Commitment To Maiden Name Does Not Show A Lack Of Commitment To Marriage

Dear Tazi:

I am 46 years old, a well-known professional in my field and well-known socially in my community, and recently married for the first time.  I never thought I would get married, not because I could not find “Mr. Right” but because I was far too busy enjoying life to even bother looking for him.  What I am trying to illustrate for you is the fact that I have a well-established identity of my own and do not wish to lose it now that I am married; to this end, I have retained my maiden name. 

My husband and I discussed the idea of hyphenating our last names, but felt that was just silly.  “Frank” understood my reasoning for wanting to retain my own last name and has been fully supportive of me, even going so far as to correct those who refer to me as “Mrs. Frank’s Last Name”.  He kindly corrects them and informs them that I may be his wife but I still identify by the name I have used for almost half a century…after which he charmingly adds that I “look gooooood for almost half a century!” 

Tazi, in spite of my husband’s support for my decision people still feel the need to criticize, suggesting that I am somehow not committed to Frank.  For Heaven’s sake, I took vows before God and family; you would think that was enough to show my commitment to him!  Still I have had to put up with being called everything from “scared to commit” to a “Femi-Nazi”, a term I find particularly offensive considering that I am a quarter Jewish.  I have reached the point where I am tired of being polite, but don’t wish to be rude to people over this private matter.  Do you have any suggestions for a polite comeback to these rude comments?

Signed,

Mrs. Me

Dear Mrs. Me:

People who call someone a “Nazi” simply because they believe differently do not deserve your respect.  Unless, of course, the person to whom they are referring is a Neo-Nazi, in which case the term is correct but there are bigger issues at hand.  I’m digressing, aren’t I? 

Not being the slightest bit Jewish, I cannot even begin to comprehend the level of hurt and rage you must feel when lunkheads use such an offensive term.  Here is a Paw Slap of Disgust for you to hand to these people the next time they use that term!

Just print, cut, and serve!

As for everyone else, these people appear to be firmly ensconced in the tradition that when a woman marries she takes her husband’s last name for the sake on family unity and the hereditary line, issues that do not appear to be of concern to you but which may explain the reaction you are receiving from others.  Being a cat, I generally am not polite to those I tell off – with a cat, you always know where you stand!  However, I understand human relations ad that they require a certain amount of civility, even when civility is not provided in the first place.

One way to politely shut up those who feel they deserve to have an opinion about your private business is to tell them your reasoning for keeping your maiden name: That just as your husband it firmly attached to his identity so you are to yours. Explain that you do not love him any less for not taking his name, but love him all the more for being understanding, accepting, and supportive of your choice; if this response does not make the questioner feel like a complete jerk than nothing will.

Snuggles,

Tazi

P.S. My Mommie will also be a first-time bride this coming April, and she is in her 40's, too! However, she will be making her maiden name her middle name and taking on a new last name.

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Love Triangle Causes Rift Between Brothers

Dear Tazi:

Have you ever watched the Audrey Hepburn movie Sabrina, the one where two brothers compete for the same woman? I am in a similar situation as that, and I need someone to referee. I will call the woman in question "Katherine".

My brother and I are both divorced and in our fifties, so we are not kids. Katherine is about a dozen years younger than both of us and has never been married, although she has not lacked for male attention. Until recently, I thought her reason for avoiding marriage was because she had never bothered to grow up; but I could not have been more wrong about this amazing woman.

I have always known Katherine from the community but never paid any attention to her except to say hello when our paths crossed. My brother knows Katherine better than I because his ex-wife used to babysit her; however, I never knew he harbored feelings for her until I asked her on a date. That was when [everything] broke loose.

I recently attended a charity fundraiser as a way to network with some business acquaintances (and to support a worthy cause) when I spotted Katherine talking to a potential client of mine like they were old friends. I was surprised to see her there, but was pleased when she waved me over to join the conversation so she might excuse herself for a moment. It was in talking with my potential client that I discovered there is more to Katherine than I realized. I discovered that she is not chronically unemployed and a career student, but works from home as an Event Planner and holds two Masters degrees. I also discovered that she donates her talents to charities and was on the planning board for that evening's event. Seeing her in this new light I was completely taken with her and barely left her side all evening. Before the night was over, I had a date with her for the following weekend.

My mother happened to see a photo from the charity event in the Society pages of the local newspaper. It was a group photo, but my proximity to Katherine caught her eye. My mother has always loved Katherine (they are in the same garden club) so she posted the picture on the refrigerator, which is where my brother saw it when he came to visit. This is where things got ugly.

I won't give you a blow-by-blow, but suffice to say my brother has expressed interest in dating Katherine. He claims that he has been waiting for the right time to ask her out, out of respect for his ex-wife's relationship to her. Tazi, it has been five years since my brother's divorce and he has dated a string of women in that time. It has been seven years since my divorce, and I have dated one woman (a long term relationship that ended two years ago). I am not one to ask a woman out on a whim, and I think Katherine and I really have a connection. My brother has told me if I go out with Katherine I can cross him off of my Christmas card list. I think he is being selfish, he thinks I am being traitorous. I asked our youngest brother to moderate the argument, but he refused to get involved. I saw a copy of your column taped to my mother's refrigerator and thought, "Why not?".

Signed,
"Linus"

Dear "Linus":

It was only after I looked over the IMDB listing for Sabrina that I understood your signature. I suppose I am going to have to watch the movie now, huh? With regard to your problem, I have one question for your brother: Is Katherine even interested in you? As for you, what made you view Katherine in such a negative light before you got to know her better? A Paw Slap of Disgust for each of you, and be glad I am not forwarding your letter to the woman who gives out throat punches!


Photo courtesy of LOL Cats
If this woman means all that your brother claims she means to him, why has he been dating a string of other women while biding his time to ask Katherine out on a date? If she is at all interested in him this has to have broken her heart! It sounds to me that he is jealous because you have "scored" something he wants but cannot have - a date with this woman.

Since Katherine accepted a date with you - that will have most likely occurred by the time this letter is printed - it would be rude of you to suddenly break off all contact with her. If things are going well with Katherine, I say continue to see her. Your brother will have to grow up and get over it. If things are not all that you hoped between you and Katherine, graciously bow out and allow your brother the opportunity to ask her on a date. Whatever you choose to do, you and your brother need to stop talking about Katherine like she is a piece of property. She is a woman, with feelings and a mind of her own.

Perfunctory snuggles,
Tazi

P.S. to your Mom: Thanks for printing and posting my column! It means a lot to me! -T.K.


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Before Paying It Forward, You Should Really Pay Others Back

Dear Tazi:

I’m the kind of guy who can never catch a break. I am unemployed more often than not because employers do not understand my special circumstances. I am an actor/performer, so when opportunities to audition or perform arise, I must take them, meaning I will call out of work (sometimes with only a few hours notice) or quit altogether if they will not release me for a leave of absence for the run of a play or television filming session. Because of this, I have had to accept the charity of others to make my way in the world.

I am the kind of guy who believes in giving others the opportunity to pay it forward, so to speak, but the people in my personal life and professional network do not see it the same way. A theatre group that I have been auditioning with for years (I am trying to secure a place as a regular member of their company) recently called me in for what I thought was a leading role audition! They told me they had something important to discuss with me! It was not an audition; it was an intervention. They basically told me that they cannot continue to assist me in my goals since all I do is take without giving. Tazi, that is not true! As I have already mentioned, I am providing the opportunity to “pay it forward”. Plus, I offer to volunteer my time to help with set building and other odd jobs that need to be done. I do not think it is fair that I have been asked to leave this community of actors because I am a bit more needy than the rest of them. Someday, I am going to make it big – make it HUGE, in fact – and a part of my wants to turn my back on these people when that happens and they all come running (as I am sure they will). Another part of me thinks I should forgive them. What do you think is the best course of action?

Signed,
Shooting Star

Dear Shooting Star:

I think accepting this Tazi Paw Slap of Disgust would be your best course of action, before paying back – not forward – all of the people whom you owe.


Second, if you are over the age of 30, I think you should accept that acting and performing are not your primary source of income, so it is time to stop quitting jobs that interfere with your preferred career because it appears to me that ship is never going to leave the dock. I hate to have to put it so bluntly, but the only reason you are seeing stars is because that is what is in your eyes.

When a community theatre group stages an intervention and tells you that you are no longer welcome among them, this tells me you that you lack the kind of talent that would make up for your shortcomings. Furthermore, your offer to “volunteer” to help with set-building and “other odd jobs” is plain insulting. These jobs are done by people who are skilled and/or trained in the artistry required to create theatre sets. It is neither unskilled labor nor an “odd job”. You strike me as someone who suffers from delusions of grandeur. Counseling could help.

To answer your question as to whether or not you should ignore your old colleagues or forgive them once you “make it HUGE”, I doubt this will be a bridge you have to worry about crossing; however, since you asked, I recommend forgiveness – just as they have forgiven you numerous obligations that you imply you are going to “pay forward”.

Perfunctory snuggle (but just one),
Tazi

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Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Is An Online Affair Still Cheating?

Dear Tazi:

I feel like an idiot. I feel like I have been used. Worst of all, I feel like I have nobody to blame but myself. I know how you think that Facebook causes more relationship problems than any other social networking site, and you can add my story to that file.

I started dating "John" online about six months ago. (I have already changed his name, so please do not change it for me). He is an old friend that I found on Facebook, someone I have always crushed on. I saw from his page that he had a girlfriend and that they have been together for years so I asked him why they never got married and he told me it was because she was not ready. He did not offer any other explanation. At the time, he and his girl were going through a rough patch, and we started flirting online. I sent him some naughty pictures of myself, and he really seemed to like them so I sent him some more, figuring that sooner or later he and his girl would be breaking up and I would finally get a chance to date him in person.

This week, I went to John's girl's Facebook page because I saw on his page that she had tagged him in her status update. Her page isn't private, so I was able to see everything - pictures of them together, smiling and happy; love notes from him to her; and something that really steamed me, the status update where she tagged him. They had just returned from a romantic vacation to New England and she was bragging about how romantic he was. They did not look like a couple that was about to break up anytime soon.

I emailed John asking for an explanation, wanting to know why he went away on vacation with his girlfriend if things were so bad between them. He denied ever wanting to break up with her; said the "rough patch" only lasted a few weeks; and that he was an idiot to ever confide in me since it was obvious I took things the wrong way.

I want to send an email to John's girl (her address is listed on her Facebook profile) and tell her what a lying cheat her boyfriend really is, but I don't know if this will help or hurt my chances with John. What do you think I should do, Tazi? I know how you think honesty is the best policy. Should I be the bearer of bad news?

Signed,
Still Wanting Him

Dear Still Wanting Him:

You mention that you have been in an online relationship with John for six months. The fact that this relationship was a virtual one means it was never consummated, which means that as despicable as John's behavior was (accepting nude photos of another woman) it does not quite rise to the level of cheating, at least not in my book. What you have had with John is an affair of the heart, and from the sound of things it was pretty one sided. From what you write, it sounds to me like John is perfectly content to be with his current partner.

You ask me if it would be okay to email a woman you have never met - through Facebook - and tell her that her boyfriend of several years is a liar and a cheat. I think this is quite possibly the worst idea I have ever heard - even worse than the woman who wanted to marry a prison inmate. Here are the facts of the matter at hand:

1. John's girlfriend does not know you. Unless you have solid proof of illicit intentions - emails from John professing his feelings, naughty pictures of him, or anything even remotely questionable - this woman will have zero reason to believe you over John.

2. You say that John is an old friend that you have always "crushed on". Is this really how you want to treat an old friend? Yes, John was wrong to encourage you to send further nude photos of yourself, but you have to remember that the initial batch was sent unsolicited. It was you who pursued what you saw as an opportunity, not the other way around.

3. John does not sound interested in you as it is. Do you think destroying his relationship with a woman he obviously loves is going to improve your chances of landing him? If you answered "yes" to that question, slap yourself for me - it was rhetorical, and the answer is "no"!


I am getting a lot of mileage out of this pic lately!

I have re-read your letter a couple of times now, and from what you write it appears that all John is guilty of is grossly bad judgement in allowing an online flirtation to escalate. Since I know of very few men that would say no to receiving nude pictures of an attractive woman, I have to give John a pass on this one, regardless of my personal feelings on this matter. In my opinion, John has not cheated and any lies he has told have been lies of omission - because let's face it, what man is going to tell his girlfriend about something like this? It sounds to me that you are seeking my permission to seek revenge on John. Permission denied.

Perfunctory Snuggles,
Tazi



Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Some Situations Are Too Sacred For Jokes

Dear Readers: Today’s letter contains sensitive material that may be difficult for some readers to handle. I am answering the letter because the writer is obviously in need of support and advice.

Dear Tazi:

I am an adult woman with an issue that has me at the end of my rope. My brother “George” makes a joke out of everything. With George, nothing is sacred. One Christmas, when Mom overcooked the roast he joked about it through the whole meal, much to Mom’s mortification. Another time, when a cousin was going through a painful divorce, he joked about how upset her ex-husband must be that he would have to go out and buy a punching bag for his aggression (our cousin left the man because he was physically abusive). Tasteless, tacky, and bordering on mental abuse is how I would describe George’s humor, but so long as one person laughs George will continue with his sick brand of humor because he honestly believes people find him funny, and that those who don’t can’t take a joke.

I grew up the butt of George’s humor and for the most part have learned to ignore him. My husband refuses to laugh at George’s jokes – at first it was at my request, but over the years he has seen how George is encouraged by laughter, to the point where his humor gets abusive, so now my husband finds no humor in George’s witticisms. The final straw has now been reached, and my husband and I wish to cut off all contact with George, but doing so would break my mother’s heart.

Earlier this year, I lost a full-term pregnancy. My husband I and I were – and still are – devastated over our loss, but we are leaning on each other for support, seeking counseling, and working through our pain together. We believe the loss has made us even stronger as a couple and plan on trying again as soon as we are ready. All through my pregnancy, George would make jokes about my size – first I was too thin; then I was too fat; I will not even get into the jokes about our personal life that George saw fit to make.

After I lost my baby, George came to the hospital carrying a large decorative soup pot full of helpful items – body lotions, personal care items, a wonderful fluffy bathrobe, and a book of grieving. I was quite touched, until George commented that we could use the pot to make soup with my baby’s remains. Just remembering that moment makes me want to vomit, which I did at the time, much to George’s glee because he added that we could “add that to the pot, too!” My husband had to be physically restrained (thank God the bed was between him and George) as George was escorted from the room. We have not spoken to him since, despite his many phone messages offering apologies for “overstepping the line” in his attempts to cheer me up.

My mother has a milestone birthday approaching, and her siblings are planning a large banquet for her. She has expressed her desire for George and me to “let bygones be bygones” because I know how George has a habit of “putting his foot in his mouth”. She has told me that forgiveness is the greatest gift of all, and that is what she would like me to give George for her birthday. My husband has told me I am crazy if I can find it in my heart to forgive my brother’s clod-like behavior; but it is my mother’s heartfelt wish that our family be whole and healed. Her youngest brother died in Viet Nam, and there were unresolved issues between them, so I can understand her side of things – but I am still reluctant to accept George’s apology.

Signed,
Trying

Dear Trying:

Your letter shattered my kitty-cat heart into a million little pieces. You have my most heartfelt sympathies on the loss of your precious baby and my wishes for a brighter future. As for your brother…

I will refrain from giving George my famous “Tazi Paw Slap of Disgust”, even though he richly deserves one, because some people are just natural born buffoons. It sounds to me that your brother is unable to handle emotional stress of any kind, and uses humor to try and work through it. Unfortunately, at times such as the ones you have described, humor is the last thing that is wanted, needed, or appropriate for the situation.

Your mother is correct in saying that forgiveness is the greatest gift we can give, but it is not a gift that comes freely for either side. For your part, it will require a great deal of emotional fortitude and soul-searching to accept what sounds like his sincere apologies, but George has his part to play, as well. Words of apology are only one half of a sincere apology; a desire to do penance towards the injured party is the side most people like to ignore.

If George is truly sorry for his behavior – and he did not simply overstep the line, he completely erased it! – he will be open to a penitent offering towards you. My suggestion is that George seek counseling to get to the root of his problem (making inappropriate jokes at the expense of others), and work towards developing some self-restraint when the urge to tell a joke hits. Unless George changes his behavior, all the apologies in the world will not heal the rift he has caused.

Snuggles, Snuggles, and more Snuggles,
Tazi

P.S. I, too, felt a wave of nausea when I read the tasteless comments George made to you. George is lucky his shoes were nowhere in my sight!


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Repost: Tazi's Corner #27 - On Taking Liberties With Spelling

Dear Readers,

As a cat I am known to have several pet peeves, usually revolving around the way you humans act; however, I have one peeve that this week rises above all other peeves. Today, I seek to address it, and so I ask: WHY do you keep altering the accepted spelling of your children’s names?

This year, the first baby born in my home state of Rhode Island was born to a high school student on her 18^th birthday. She lives with her unemployed aunt who, in spite of her own financial troubles, has graciously welcomed the baby with open arms. The way I see it, this child is going to have an uphill battle in life as it is without having his name spelled "Izzak", a “creative” (according to the Providence Journal) way of spelling the biblical name “Isaac”. Parents! What are you thinking when you do something like this?

I realize that we live in a world where we want our children to feel unique and stand out from the crowd. Giving a child a unique name can be a blessing or a curse, depending on what that name is. I use as a real life example one of my Mommie’s former co-workers, a man who wanted his son to have a unique name that nobody else had. He named the child “Nazik", insisting he made the name up himself; the large Arabic community of Southern New England could have told him differently. “Nazik” is in fact a popular girl’s name in Turkey and Armenia; it means “pretty” (I have also been told "pretty flower", which just makes it worse, but is unconfirmed. I do not know what happened to that kid, but strains of Johnny Cash’s A Boy Named Sue go through my head every time I think of him.

Creative spellings and creative names may make your child stand out in a crowd, but not necessarily in a good way. If people cannot pronounce your child’s name, they are less likely to be called upon – in school, at play, and in life in general. Rather than risk offending someone by mispronouncing a name, people will pass over them – be it for a play date or a job interview. Humans, like all animals, crave familiarity and comfort. You can still give your child a name that you think is unique (but is actually trendy), just don’t mess with the accepted spelling! As a Providence (RI) school teacher once commented, “I am left wondering if the parents are trying to be creative or if they are just illiterate”.

I believe this only works among adults...

Something we must remember is that language has rules set down in order to unify a people, not to divide them. When language becomes an impediment to understanding, rather than an aid, communication fails. When that fails, we might as well go our own way. Ghoti, anyone? (That's how I spell "fish"!).

Prior generations understood the importance of what was in a name, and the importance of communicating a name. Difficult to pronounce names (especially those of Jewish and Eastern European background) were "Americanized"; merchants changed the pronunciations and spellings of their last names to that which was familiar to their customers. This is a lesson we would do well to remember in our ever-globalizing world. As those who do not speak English as a native tongue work to learn the language, and seek to work more with Americans, confusing spellings will not give your child a leg up on the competition.

Just for fun - and to make my point interactive - to follow are a few of the more “creative” spellings and “unique” names I have gathered from family and friends who work with youth. How many can you immediately recognize? 

Mathew (Matthew traditionally has two “t”’s, but since this is the most innocuous, I list it here on principle, not out of disgust)

Jhaymes (James can be spelled with a “y”, but who puts an “h” in it?)

Aighmee (Not an acceptable spelling of “Amy” or “Aimee”, which means “friend” in French; be a friend to your child and correct this hideous spelling!)

Konner (Are you a Kardashian? Unlike the Icelandic alphabet, the Latin (aka Western) alphabet has the letter “C” in it; learn to use it!).

Jhéojhañâ (This unique name belongs to one of my readers. Can you pronounce it? Neither can anybody else; and it hindered her job search).  

Mikkaila (Michaela, the feminine of “Michael” has a few accepted spellings, but this is not one of them!).

Alexzandre (Alexander is a unique enough name as it is; there is no need to butcher the spelling to make him stand out on a crowd. Furthermore, the “x” already has a “z” sound, so there is no need for redundancy, and the transposed letters at the end will make people wonder if they have been affected with dyslexia!).

Sindy (Unless you are raising your daughter to work in a strip club, please use an accepted spelling of the name “Cindy” – unless you actually are Icelandic.).

Dafydd (Multiple Paw Slaps of Disgust to the idiot that thought up this spelling for “David”!).

Espn (I don’t care how much you love sports, don’t name your kid after the cable sports network ESPN! Just don’t!)

Jovanny (It took me a few minutes to figure out this illiterate spelling of “Giovanni”. Just call the kid “John”!).

And if you think that last one is bad, I have saved my favorite for last…

Le__a (It’s pronounced “LeDasha"; the dash is not silent).

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Barb-Throwing Father-In-Law A Menace To Young Family

Dear Tazi:

You have got to be the sweetest kitty-cat on the face of the earth, taking time out of your busy nap schedule to help us humans with our problems. Will you please help me with mine?

My father-in-law, "Chuckie" is an absolute nightmare. The man is mentally abusive, and gets off on making people cry. When I first met my husband, he told me to my face that I wasn't good enough for his son, "Barry". At our wedding (mine and Barry's) Chuckie stood up as if to toast us and announced he was starting a betting pool on how long our marriage would last, inviting the guests to place their wagers. When I got pregnant with our first child, Chuckie asked Barry (to both of our faces) if he was sure it was his kid, since "your wife is such a slut"! Tazi, I am not a slut and yes, the child is Barry's!

I am now pregnant with my second child (my first is almost two) and Chuckie is at it again, telling Barry that I will be "two tons of fun" after our second child is born, based on the fact that I did not lose the last 10 pounds from my first pregnancy. I know that my husband loves me unconditionally - and he has told me as much, in case I did not - but the stress of being around Chuckie is taking its toll on me. I do not want him visiting the house (he complains that I am a poor housekeeper, which I am not) and I do not want him around the children. My husband feels the same way, but will not stand up to his father and allows him to see our young son whenever he wants, which means Chuckie is over all the time.

I have tried kicking Chuckie out but he refuses to leave, saying "[his] son's paycheck pays the mortgage", and until Barry kicks him out he will "stay as long as he [darn] well pleases!" He then taunts me, telling me to "call the cops" if I don't like it. I am sorely tempted to do just that, but I know that it would only put my husband deeper into the middle of the problem; maybe even forcing him to choose between his father and me. Do you have any less drastic suggestions?

Signed,
Not Perfect, But Perfect For Barry

P.S. Barry's mother passed away years ago, so I cannot seek her out for assistance!

Dear Not Perfect...:

Does Chuckie have a key to your house? If so, change your locks; and do not open the door to him when he stops by to see your child. That solves the problem of his invading your home when his son is not there. If Chuckie comes there when your husband is home, that makes him a guest of your husband - not you, so feel free to take your child out to the park, for ice-cream, on errands, or whatever excuse you need to get the two of you out of the house while Chuckie is there. This allows for you and your husband to execute your desire to keep the children from Chuckie without putting your husband in the position of standing up to his father. (A Tazi Paw Slap of Disgust to him for not standing up for you, though!).

If Chuckie complains that you do not allow him to visit the children, tell him why you are keeping them from him: because he is mentally abusive, and you will not have them learning such atrocious habits. Once Chuckie sees that his comments are not playful or fun (as I am sure he sees them) and that hurling them at you will have negative consequences for him, he may decide to lighten up a bit. If he does not, continue to do what you must to protect your children from Chuckie's hateful and hurtful behavior, even if it means allowing only minimal (and always supervised) contact with him.

As for the insults Chuckie hurls at you in front of your husband: turn the insults around. If Chuckie calls you a slut, tell him that Barry got his taste in women from his father. If Chuckie calls you a bad housekeeper, hand him a mop and challenge him to do better. If Chuckie calls you fat, tell him that "not everyone can carry all their fat between their ears like you", implying that he is a "fathead". In time, you will learn how to stand up for yourself; and your father-in-law will either let up on the insults, having felt their sting; or you will discover that he enjoys the barb-throwing - at which point you will need to decide whether or not to ignore him.

Snuggles,
Tazi

P.S. Thank you for all the lovely compliments! I do appreciate them! Purrrrrrrr....


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Mother-In-Law Cruises Away With A Paw Slap Of Disgust!

Dear Tazi:

My mother-in-law is perhaps the most evil woman who has ever walked the face of the earth! She has never approved of me - no woman could possibly be good enough for her son - and she has always treated me like a second-class family member; but what she has done now is over the line - or should I say completely overboard?

A few months ago, "Bertha" requested that all of her children - and their spouses - go on a cruise together, as a family. Spending ten days with Bertha did not appeal to me, but I love the rest of my husband's family and the idea of a cruise with them was very appealing; so my husband and I both signed on for the trip (for which we paid our own way). The trip was purchased several months in advance, and we were to set sail in August. Note that I said "were", not "are" because my husband and I have discovered that after several years of infertility issues, we are now expecting!

My husband and I are both overjoyed at the prospect of becoming parents and nothing will come before my health and the well-being of the baby. This is where my issue with Bertha's cruise starts: The cruise is scheduled to take place during the week of my due date. Obviously, my husband and I have decided not to go on the cruise; and our family is all being very understanding and excited for us - all except for Bertha who actually accused me of getting pregnant on purpose in order to ruin her family cruise! In the past, she has made comments behind my back about how I must secretly be on birth control, so her comments are not surprising, but are still quite hurtful.

Bertha has told my husband that he should still come on the cruise, even if I won't, because "due dates are not accurate". My husband has told Bertha that she is crazy for thinking he would leave my side so close to my due date and that she will have to accept that we will not be going on the cruise. Bertha is now sulking, and is telling anyone who will listen what a "horrible son" he has become since marrying me! When my husband tried to explain to her that I am his WIFE, Bertha responded, "one day, you two might divorce; but I will always be your mother!".

Since Bertha's efforts at guilting my husband into turning his back on me to accompany her on the cruise are not working, she has started in on me; calling me a bad wife for wanting to "isolate" my husband from his family. Tazi, it's one week - one of the most important weeks of our lives, too! This is supposed to be a happy time for my husband and me, but Bertha is putting undue stress on me and making me miserable with her cruel barbs. Do you have any advice on how to deal with her? I am seriously wondering if I want my child to have a relationship with this woman!

Signed,
Finally Expecting!

Dear Finally Expecting:

Congratulations on your pregnancy! I am so happy for you I am purring! You are right that this should be a joyous time for you and your husband, so please do not let Bertha ruin it for you. You are correct in feeling that her barbs are out of line; but it sounds to me that she is reacting out of fear, not love. She is obviously very attached to her son, and as long as the two of you remained child-free you remained (in Bertha's eyes) a couple, not a family. The timing of your due date could have been anytime and it would not matter; Bertha would probably find a reason for why she would find it to be disrespectful to her.

The comment that you got pregnant "on purpose" in order to ruin her cruise is laughable, which was what I did when I pictured Bertha saying it. The next time Bertha starts in with her rude comments, try to smile politely and ignore her. When she finds that her self-absorbed attitude is making her look like a fool, she will hopefully stop. As the arrival date of her grandchild gets closer, Bertha may discover herself having a change of heart towards being away when your baby enters into the world. Perhaps your husband could point this out to her?

With regard to withholding your child from Bertha, you may discover that your baby will give you some common ground on which to build a relationship with your mother-in-law. Rather than pull away, why not work towards including her? Your husband can help you work towards this end. Although I am proud of him for standing up for you, it has to be difficult for him to always be in the middle of the bad blood between you and his mother - who has earned a Tazi Paw Slap of Disgust for her cruel divorce comment!



Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Repost: Tazi's Corner: Issue #1 - Adventures In Unemployment

Tazi’s Corner
Life as Your Pet Sees It!

As a housecat, I have realized that I need to expand my horizons if I was to see the world of humans so I screwed up my courage and jumped into my Mommie’s soft and cozy hobo bag and stowed away whenever she went out to explore the wide world of humans. What I saw piqued my curiosity (I am lucky I wasn't killed by it!) so I perked up my ears and listened to see if anything interesting was being said. A lot of people were talking about needing jobs and wanting to find jobs, but few actually seemed to want to work. Here is a transcript of one conversation I overheard:

Woman: Oh, I am so glad I ran into you! You know so many people and have so many resources, and I need to find a job fast! My unemployment benefits are running out! Do you know anyone who is hiring?

Mommie: Probably; what kind of work are you looking for?

Woman: Anything. I will do anything. I need a paycheck.

Mommie: The tutoring center at the community college needs qualified…[woman cuts off Mommie in mid-sentence!]

Woman: Oh, no. I don’t want to tutor. I can’t stand working with people who just don’t get it.

Mommie: Okay…I was just speaking with the Director of a local pre-school; she is looking for Teaching Assistants to work with the pre-schoolers. She is willing to train the right person, too.

Woman: Oh, no. I hate working with kids.

Mommie: Well, I guess that means you are not the right person. What is your career field?

Woman: Communications

Mommie: Great! The advertising firm where I used to work is always looking for new Account Executives, and they are willing to train, too.

Woman: H[eck], no! I do NOT do sales!

Mommie: [now exasperated] I just came from Wal-Mart and saw that they are hiring.

Woman: Ugh, I would rather work in sales than work for Wal-Mart.

Mommie: Well, what it is you want to do for work? What are you qualified to do?

Woman: Anything, I’ll do anything…

Obviously not, considering that Mommie gave her four leads for entry-level or will-train jobs and she turned them all down! It’s no wonder her unemployment benefits are about to end! The conversation continued from there in a familiar vein. Mommie works for a very good employer, a place where everyone wants to work.

Woman: Are they hiring where you work? How do I get a job there?

Mommie: We are always hiring, it just depends on for what.

Woman: I told you, anything; I just need a JOB!

Mommie: But what are your qualifications?

Woman: I have a great work ethic!

Okay, so we all know that was a lie! Mommie continued to probe, asking if the woman had a CNA license (no); any kind of specialized training (no); bookkeeping skills (no); secretarial and/or computer skills (double no); a college degree (no); or professional licensing of any kind (no). Would she be willing to work in housekeeping? (Again, no; she “wasn’t so desperate” that she would clean toilets).

Mommie: Well, I’m not certain what it is you could do for work; maybe you could meet with a job counselor at the unemployment office?

Woman: No, those people are worthless. Too bad you couldn’t help me, either. Keep me in mind if you hear about any job openings?

I heard Mommie mumble “Don’t hold your breath” as she walked away. Paw slaps of disgust to those who are not willing to take the job offered because it is not the job that they want. Employers want people with experience - and experience is what you get when you don’t get what you want!

Snuggles to everyone else,
Tazi

P.S. On second thought...






















Big thank-you's to regular reader and fellow blogger
Maya Lincoln for sending this pic to me!


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Being Overweight Is Not An Excuse For Abuse

Dear Tazi:

I am a woman in my twenties. My whole life I have been on the chubby side, which has had an effect on my self-esteem. Because of this, I have never felt comfortable dating; so I do not have much experience with men. For the past few months I have been dating a man I will call “James” who is everything a woman could want in a man. How I managed to snag him, I have no idea; but he is as committed to me as I am to him…or at least I think he is.

James tells me that if I loved him as much as he loves me, I would work harder to lose weight. He says he wants me to be as beautiful on the outside as I am on the inside; and that I have a pretty face, but it’s tainted by my "lumpy figure". Tazi, I have tried dieting and exercise; and it works for a while; but then I start to miss my favorite snacks, or I am just not in the mood to go to the gym and I slide back into my bad habits and put back on all the weight that I lost.

My Mom tells me I need to stop dieting to please someone else and start doing it to please me; but I am not unhappy with my weight – at least, not unhappy enough to commit to a diet and exercise program that will maintain my perfect weight. My best friends tell me to dump James; that I can do so much better than a man who tells me I am fat, but James have never actually used that word. Besides, it is like I already said, James is everything a woman could want in a man; and I think my friends are just jealous that in spite of the fact that they are all perfect looking I am the one who landed God’s gift to women!

Do you have any suggestions on how to motivate myself to stick to a diet and exercise program? I would like to lose 15 pounds and be bikini-ready for summer!

Sincerely,
Chubby Lovey

Dear Chubby Lovey:

I have a great suggestion on how to lose a TON of weight fast – drop the millstone around your neck. You know, the one you call “James” because the man is bringing you down! Just because you are overweight does not give him the right to be mentally abusive towards you. If James cannot accept you for who you are, he has no business dating you.

It sounds to me that James gets a sick thrill out of putting you down and trying to control you by controlling your weight. Admittedly, he has never called you “fat”; but “lumpy” isn’t exactly a compliment, now is it? It does not matter how much weight you lose, it will never be enough for James; he will always see you as somehow less than perfect. Your friends are looking at the situation from an outside point of view, so please do not dismiss them so quickly – they may be seeing something that you do not. Trust me when I tell you that they are not jealous, but merely concerned about you.

Twice you say James is “everything a woman could want in a man”, yet you do not describe his positive attributes. Are you certain that this “God’s gift to women” did not just tell you that he is all that, and has you believing him? Your low self-esteem could be affecting your judgment. You tell me that you and James have only been dating for “the past few months” but claim that you are committed and deeply in love. Far be it for me to question the depth of your love for each other, but I have to say that James sounds like he has the depth of a puddle. I would tread gingerly if I were you.

Since you ask me for some diet and exercise tips, I will tell you what I know, and what you have already discovered: there is no silver bullet when it comes to permanent weight loss and maintenance. Some people are blessed with wonderful metabolisms that allow them to eat whatever they want and not gain weight – those people are generally called teenagers, and they outgrow it as they age. For the rest of us a regular, manageable regimen of diet and exercise is required to stay physically and mentally fit.

You do not have to go to the gym daily – three days a week is optimal – nor do you have to completely give up your favorite snacks; just indulge in them as a treat or reward for accomplishing a goal, not as an every-day part of your diet. Unless there is something wrong with your hormonal balances (a visit to the doctor could check this for you), you should start to notice a difference in your weight within a week or two. In order to stay motivated, try hanging your bikini on the refrigerator door as a reminder of what you are working to achieve. It is my hope that once you start to lose weight, your self-esteem will improve; I am with your mother on this one – if you want to lose weight, you must do it to please yourself and not anybody else.

Snuggles,
Tazi

James is being awarded a Tazi Paw Slap of Disgust! Here it is... -T.K.




Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Woman Says "Yes" To Proposal; "No" To The Ring

Dear Tazi:

My boyfriend just asked me to marry him and I am so super excited! Of course I said YES! There is just one problem: I absolutely hate, with every fiber of my being, the engagement ring he gave me. It is an old-fashioned, round cut, 2 carat, diamond solitaire; completely not my style. I would prefer something trendier, with baguettes, in white gold; something along the lines of an emerald cut or maybe a princess cut stone, too.

The bigger issue is that the ring he gave me belonged to his great-grandmother and has been passed down through the generations – his grandfather gave it to his grandmother, his father gave it to his mother, and now his mother is passing it on to him to give to me. There is no way I could possibly ask him to buy me a different ring, one more to my tastes and liking; but this thing really depresses me. I mean, I am wearing a dead person’s jewelry! I am also afraid if I ask for a different ring that my fiancé will decide he’d rather have a different girlfriend, one that will accept his heirloom engagement ring. Should I just try and cope, Tazi? I love my fiancé, but I know that I will never learn to love this ring!

Signed,
I’d Rather Be Ring-less

Dear I’d Rather Be Ring-less:

I realize that an engagement ring is so much more than a piece of jewelry; it is an outward sign of the love and commitment between two people. Do you realize the importance of the ring your fiancé presented to you? Or were you blinded by disappointment that it was not the diamond of your dreams? Does your fiancé know exactly how self-centered you are? The man has given you not only a symbol of his love for you, but one that expresses his family’s acceptance of you, as well. If they did not like you, they would not have handed down the heirloom ring to you. Does this mean anything to you? I am so disgusted right now I would paw-slap you if I had not recently discovered transcendental yoga! OHM!!! OHM!!!!



Okay, now that I am a bit calmer I will advise you not to tell your boyfriend that you hate the ring he gave you. I doubt that he would leave you over it – unless he is as shallow as you – but hearing this would break his heart.

If you cannot rise above your dislike of your engagement ring, I suggest that you approach his mother about it. Explain to her that you are unworthy of such a precious ring (because you are not worthy) and would feel more comfortable seeing her wear it as the rightful owner until the time to inherit arrives. If your fiancé’s mother is still young and healthy this should buy you a at least a few decades – if she agrees to take back her ring. Before you return the ring, you can explain your actions to your fiancé and request a modest engagement ring – not the $5,000+ rock you described! An emerald cut diamond is the priciest diamond cuts out there! The heirloom diamond that he gave you may not have cost him a dime, but it’s sentimental worth must be priceless. I hope that you will eventually come to understand this. OHM!

No snuggles for you,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

The Joy of Sax Causes A Riff Between Generations

Dear Tazi:

I have a teenage daughter in tears, a mother-in-law in a snit, and a husband who refuses to run interference because he “just doesn’t understand women”. My daughter’s junior high band concert was last night. “Julia” has always been shy, and learning a musical instrument has done wonders for her self-esteem. She enjoys playing the saxophone as well as the positive attention she gets from her peers for being good at playing. She also enjoys playing in the band and being a part of something and has made many friends through her sax playing. Although she is only in the eight grade she is already hoping to join the high school jazz band. I am very proud of my daughter for all over her hard work in learning to play an instrument and in coming out of her shell.

I suppose I could have worded all of this better but before the concert last night, while we were waiting for the curtain to rise, I basically told my mother-in-law what I just told you. After the concert my mother-in-law gushed over Julia’s playing, commenting that she played “much better” than the rest of the saxophonists. Julia, remaining humble, told her grandmother that the entire section played well, but her grandmother continued to gush about how Julia was head and shoulders above the rest, much to Julia’s discomfort. Julia finally told her grandmother that she needed to “shut up”; that if she could be heard separate from the other saxophone players that meant she was either off-key or out-of-time with the other players and that she “obviously s*cked”. Julia then burst into tears and ran out to the car.

Rather than try to comfort Julia my mother-in-law acted the part of the injured party, saying she was only trying to be nice and offer Julia a compliment and that it was she who was owed an apology for Julia’s poor manners. She continued that her son was raised better than this, implying that Julia gets her bad manners from me. My husband just shook his head and said that teenaged girls are “moody, and who can understand them anyway”. Grrr!!!!

All the way home Julia refused to talk to her grandmother, who continued to comment on how teenagers today have no respect for their elders and that their language is filthy and unacceptable. Tazi, I was ready to use a few of those “filthy and unacceptable” words myself, but thankfully we reached her house just in time and dropped her off before I blew my stack on her. I then tried to reassure Julia that her grandmother meant well, and that she doesn’t know music well enough to know that she was actually offering an insult, not a compliment. Julia then got upset all over again because her grandmother was either insulting her or lying to her.

I was hoping things would blow over, but my mother-in-law called a few days later to see if Julia was “out of her snit yet and ready to apologize for her terrible behavior”. I let my husband handle the call because I was certainly not ready to do it. My daughter’s feeling were deeply hurt; her mood was improved when her band director reassured her that her performance was seamless and that she was perfectly on-time and on-tempo with the rest of her section. However, she remains upset that her grandmother would lie to her face in an attempt to boost her ego. She feels that she cannot trust her grandmother.

Julia has since offered a half-hearted apology to her grandmother for her “inappropriate language” but demanded an apology in return for the lies she was told. This set my mother-in-law off again, saying an apology does not contain the word “but”; that an elder never owes an apology to a child; and that until she receives a sincere apology from Julia she will be suspending all birthday gifts, holiday gifts, and other forms of affection. Tazi, this goes too far. I understand that a thirteen year old girl can be difficult – I live with Julia! – but she has a point; my mother-in-law lied to her, hurt her feelings, and is now acting like it was no big deal. How do I untangle this mess?

Signed,

Feeling Like The Monkey In The Middle

Dear Feeling Like The Monkey In The Middle

Can I paw slap your husband…pleeeeeeaaasssseeeee? Just a gentle a one for his hands-off approach to raising your daughter? I so want to slap some sense into him so he will realize that he will never understand his daughter if he does not make an attempt to understand her!

Unless a musician is performing a solo piece it is rude and insulting to praise their playing as better than the rest of their section for the very reason your daughter points out – when you play as part of a section, individual players cannot be singled out unless they are off-tempo (playing too fast or too slow) or out of key. Both of these instances are extremely embarrassing and players who make these mistakes are usually aware of them and hoping that their audience is not. Your daughter did her best to hold it together emotionally, but at thirteen she cannot be expected to handle things as a grown adult would. While she owes her grandmother a sincere apology for her profane language and for losing her temper with an elder, she is also owed an explanation from her grandmother.

The teenage years are fraught with uncertainty, and discovering that someone you feel you should be able to trust is lying to you can be devastating. Your mother-in-law needs to be straight with Julia and apologize for her lie, explaining that she was trying to offer a compliment; that she was afraid that you would be insulted if you said you could not pick her sax playing out from the rest of the section, so she lied. Nobody is ever too old to offer someone an apology when an apology is sincerely owed.

I think a lovely way to bridge the cavern that has been created between Julia and her grandmother would be for Julia to play a few musical pieces for her grandmother, so she may hear exactly how well Julia does play. A lot of rock ‘n’ roll classics from your mother-in-law’s era have some great riffs that would sound great on saxophone! She would find them recognizable and Julia might find them fun to play. (I am partial to Joy to the World by Three Dog Night).

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Tazi’s Corner #53 – An Honest Bully

Dear Readers: 

One thing that raises my hackles are celebrities who, for no other reason other than they feel like it, decide to start marketing their own products. I am not talking about celebrities like Nikki Hilton, who actually went to design school, but celebrities who feel that they know so much about something simply because they have experienced it; it’s like when an Honorary PhD suddenly wants people to call them “Doctor” and it makes me sick!

The target of my wrath this week is Jessica Alba and her Honest Company. Apparently Ms. Alba went and had a baby and could not find products organic enough for her bundle of joy and so she started her own company and now creates products that are a cut above mainstream baby products. Or does she? What sort of educational background does Ms. Alba have that allows her to create her products? Does she have a degree in Nutritional Science? A background in Organic (pun intended here) Chemistry? Or did she just slap her name on something she hired someone else to create for her, showing she had deigned her approval of it?

Now, personally I trust professionals like Dr. BenjaminSpock and Dr. John Rosemond when it comes to my child-raising advice, having none of my own to raise, but apparently Ms. Alba feels that she is qualified enough to tell people how to raise their children not because she has any kind of college degree in the subject or because she has raised twenty children of her own like the Duggars have, but because she has two babies and the kind of ego that you can only find in Hollywood. This may be the reason her Honest Company has felt the need to sue a successful “Mommy Blogger” in an attempt to steal the blog name (possibly for future use? I am speculating here, but babies do grow up to be cowboys, I mean toddlers…).

A few weeks ago PeopleI Want To Punch In The Throat broke this story, and since she is able to say it in words and ways that I cannot I am reprinting it here (with permission) so it can receive further exposure (even though she already has millions of followers) because this topic is something that affects bloggers – and the audiences who enjoy their work – everywhere!  For the full story of the Paw Slap of Disgust I am giving Ms. Alba, read on…

PeopleIWantToPunchInTheThroat.com

MONDAY, AUGUST 5, 2013

Honestly, The Honest Company is Getting on My Nerves

Have you heard about the fight that's brewing between Jessica Alba's Honest Company and the popular mom blogger Honest Toddler?

Let me break it down for you. Honest Toddler is a hilarious woman who tweets and blogs from the wickedly funny point of view of a toddler. Honest Company is a corporation that sells baby crap. (Not actual baby crap, but you know what I mean.)

Here's the she said/she said posts they've both written so you can follow along.

CLICK HERE to continue reading...

Snuggles,

Tazi

P.S. Here’s that paw-slap I promised…

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors' Degrees in Communications and Gender Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Mother-In-Law Wants Grandchildren ASAP, Reacts Badly To News Of Infertility

Dear Tazi:

My mother-in-law is driving me crazy!  I am sure you hear that phrase a lot; can you stand one more letter on the woes of a monster-in-law? 

My husband and I have been married for several years and have yet to have children.  During the first years of our marriage this was our choice – we wanted to save money and establish ourselves as a married couple before becoming parents – but now our child-free life has turned into a childless one, much to our dismay.  Thinking we may have waited too long to start “trying” my husband and I have both had fertility testing.  The results showed that my husband has a dreadfully low sperm count, and that our dream of starting a family will most likely have to be fulfilled through adoption.  We are adjusting to the idea and considering all of our options, including foster parenting, before making any decisions.  We know that adopting a child is not like adopting a pet!

Here is the part where my mother-in-law comes into the story: From the moment we returned from our honeymoon she has been pestering us for grandchildren.  I am serious!  She actually met us at the airport and asked me if I was pregnant yet or if I had just let myself go now that I was married.  Tazi, my stomach looked the same as it always had!

During the first year of our marriage every conversation with “Thelma” revolved around how to get pregnant – including the best sexual positions for fertilization!  This was NOT something I cared to discuss with my mother-in-law, but whenever I told her so she would get in a tiff and tell me that grandchildren were her “God-given right” and that she had every right to instruct us how to provide them.

Over time, Thelma let up on her verbal demands for grandchildren and instead tried scare tactics and guilt, suggesting that by the time we had children she would be too old or too dead to enjoy them; or that I would be too old to have a healthy baby.  Up until we started trying I was able to tune Thelma out, but now…

Tazi, Thelma thinks her son walks on water.  It tore my husband and me apart trying to decide whether or not to tell his mother we are infertile, but we finally did because of her hurtful barbs towards me.  When we did tell Thelma that we could not have a family through natural means she accused me of “wasting all of her son’s good sperm” and leaving “the duds” behind.  Could this woman be that ignorant in the ways of the world?  Or is she just lashing out at me in anger because she refuses to see any imperfection in her son? 

My husband insists his mother does not understand how the male reproductive system works and has asked me to explain it to her (he is too embarrassed to do it himself).  I say that Thelma knows perfectly well how the male pipes work and that talking to her about it will just set me up for more of Thelma’s abuse, which I am sick of taking.  My husband and I have agreed to listen to your advice and do as you suggest.  So, Tazi, what do you suggest?  And I mean in addition to a Paw Slap of Disgust for my mother-in-law?

Signed,

Plumbing Problems

Dear Plumbing Problems:

Please excuse me while I go wash out my ears with lye soap!  You might want to do the same to get the sound of your mother-in-law giving you advice on the best sexual position to conceive.  It is obvious that Thelma has had her heart set on having grandchildren for a very long time, so it is not you that she is upset with but the situation as a whole; you are just the target of her frustration, and maybe even sadness.  You do not mention if Thelma has any other children – or should I say, grandchildren providers – but if her son is her only hope for grandchildren and/or hope for carrying on the family name this puts additional stress upon Thelma’s hopes, and thus additional pressure on you to fulfill them.

I do not believe that Thelma has no knowledge of how the male reproductive system works; I think she is just so disappointed by your devastating news that she lashed out irrationally.  Haven’t you ever said something that makes no sense while in a fit of anger? 

Do I think that Thelma is undeservedly angry with you?  Yes, but she needs to be angry with someone and from the sound of your letter she would never make her son the target of her wrath.  Because of this, your husband needs to be the one who talks to his mother.  Your husband must be the one who explains to his mother that it was a mutual choice to wait to have children; that you were not the one holding all of the power in the matter of reproduction.  Most importantly, your husband needs to explain to his mother that although he is disappointed about not being able to father a biological child, he does not harbor ill feelings towards you for wanting to wait to start a family – that his low sperm count existed years ago, just as it exists now.  I also suggest that your husband have this conversation in private with his mother, so she can mourn her loss (and yes, it is a loss) without having to resist the urge to lash out at you.

I am heartened to see that you understand all that goes into adopting a child, and that you realize that a child is not a pet; you cannot return a child if you tire of caring for him or her, or if it becomes inconvenient for you to be a parent.  Although foster parenting is a wonderful calling, be certain to explore your reasoning for doing it; do you seek to make a difference in the lives of children in need or are you seeking to window shop for just the right adoptee?  Not all children in the foster care system are put up for adoption; in fact, the ultimate goal of foster care is to eventually see the children reunited with their birth parents or blood relatives, whenever that is possible.

I wish you luck in your difficult situation and hope that the lines of communication between you and Thelma can clear to the point where you understand each other’s motives.  I am hesitant to give her a Tazi Paw Slap of Disgust because, quite honestly, I think she is already hurting enough.  However, if you want to give her one yourself I will provide one to pass along:

Print, clip, and give to someone who richly deserves it!

Snuggles,

Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Special Edition: Tazi-Kat Takes On The "Bus Monitor Bullies" (And Their Parents!)

[Ed. Note: The YouTube video referred to is below. Understand that it is included for reference purposes only. The language used in it is very raw and not suitable for polite society].



Dear Readers:

My domestic tranquility has been disturbed by recent events, so I have decided that today I am going to use this forum to address the very serious problem of bullying in schools, specifically American middle schools and junior high schools. As a cat, I have a special understanding of bullying – we are the bullies of the animal world! What other animal will casually jump up on your dining table, stick their head in your plate, and start eating your food – and then scratch you if you dare try to push us away?

I understand the craziness of those teenage years; we have all been there. However, the craziness that prior generations experienced has been compounded by technology. Once upon a time embarrassing incidents reached a limited audience and could be quickly forgotten; now, they are videotaped using smart phones and uploaded to YouTube for the entire world to see. Today, I would like to speak of one particular bullying incident that has been uploaded to YouTube. I think you all know which one I am referring to: the bullied bus monitor, Karen Klein. I am hoping this message reaches those who were on the bus that day – those who participated in the bullying, and those who stood by and did nothing – as well as the parents of those students. This open letter is for them:

Hi! My name is Tazi-Kat, and I write an advice column for humans. I have dealt with many letters on various subjects, from how to hang the toilet paper (over or under) to important parenting issues. Today, I have an important question for you: Are the children in this video the type of person you raised your child to be? If so, this must be your proudest hour, and I congratulate you on reaching your penultimate goal of raising a self-centered bully who puts others down so they can feel good about themselves (or, as PeopleIWantToPunchInTheThroat.com would call them, a [feminine hygiene product] canoe. Yes, I was being kind just now; much worse things are being said about your child. Tell me, how does that make you feel? Offer as many excuses as you would like; I have heard them all before. The truth of the matter is that your child’s behavior rains shame upon you. That ugly, angry feeling you have in the pit of your stomach should be directed inward, not outward; there is no defense for how your child acted.

Your daughter called Miss Karen fat? I would like to see her figure after she has grown up and had a few children of her own. I want to be there when her husband tells her that she needs to lose weight because he no longer finds her sexually attractive and is embarrassed to be seen with her in public. If you think that no man would ever have the stones to do that, think again. I have received several letters on the subject, not just the one linked here. Mothers, maybe you should ask your husband what he honestly thinks of your figure. Or better yet, ask your child or any one of their friends who was on that bus – none of those kids seemed to have a problem with expressing their unvarnished opinions. Or is that kind of truth just too painful for you to hear? You may not be overweight, but I am certain you have some tender insecurities about your looks. How would you like it if your child exploited them for entertainment, and then posted video of it on the Internet? Do you now have an inkling of a clue as to the cruelty your precious child inflicted upon an elderly woman?

Before you say that your child would never have participated in such cruelty, listen closely to the video. Is your child’s voice on it? Is that their laughter? Every mother knows the sound of their own child, so do not try to deny what you are hearing. Even if it is not your child that you hear, all that this means is that he or she sat idly by and watched the abuse take place. Either way, you have done a bang-up job raising such a fine, upstanding young citizen! (I do hope that you understand my sarcasm. I would hate for this message to be lost to abject ignorance).

Speaking of this cruel video – which, in case you have not noticed, is over ten minutes long – I would like to know which child filmed it. Was it your child? I am wondering how you have decided to punish him or her. Please tell me that you have taken away their iPhone, or whatever smart phone they used to document and upload the entire event. Please tell me you have revoked their Internet access for even thinking it was okay to upload this type of filth to the web. Most of all, please tell me that you did not raise your child to be this kind of person. To paraphrase a line from the movie Animal House, inhumane and stupid is no way to go through life.

To those of you who sat and watched the bullying unfold, I have a few questions for you, too. Why did you just sit there? Were you afraid someone would start picking on you? Were you glad to see someone other than you was being bullied for a change? It takes a lot of courage to be a hero; courage that none of you have. Please do not try to defend your reputation now; your cowardice is painfully obvious. As news that you were on that bus travels (and believe me, it will travel) this event will become as painful for you as it was for Miss Karen. The world will know all of you for what you are: cowards and bullies, devoid of character. Care to put that nugget of information on your college application essay? I think that is something admissions counselors would like to know, so don’t try to pass yourselves off as anything different, or try to excuse your behavior as the folly of youth. The world looks poorly upon liars, too.

Last, but certainly not least, I would like to address the person in charge on that bus. No, not the bus monitor; the bus driver. I want to know what, in the name of all that is sacred, were you thinking! Why did you not stop the bus? Were you in a hurry to get home and watch Oprah re-runs? Miss Karen is your co-worker, your partner in keeping order on that bus! You did worse than those who sat back and did nothing – you just kept on truckin’, like nothing was out of order. You disgust me the most of all, because you are supposed to be the adult, yet you acted no better than any of the children in your charge. You could have stopped the abuse; taken names; and reported the incident to the school principal who had disciplinary jurisdiction over the matter. I guess getting home five minutes faster was more important to you than standing up for your co-worker, who was obviously raised during a time when women were taught to take the abuse rather than stand up to it. Your behavior perpetrates the cycle of abuse that needs to end. How does it feel to be a part of the problem? I hope your employer and union boss both remember this incident when it comes time to renew your contract.

I am fairly certain that my words will not reach the ears of those who need to hear them, and that even if they do those involved will probably fail to recognize their part in this travesty. However, just in case this letter does reach you, I want you to know that even in my anger I have remained relatively kind towards you; telling it like it is without the use of obscenities or sexual slurs (but only because I advertise a family-friendly column). I have said my piece, and am done. The rest of the world is prepared to spend the rest of your lives judging you, and the court of public opinion can be a lot harsher than I have been here. If you think I am exaggerating, think again. Thanks to that YouTube upload, your actions will be haunting you for the rest of your life. For Miss Karen’s sake, I hope that none of you ever decide to run for President while she is still alive because she does not need to relive the horror of that video being played over and over during your campaign, a tool of your opponent to remind the world of who you are and what you did. As it is, I am sure Miss Karen will be reliving the horror of it every day for a long time. The world can be a cruel place, but you do not need me to tell you that. I have a feeling you are about to find out on your own just how much the world hates someone who picks on a Grandma.

I hope that the $500,000+ in donations that Miss Karen has received, offered to finance a well-deserved retirement, is a reminder to her of the kindness of strangers; not the cruelty of acquaintances.

Extra Snuggles to Miss Karen; Paw-Slaps of Disgust to the rest of you (with my claws out),
Tazi
















Photo courtesy of ICanHasCheezeburger.com


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

EXTRA EDITION: Happy Smack A [French Word For Shower] Day!

Dear Readers:

Today is World Smack A [French Word For Shower] Day. Please celebrate accordingly, but safely. One never knows how a [French word for shower] will react at discovering the news that they are in fact a [French word for shower]. Now please excuse me, it's time for me to get my Tazi paw-slap on!



Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.