A Lack Of Self-Confidence Can Be Overcome With Practice

Dear Tazi:

Where do you find the confidence to be you? I look at your profile picture of you sitting in what you call your "Tower of Power" and you just ooze confidence. I read your column every day, and you always have the best answers to the problems people have.

I would love to have your confidence and self-assurance, but I always feel like I am not quite good enough at what I do to excel at it. I would like to have your confidence. Can you tell me your secret?

Signed,
Dorothy, Small and Meek

Dear Dorothy, Small and Meek:

You want me to teach you how to Tazi? Hmmmmm....well, since I adore your Wizard of Oz reference, I will let you in on a little secret: I am actually a very shy little scardey-cat who runs and hides under the bed at the slightest of loud noises. My list of fears includes the sound of a flushing toilet, large bugs, and the chihuahua who lives next door - even though I outweigh him by 5 pounds. My brave self-confident appearance is a front I put up because if I act brave, I don't always have to be brave!

From the sound of your letter, you have low self-esteem. Talking to a trained counselor could help you discover why you have such a low opinion of yourself, which would give you a starting point on learning to love yourself. Once you learn how to do that, you will realize that you are worthy of all of the wonderful things life has to offer - and may even find yourself gravitating towards adventure, like me! Today I went outside even though it was raining! For a cat, this is a big step! You don't have to start this big; you can start small by rewarding yourself with a special treat when you feel you have done a good job on something. Not a great job, mind you; a good job is enough to earn a reward. In time, you will find those rewards inspire you to see greatness in all that you undertake.

The great thing about confidence is that it can be faked until you start to feel the real thing; and one good way to learn it is by faking it! Here are some tips on how to look confident, even if you don't feel confident:

Stand up straight and tall. Have you ever noticed how a cat will arch its back when it feels threatened? This is our way of standing up straight and tall, and believe me it gets respect!

Look people in the eye. If you are not comfortable doing this, look at the bridge of their nose. From a distance of eighteen inches or more they will not be able to tell the difference. (Try it, it's fun!).

Speak in an even tone. This one may take practice, but if you speak in a calm, even tone of voice it will calm your nerves, which will increase your confidence, as well as soothe the person to whom you are speaking. A calm listener is a non-threatening listener.

Visualize yourself accomplishing great things. When you have some time to yourself, close your eyes and picture yourself accomplishing your dreams - from the smallest of hopes to the wildest of fantasies. Seeing our goals helps us to accomplish them.

Believe in yourself. There is an expression that states, "Whether you believe you can or cannot, you are right!" As cheesy as that sounds, it's true.

Surround yourself with positive people. Nothing will drain your confidence and self-respect quicker than people who work to bring you down, so don't give them the chance to do it.

With practice, these tips can help you to feel more confident as well as look more confident. I cannot guarantee that you will have the confidence of a cat - that's a pretty tall order - but you should find yourself better able to function under stress.

Snuggles,
Tazi



Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Every Day Is A New Opportunity For Change

Dear Tazi:

I hate my life. I feel like all I do is work to pay the bills, just to survive, with nothing left over for fun. I am not very pretty, and I am not very bright, so I don’t have too many friends. I had a boyfriend once, but it didn’t last very long because being with me reminded him that I was the best he could get. That depressed him, so he left. I try to talk to people over the Internet, in chat rooms or in RPG’s [role paying games] but it turns out that I am not very interesting. I never know what to say so nobody wants to chat with me. I have thought about writing a blog, just so I can feel like someone out there is listening to me, but I am not a very good writer. In fact, it seems like the only thing I am good at is complaining how horrible my life and everything in it is.

 I am not depressed, Tazi. I got screened for that and the doctors told me my problem was low self-esteem and a lack of personal interests. They suggested counseling, which I tried but didn’t like. The person I saw told me I needed to try and change what I did not like about my life, and that just seemed too hard. My dream is to win the Powerball and change my life with plastic surgery – liposuction, breast implants, collagen, whatever it takes to make me beautiful and interesting. Do you think this dream is out of reach, Tazi?

Signed,
Boring Betty

Dear Boring Betty:

Your life doesn’t sound like a happy one, but your counselor was correct: only you have the power to change it. You pack a lot of information into one long paragraph, so I will try to address each of your concerns one at a time.

1. You say that you are not that pretty and are not that bright. I say that everyone is beautiful in their own way, and that inner beauty is what matters the most. Try to find yours, and let it shine through to light your world.

2. You feel like you never have enough money for fun. In this economy, a lot of people feel that way. If costs are overwhelming you, maybe you should consider living in a roommate or boarding house situation. This would cut your rent by at least half, leaving money left over for fun. Plus, you would not be all alone all of the time!

3. You mention that your boyfriend left you and you cannot make friends in chat rooms. Your boyfriend left for reasons that belong to him, not you. Don’t make his problems your own. Do not take credit for his worsening self-esteem issues! As for making friends in chat rooms, sometimes the best friends are the ones who sit back and listen to what others are saying. The more you listen – really listen, and not tune out – the easier it will be to think of a reply.

4. If you want to start a blog, start one! You say that you are only good at complaining about how horrible your life is. Write about that! Use your blog as on online outlet to vetch! It’s fun, it’s free, and people seem to enjoy this kind of stuff. Be the voice others want to hear! If nothing else, it might brighten your mood.

If you do not know how to write, a good way to learn is to take a course in online writing. You could apply for financial assistance to pay for it, so it will not cost you a dime and you will learn how to create a quality blog that people will want to read. This path will also get you out of the house and among other people with similar interests as you.

5. Winning the Powerball is not something you can plan on, so do not base your future on it happening. It will only depress you further.

6. Plastic surgery will only change what is on the outside. Until you learn to love yourself on the inside no amount of physical changes will bring you happiness. Create your own reality and happiness will follow.

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

"Average" Person Doesn't Know How Special She Really Is!

Dear Tazi-Kat:

I am an average person. I have an average income for someone my age, I am average looking, I live in an average neighborhood, drive an average car...I could go on and on, but I think you get the picture: I am boring. My best friend "Kate" is the exact opposite of me. Kate is fascinating. She is the woman that every person wants as their best friend - why she picked me, I have no idea. Kate is the woman who always looks completely put-together from the moment she rolls out of bed; I am the woman who looks like she could use a makeover. Kate is the woman who leads a charmed life; I am the woman who struggles to accomplish mediocrity.

Kate gets straight A's in school with what appears to be minimal effort. She is organized and disciplined without being a total geek; she has her choice of guys to date, but says she does not have time for a serious commitment, and does not wish to involve herself in a casual relationship. In other words, she is single by choice. Kate is the leader of every cool committee or club in school, and she manages to delegate responsibility so well that people actually want to do the work for her - she never has to beg people or do more than her share of work because it did not get done by those who fell through on their word. Every promise people make to Kate is honored.

The other day, Kate confided in me that she is feeling "rather blue"; that her life is not what she would like it to be and that she feels like she cannot be herself any more - like she has to be the person people have come to think she is at all times. Quite honestly, I was shocked because she makes it look so easy; and even though I hate to admit it, I was glad that Kate is unhappy. I mean, why should one person get to hog all the happiness? I realize this makes me a horrible friend, and I would like to somehow get over these feelings. I have no money for counseling, and would feel weird talking to a total stranger. A cat on the other hand...well, talking to a cat feels right. Can you offer me any words of advice, Tazi-Kat?

Signed,
Average Jo

Dear Average Jo:

As a cat, I can understand why you would be jealous of your friend Kate because many people are jealous of me and the life that I lead. Because I am a house-cat, people assume that my life is all naps, treat, soft blankets, more naps, and play-time; but I do have some very serious responsibilities! I keep the backyard rodent population under control, guard my Mommie while she sleeps, and tolerate all of the hugs and snuggles household visitors seek of me. On top of all this, there are times when I would actually like some affection but everyone is too busy to give me some! Has it occurred to you that maybe this is how your friend Kate is feeling? That she is so busy being all that people expect of her that she does not have time to just let it all hang out?

It's not all spa days and catnip toys, you know!

As for Kate's looks, as beautiful as I think my Mommie is, I have learned that no woman "rolls out of bed" looking completely put-together. Your friend Kate is no exception to this, and I am certain she has bad hair days just like everyone else - she has just learned to hide them better, and that could very well be the crux of Kate's blue mood. When we hide our true feelings, negativity builds up inside of us - just as it has been building up inside of you!

You may want to find some time to spend with Kate, just the two of you. Go grab a coffee or lunch, and be honest with her as you have been with me. Tell her you are feeling jealous of how amazing she is, and how average you feel you are. I am sure that in Kate's eyes, you are anything but average - after all, you are her best friend, and that means you are someone very special in her eyes. Take the time to find out who the real Kate is - the woman behind the perfect image. You may discover that she has been so busy pretending to be herself that she no longer knows who she truly is. Often times, the grass really is greener on the other side of the fence, but that is because the cesspool lies directly beneath it.

Snuggles,
Tazi-Kat

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Is 10-Years Old Too Young To Wear Contact Lenses? (Only If Mom Says So!)

DEAR TAZI,

I AM WRITING IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE I STINK AT TYPING AND DON'T WANT TO MAKE MISTAKES! I AM 10 YEARS OLD AND THE DOCTOR SAYS I HAVE TO START WEARING GLASSES BECAUSE I HAVE BAD EYESIGHT AND THAT IS WHY I CAN'T SEE THE BOARD AT SCHOOL EVEN WHEN I AM SITTING IN THE FRONT ROW.

I DON'T WANT TO WEAR GLASSES, TAZI! GLASSES WILL MAKE ME LOOK STUPID AND ARE FOR UGLY PEOPLE! I WANT TO WEAR CONTACT LENSES LIKE MY MOM BUT SHE SAYS I AM TOO YOUNG! SHE TOLD ME THE DOCTOR SAYS MY EYES ARE NOT DONE GROWING YET AND I WILL OUTGROW MY CONTACT LENSES. MY FRIEND WHO HAS A BABY BROTHER SAYS THAT OUR EYES ARE FULL GROWN WHEN WE ARE BORN AND THAT IS WHY BABIES EYES LOOK SO BIG. IS MY DOCTOR LYING TO MY MOM? IS MY MOM LYING TO ME? IS MY FRIEND WRONG? I REALLY WANT TO WEAR CONTACT LENSES AND NOT GLASSES!

SIGNED,
TOO PRETTY FOR GLASSES

Dear Too Pretty For Glasses:

I am glad you told me the reason you were writing in ALL CAPS; otherwise, I would have thought you were having a screaming tantrum, and that would be a sign of someone who is not yet grown up enough to wear contact lenses!

A few weeks ago I printed an essay on something called "truthiness" - which is something that we believe to be true because we want it to be true, even if it doesn't quite sound true. The story your friend told you about babies eyes being fully grown at birth (and that is why babies eyes are so big) is not true. All of the other parts of our body grow bigger as we grow up, so why wouldn't our eyes grow, too? It is important to think about what people say, and not just believe them because it sounds cool.

It is the fact that your eyes are still growing and changing that has left you in need of what doctors call "corrective lenses" and what the rest of us call glasses or contact lenses. This doesn't mean that you are too young to wear contact lenses - children can wear contact lenses - but most are not ready to take on the responsibility of wearing them, which involves taking them out every night and cleaning them. Wearing contact lenses is a lot like owning a puppy. At first it is a lot of fun, but then you have to walk the puppy, train the puppy, clean up after the puppy, feed the puppy...as the puppy grows up the charm wears off. The same can be said for wearing contact lenses, only the charm wears off a lot faster! If your Mom thinks you are not ready for contact lenses, I am going to have to side with her; Mom's word is like the law - you can't fight it!

I want you to know that glasses do not make a person ugly or geeky looking. Glasses can make a person look smart, and the right style and color frames can be very fashionable and pretty! Nobody is ever too pretty to wear glasses, and squinting because you are not wearing them makes you look ugly and will give you wrinkles while you are still young! Did you know that Justin Bieber wears glasses?

Add caption

So does America's Sweetheart Jennifer Aniston!

That's right...I called her America's Sweetheart!

Even rapper TI and the always amazing songstress Katy Perry wear glasses!

See? You can wear glasses and still look fresh! I think once you are able to see better through your new glasses you will see how pretty you can look in glasses, too!

Snuggles,

Tazi

P.S. I think this cat looks fabulous in this set of "olive peepers!"

I'm sexy and I know it! Yeah look at them glasses!

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Infidelity Takes Many Forms...But Not This One

Dear Tazi:

My husband is a very good looking man, while my looks are merely average. He has aged well, and looks distinguished while I, after four children, have looked better. "Dave" loves me with all his heart, and I know he would never, ever cheat on me, but sometimes I feel like he is straying.

Dave gets hit on a lot by younger women who appreciate his good manners and cultured background. He, in turn, is polite and charming to them, even somewhat flirtatious, but things never go any further than that. He will always end these conversations with a compliment that references me - such as "you remind me of my wife back when we were young" or "as beautiful as you are, no woman could ever compare to my wife". While I am pleased that he is also complimenting me, I am upset that he is calling another woman beautiful - or even having such friendly relations with another woman at all!

I would like to say something to my husband, but I am afraid that he will take things the wrong way - like an accusation of infidelity. However, keeping quiet does nothing to change how I feel about his friendly charm with the ladies. Am I overreacting, Tazi, or are my feelings valid?

Signed,
The Wife

Dear The Wife:

Your feelings are your own, and only you can decide if they are "valid" or not. Do you feel like they are valid? If so, then take action to see that they are addressed by the person who can help you overcome your jealous insecurity - namely, your husband.

Infidelity can take many forms, including emotional infidelity, but I do not think Dave's behavior rises to this level. You think your husband is good-looking because he is the man you love; Dave may not feel the same way; he may feel old and used up, and coaxing an appreciative word or two from a young woman who has expressed interest may be his way of feeling young again.

Some people do not care where the sparks are lit, so long as the fires are stoked at home; others prefer to kindle the flames all on their own. Do you tell Dave how attractive you still find him? Do you passionately kiss him for no reason, or embrace him lovingly? Or have the feelings you have about your own appearance doused the passion you used to express for you man?

I suggest you talk to your husband not about his friendly behavior towards other women, but about your own insecurities and what he can do to help you feel beautiful again. It could be that he thinks he is doing something about it by telling other women that they pale in comparison to his wife. The next time Dave tells a woman that she reminds him of you in your youth, ask him what it is about her that makes him reminisce about you. You may be surprised to discover he holds cherished memories of things you have long since forgotten. A trip down memory lane can rekindle a stalled romance.

If, after all is said and done, you are still uncomfortable with Dave's friendly demeanor you could ask him to tone it down a notch; that you know he would never, ever cheat but that you don't like other women looking at him in the same way you look at him...then give him that come hither look and see where it takes you!

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

"Stuck In The '80's" Wonders If It Is Time To Update Her Look

Dear Tazi:

I was a teenager in the 1980's, and I loved the look so much I never left it behind. I still have really big (teased) hair, a love of stretch leggings, heavy black eyeliner, and don't even get me started on how long my acrylic nails are.

My 25th high school reunion is coming up, and I am wondering if maybe I should update my look. Although I would love to return to my roots and have people tell me that I haven't changed a bit, I want them to mean it in a good way, not a bad one. It is not that I am uncomfortable with the way I look, it's just that I have never found a reason to change to it. My husband tells me he loves me just the way I am and not to change a thing unless I really want to; my sister tells me its time to leave the Aqua Net back in the '80's and go for a more mature hairstyle if not a full makeover. I am not certain what I want; I guess I just want to fit into the world like I did back in high school, when life was so simple.

Tazi, do you think my look is out of place with current trends? Or am I just fine the way I am?

Signed,
Stuck In The '80's

Dear Stuck In The '80's:

My friend Nemo Cat's Mommy would love to be in your place! She came of age in the '90's and is always saying that she was born a decade too late! While the '80's have always been a fashionable decade - to imitate or rag on - styles do change with the times. Before I continue, I suggest you take a walk down memory lane with this video.

Video/song credit: Barry Russo

While it is more than okay to "want your MTV the way it used to be", rocking a mullet while wearing legwarmers with your jellybean shoes is overkill.  If you are concerned about being seen as an anachronism then I suggest you pick and choose a few highlights from your glory days to keep and update the remainder of your look. Let's face it: acid wash jeans were always a bad idea, as was fluorescent clothing and lacy ankle socks with high heels.

Unless, of course, you actually want to look like a hooker!

Leggings are always in style, so long as you remember that they are not pants and should always be worn with a tunic length top (because visible panty lines are never in style!). Current makeup styles range from barely there to bright and bold, so choose a look that works well for you and don't fret it. I suggest you check out professional makeup artist James Vincent's portfolio for some examples of what's hot right now. That man can work wonders with a makeup brush!

Nail polish is always a good way to make a fashion statement. Current trends emphasize bright colors, glitter, and nail art (just not all three on the same manicure). As for length, for reasons related to health and sanitation a quarter inch past the fingertip is the ideal length; any longer and bacteria can get trapped on the underside of the nail and cause illness or infection. As for your hair, current trends emphasize straight. It can be long, short, or even a pixie cut but straight, not teased, is what is featured on the runways right now (at least, it is according to Vogue Magazine, and who am I to argue with Anna Wintour?).

In the end, you are the one who has to create and maintain a look that you feel comfortable presenting. If you are happy with your current appearance, don't let anyone - even me - convince you to change it.

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

"Butterface" Wants To Feel Beautiful On the Outside, Too

Dear Tazi:

I know that I am not the prettiest woman around, but I heard some men talking about me (by name), saying that I have a "smokin' hot figure" and that it's too bad I have a "butterface". I wasn't sure what this meant, so I looked it up online. I was crushed to discover what it means.

I never thought of myself as ugly, but I suppose compared to women who are beauty salon beautiful with a face full of makeup I am rather plain. I can't see myself wasting money at a high priced hair salon, so I usually go to a franchise - it really doesn't matter which one, whatever is closest to where I am when my hair needs trimming. From there, I pull my hair back into a bun so it stays out of my face. I also do not like the idea of wearing makeup. I tried it once and it sat so heavy on my face I wanted to scratch at it with my fingernails.

I get very few dates, and I am starting to think that this "butterface" comment is the reason why. Are men really that shallow, or am I the shallow one for thinking that? Can you think of ways to improve my face without breaking my bank account?

Signed,
:-( Butterface

:-( Dear Butterface:

The men who were talking about you must have all looked like Justin Bieber, Robert Pattinson, and other teen heartthrobs to think that they were in a position to make such comments about you. Or did they look more like this:

This is my buddy, Toothless Mortie!

Personally, I think anyone who makes rude comments about another person's looks has some severe insecurities of their own. Remember the movie Shallow Hal? I personally thought Jack Black's inflated ego was ridiculously sad! I suggest you give this movie a glance for some laughs and an ego boost!

Not all men are shallow enough to judge a woman solely on her physical looks - just the men who are not worth a woman's time! My lady friend is slightly chubby, but I think she is all the more attractive for it! She offers more for me to cuddle!

Since you asked me for cost-effective tips on improving your appearance, I will offer some that will also improve the health of your skin. To start, you really should start seeing the same hairdresser each time you get your hair cut. By developing a relationship with a hairdresser, they will become familiar with your hair, its needs (is it dry, oily, brittle, course, thin, etc.) and will be able to make recommendations based upon your specific needs.Once a trust between the two of you is developed s/he will be able to work with you on creating a more flattering style. A bun flatters nobody.

Did the men say something like this?

A lot of women are uncomfortable wearing heavy makeup, and the beauty industry has listened. From tinted moisturizers to tinted lip balm there are an array of beauty products that offer your skin the moisturizing nutrients and SPF protection that your skin needs to stay healthy that will also give your face a healthy, polished look without weighing down your skin. Clear mascara will moisturize and protect your eyelashes and eyebrows, while accenting your eyes and taming eyebrows. Eyebrow waxing/shaping is also a cost-effective way to accent your natural beauty by making your eyes appear larger and giving your brows a clean-lined look.

In the end, no amount of makeup will create the beauty that matters most - the inner beauty inside you that shows through in how you treat others. Concentrate on being the kind of person you would like to be friends with and you will find that your social calendar has many more dates on it!

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Permanent Weight Loss Requires Discipline, Commitment, and Exercise

Dear Tazi,

I am extremely obese and am not happy with the way that I look. I am barely five feet tall and weigh over 330 pounds. My weight is causing me medical problems such as asthma and diabetes. I tried taking up smoking because I have been told it speeds up your metabolism, but all it did was aggravate my asthma. I want to change but do not know how.

Every year around this time People magazine prints an issue about people who have lost half of their body weight and now look like beauty queens. My goal is to one day be featured in that annual article. I just don't know where to start. I have considered getting gastric bypass surgery, but I do not want to have to give up food completely. I tried the OptiFast diet and it did not work for that reason. I also hate exercise. It bores me, and the thought of going to a gym is upsetting; I am afraid that all the other people will stare at me because I am so huge.

Do you know of any way that I could lose weight without all of the discipline required to do so? I know this sounds lazy, but I am not. I am just scared of being judged and getting easily discouraged because I am not progressing as quickly as I would like.

Signed,

Big Bertha

Dear Big Bertha:

If you bother to read the articles in People magazine that you reference, you will notice that a proper diet and regular exercise are a large part of how those profiled lost the weight and kept it off for good. I doubt that you reached your current weight overnight, and it is going to take several months to lose it. This is just the cold reality of the matter. You will have to be disciplined enough to stick with a long-term diet and exercise regimen if you are serious about reaching a healthy weight.

Your first step should be in the direction of your primary care physician's office. He or she will be able to direct you to a qualified nutritionist who will teach you how to eat healthy, control your diabetes, and still lose weight at the same time. S/he should also order blood work to make sure your weight gain is not thyroid related. As for joining a gym, I suggest that you research local fitness clubs in your area. Many of them may offer programs tailored to the extremely obese and could be exactly what you are seeking. Furthermore, professional trainers specialize in working with people who need to lose 50% or more of their total body weight. Your local YMCA or Jewish Community Center is a great place to start your search.

If you are completely against joining a gym at this point, your home and neighborhood provide opportunities to exercise. The stairs in your house make for a great manual StairMaster and neighborhood parks make for excellent places to go walking. In time, you will find you enjoy the way exercise makes you feel and will become less self-conscious as the extra pounds start to fall off of your body.

In order to be featured in People magazine, you will have to keep the weight off for a minimum of one full year, so you will have to remain committed to your new disciplined lifestyle if you wish to see your dream realized. I wish you all the luck in the world! Please keep me updated as to your progress.

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Low Self-Esteem and Twitter Not Always A Good Mix

Dear Tazi:

I have read letters in your column about people who get tired of Twitter updates every five minutes, and I am afraid I am one of those people - the kind who constantly tweet their thoughts, actions, and things that make them laugh.

I can't help it! I love to tweet! It makes me feel important to know that other people are reading what I have to say. You must understand this, don't you, Tazi? You write an advice column and tons of people read what you have to say! Don't you feel important because of that?

I just wanted to write so you could hear the other side of the story; I doubt you will print my letter because it is so short, but that's okay. I at least know that you will read it!

Signed,
Tweety

Dear Tweety:

I admit that I print a lot of long letters, but I occasionally print the shorter ones, too. Feel free to tweet that your letter appeared in my column, if that is what will make you happy!

It sounds to me like you suffer from very low self-esteem, and are tweeting to seek the attention of others. How sad. A better way to get noticed would be to get away from your computer and get involved in the world around you! Have you considered doing volunteer work with a local soup kitchen or a children's shelter? Places such as this are always looking for extra helping hands, and the good you will be doing will give you a new feeling of importance, gained through humility towards your fellow man - a feeling you cannot get through Twitter!

Oh, and to answer your question about whether writing this column make me feel important: I am a CAT! We always feel important because we KNOW just how important we are!

One day, we will rule again!  12/21/12 is coming!

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Teenager Needs Help In Seeing Her Own Inner Beauty

Dear Tazi:

I am the youngest of three sisters; two of them are genetically blessed with amazing looks and a fast metabolism.  Guess which one of us got cursed with a thyroid problem?  Obviously me, or I would not be writing to you about my problems.

My sisters are both on the high school dance squad and look amazing in their uniforms; I get to dress up like the mascot to hide my pudginess.  My sisters are both able to go out for ice cream after the football games or to late night breakfasts after night-time events; I have to watch every mouthful that I eat.  My sisters are tall and thin, I am short and chunky.  I could go on and on, but I am sure that you get the point by now – they are the Beauties and I am the Beast!

The worst part of my problem is that my sisters are so supportive of me.  They are constantly encouraging me to workout with them and telling me that it doesn’t matter what I look like on the outside, it is who I am on the inside that matters.  They always include me in everything they do and do their best to boost my self-esteem, but somehow I just feel worse, like I am accepting their charity. 

You have given good advice to lots of people, Tazi.  Do you have any good advice for me on how to feel more accepted and beautiful?

Signed,

Plain Jane

Dear Plain Jane:

My Mommie has a thyroid problem, and she hates it!  It affects everything from her weight to her mood – especially if her thyroid hormone levels are too high or too low.  Over the years, she has learned to live with it and even joke about it!  If she overindulges at the holidays she blames it on her thyroid and works a little harder to take off the extra pounds, while all her friends bemoan the fact that they ate too much!  

Now that Mommie is approaching middle-age, many of her friends are experiencing metabolic slowdown and must diet for the first time in their lives.  They don’t know what to do!  Mommie coaches them with diet and exercise tips.  What I am trying to say is, it DOES get better! 

Right now, you are a teenager and are going through all of the ups and downs that the teenage years can bring.  You have two wonderfully supportive sisters on your side who want you to enjoy life as much as they are!  

This is Mommie's favorite reminder to always love herself for who she is!

Once you allow yourself to enjoy life, you will find that you feel less down about yourself; once the world sees you for the fun and interesting person you are you will discover that what your sisters say is true – the person you are on the inside is what matters to the people who matter! 

Snuggles,

Tazi

P.S.  Exercising with friends is so much more fun than exercising alone.  Why not give it a try?


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Little Person Not Defined By His Height; Just His Big Attitude Problem

Dear Tazi-Kat:

I am a “little person” – an adult of very short stature due to a form of dwarfism. Although I am short, I do not allow this feature to hold me back in life. I date women of average height, attend college, drive a sports car, play tennis, and pretty much enjoy life the way an average height person would. I know you are probably wondering why I am writing to you if my life sounds so perfect, huh? Well, there is one fly in my ointment, and that is how other little people treat me. I am disrespected among my own people for “acting tall”.

Many little people have self-esteem issues due to their height; or health problems, due to the genetics that caused their dwarfism, that leave them unable to live a life as full as mine. I have dealt with my share of problems in life – when you are in the fifth grade and are the shortest kid in your elementary school, believe me you are going to get picked on by the other kids – but my parents raised me to overcome such taunts, telling me if I let their teasing get to me than I was giving the teasers exactly what they wanted.

I realize that I can come off as an insensitive [censored], and at times I probably have been insensitive to other little people who do not have my sense of worth and drive to push past the negative, but I can’t change who I am to please other people. Things really came to a head for me last month, at a Little People of America regional convention. I won’t give you all the gory details, but suffice to say that I was at the bar and got dumped on for turning down a female attendee’s advances because I have a girlfriend (who is not an L.P., something that came out during her request to know why I was turning her down, which caused others to voice opinions on my personal life). After this, a part of me wants to walk away from this organization altogether – I mean, who needs this, right? – but then another part of me admits that I do need the LPA organization, as it is an advocacy group in addition to its social factors. I guess I would just like some advice on how to reconcile the fact that I am not like so many other little people without turning my back on the entire community.

Signed,

Walking Tall At 4-Foot-4

Dear Walking Tall…:

Paws up! I admire your attitude – to an extent. As a four-legged animal I am often the lowest one to the ground, looking up at the world around me. I, too, do not allow my smallness to determine my place in the world; and spend a great deal of time sitting atop my Tower of Power (my profile pic actually shows me sitting in it) surveying my realm. Unlike you, I am a cat and can get away with this sort of behavior. Cats are expected to be smug; humans are not, which is probably the reason why you were attacked en masse at the bar.

Your lack of “gory details” leaves a lot out of the tale you tell, but I can see why your fellow little people would be upset that you turned down the advances of a little person because you are dating a woman who is of average height. My Mommie is quite close to a few LP’s, so I had her run your letter by one of them for an opinion. He replied, “What he did to the woman at the regional was the approximate equivalent of what women have undoubtedly done to him when he goes to bars with his AP [average height person] friends and the women would talk to his friend and treat him like furniture.”

Nobody likes to be turned down for a date, but when a physical characteristic causes you great self-consciousness and low self-esteem; and the person turning you down is dating (or will only date) someone who does not possess that particular physical trait, it is easy to lash out and accuse the object of your desire of prejudice. This does not mean that prejudice exists; and this is the point you need to make when such personal attacks on your character are made. However, you also need to be aware of how you respond and to treat others equally, regardless of who they are, lest accusations of prejudice hold merit.

You do not say how old you are, but you mention that you go to college, drive a sports car, and play tennis so I am guessing you are under the age of 30; possibly even under the age of 25. Your twenties are a time when people are still finding themselves – who they are, who they want to be, and how they are going to get there. Add a physical challenge or multiple physical challenges to the mix, and achieving these goals can be made all the more difficult. The good news is that there is a light at the end of this tunnel; it just takes some people longer than others to get there.

I realize that Little People of America is a social organization as well as an advocacy organization, which means it has members of all ages and accomplishments. Rather than write off the entire Little People community, perhaps you could speak with a member who is older than you are, with more life experience than you possess. Is there anyone you can look to as a mentor or trusted advisor? Someone who can help guide you through the rocky waters to a calm shore? If so, I suggest you turn to them and discuss your concerns; if you do not, you may want to speak with your membership coordinator or other officer in your regional chapter. Regardless of stature, one does not get to the top of a large organization or earn the admiration and respect of others without possessing a strong sense of self and the ability to “walk tall” among the masses. You need to find out what they are doing to charm the masses, and take a lesson from what they tell you.

I will end my response with some sound advice from my Mommie’s contact. He writes: “Not all of this guy's life will go as swimmingly as it is now...there is a whole world of difference between asking an AP woman to date an LP and asking an AP woman to marry an LP - because then you get into genetic issues, long-term health concerns, etc. LPA can be a valuable asset in those times.” So there you have it!

-- Tazi-Kat

In order to respect his privacy, the name of my Mommie's contact has not been revealed, but I wish to offer my gracious thanks for his assistance in responding to today's letter! His help has been invaluable! --TK