Gender Dysphoria Can Cause Problems In Social Situations

Dear Tazi:

I am technically a twenty year old woman. I say "technically" because I am not at all feminine. I am completely flat-chested and built like a man. I prefer to dress in men's clothing, wear my hair short and spiked like a man, hang out with men over women (I hate shopping and other girly-girl stuff). From the baseball cap I wear on my head to the Michael Jordans [sneakers] I wear on my feet, I look like a man, just a baby-faced one. My problem is that, since graduating high school where I knew everyone and starting a college where I do not, I now get mistaken for a lesbian, which I am not, or hit-on by straight women who think I am a guy, which is also upsetting. Short of wearing a sign that declares me to be a heterosexual woman, do you have any ideas on how to get around this awkward issue?

Signed,
Dude

Dear Dude:

From the description you give, you fit the description of a female transvestite (which is the sociological term for your style preferences). Among cross-dressers (the preferred term) you are in the minority - most are men who dress as women - but are also among the more socially accepted of the gender diverse.

Diane Keaton (above) is frequently mistaken for Andy Warhol (below)

The fact that you are mistaken for a man by straight women can be corrected by adding simple touches that will not compromise you as a person (for example, jewelry and perfume). If you are truly uncomfortable wearing anything that signals that you are female, you can work towards altering people's perception of you through your use of vocabulary. For example, instead of saying "I have to use the bathroom" you can say "I have to use the ladies' room", thus signaling that you are female by birth. You do not have to be a "girly girl" or dress in pink for the world to understand that you are female; but you will have to make an effort to identify yourself as a straight woman if that is how you wish people to see you.

Most people are accustomed to dividing people into one category OR another; so when someone comes along who fits one category AND another it can be difficult for some to process. Before a woman - straight or lesbian - works up the courage to hit on you, she probably sends out signals that she is interested (flipping her hair, gently touching your arm, etc.). By learning to read these signals, you can self-identify as a straight woman before the conversation takes a turn for the embarrassing.

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Man Likes To Wear Makeup. So What's The Issue?

Dear Tazi:

I am a 19 year old guy and I like to wear makeup. I don't go overboard with it, like I am trying to stand out and get attention, but I get stares anyway just because I am a guy. I generally wear a facial base to even out my skin tone and hide any blemishes; eyeliner to define my eyes; mascara because I have very long but light eyelashes and I like to show them off; and usually lipstick and matching liner to finish my look.

The way I see it is that men in theater and on TV wear makeup all the time to improve their appearance on camera, and whether people realize it or not we are on camera more often than not - from selfies to security cameras someone is always capturing us on film - so why shouldn't I make sure I look my best? Personally, I think it is sexist that women can wear makeup and nobody says anything about it. Women are encouraged to wear makeup and criticized if they don't! So why the double standard with men?

I am not gay or bisexual or even a cross-dresser. The most you could say about me is that I am metrosexual. Why do people find this so hard to accept?

Signed,
Sick Of being Called "Faggot"

Dear Sick Of Being Called "Faggot":

There is more than one way to bend it like Beckham, and wearing makeup is one of them!

David Beckham, the original metrosexual

Makeup for daily wear - when worn by either sex - should enhance one's looks in such a way that a person cannot tell if it is being worn. Makeup for parties and evenings out is allowed to be much more dramatic, for its purpose is to say "LOOK AT ME!"

Although it could also mean that you are
a member of an '80's hair band

While you are correct that it is sexist to criticize a man for wearing makeup and a woman for not wearing it, it is not sexist to expect someone to present themselves appropriately, be it for work or school. In an office, men are expected to be clean shaven or to have their facial hair neatly groomed while women are expected to keep their faces as clean-looking as possible, which generally means wearing makeup that accomplishes some of the same goals you have - even facial tone with no visible blemishes; just enough color so you do not look like a corpse but not so much that you look like Tammy Faye Baker circa 1988.

Heath Ledger's inspiration for "The Joker"?

I suggest you put your makeup on as you usually do, and ask a trusted friend or two to give their honest opinion as to whether or not it is too much. Do you look more like David Beckham (above 1) or the guys from Poison (above 2)? While you may think you look fantastic - and for all I know, you probably do - your look may not be appropriate for either sex to wear to work or school. The fact that people can tell you are wearing makeup leads me to believe that you are being a little too exuberant with your makeup brushes.

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Repost: Gender Dysphoria Can Cause Problems In Social Situations

[Ed. Note: Tazi-Kat is taking a holiday vacation this week. Please enjoy a letter that you may have missed the first time around!]

Dear Tazi:

I am technically a twenty year old woman. I say "technically" because I am not at all feminine. I am completely flat-chested and built like a man. I prefer to dress in men's clothing, wear my hair short and spiked like a man, hang out with men over women (I hate shopping and other girly-girl stuff). From the baseball cap I wear on my head to the Michael Jordans [sneakers] I wear on my feet, I look like a man, just a baby-faced one. My problem is that, since graduating high school where I knew everyone and starting a college where I do not, I now get mistaken for a lesbian, which I am not; or hit-on by straight women who think I am a guy, which is also upsetting. Short of wearing a sign that declares me to be a heterosexual woman, do you have any ideas on how to get around this awkward issue?

Signed,
Dude

Dear Dude:

From the description you give, you fit the description of a female transvestite (which is the scientific term for your style preferences). Among cross-dressers (the preferred term) you are in the minority - most are men who dress as women - but are also among the more socially accepted of the gender diverse.

The fact that you are mistaken for a man by straight women can be corrected by adding simple touches that will not compromise you as a person (for example, jewelry and perfume). If you are truly uncomfortable wearing anything that signals that you are female, you can work towards altering people's perception of you through your use of vocabulary. For example, instead of saying "I have to use the bathroom" you can say "I have to use the ladies' room", thus signaling that you are female by birth. You do not have to be a "girly girl" or dress in pink for the world to understand that you are female; but you will have to make an effort to identify yourself as a straight woman if that is how you wish people to see you.

Most people are accustomed to dividing people into one category OR another; so when someone comes along who fits one category AND another it can be difficult for some to process. Before a woman - straight or lesbian - works up the courage to hit on you, she probably sends out signals that she is interested (flipping her hair, gently touching your arm, etc.). By learning to read these signals, you can self-identify as a straight woman before the conversation takes a turn for the embarrassing.

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.