Commitment To Maiden Name Does Not Show A Lack Of Commitment To Marriage

Dear Tazi:

I am 46 years old, a well-known professional in my field and well-known socially in my community, and recently married for the first time.  I never thought I would get married, not because I could not find “Mr. Right” but because I was far too busy enjoying life to even bother looking for him.  What I am trying to illustrate for you is the fact that I have a well-established identity of my own and do not wish to lose it now that I am married; to this end, I have retained my maiden name. 

My husband and I discussed the idea of hyphenating our last names, but felt that was just silly.  “Frank” understood my reasoning for wanting to retain my own last name and has been fully supportive of me, even going so far as to correct those who refer to me as “Mrs. Frank’s Last Name”.  He kindly corrects them and informs them that I may be his wife but I still identify by the name I have used for almost half a century…after which he charmingly adds that I “look gooooood for almost half a century!” 

Tazi, in spite of my husband’s support for my decision people still feel the need to criticize, suggesting that I am somehow not committed to Frank.  For Heaven’s sake, I took vows before God and family; you would think that was enough to show my commitment to him!  Still I have had to put up with being called everything from “scared to commit” to a “Femi-Nazi”, a term I find particularly offensive considering that I am a quarter Jewish.  I have reached the point where I am tired of being polite, but don’t wish to be rude to people over this private matter.  Do you have any suggestions for a polite comeback to these rude comments?

Signed,

Mrs. Me

Dear Mrs. Me:

People who call someone a “Nazi” simply because they believe differently do not deserve your respect.  Unless, of course, the person to whom they are referring is a Neo-Nazi, in which case the term is correct but there are bigger issues at hand.  I’m digressing, aren’t I? 

Not being the slightest bit Jewish, I cannot even begin to comprehend the level of hurt and rage you must feel when lunkheads use such an offensive term.  Here is a Paw Slap of Disgust for you to hand to these people the next time they use that term!

Just print, cut, and serve!

As for everyone else, these people appear to be firmly ensconced in the tradition that when a woman marries she takes her husband’s last name for the sake on family unity and the hereditary line, issues that do not appear to be of concern to you but which may explain the reaction you are receiving from others.  Being a cat, I generally am not polite to those I tell off – with a cat, you always know where you stand!  However, I understand human relations ad that they require a certain amount of civility, even when civility is not provided in the first place.

One way to politely shut up those who feel they deserve to have an opinion about your private business is to tell them your reasoning for keeping your maiden name: That just as your husband it firmly attached to his identity so you are to yours. Explain that you do not love him any less for not taking his name, but love him all the more for being understanding, accepting, and supportive of your choice; if this response does not make the questioner feel like a complete jerk than nothing will.

Snuggles,

Tazi

P.S. My Mommie will also be a first-time bride this coming April, and she is in her 40's, too! However, she will be making her maiden name her middle name and taking on a new last name.

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Tazi's Corner #23: How To Quell the Problem Of Gun Violence

Dear Readers:

There is an expression that "guns don't kill people; people with guns kill people". Those "people with guns" are the subject that I would like to address today. By now I am certain that you have heard of the tragic shootings at a mall in Oregon and at an elementary school in Connecticut, my neighboring state. I am sure we are all asking ourselves, "what kind of maniac targets children?". The sad answer to that question is, "a maniac with a gun".

I do not believe that unrestricted gun ownership for all was what our Founding Fathers had in mind when they penned the Constitution. I realize that the exact wording reads as such ("A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed."), but those words were written at a time when the United States had no standing militias; at a time when the mentally ill were rounded up and committed to asylums, prisons, and other institutions where those society deemed irredeemable were sent. Did they not have the same "right" to bear arms guaranteed to "the people"? 

"The right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed"! When these words were written, there were many to whom they did not apply, most notably people of color. My point here is that over 2.25 centuries that our Constitution has been in existence, there have been many changes to how its amendments have been applied, and that the Second Amendment has never truly been applied as it was written. The "right" to bear arms has been infringed upon for many in order to secure the public safety of the day. 

Personally, I am not against guns. I find them to be fascinating pieces of machinery that, when properly handled, are a useful tool in the human arsenal. If I had one, I would probably find a way to use it to increase my kitty snack ration; I hear guns are a good way of getting people to do what you want! No, I am not against guns; I am not even against semi-automatic weapons which, in the proper hands, are a life-saving weapon in times of war and beautiful collectors' pieces in times of peace. No, I am not against guns or the sale of them. I am, however, firmly opposed to the sale of ammunition - in bulk amounts, that is. 

Without ammunition, a gun is practically worthless as a weapon, and completely worthless as a weapon of mass murder. A civilian must undergo a background check and a waiting period to buy a single gun, but can purchase upwards of 5,000 rounds of ammunition without a single piece of red tape to slow them down. Does this strike you as problematic? I am not saying that it should be illegal to buy ammunition; just that there should be some sort of limit on how much ammunition can be purchased by one person within a specific time period. We register guns; why not register that which makes them dangerous?

I would think the NRA and its members would be supportive of placing reasonable limits on ammunition purchases by a single, non-government/non-commercial customer. Gun collectors do not need that much ammunition! Many collectors do not need ammunition at all, since they do not operate their pieces.  Hunters do not require 5,000 rounds in a semi-automatic to take down a moose; if they do, I would hate to see the moose they are facing! 

Freakishly large and disturbing? Yes. Legal to hunt? No.

Just because you can buy as much ammunition as your bank account will allow does not mean that you should be able to do it. More and more, it appears that the safety of the general public depends on this type of legislation. The time has come to seriously explore ways of implementing it while at the same time protecting Constitutional freedoms. 

Snuggles,

Tazi

Editor's Note: I don't have children of my own, and I never will. After what happened in Newtown, CT this week, I can only be grateful that I will never experience that kind of fear and heartbreak that only a parent can know. However, I am not blissful in my ignorance; my heart goes out to all who have lost a child - in the tragedies of this past week and in general - and for all of those who now fear for their own children's safety. I don't know how you do it...every time Tazi goes outside, I freak out whenever he wanders out of my sight; I cannot imagine how I would react if he were human, if I bore him inside of me...my prayers are with you all.

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.