Un-traditional Ring Makes Men Think She is Single

Dear Tazi:

I am a married woman with an un-traditional wedding band.  My ring is not a simple gold band, but a blue sapphire encrusted gold circlet.  The ring has been in my husband’s family for several generations, and came over to this country with his great-great-great grandfather who brought it with him from Europe to give to his arranged bride.  It was a marriage that produced 11 children, and has been passed down through the years to the eldest son or grandson (if there were no sons that generation).  My ring has an incredible amount of sentimental value to my husband and me, and I would not trade it for the Hope diamond itself! 

My problem is that, because it is not a traditional ring, single men do not realize that I am married and often ask me for my phone number.  I work as a bartender, so this problem crops up a lot.  My usual response is something along the lines of “My husband doesn’t allow me to date anyone but him!” at which point the male inquirer gets upset and asks me why I don’t wear a wedding ring.  When I hold up my hand to show my ring, I am accused of “not wearing a real wedding ring” and “trying to boost tips” by pretending to be single.  Tazi, this is not my intent! 

Last week, a regular customer (who is quite wealthy and spends a lot of money in the restaurant, as well as at the bar) complained to my manager that I am leading men on by not making it clear that I am married and that he finds this behavior offensive.  My manager mentioned this complaint to me and told me to “try and let on” that I am not available.  Short of wearing a sign around my neck, how exactly should I do this?

Signed,

Barmaid Brittany

Dear Barmaid Brittany:

I think your should wear a small sign around your neck, like this one:

This absurd gesture should let your boss see just how absurd his/her request was, and should show your regular customer that you do not appreciate being accused of hiding your marital status.  Once the point is made you can take off the sign; your point will have been made and your sense of humor will be showing, and nobody can say that you are hiding your marital status.  This will also offer you an opening to explain the significance of your ring, should you desire.

Working at a bar – even one that is inside a nice restaurant – you are going to interact with more than your fair share of problem people.  Try to remember that alcohol intensifies a person’s personality and behavior; also, it is not called “liquid courage” for nothing!  If a patron finds you attractive, it may take more than a few drinks for him to work up the courage to ask for your phone number.  Rejection will have a double sting since he has spent a nice chunk of money working up his nerve.  Your usual response is kind and witty; I see no problem with it.  I think your regular customer needs to lighten up a bit!  

Your wedding ring sounds not only beautiful in looks, but also in sentiment.  I wish you and your husband many happy years together!

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

What To Do About An "Ex" That Won't Let Go?

Dear Tazi:

My husband “Roger” and I have been happily married for two wonderful years. We met when I answered his online personal ad. Although I was not the only woman he had given his email address and phone number to, I was the only woman he chose to meet in real life. At the time, I was one of several women with whom he was conversing, but once we met he let them all know he had met a woman with who he wanted to pursue a relationship (me).

Every now and then, Roger will get a phone call, text, or email from one of the women who had answered his long ago personal ad, asking how he is doing and if he would like to get together for a drink. To his credit Roger politely informs these women that he is happily married and, having no past relationship with them, asks to be removed from their “little black book”. Most women congratulate him on our marriage, laugh at his suggestion that they have an entire book of potential dates, and never contact him again. The one exception to this is “Mary”.

Mary first contacted Roger a little over a year ago, leaving a message on our answering machine and suggesting that they meet for coffee and to “catch up” on each other’s lives. Roger sent her a short email to let her know he was married to me and that his marital status was the only update that was needed. Mary took this email as an invitation to start a conversation with Roger, asking all sorts of personal questions and asking what it was about me that he found more attractive. Tazi, Roger had never even met her, nor did he have any interest in meeting her after talking to her on the phone. He remembered her as being “pushy” and “demanding” in her search for a man. Roger was too kind to tell her this, and simply ended the conversation by telling her that I was his soul-mate; that when he met me, he just “knew”.

Since that email, Mary has taken to sending him forward after forward; emails like “Sending a prayer your way!” or “Sending this to a friend I am thinking of today…” Each of these emails is innocuous in their own right, but when combined paint a picture of someone who refuses to let go of a past that never was. Roger has deleted each one of them without responding, after opening them to make sure that they did not contain anything threatening or stalker-ish. It had reached the point where Roger was receiving ten or more of these forwards a day, so he added Mary’s address to his SPAM block. Her emails now go directly into the trash. You would think this would take care of the problem, but it has not. Apparently, Mary is able to check if the emails she sends have been opened/read. Now that her emails are not being opened, she has taken to contacting my husband via other methods.

Roger has received multiple Facebook friend requests from Mary, and has finally blocked her from contacting him. She repeatedly texts him, asking why they can’t rekindle the friendship they once had. Tazi, there is no “friendship” to rekindle! Unfortunately, Roger’s mobile phone service does not allow him to block numbers, so the best he can do is ignore her – which obviously does not work. Mary’s texts are sent at the most inopportune times – the middle of the night, while we are sleeping; early morning, when we are getting ready for work; or on weekends, when Roger and I are spending time together or socializing with people who actually are friends.

We have looked into getting a restraining order against Mary, but because Roger was never romantically involved with her and she has never threatened violence against either of us we would have to pay for the legal filing (which is not cheap) and there is no guarantee we would be granted an order of restraint, since Mary is only being a nuisance from a distance. I would like to contact Mary myself and ask why she feels the need to disrespect my position as Roger’s wife, but I don’t want to come off as a jealous shrew. I do not feel the slightest bit insecure in my marriage, and am friends with a few of Roger’s actual past girlfriends, but I am getting rather annoyed at the lengths this woman is going to get my husband’s attention. Roger has suggested that we just ignore her and hopefully she will go away on her own. What do you advise, Tazi?

Signed,
Fed Up

Dear Fed Up:

I receive many letters about exes that can’t let go, but your situation is unusual, considering that your husband has never even met or dated the woman who will not let go. I realize it would be a personal inconvenience to have to change your phone number, so I will not suggest that, but I will suggest that your husband turn off his mobile phone when he does not wish to be bothered by it. Since Mary only seems to text at times when the two of you are (assumed to be) together, anyone who needs to contact Roger would be able to reach him by calling your mobile phone. You could even add this suggestion to Roger’s voicemail, telling the caller to “call my wife if you need to reach me”. There is no need to leave your phone number; just be certain that people Roger wants to hear from have your phone number. Should Mary resort to calling your husband’s mobile phone (as opposed to just texting it) she will get the literal message that Roger is unavailable.

As tempting as it may be to contact Mary yourself and tell her off, this would only put you in a bad light and add fuel to Mary’s fire. By acting like a jealous shrew you will be giving Mary the impression that you are one, as well as reason to think that your marriage is unstable. As difficult as it might be, I suggest that you follow through with Roger’s suggestion: ignore Mary, and hopefully she will move on to a more receptive target. Unless Mary suffers from erotomania, she will eventually get tired of being ignored and move on to someone who will be receptive to her overtures.

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Man Or Woman, A Nurse Is A Nurse!

Dear Tazi:

I am a Nurse. I am also a man. As you might imagine, I get a lot of attitude about being a :"male Nurse", like my profession somehow makes me less of a man. I have had people go so far as to ask me why I didn't go to med school to become a doctor, "like men are supposed to do". As you can imagine, my response to this is complicated but starts with the fact that I had no desire to be a Doctor; I like being a Nurse and have no plans on changing my profession.

I recently passed my one year anniversary with my current employer and am now eligible for tuition assistance should I return to school for further training, certifications, or to work towards a Masters' Degree, which is my eventual goal. I want to get my M.S.N. so I can work as a Nurse Practitioner, maybe even going for my PhD. My family does not seem to understand why I just don't apply for admission to medical school. I try to explain to them that there are huge differences between a career in Nursing and a career as an MD, but they seem to think that Nurses do the job of a C.N.A. My mother is not so bad, but my father and my older brothers are unbearable.

Tazi, I am not sure why I am writing to you. Maybe for validation? Maybe so you can inform the world that when it comes to patient care, Nurses are the ones who run the show? Maybe for permission to give all the naysayers in my life a Paw Slap Of Disgust?

Signed,
Nurse Andy

Dear Nurse Andy:

I think you need to take a deep breath and watch this clip from Meet the Parents:

 Did you notice something about the men in this clip who are poking fun at Greg? Did you notice that they are all a bunch of ignorant jackasses? It was in watching this scene that I realized how much Nurses do and the career flexibility that they have; plus, they don't have to deal with the insurance companies! Talk about your win-win situation!

Since you seek my permission to hand out a Paw Slap Of Disgust to the people who hassle you about being a Nurse, here is my latest incarnation:

Personally, I think it looks quite manly!

I suggest when people - especially your family - start to get on your nerves, gently remind them of what you have told me: "that when it comes to patient care, Nurses are the ones who run the show"; feel free to add a sinister glance that suggests that the need to be nice to you! There are some people who have yet to leave the Stone Age and catch up to modern reality; sadly, your family members appear to be among them. Since you cannot educate them you are going to have to toughen your skin and learn to ignore their barbs. Unless a job requires you to have a particular set of sex organs Nursing is not a "man's job" or a "woman's job" but a job that requires a person who is qualified to do the job - and that goes for all careers!

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.