a view of
cottontail bunnies bouncing from one piece of clover to another. Their brown fur disguises them well against
the dying grass, but their little white bottoms betray their location. I wonder what I would do with one of those
things if I ever caught one. Probably
present it to Daddy (a.k.a. the man formally known as “Uncle”; I’ve promoted
him). Daddy deserves gifts, especially
since Mommie doesn’t appreciate my offerings of love. I will put it right on top of his clean
laundry, so he will be certain to find it!
5:01 PM – After 5:00 already? Mommie and Daddy will be home soon, and I
have been so distracted by the sights of autumn that I haven’t made a lick of
progress in my plans for world domination!
5:02 PM – 5:30 PM – Sit atop my Tower of Power
5:31 PM – Ignore Mommie.
What kind of person abandons the cat all day? I will find her when I want some kitty snax
and parlay her guilt into a tasty treat; but for now, a nap! I have another busy day tomorrow!
This is but a sample of what my limited range covers! I have heard that humans get to do things
like apple picking, hayrides, haunted houses, leaf peeping, hikes along the
Appalachian Trail, bike ride in the autumn air, tailgate at football games…the
list of autumn fun is endless!
I, Tazi-Kat will now do you a favor and end this column here
so you can go out and take advantage of all the fun adventure that awaits
you! You can thank me for this
generosity by supporting my bid for President of the United States ! Write in Tazi-Kat in 2012!
Snuggles,
TaziAsk Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.
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