Cultural Insensitivity Results In Workplace Difficulties

Dear Tazi:

I work with a Latino woman I will call "Yolanda" - that's pronounced JO-lan-da, with a "J", and if you mispronounce her (real) name she will let you know it in front of anyone who might be listening. My name is "Chrissy", but Yolanda is constantly mangling it, calling me "Kree-see". When I try to correct her, she says I am being culturally insensitive and walks off in a huff - along with whatever questions or paperwork she had for me, which slows things up around the office.

Yolanda and I were recently assigned to work on a big project together - the kind that could bring me the big career break I have been hoping for for a long time now! Although I am very careful not to mispronounce Yolanda's name (and believe me, her real name is much easier to mispronounce), I occasionally slip and she dresses me down in front of our other team members. I got sick of this really quick and told her that my name is "Chrissy, not Kree-see" and that maybe she should work on her English. This comment got both of us a trip to the Human Resources department after she filed a complaint against me, again calling me "culturally insensitive".

Tazi, I felt like a kid being called into the principal's office! After hearing the whole story, the HR Director told us both that we need to bury the hatchet and work well together or that he will reassign both of us to a different project. He pointed out to Yolanda that she is doing the very thing that she gets upset with others over - mispronouncing names - and that I had every right to be upset about it. I did have to apologize for telling Yolanda to improve her English, though, which I did not think was very fair.

All went well for about a week, when I slipped on the pronunciation of Yolanda's name. She threatened to file charges of harassment against me, saying I was being emotionally abusive. I have told HR that she is the one who is being abusive and holding people to a double standard. HR reassigned me to a different project, but not Yolanda because her skills are needed more than mine on this project.

I have talked to an attorney, but he has said I have no case - that I cannot prove discrimination; that I was reassigned due to a personality conflict. All day, every day, I dream and pray that Yolanda will fall flat on her face and get fired. I know this is not very nice, but this project was suppose to be my big break! Can you think of any way to help me get over my anger and on with my life?

Signed,
Chrissy, Not Kree-see

Dear Chrissy, Not Kree-see:

I hate to break it to you, but you do sound a little insensitive. Telling a Latina to work on her English skills because she struggles to say your name properly is harsh. I realize hers is a double standard, but look at things from her point of view: She speaks with a thick Latin American accent, which means English is not her native language. She has probably worked very hard to learn the language, and you tell her she needs to work harder. That is cold. In her native language, the letter "Y" is pronounced as "J"; the fact that she has not Americanized her name leads me to believe that this is one of the few links to her culture that she still has...and every time you do not take the time to slow down and properly pronounce her name you are taking a small piece of that culture away from her. Now do you understand why she has told you your behavior is culturally insensitive?

The fact that Yolanda is valued for her skills should tell you that she is not going to be leaving the company any time soon; in fact, it could mean that she will be climbing the ladder of success while you are left on the bottom rung. Bilingual employees who are also skilled at what they do are a premium find! Are you certain you can afford to have Yolanda as an enemy?

You ask how you can get over your anger and get on with your life. I think that making peace with Yolanda would be the quickest way to do this. Try sending her an email asking to speak with her about your personal differences. Offer an apology for any unintended slights to her culture, and ask her to explain - slowly - the proper pronunciation of her name so you may learn it. In time, Yolanda's name will roll of of your tongue as easily as a Hawaiian can say "Queen Liliuokalani", and you will discover that forgiveness is the only thing that can heal an angry heart.

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Repost: Tazi's Corner #27 - On Taking Liberties With Spelling

Dear Readers,

As a cat I am known to have several pet peeves, usually revolving around the way you humans act; however, I have one peeve that this week rises above all other peeves. Today, I seek to address it, and so I ask: WHY do you keep altering the accepted spelling of your children’s names?

This year, the first baby born in my home state of Rhode Island was born to a high school student on her 18^th birthday. She lives with her unemployed aunt who, in spite of her own financial troubles, has graciously welcomed the baby with open arms. The way I see it, this child is going to have an uphill battle in life as it is without having his name spelled "Izzak", a “creative” (according to the Providence Journal) way of spelling the biblical name “Isaac”. Parents! What are you thinking when you do something like this?

I realize that we live in a world where we want our children to feel unique and stand out from the crowd. Giving a child a unique name can be a blessing or a curse, depending on what that name is. I use as a real life example one of my Mommie’s former co-workers, a man who wanted his son to have a unique name that nobody else had. He named the child “Nazik", insisting he made the name up himself; the large Arabic community of Southern New England could have told him differently. “Nazik” is in fact a popular girl’s name in Turkey and Armenia; it means “pretty” (I have also been told "pretty flower", which just makes it worse, but is unconfirmed. I do not know what happened to that kid, but strains of Johnny Cash’s A Boy Named Sue go through my head every time I think of him.

Creative spellings and creative names may make your child stand out in a crowd, but not necessarily in a good way. If people cannot pronounce your child’s name, they are less likely to be called upon – in school, at play, and in life in general. Rather than risk offending someone by mispronouncing a name, people will pass over them – be it for a play date or a job interview. Humans, like all animals, crave familiarity and comfort. You can still give your child a name that you think is unique (but is actually trendy), just don’t mess with the accepted spelling! As a Providence (RI) school teacher once commented, “I am left wondering if the parents are trying to be creative or if they are just illiterate”.

I believe this only works among adults...

Something we must remember is that language has rules set down in order to unify a people, not to divide them. When language becomes an impediment to understanding, rather than an aid, communication fails. When that fails, we might as well go our own way. Ghoti, anyone? (That's how I spell "fish"!).

Prior generations understood the importance of what was in a name, and the importance of communicating a name. Difficult to pronounce names (especially those of Jewish and Eastern European background) were "Americanized"; merchants changed the pronunciations and spellings of their last names to that which was familiar to their customers. This is a lesson we would do well to remember in our ever-globalizing world. As those who do not speak English as a native tongue work to learn the language, and seek to work more with Americans, confusing spellings will not give your child a leg up on the competition.

Just for fun - and to make my point interactive - to follow are a few of the more “creative” spellings and “unique” names I have gathered from family and friends who work with youth. How many can you immediately recognize? 

Mathew (Matthew traditionally has two “t”’s, but since this is the most innocuous, I list it here on principle, not out of disgust)

Jhaymes (James can be spelled with a “y”, but who puts an “h” in it?)

Aighmee (Not an acceptable spelling of “Amy” or “Aimee”, which means “friend” in French; be a friend to your child and correct this hideous spelling!)

Konner (Are you a Kardashian? Unlike the Icelandic alphabet, the Latin (aka Western) alphabet has the letter “C” in it; learn to use it!).

Jhéojhañâ (This unique name belongs to one of my readers. Can you pronounce it? Neither can anybody else; and it hindered her job search).  

Mikkaila (Michaela, the feminine of “Michael” has a few accepted spellings, but this is not one of them!).

Alexzandre (Alexander is a unique enough name as it is; there is no need to butcher the spelling to make him stand out on a crowd. Furthermore, the “x” already has a “z” sound, so there is no need for redundancy, and the transposed letters at the end will make people wonder if they have been affected with dyslexia!).

Sindy (Unless you are raising your daughter to work in a strip club, please use an accepted spelling of the name “Cindy” – unless you actually are Icelandic.).

Dafydd (Multiple Paw Slaps of Disgust to the idiot that thought up this spelling for “David”!).

Espn (I don’t care how much you love sports, don’t name your kid after the cable sports network ESPN! Just don’t!)

Jovanny (It took me a few minutes to figure out this illiterate spelling of “Giovanni”. Just call the kid “John”!).

And if you think that last one is bad, I have saved my favorite for last…

Le__a (It’s pronounced “LeDasha"; the dash is not silent).

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Dislike Of Name Drives Wedge Between Mother And Daughter

Dear Tazi:

My mother saddled me with a name I hate. I know it was my great-great-grandmother’s name, but “Mildred” is very old-fashioned sounding and makes me sound like I am eighty and not eighteen.  In high school I always went by my first initial, “M” and people thought my name was “Em” and that it was short for “Emily”.  Only people who had known me since I was a little kid knew I was really “Millie” (to them) and “Mildred” (to my Mom) and thankfully they kept quiet about it. I guess it’s because they had embarrassing secrets, too.

I moved away to college this year and everyone here knows me as “Em”. My mother recently came up for Parents Weekend and was very upset over this fact, and insisted on referring to me as “Mildred” the entire weekend, which confused people. When she said she was “Mildred’s Mom” nobody knew who she was talking about and she would get upset with me all over again.

Before she left for home on Sunday we had a huge fight over my name with Mom telling me how important my name was to her and that I should value it. I told her that I never knew my great-great-grandma Mildred and that the name may be important to her but it means nothing to me; that I have been “Em” for years now and that I would legally change it if she continues to give me [guff] about it. Obviously, Mom left in tears and I was left feeling like a jerk.

Tazi, short of taking on a name I hate is there any way to build a bridge between me and my Mom on this issue?

Signed,

“Em”

Dear “Em”:

A person’s name is something deeply personal to them, so to not like it can make for misery. My official name is King Nebuchadnezzar, and even though I love my name it is far too formal for everyday use so I go by “Tazi”, which fits me quite well! I can still humble others with a glance from my tower of Power, and that is what matters to me! Since you feel that Mildred does not fit you it is very reasonable that you would prefer to go by your first initial. Point to you on this one!

"King Nebuchadnezzar" on his throne

Obviously, Mildred is a name that is very important to your Mom; otherwise, she would never have graced you with this name. Her great-grandmother must have been someone very special to her! Point to Mom on this one!

You allude to the idea that your great-grandmother Mildred died before you were born and say that her name “means nothing” to you. Have you ever thought to ask your mother what made Granny Mildred such a special person? Maybe she was a suffragette in the fight for women’s rights; maybe she was a war widow who raised seven kids on her own; maybe she was just a sweet, little old woman who baked cookies every time her grandchildren came for a visit. The compromise you seek can be found in asking your Mom why her great-grandmother was such a special woman.

Once you understand the meaning behind your name, you might not mind it so much. In the meantime, I suggest you allow your mom to call you Mildred, since she is going to do it anyway. In return, ask that she respect your wish to be called “Em” among your friends.

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.