Missing Lingerie Makes Woman Question Husband's Poker Buddies

Dear Tazi:

I am more than mildly disgusted with my husband right now and totally freaked out by one of his poker buddies. I’ll explain, but it is giving me the heebie-jeebies!

My husband, “Carl”, hosts a poker night on a rotating schedule with his buddies, which means once or twice a month he has the guys over for a game. I had started to notice on the laundry days after his poker games that my panties have not been in the wash. At first I thought it was odd that a single pair seemed to be missing, then more pairs went missing; this last time my favorite pair of silk and lace bottoms disappeared, and I knew something had to be happening! I thought back, and that is when I made the connection to my husband’s poker games and my missing lingerie.

I told Carl about my problem, and my suspicion that one of his poker buddies is stealing my drawers, and he laughed and told me they were probably stuck in the heat vent of the dryer and he would check for me before a fire started. Upset that my husband chose his buddies over me, I emptied the laundry hamper before his last poker game and left a single pair of my panties in there. I showed this to carl and bet him that they would be gone by the end of the night. I then monitored the bathroom, and checked the hamper after his buddies used it; sure enough, my panties were gone after on guy – a creep named “Jared” – used it.

When I informed Carl about what happened I asked him to confront Jared about why he is thieving my panties. Carl was upset, but said it would be “too awkward” to ask that of Jared and suggested that from now on I remove all of my panties before his poker games. Well, duh! That is my plan! Personally, I do not want Jared in my house but my husband says he is an important friend (my husband is a V.P. of Sales and Jared is a local business owner with a lot of connections). I plan of emptying the hamper and locking up my lingerie before leaving the house on Carl’s poker nights from here on, but my question is: What is Jared doing with my lingerie? Carl was visibly upset over the thought of Jared having sexual thoughts about me, but would rather believe that it is all just an innocent misunderstanding. Do you have any ideas what Jared might be doing, so we can ask him point-blank and get over the awkwardness?

Signed,

Losing My Shorts At Poker

Dear Losing My Shorts At Poker:

I puzzled over your letter for a bit and came up with a few ideas. You refer to your underwear as “panties” and “Lingerie”, commenting that your favorite pair is “silk and lace”; this tells me that you are not wearing granny panties or even cotton hipsters, but the sexy stuff! You also say that Jared is a local businessman, and that only your dirty laundry is going missing. As creepy as this sounds, could it be that Jared is selling your panties to the highest bidder?

Has Molly Ringwald ever lived this down?

If you look online you will be amazed at what people areselling in the sexual underground; women’s unwashed panties can fetch a high price – and the sexier they are, the more they are worth. The simple, non-sexual answer could be that Jared has started a business selling your unmentionables.

There are of course other possibilities, but I tend to think they would be rather far-fetched; if Jared is a cross-dresser he would prefer to buy his own stuff rather than pilfer from a friend’s wife; if he was in love with you it would show in other ways; and if he was just looking to be kinky other women would have noticed their undies – and maybe their bras and teddies – going missing, too.

If you want to confront Jared, do it bluntly but don’t let him know that your husband is aware of what is happening; let him save face among his friends. Tell him you know that he has been taking your panties and you would like to know why. If he denies, tell him you caught him and that you are more upset about not knowing why than you are about the theft itself. Ask him point-blank if he has started a side-business selling your stuff, and see how he reacts; it may work as the ice-breaker you need to get Jared to open up about why he finds your dirty laundry so valuable.

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Young Offender Discovers Karma Comes In Spades

Dear Tazi:

I am nineteen and have spent the last three years saving to buy my own truck. It’s not new but it’s new to me and I work to keep it in good shape. As a practical joke some of my friends and I have been emptying the lobster pots of this mean old man who lives near us. Sometimes we take the lobsters out of the pots and set them free, other times we take the entire pot. There are never many lobsters in there, so it’s not like we are stealing this guy’s entire paycheck – just giving him a little payback for all the hard times he gave us when we were kids.

Last week, my truck died in the middle of the road and the old man came out of nowhere to ask if he could help us. This guy never helped anyone unless there was something in it for him, so I was pretty sure he did something to my truck. I got towed to the mechanic who told me someone had thrown sand in my gas tank. I am pretty sure it was this old man, so I asked him about it. All he did was stare at me before finally saying, “Someone’s been stealing my lobsters. Maybe it’s the same guy that did in your engine?”

Tazi, it’s going to cost me $2,000 to have my engine fixed! I want to file a police report and have the cops question the old man, but I am afraid he will retaliate by having the cops investigate me. I am dying to show this old man who’s boss, but all of my friends are backing down, saying that the joke has gone too far and to just let it slide. How could they not stand by me? I thought they were my friends. Do you think I should just approach the old man myself about getting the money for my engine? There is no way the price of the few dozen or so lobsters my friends and I took or freed come anywhere near the price I am paying for my engine.

Signed,

No Name, No State

Dear No Name, No State:

Your signature tells me that you know what you were doing was illegal and that you are afraid of being turned into the police. Something also tells me that you are not being entirely truthful about the number of lobsters you “freed” or about the cost to the “old man”; for all you know he is selling them for a living and you have cost him the food he would put on his table.

The evidence you have against the “old man” is anecdotal, meaning you have nothing to go by but your own suspicions about his presence in your time of need. He may very well have put sand in your gas tank because he suspected you were stealing his livelihood, or he may have simply suspected you of stealing his livelihood and wanted to talk to you about it or check the bed of your truck at a time where you could not drive off on him.

I suggest that you cut the garbage and grow up! Whether it was the “old man” or just plain old karma that got to your truck while you were not looking, consider it an expensive lesson in how to act like an adult. If you push it, you might find that you are the one being investigated by the police…unless you were smart enough not to leave your fingerprints all over the “old man’s” lobster pots.

--Tazi

(That’s right, no snuggles for you!).

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Light Fingered Sister-In-Law Keeps Borrowing Trouble

Dear Readers:

In honor of my 10th birthday this week (6/26) I am taking a week-long vacation! For your entertainment, I am re-posting some classic columns that you may have missed the first time!

--T.K.

Dear Tazi-Kat:

My sister-in-law has a very bad habit of never returning the things she borrows - specifically, my designer clothes. What is worse, since I stopped loaning items to her (after her failure to return too many of my things) she has taken it upon herself to "borrow without permission" that which she likes. I recently caught her wearing my Hugo Boss leather jacket that I have been searching for since last season! When I confronted her about it, she admitted to taking it since it "went perfectly with the outfit she was wearing" the last time she stopped by to visit her brother (my husband) and she had forgotten to bring a jacket of her own. When I demanded it back, she refused, saying it was chilly out and she did not want to be cold!

Short of filing a police report against her (which I would have no problem doing at this point), is there any way I can get my stuff back? My husband refuses to get involved, saying that the issue is between me and his sister. Our marriage is already strained, and his refusal to act is not helping matters any.

Signed,
Losing Patience Along With My Stuff!

Dear Losing Patience:

Since your marriage is in a rocky state, you really should reconsider filing a police report against your husband's sister. You also might want to remind your husband that your leather jacket went missing on his watch, which puts him directly in the center of the problem; and that unless he is willing to buy you a new designer leather jacket out of his personal spending money it should be up to him to retrieve it from his sister...and you should add that Hugo Boss leather jackets start at upwards of $800, just so he understands that his sister's habit is no petty issue. In fact, many states would consider it to be grand larceny; a crime that could carry a hefty prison sentence. This is one reason why you should hesitate to take police action. Another reason is that it sounds like your sister-in-law needs some professional help to deal with her bad habit of "borrowing without permission".

If, after explaining the entire situation to him, your husband still refuses to assist you in the return of your jacket and other items, you might be able to enlist the assistance of other family members who have lost stuff to your sister-in-law. If however, they too refuse to assist you, you must work up the nerve to confront your sister-in-law on her home turf.

I suggest that you show up at her house at a time that you know she will be home and tell her you want your stuff back - all of it. Come prepared with a detailed list of what is yours, listing the item and a description of it (size, color, etc.) in order to expedite what I am pretty sure will not be a pleasant visit. If she still refuses to return your clothes, you have two choices: you can accept your losses and put locks on your bedroom and closet doors in order to keep your sister-in-law out of them the next time she visits; or you can threaten to get the police involved.

I seriously recommend the less confrontational path of door locks; but in the end the choice is yours - my position is to advise, not to judge. Just remember that if your sister-in-law calls your bluff, whether or not to follow through will be up to you; so you might want to ask yourself if your clothes are worth the destruction of your relationship with your sister-in-law and her family, and quite possibly your "already strained" marriage.

-- Tazi-Kat

P.S. For the sake of all involved, I sincerely hope your husband intervenes!

Stolen Credit Card Creates Problems For All Involved

Dear Tazi:

I have an emergency and I need some good, solid advice. My fifteen year old son recently got his sixteen year old girlfriend pregnant. Neither is in the position to support a baby, and I am a single mother working two jobs myself. I told "Kyle" that I would support him and "Latisha" any way that I could, but he took my word a little too far.

Kyle stole my credit card to buy Latisha a diamond engagement ring. He charged $5,000 to my account to buy her a ring bigger than my ex-husband gave me! When I saw the charge, I completely flipped out on Kyle, and asked how he could do such a thing to me. He completely turned things around and accused me of going back on my word, saying that I had no intention of helping him and Latisha. Tazi, that is simply not true, but what I meant was assisting with babysitting, feedings, and diaper duty, not luxury purchases.

Kyle tried to return the ring, but the return period was over by the time I discovered the charge. I explained to the jewelry store what happened but they said that I would need to file a complaint with my credit card company. I did just that, but the jewelry store fought the claim, saying that I knew who charged the ring and had not pressed charges against the perpetrator, so therefore I must be okay with the purchase. Unfortunately, they have Kyle and me recorded on their security footage, with me holding the ring in hand as I tried to return it.

My credit card company has told me that I will be liable for the purchase unless I choose to press charges. Press charges against my own son! Can you imagine? I am unfortunately in a very difficult spot. The cost of paying for the ring is more than Kyle will be able to afford with a baby on the way, and there is no way I will be able to cover the increased monthly payment on my credit card. I am holding onto the ring while I try to sell it, but so far I have had no buyers and Kyle is angry at me for "taking Latisha's ring". I am...

Between A Rock And A Hard Place

Dear Between A Rock And A Hard Place:

Has your son expressed the least bit of remorse for his crime? I use the word "crime" because he has committed a felony - grand larceny, to be exact. I will give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he committed such a heinous error in a state of panic over the impending birth of his baby, and purchased the ring with the best of intentions - to ask his girlfriend to marry him. This does not excuse his behavior, or his response to you upon being caught.

Kyle needs to learn that there are consequences for his decisions. As he will soon discover, having unprotected sex can and does lead to pregnancy. If there was not a baby to think of, I would advise pressing charges against your son, who would be charged as a juvenile. He would be sent to a training school until the age of 18, and during his incarceration he would remain in school and work towards receiving his high school diploma. The debt would be erased from your credit account and the diamond ring would be returned to the jeweler who carelessly did not check for identification before allowing the diamond ring to be charged to your credit card!

You're welcome!

Because there is a baby involved, the training school is not the best place for your son at this time. Therefore, I would only advise pressing charges as a dead-last resort. I suggest you contact your local chapter of the American Bar Association. They will be able to put you in touch with attorneys who assist people who are in need but have low or no income. If you explain your situation, I am certain that they will be able to fight on your behalf to come up with a reasonable solution for all involved. As I already pointed out, the jeweler did not ask for any form of identification to confirm the signature or check the name on the credit card; your credit card company did not flag the purchase as suspicious and allowed it to go through unquestioned. By ignoring these standard protocols, disaster was allowed to occur. People tend to reply differently to complaints when contacted by an attorney. I suggest you waste no time in contacting one.

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.