Reproductive Cancers Can Be Overcome With Treatment And Understanding

Dear Tazi:

I have a problem that is a little too delicate for the family newspaper, but I am hoping that since yours is an online column you will print it.

My wife, “Brenda” is currently undergoing treatment for cervical cancer. Thankfully, the cancer was caught early and she will not have to undergo chemotherapy, but she will be having a hysterectomy. Her surgery has been postponed twice – the first time because she had a high fever indicative of an infection somewhere in her body, the second time because she did not want to be laid up over the summer (we have three weddings to attend). Her surgery is now scheduled for September and she should be completely recovered for the holidays, barring any unforeseen complications. I am thrilled to know that my wife is going to be OK, and feel somewhat selfish for my complaint, but a man has needs, too.

Because of her condition, Brenda is prone to unexpected bouts of heavy bleeding. Since sex seems to bring on these bouts she has been refusing me in the bedroom. It has been several months since we have been intimate because Brenda doesn’t want to ruin the sheets (this is what she says; she is afraid of staining the sheets).

Tazi, I say damn the sheets! I love my wife and I miss her and we can afford to buy new sheets! I ask my wife is there is any other reason why she won’t have sex with me – lack of desire, if she is somehow disinterested in me, or if she is afraid I will be turned off if she starts bleeding – but she insists it is the sheets. I have offered to launder them for her and put them back on the bed, but she still refuses me.

I know that after her surgery she will be out of commission for a while…I just don’t know what to do! I love my wife and would never cheat on her, but I am going crazy over here! I have heard horror stories of women completely losing their sex drive after a hysterectomy. I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life like this! I am only 45! What can I say/do to help my wife overcome her upset over dirty sheets?

Signed,

Missing Brenda

Dear Missing Brenda:

I feel for both you and your wife; for most people physical intimacy is an important part of a healthy marriage. However, you must remember that your wife is not feeling very healthy right now, and that heavy bleeding will make her feel even worse due to the accompanying anemia it causes. Add this to the fact that many women feel uncomfortable having sex during “that time of the month” and it is perfectly understandable why your wife is feeling turned off in the bedroom. I think you should trust her when she tells you that it is not you, but her…and the idea of stained sheets that act as a reminder of her illness.

I checked with the medical experts on the subject of sex drive and hysterectomies, and was told that your wife should not have a problem maintaining sexual desire after her hysterectomy, but that she should not be having sex for a full six to eight weeks after her surgery in order to allow for complete healing. If she has trouble with personal lubrication, there are products that can be used to overcome this issue.

This is Tazi speaking again. You need to remember that sexual desire is not only physical, but mental; response occurs when a person is mentally turned on as well as physically interested.  Right now, your wife is probably going through a range of emotions from fear of the surgery to anticipation of having it all over and done. The more understanding you are of her now, the better response from her you will receive when she regains her health.

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.