Dear Tazi:
On the spur of the moment, I decided to cut my hair short and dye it platinum blonde. I normally have long, straight brown hair, so I thought short, spiked, and blonde would be fun. My husband, "Sal", hates it and asked me what was I thinking! He told me the look would "take some getting used to" but that if this was the look I wanted he would support my decision. Not exactly the response I wanted!
I thought everything was going to be okay - my husband seemed to be adjusting to my fierce new look - when the credit card bill came in and Sal saw just how much my transformation cost. He went through the roof! All told with the original cut and color plus an additional trim/shaping my new look cost around $200. Sal told me to go to the local barber for a trim and to stock up on peroxide because he is not going to agree to seeing our household budget broken on a look he doesn't even like. I was so hurt that I didn't even know how to respond.
Since that argument, I have been rather cool to my husband and have gone ahead and scheduled an appointment for a trim and root job, because I will need to have it done every 4 - 6 weeks to keep up with this look. The cost should only be around $75 this time, since I don't need a consultation and my hair is much shorter so it will require less time with the stylist. I am considering paying for this appointment out of my own, personal spending money just to keep the peace, but I don't think that is fair. My husband gets his hair buzzed once a week, and it costs us around $40/month. I don't tell him to invest in a Norelco! Am I being petty and vengeful, as my mother suggests, or am I right to stand my ground?
Signed,
Hairy Situation
Are you being petty? That depends. Did you leave the house looking like Crystal Gayle and come home looking like Aimee Mann circa 1985?
You have to remember that making a major change without telling your husband - or even asking his opinion - must have come as a shock to him; to discover that you made such a large "investment" without even mentioning it to him may come off as disrespectful, even if it was an impulse "buy". If money is tight, I can see why he would be even more upset once he saw how much hour "fierce new look" is costing to create and to maintain.
While I do not suggest you tell your husband to invest in a Norelco, you may want to discuss splitting the difference with him. Gently approach him and tell him that you went about changing your look rather quickly, and did not consider his feelings or how he would react to the cost. Tell him that you like your new look, and want to maintain it - but not at the cost of your marriage. Explain to him that you will be willing to meet him halfway and split the cost of maintaining your look in return for his acceptance that it is your hair and that you have the right to style it as you like it. Since Sal pays $40/month for hair maintenance I do not think it unreasonable to request the same amount (or a little more) from the shared finances to cover your hair care. This should work as an opening statement, since I am not entirely convinced that this is about the cost of hair care in the first place but rather about your husband feeling left out of a major personal decision.
Once the lines of communication are again open, try to work through the issues that your new look has caused. Does your husband hate it because he feels you no longer look like the woman he married? Or do you frequently make impulse decisions without considering his feelings on the subject? While your hair is your own to do with as you wish, the family budget is not! There are many things to consider that you do not appear to be considering here.
Snuggles,
Tazi
Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.
On the spur of the moment, I decided to cut my hair short and dye it platinum blonde. I normally have long, straight brown hair, so I thought short, spiked, and blonde would be fun. My husband, "Sal", hates it and asked me what was I thinking! He told me the look would "take some getting used to" but that if this was the look I wanted he would support my decision. Not exactly the response I wanted!
I thought everything was going to be okay - my husband seemed to be adjusting to my fierce new look - when the credit card bill came in and Sal saw just how much my transformation cost. He went through the roof! All told with the original cut and color plus an additional trim/shaping my new look cost around $200. Sal told me to go to the local barber for a trim and to stock up on peroxide because he is not going to agree to seeing our household budget broken on a look he doesn't even like. I was so hurt that I didn't even know how to respond.
Since that argument, I have been rather cool to my husband and have gone ahead and scheduled an appointment for a trim and root job, because I will need to have it done every 4 - 6 weeks to keep up with this look. The cost should only be around $75 this time, since I don't need a consultation and my hair is much shorter so it will require less time with the stylist. I am considering paying for this appointment out of my own, personal spending money just to keep the peace, but I don't think that is fair. My husband gets his hair buzzed once a week, and it costs us around $40/month. I don't tell him to invest in a Norelco! Am I being petty and vengeful, as my mother suggests, or am I right to stand my ground?
Signed,
Hairy Situation
Are you being petty? That depends. Did you leave the house looking like Crystal Gayle and come home looking like Aimee Mann circa 1985?
 |
| Before and after |
 |
| And don't it make her brown eyes blue? |
You have to remember that making a major change without telling your husband - or even asking his opinion - must have come as a shock to him; to discover that you made such a large "investment" without even mentioning it to him may come off as disrespectful, even if it was an impulse "buy". If money is tight, I can see why he would be even more upset once he saw how much hour "fierce new look" is costing to create and to maintain.
While I do not suggest you tell your husband to invest in a Norelco, you may want to discuss splitting the difference with him. Gently approach him and tell him that you went about changing your look rather quickly, and did not consider his feelings or how he would react to the cost. Tell him that you like your new look, and want to maintain it - but not at the cost of your marriage. Explain to him that you will be willing to meet him halfway and split the cost of maintaining your look in return for his acceptance that it is your hair and that you have the right to style it as you like it. Since Sal pays $40/month for hair maintenance I do not think it unreasonable to request the same amount (or a little more) from the shared finances to cover your hair care. This should work as an opening statement, since I am not entirely convinced that this is about the cost of hair care in the first place but rather about your husband feeling left out of a major personal decision.
Once the lines of communication are again open, try to work through the issues that your new look has caused. Does your husband hate it because he feels you no longer look like the woman he married? Or do you frequently make impulse decisions without considering his feelings on the subject? While your hair is your own to do with as you wish, the family budget is not! There are many things to consider that you do not appear to be considering here.
Snuggles,
Tazi
Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.
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