Great-Grandma Needs To Keep The Faith!

Dear Tazi:

I am a 92-years-old and a great-grandma, and I am concerned about the state of today’s youth and the world where they live. When I was a young mother the television shows we watched were wholesome, not the trash they have on today; our music was light and breezy and the lyrics were nothing like the smut they sing today; and our clothes covered up what was not meant to be seen!

I raised my children to be ladies and gentlemen and they turned out to be fine adults and good parents, and so did their children; but I still worry about how my great-grandchildren will turn out, what with the Internet being a part of their lives now. When I was young the birds were happy, not angry! Modern Warfare was something you tried to dodge, not a video game to play on your Xbox! Real Housewives were nothing like you see on TV! And if you were gay it meant you were happy, unlike those aforementioned birds of today!

I read your column every day, Tazi, down at the Senior Center where they have the Internet, and you give some good answers to some crazy problems! Other times, the questions people ask are the same issues I had to address when I was raising my children and I like to think how I would answer before reading what you have to say. Some things never change, do they? Sometimes, you have questions to problems my generation never had to ask but my great-grandchildren now do, and I worry about how they are going to act when they get a bit older. If I am still around when that happens, I would like to be able to offer them some good advice that isn’t dated. Do you have any to give so I can be prepared?

Signed,
Great-Grandma Sally

Dear Great-Grandma Sally:

I understand how shocking the culture of today must be for someone who was raised during the Great Depression and the Golden Days of Radio, but with time comes progress and with progress comes change; some of it welcome, some of it not-so-welcome, depending on your point-of-view. If you are remembering the 1950’s as “the good old days” you are probably white, middle-class, and heterosexual and certainly not a working class minority. For those who differed from the accepted ideal of the time, the “good old days weren’t always good”; to complete that unintentional Billy Joel lyric, “tomorrow is not as bad as it seems”.


Hey look! It's Billy Joel when he had hair!

What made your good old days good were the same things that make our current culture good: kindness and respect for others; good manners; a healthy curiosity for the world around us; the desire to make personal gains in life; charity towards others; and a sense of civic duty towards community and country.

If you seek to offer advice to your great-grandchildren, I suggest you give them the same advice you gave your own children, who raised the parents of your great-grandchildren. Whatever advice that was, by your own admission it seems to have worked, since they all grew up to be “fine adults and good parents”. Most problems that humans face are really same, deep down, that prior generations faced; the only difference is that they have been updated to reflect the changes to our broader and more open society.

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Student Dreams Of Being A Successful Writer; Asks Tazi How

Dear Tazi:

I am a senior in high school, and I love to write. It doesn't matter what kind of writing it is (creative or non-fiction, poetry, journalism, short-stories), I just enjoy the creative process and emotional release it offers. I would like to be a professional writer one day; but the problem is, I think I might not be that good of a writer.

My parents have never allowed me to take writing classes as electives, preferring I take extra science and math courses so I have never had any formal training. My school has a literary magazine that is published twice yearly, but my stuff has never been chosen for publication. It is a blind process (the selection committee does not see who wrote what), so I know it is not a popularity contest, with the most popular kids getting their stuff published...I just feel like maybe I am chasing a dream that will never be realized. I could self-publish, but that stuff is done on consignment and I do not want to invest my college money into something that may flop big time.

I will be going to college next year, and I know that the school I will be attending has a required freshman writing class where I can learn what I am doing wrong, but I would like to major in writing and I am just not certain if I am good enough to do it. I love your column, Tazi; it is so creative and is always fun to read. You have mentioned in the past that you sometimes have to re-work the letters for structure, to make them easier to read, and it is obviously working - I have seen your page view map and people from all over the world read your column! Do you have any tips on how I can be a better writer? I have enclosed a few samples of my stuff for you to review, if you don't mind.

Signed,
Future Rowling, Collins, Or Meyer...I Hope!

Dear Future Rowling, Collins, Or Meyer:

Oh, my! You do seem to have an appreciation for current popular fiction! Have you discovered any classic authors yet? My favorite is T.S. Eliot, who wrote about cats. Lloyd Alexander did the same, although his work was geared more towards children. I also enjoy Stephen King - my favorite is Pet Semetary, which features a zombie cat. I am somewhat obsessed with my own kind, as all cats tend to be obsessed with themselves; at least us male cats. Female cats tend to be more nurturing. Speaking of nurturing versus self-centered, my lady friend came by to visit tonight; but I was too busy napping to pay her any mind...but I digress, which happens often when I am writing. I was supposed to address your question, wasn't I?

The above paragraph is an example of my unedited work. Did you notice how I started to ramble off topic? Did you lose interest, because my writing was turning into a self-absorbed soliloquy? I left the above paragraph unedited to show the importance of editing, which is the greater part of successful writing. So often, when we write, we cannot see past our own point-of-view. We fall in love with what we have written and cannot see the need to edit it - we assume that it will be of such great interest to others, too, and declare our first draft to be perfection! So why mess with it, right? Because - to be quite honest - a first draft is something nobody but the writer (and possibly the writer's Grandma) will find fascinating. Most people find a first draft of something confusing or downright uninteresting - both of which can be hard to follow.

Successful writing is like successful cooking - you can't just throw all of your ingredients in one pot, stir, and serve. You have to add the right elements at the proper time, taste-test to make sure you have the right blend, and then walk away to allow the flavors to blend and marinate in their own juices. When you write, you take an idea and work on developing it, adding background to the story-line and deciding on where the plot is going by creating an outline of the story.

As your idea develops, you add the plot points in at the proper time to ensure continuity. Then, when you think you have everything in place, you write a rough draft and then walk away from it, to let it sit and allow your excitement over your creation to dissipate. Return when you feel you can view your work with a critical - but not overly judgmental - eye. You will notice changes that need to be made to make things flow better and to make for a more interesting experience for the reader. Once you finish your second draft, put it aside and then lather, rinse, repeat! If you feel additional changes are not needed, run your work by someone in your potential audience who would be willing to evaluate it and give you constructive criticism; make further edits based upon the comments you receive. As you can see, several drafts may be needed before you reach a final, finished product.

Once you reach your end-point with a particular piece, compare the completed work with the first draft and make notes on what was changed, what was kept, and what was completely eliminated. Over time, you will see a pattern developing and you will be able to learn more about your strengths and weaknesses as a writer, building towards the success you seek.

Do not feel discouraged by the process, or by those who make the process look easy - writers who declare their work to be perfect on the first try and/or who pump out stuff overnight very rarely receive wide, sustained, commercial success for their work. For more tips on commercially successful writing, visit People I Want To Punch In The Throat: My Blogging Advice. By pure chance, her blog today happens to be on how she has managed to successfully (read: go viral and get paid) work as a professional freelance writer.

Snuggles,
Tazi

P.S. with regard to your writing samples: Vampires have been overdone. Try not to stand on the shoulders of giants, but to build your own ladder to reach the stars. The full narratives are somewhat disjointed - especially the two poems you included to start and end of the story. They are obviously quite personal; perhaps a little too personal, as one would have to be able to crawl inside your mind to fully understand their meaning.


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Ed and Eleanor Offer 10 Tips For A Happy and Lasting Marriage!

Dear Tazi:

My husband and I are faithful readers of your column, and hope that you will continue to write it for many years to come!  We enjoy reading aloud to each other over breakfast (we have iPads) and take turns trying to guess what you will say – and if you will pull out your famous Paw Slap of Disgust!  Hubby and I especially love your relationships columns – the Elf on the Shelf on the Toilet letter is a particular favorite of ours – and we decided to write a list of rules for a happy marriage.  We are hoping that you will print them for us! 

Ed and Eleanor’s 10 Rules for a Happy, Lasting Marriage

1.       Occasionally, it is okay to go to bed angry.  A good night’s sleep can make for a different perspective on things.

2.       Never take your spouse for granted.  Tell them that you love them. Hold hands.  Hug.  Sit next to each other when watching TV, and not across the room. Compliment a dinner well made or a repair well done. Make them feel loved and appreciated.

3.       Keep both joint and separate money accounts.  Bill paying and savings accounts should always be joint; mad money accounts should be separate. 

4.       Know the difference between privacy and secrets.  Privacy is wanting the bathroom door closed while you are using it; secrecy is taking the telephone in there with you.  Respect each other’s privacy, but don’t keep secrets from each other.

5.       Work hard enough to make a living but no so much you can’t make time for a life.  A big house in the “right” neighborhood is nice, but not if paying for it leaves no time for each other and no money for a vacation.

6.       Don’t let the little things annoy you.  Raised toilet seats and un-starched collars are not the end of the world.  When your spouse is gone, you will surely miss these things, so don’t yell at them over it now.

7.       Treat your spouse like an adult, not like one of your children; act like an adult, and not like one of your children.

8.       Put the needs of your marriage first at all times.  The kids may want a Disney vacation, but the marriage may need a week away sans children.  Plan accordingly.

9.       Change the toilet paper roll when it is low/empty.  It is the little things we do that can make a big difference to the next person who comes along.

10.   Don’t over-communicate.  Sharing the highlights of your day makes it easier for your spouse to enjoy hearing about your day.

Sincerely,

Ed and Eleanor

Dear Ed and Eleanor:

What wonderful tips for happiness and harmony!  I am printing your tips and am grateful for them because MY MOMMIE IS GETTING MARRIED! Whew! I have been dying to announce that!

I think this article should be printed out and taped to the refrigerator of every married couple in the world! I especially love Tip #10; many of the letters I receive must be edited for length and content (too much of each!). 

Readers, what are your favorite tips?  Do you have any to add? 

Snuggles,

Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

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Barb-Throwing Father-In-Law A Menace To Young Family

Dear Tazi:

You have got to be the sweetest kitty-cat on the face of the earth, taking time out of your busy nap schedule to help us humans with our problems. Will you please help me with mine?

My father-in-law, "Chuckie" is an absolute nightmare. The man is mentally abusive, and gets off on making people cry. When I first met my husband, he told me to my face that I wasn't good enough for his son, "Barry". At our wedding (mine and Barry's) Chuckie stood up as if to toast us and announced he was starting a betting pool on how long our marriage would last, inviting the guests to place their wagers. When I got pregnant with our first child, Chuckie asked Barry (to both of our faces) if he was sure it was his kid, since "your wife is such a slut"! Tazi, I am not a slut and yes, the child is Barry's!

I am now pregnant with my second child (my first is almost two) and Chuckie is at it again, telling Barry that I will be "two tons of fun" after our second child is born, based on the fact that I did not lose the last 10 pounds from my first pregnancy. I know that my husband loves me unconditionally - and he has told me as much, in case I did not - but the stress of being around Chuckie is taking its toll on me. I do not want him visiting the house (he complains that I am a poor housekeeper, which I am not) and I do not want him around the children. My husband feels the same way, but will not stand up to his father and allows him to see our young son whenever he wants, which means Chuckie is over all the time.

I have tried kicking Chuckie out but he refuses to leave, saying "[his] son's paycheck pays the mortgage", and until Barry kicks him out he will "stay as long as he [darn] well pleases!" He then taunts me, telling me to "call the cops" if I don't like it. I am sorely tempted to do just that, but I know that it would only put my husband deeper into the middle of the problem; maybe even forcing him to choose between his father and me. Do you have any less drastic suggestions?

Signed,
Not Perfect, But Perfect For Barry

P.S. Barry's mother passed away years ago, so I cannot seek her out for assistance!

Dear Not Perfect...:

Does Chuckie have a key to your house? If so, change your locks; and do not open the door to him when he stops by to see your child. That solves the problem of his invading your home when his son is not there. If Chuckie comes there when your husband is home, that makes him a guest of your husband - not you, so feel free to take your child out to the park, for ice-cream, on errands, or whatever excuse you need to get the two of you out of the house while Chuckie is there. This allows for you and your husband to execute your desire to keep the children from Chuckie without putting your husband in the position of standing up to his father. (A Tazi Paw Slap of Disgust to him for not standing up for you, though!).

If Chuckie complains that you do not allow him to visit the children, tell him why you are keeping them from him: because he is mentally abusive, and you will not have them learning such atrocious habits. Once Chuckie sees that his comments are not playful or fun (as I am sure he sees them) and that hurling them at you will have negative consequences for him, he may decide to lighten up a bit. If he does not, continue to do what you must to protect your children from Chuckie's hateful and hurtful behavior, even if it means allowing only minimal (and always supervised) contact with him.

As for the insults Chuckie hurls at you in front of your husband: turn the insults around. If Chuckie calls you a slut, tell him that Barry got his taste in women from his father. If Chuckie calls you a bad housekeeper, hand him a mop and challenge him to do better. If Chuckie calls you fat, tell him that "not everyone can carry all their fat between their ears like you", implying that he is a "fathead". In time, you will learn how to stand up for yourself; and your father-in-law will either let up on the insults, having felt their sting; or you will discover that he enjoys the barb-throwing - at which point you will need to decide whether or not to ignore him.

Snuggles,
Tazi

P.S. Thank you for all the lovely compliments! I do appreciate them! Purrrrrrrr....


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

A Lack Of Self-Confidence Can Be Overcome With Practice

Dear Tazi:

Where do you find the confidence to be you? I look at your profile picture of you sitting in what you call your "Tower of Power" and you just ooze confidence. I read your column every day, and you always have the best answers to the problems people have.

I would love to have your confidence and self-assurance, but I always feel like I am not quite good enough at what I do to excel at it. I would like to have your confidence. Can you tell me your secret?

Signed,
Dorothy, Small and Meek

Dear Dorothy, Small and Meek:

You want me to teach you how to Tazi? Hmmmmm....well, since I adore your Wizard of Oz reference, I will let you in on a little secret: I am actually a very shy little scardey-cat who runs and hides under the bed at the slightest of loud noises. My list of fears includes the sound of a flushing toilet, large bugs, and the chihuahua who lives next door - even though I outweigh him by 5 pounds. My brave self-confident appearance is a front I put up because if I act brave, I don't always have to be brave!

From the sound of your letter, you have low self-esteem. Talking to a trained counselor could help you discover why you have such a low opinion of yourself, which would give you a starting point on learning to love yourself. Once you learn how to do that, you will realize that you are worthy of all of the wonderful things life has to offer - and may even find yourself gravitating towards adventure, like me! Today I went outside even though it was raining! For a cat, this is a big step! You don't have to start this big; you can start small by rewarding yourself with a special treat when you feel you have done a good job on something. Not a great job, mind you; a good job is enough to earn a reward. In time, you will find those rewards inspire you to see greatness in all that you undertake.

The great thing about confidence is that it can be faked until you start to feel the real thing; and one good way to learn it is by faking it! Here are some tips on how to look confident, even if you don't feel confident:

Stand up straight and tall. Have you ever noticed how a cat will arch its back when it feels threatened? This is our way of standing up straight and tall, and believe me it gets respect!

Look people in the eye. If you are not comfortable doing this, look at the bridge of their nose. From a distance of eighteen inches or more they will not be able to tell the difference. (Try it, it's fun!).

Speak in an even tone. This one may take practice, but if you speak in a calm, even tone of voice it will calm your nerves, which will increase your confidence, as well as soothe the person to whom you are speaking. A calm listener is a non-threatening listener.

Visualize yourself accomplishing great things. When you have some time to yourself, close your eyes and picture yourself accomplishing your dreams - from the smallest of hopes to the wildest of fantasies. Seeing our goals helps us to accomplish them.

Believe in yourself. There is an expression that states, "Whether you believe you can or cannot, you are right!" As cheesy as that sounds, it's true.

Surround yourself with positive people. Nothing will drain your confidence and self-respect quicker than people who work to bring you down, so don't give them the chance to do it.

With practice, these tips can help you to feel more confident as well as look more confident. I cannot guarantee that you will have the confidence of a cat - that's a pretty tall order - but you should find yourself better able to function under stress.

Snuggles,
Tazi



Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Milk Is Expensive; Should He Buy The Cow?

Dear Tazi:

Do you know the expression "Why buy the cow when milk is so cheap?" Well, milk is no longer cheap. In fact, the price of it is continuously climbing, with the price of local, organic milk topping $7.00 a gallon!

I live in a rural area, and would like to buy a cow in order to produce my own fresh, organic milk. The cost of the cow would be amortized over the years and, in the end, I believe the cost of owning and caring for a milking cow will be cheaper than continuing to buy milk. My wife says I am crazy, and refuses to even consider my plan. She likes you, Tazi, and always says your advice is spot-on, so I know she will listen to you if you agree with me about buying a cow. What do you say? Cats like milk!

Signed,
Milk Lover

Dear Milk Lover:

You are really talking about milk, right; and not a metaphor for something else? And for the record, a cat's love of milk is an old wives tale. Most cats lack both the ability to taste sweet foods and to digest lactose. If offered milk, most of us cats will drink it for the moisture and promptly get sick.

I just re-read your letter to make sure I wasn't missing anything - you really are considering buying a cow? - and have to ask if you have considered all the angles, including the facts that:

1) a cow has to be milked every day, 2 - 3 times a day, so long as she is producing.

2) a cow is a mammal, and like all mammals does not produce milk (without chemical encouragement) unless she is lactating - which requires her to have recently calved and be regularly pumped in order to keep producing, lest her milk start to dry-up.

3) a good producer can produce 8 - 10 gallons of milk per day; so unless you are Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar or you are planning on sharing your product with the neighbors, you are going to be drowning in milk.

It is possible to purchase a genetically hybridized cow that is smaller and therefore produces only 1 - 2 gallons of milk per day; but you imply a preference for organic milk, so I am not certain this would be the avenue for you to take. WikiHow offers detailed information on how to keep a milking cow, including important considerations on feeding, grazing, and medical care (did you factor veterinary bills into your amortization?).

If at the very least you are not willing to wake every morning at 5 AM to milk your cow - no days off, no holidays, no vacations, and no sleeping-in - and rush home after work every evening to milk her again (no drinks with friends or working overtime), then you should not be entertaining the idea of getting a dairy cow. This is in addition to all of the other responsibilities that come with owning a farm animal. Milk is suddenly looking a whole lot cheaper, huh?

If it is fresh, local, organic milk you seek for a reasonable price you could probably buy it directly from a local diary farmer. Many rural areas have local farms that sell their product to large, commercial dairy producers - a solution to your problem that is much cheaper than buying the cow.

Snuggles to you and your wife,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Neighbor's Yard Is Not The Place To Drop Your Dog's Droppings!

Dear Tazi:

I have a neighbor who allows his dog to relieve itself on my lawn.  This neighbor is not even courteous enough to pick up his dog’s droppings – he just leaves them there for me.  The worst part?  My neighbor owns a Saint Bernard, so the droppings are enormous. 

I know that you addressed this issue once before – and suggested that the homeowner gather the feces for delivery to the dog owner’s yard – but I get sick to my stomach just approaching the droppings.  The smell and the texture turn my stomach.  I am an elderly woman and do not have the strength to lift a large shovel that would put some distance between me and the offending product, and I do not have the extra money to spend on a Pooper Scooper – besides, it should be the dog owner’s financial responsibility, not mine.  I hate to bother the Sherriff’s office with such a trivial matter, but it is not trivial to me!  My granddaughter told me to ask myself, “What would Tazi do?” which is how I discovered your charming column, so I am asking: What would you do, Tazi?

Signed,

Grandma Minnie

Dear Grandma Minnie:

First, I would jump in your lap for a nice big cuddle!  Grandmas make for the best cuddles! 

Next, I would show you a copy of this blog post by Publicly Painful, so you would know that you are not alone in your problem; then, I would call the Sherriff’s office and file a complaint against the dog owner.  Your problem is not trivial to you, and as a taxpayer you have every right to utilize the services of local law enforcement to protect your property and peace of mind. 

What your neighbor is doing is probably against the law – most municipalities have laws about cleaning up your dog droppings.  These laws exist for several reasons; aside from aesthetics it is important to clean up domestic droppings because it attracts rats.  That’s right!  Rats eat dog poop – as well as other nasty stuff.  Why do you think they live in the sewers?  Your neighbor is leaving a steaming pile of trouble on your front lawn; the Sherriff’s office can see to it that this (comparatively) small problem does not get any bigger.  Have courage and your problem will be taken care of by those with the authority to do it!

Snuggles,

Tazi

P.S.  The original letter was about a cat, but thank you for reading it!  Your interest is appreciated! --T.K.


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Marital Stress On The Mend Thanks To A Tazi Suggestion!

Dear Tazi:

I want to thank you for the advice you gave about “Fred” and his Elf of the Shelf antics. You told the letter writer if Fred’s forgetfulness about lowering the toilet seat was “the biggest problem in her marriage” she should consider herself lucky. Your advice has me looking at my marriage in a whole new way.

My husband of seven years, “Barry”, is a plumber. This is the second marriage for both of us, so we are not young kids with stars in our eyes. Every day Barry returns home from work and his clothes are filthy, smelly, or otherwise in need of laundering. Barry does his best to aim for the laundry hamper when changing, but misses almost every time. He claims that when he gets home from work all he wants to do is toss off his clothes and relax; that he spends the greater part of his day kneeling under sinks, next to toilets, or working on underground pipes and the last thing he wants to do is bend over to pick his laundry up off of the floor. He feels that the fact that he makes an effort should count for something.

Barry’s attitude would annoy me to no end, especially since I am a busy stay-at-home Mom (we both have custody of our teenage children) who works hard to keep the house clean and presentable, in addition to everything else that must be done to keep the household running smoothly. I had reached the point where I was ready to blow my stack with him when my mother forwarded me a link to your Elf on the Shelf on the toilet letter. I showed the letter to Barry and asked if this was what was becoming of us – were we turning into a couple who fought against each other instead of with each other?

Thanks to your column, Barry and I had a long talk. He felt that I did not appreciate how hard he worked and how achy his muscles were when he returned home; I felt that he was being disrespectful of how hard I worked to keep the house looking nice for him. Together, we talked through our aggravation and have been working on improving our relationship, working with each other instead of against each other. It has only been six weeks, but Barry’s “aim” has greatly improved and he is even keeping a score-sheet to record how many “points” he scores. Turning this chore into a game has improved both of our moods, and should Barry lapse I remind myself, as I pick up his clothes without complaint, that my marriage could have much bigger problems. Our children have all noticed the difference in our attitudes, and have commented on how much happier we seem since starting “Laundry Basketball” and have suggested other “games” to make the drudgery of chores fun.

Thank you, Tazi!

Sincerely,
Happily Married The 2nd Time Around

Dear Happily Married The 2nd Time Around:

I am so happy to hear that my column assisted you through your marital stress! It is rewarding to know that my little kitten self played a small part in helping you with the heavy lifting of improving your relationship with your husband. I am purring all over!

I like to think Vince Lombardi came back as a cat

Please spread the word that www.asktazi.com is the place to go for advice, entertainment, and a little break from your own reality!

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Bad Memory Can Be Compensated For With A Few Small Tricks

Dear Tazi:

I have a horrible habit of losing things. Car keys, sunglasses, my wallet – even my car at the mall! I usually manage to find whatever I am missing, and it is generally in the strangest places (sunglasses in the freezer; my wallet in the glove compartment of the car; my car keys in the linen closet).

My most recent loss is the dearest of all. I have misplaced my wedding and engagement rings, and I cannot find them anywhere! I have checked all of the usual places, but to no avail. I remember taking it off to wash the dishes, so I took apart the pipes to make certain it had not gone down the drain (it did not). I checked the dish towel on the counter, but my ring was not wrapped in that; I checked the laundry hamper but it was not there, either. My husband has asked me why I am not wearing my rings, and I told him my fingers are swollen from the humidity (I live in the Midwest and we are experiencing a brutal heat-wave). My excuse is plausible, so he has not asked any more questions, but I hate lying to my husband!

Tazi, do you have any suggestions on how to improve my memory; as well as any suggestions as to where I should look for my rings?

Snuggles to you,
Forgetful Frannie

Dear Forgetful Frannie:

Has it occurred to you that your husband may have already found your rings and is holding them, waiting for you to admit to him that you misplaced them? This could explain why your rings have seemingly disappeared into thin air. I appreciate the snuggles, so I will not chide you too harshly about lying to your spouse; no paw slaps for you, just a gentle nudge in the right direction. I suggest that you tell your husband the truth and search together for your missing rings. You may be surprised to find them in your husband’s sock drawer.

As for your problem with memory and the odd places your belongings finally show up, your problem is not an uncommon one. Some people’s brains are hard-wired differently, and to them it makes perfect sense to put the car keys in the freezer. Many of us (on more than one occasion) have accidentally thrown food in the trash can and put garbage in the refrigerator. This is an example of misfiring synapse that occurs when our brains are over-stimulated as we attempt to multi-task.

You ask for suggestions on how to improve your memory, and I unfortunately have none. Difficulties with the brain are notoriously difficult to solve. I can suggest that, when you lose something, you start your search for it by looking in all of the unusual places. Once you find your lost item, write down the location where you found it and post the note to your refrigerator door. If you lose things as often as you imply, you should have a nice sized list in no time at all and will be able to see if there is a pattern to your behavior. Do you frequently put the car keys in the freezer? If so, this should be the first place you look for them; ditto with other items that show a regular location pattern. In a short enough time you should be able to quickly find your misplaced items – with the exception of your car at the mall. I suggest you write down the section where your car is parked, and put the note where you will not lose it.

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

EXTRA EDITION: A Happy Birthday Wish To Tazi From His Mommie

Dear Readers:

This is "Tazi's Mommie". I am hijacking this space today to wish my cat a very happy birthday! My "little cat" is nine years old today! Where did the years go? It seems like just yesterday he stuck his paw out of that shelter cage and hooked me - literally and figuratively. One look into that adorable kitten - with his paw-claw on my shirt sleeve and his eyes looking up at me - told me I had to take him home. I have no children, so Tazi became my surrogate.

Few of us know the actual birthday of our rescue pets, and I am no exception. According to the vet, Tazi was born sometime in late June. Tazi was born the year my beloved dog Jellybean died, also in late June. I assigned Tazi this birthday to commemorate the day my Jellybean passed - as one life ends, a new one begins; the circle continues.

Although I grew up with pets, Tazi-Kat has brought more joy to my life than I ever imagined an animal could. He is 12 1/2 pounds of snuggles, adventure, and mischief. (He should be 10 pounds of snuggles, adventure, and mischief which is why he is currently on a diet). Whoever said that black cats bring bad luck has never met my Tazi-Kat. He is the most loving cat I have ever met, and I am blessed to be his caretaker and human companion. I would say "owner", but can anyone ever truly own a cat?

Thank you for indulging me on this special day!

"Tazi's Mommie"


Happy Birthday, Tazi!!



Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Husband Turns The Tables On Wife's Power Ranger Crush

Dear Tazi:

I started reading your column on the advice of a friend, and have been working my way through your "Past Missives of Great Import". When I got to the letter about the man whose wife is obsessed with Puss in Boots, I knew that I had to write to you.

My wife is also obsessed with a fictional character; in "Betty's" case, it is the Red [Mighty Morphin] Power Ranger. Betty is close to a decade younger than me, and grew up watching Mighty Morphin Power Rangers and "Jason" (that's the red Power Ranger's real name) was her first crush. Betty has held onto her Power Ranger fantasy and often delves into her childhood by watching reruns of the show, usually with a dreamy look on her face whenever Jason is on screen. Thanks to Netflix and OnDemand, Betty can get her fix pretty much any time she cares.

At first I was quite upset with Betty's obsession with "another man", but then I realized that she swooned over this Red Power Ranger not because of the way he fills out a Spandex® suit but for the qualities he embodies: bravery, loyalty, and chivalry. Seeing this, I realized that I often fell short in these areas. How often did I ignore my wife's requests to come kill a large spider for her? How many times did I leave her to make Sunday plans with her Mom because I was too busy watching the game on TV? When was the last time I held a door open for her or surprised her by taking her out to dinner for no reason other than she deserved a break from the kitchen?

For her birthday this past November, I surprised her by dressing up as the Red Power Ranger (the Spandex® did not look as good on me, but Betty did not seem to mind). I dashed into the house with flowers in hand, swooped my wife up in my arms, told her that I loved her and that I wanted to be her hero! Since that day, I have made the extra effort to pay attention to my wife's needs, and have found that my needs are getting extra attention as well (*wink**wink*). As for the Power Ranger costume, let's just say it is being put to good use!

Signed,
Jason's Replacement

Dear Jason's Replacement:

Thank you for sharing your story! In my original letter, I suggested that the husband work to embody some of Puss' more endearing traits. I am glad to see that such a suggestion can yield positive results. I just hope that your Red Power Ranger suit is not making too regular an appearance, lest your wife start to prefer you in it over regular clothing!

Snuggles,
Tazi