It's Tough To Be Twelve And Overweight, But Things Will Get Better!

Dear Tazi:

 I am 12 years old and fat. Not just overweight or chubby or “carrying some extra baby fat” like my Mom says; I am FAT! I am 4’11” and weigh 150 pounds. I want to go on a diet but my Mom won’t let me. She expects me to eat all of my lunch every day, plus an after school snack and a “healthy sized” dinner. If I don’t eat, she gets mad at me.  I know you are on a diet. Can you tell me how to lose weight and keep my Mom happy?

 Signed,
Joey Fat One

 Dear Joey Fat One:

 The original Joey Fat One lost weight through exercise when he appeared on Dancing with the Stars and is now better known by his real name, Joe Fatone. As for me, I am not on a diet by choice; the hand that feeds me – aka Mommie – has put me on this cruel regiment until I lose my extra chub chubs. Oh, the humanity! I am down 1.6 pounds, though; 3.3 to go!

 At 4’11” you are what health care providers would call “morbidly obese”, a nasty sounding term that means your future long-term health is in danger due to your weight. On the flip side of this coin, I can see your mother’s reluctance to put you on a diet. At your age, your body is preparing to go through a major growth spurt as you hit puberty; your mother is probably afraid that if you lose weight now the natural weight loss you would go through will slim you down too much. Moms tend to wear blinders when it comes to their children; they see only perfection!

I love you, too, Mommie!

The first thing your Mom needs to do is make an appointment for a complete physical with your pediatrician to rule out any glandular problems. If you do not have health coverage, your doctor may be willing to work with your Mom regarding payment – especially if you are a long-term patient. No doctor wishes to see a patient go without care due to an inability to pay, and many are willing to work out a payment plan or sliding fee based upon ability to pay.

The next thing you need to do is start to exercise. Nothing takes off unwanted pounds quicker than physical movement. If you can, go for a walk or a bike ride after school, or just play outdoors with your friends. If you cannot do any of these activities, try doing old-fashioned calisthenics – your gym teacher can show you some moves, so don’t be afraid to ask him or her for help. Like doctors, gym teachers are all about physical health and education; they are there to help you lead a healthier lifestyle.

The third thing you can do is review your menu. What kinds of food are you eating? Is your Mom providing you with healthy meals, complete with fresh fruits and vegetables and low amounts of sugar? Are your snacks nutritious or are they junk food? What you eat is just as important as how much you eat. This is something you can discuss with your doctor or your gym teacher; either one will be able to guide you onto the right track.

Last of all, you can be patient and wait. Permanent weight loss is a process that takes time, and when you are twelve years old time can seem to take forever, but a year from now you will have grown several inches and most likely slimmed down quite a bit if you choose to follow the tips I have given you. 

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Closet Eater Has Friends Wondering Why She Is So Overweight

Dear Tazi:

I feel like I have come to know you from reading your column. I feel like we are old friends, which is why I am confiding in you with my problem: I am a closet eater.

I have always been heavy, but after my divorce four years ago I turned to food for comfort and my weight ballooned out of control. I would see the disapproving looks on the faces of family and friends as I reached for yet another helping at the dinner table, and made a New Year's Resolution (two years ago) to lose all of the weight I had gained, and then some. I went public with my resolution, and everyone was so proud of me that I did not want to disappoint them...but I found I did not want to leave food behind, either.

Publicly, I eat very little; but privately I gorge myself on cookies, candy, cakes, and pies. I never bring any of these foods home (I only keep healthy, organic foods in the house) so there is no tell-tale inventory or trash that will give away my secret. I eat in my car and throw the trash in the dumpster at the fast-food drive-thru...where I also stop to load up on burgers, fries, and shakes.

Needless to say, I have not lost an ounce and in fact have gained an additional 110 pounds over the past two years. I now tip the scales at 453 pounds, as of this writing. I am sure that number is going to go up by the time this letter is printed. The larger part of my problem (no pun intended) is not that I want to lose weight; it is that I can no longer find clothes that fit me. I buy special sizes through catalogs, but I am fast approaching the maximum size that they sell!

I NEED help, but don't know where to turn! My doctor has said that I am a candidate for gastric bypass surgery, but that would mean giving up food altogether, and I am not ready to do that. I would hate to go to a program like Weight Watchers, because I hear their two-year recidivism rate is something like 90%. If I take the weight off, I want to keep it off for good! You seem so knowledgeable about so many things, Tazi; do you know of something that might help me?

Signed,
Fatty, Fatty, two-By_Four...

Dear...:

I will not repeat that insulting signature; after all, we are friends, right? And friends do not say such nasty things about each other. Rather, friends help each other; so here is what I suggest you do: make friends with yourself.

From the sound of your letter, you turned to food for comfort and acceptance during a time of overwhelming heartbreak (your divorce). Now, it appears that your heart is still broken; but over a loss of self-love, and once again food is there to comfort. It also appears that you hide your eating from others because you fear losing their love, too. The "disapproving glances" you mention are probably born out of concern for your health, not disgust for your eating habits. Those who truly care about you are not going to stop caring because of a number on the scale. I suggest that you come clean to them, and enlist in their help - in time.

The first thing you need to do is contact Overeaters Anonymous, a non-profit organization that offers a 12-step program that will help you tackle your addiction to food in precise, manageable steps. The meetings are confidential - thus the term "anonymous" in the name - and you will be among people who are fighting the same problems are you are fighting. These people will be at various stages in their journey, and listening to them could offer you a world of hope for your future. Best of all, the meetings are a safe place where you can be yourself with nothing to hide.

If you would like, you can also enlist in the assistance of a professional counselor who specializes in disordered eating or the help of a certified nutritionist to keep you on the track to your weight-loss goals. Think of this journey not as one of deprivation, but as a path to overall better health. Once you feel comfortable "coming out" about your closet eating, share the news with your family and friends; asking for their understanding and support.

Snuggles,
Tazi

P.S. You are correct that Weight Watchers has a very high recidivism rate. However, it is in part because people stop going to the meetings, and stop following the healthy eating practices that they have been taught to follow.

When Done Right, Diet And Exercise CAN Be Fun!

Dear Tazi:

I have man boobs and I hate them. I am 17 and overweight. I would like to start working out, but don’t have any room for a home gym and don’t want to use the gym at school where all of the athletes work out because I am afraid they will make fun of me. Since I am under 18 I can’t join a gym and my parents won’t sign for me because then they would have to drive me there in order for me to get there and then come pick me up after I am done working out.

I don’t like cross-country running or track – my man boobs jiggle too much – so I can’t lose weight that way and dieting alone doesn’t work and I always end up cheating on a diet anyway. I really want to lose weight (and my man boobs) but I don’t know how. I have talked to a nutritionalist at school about eating healthy, but it’s hard to do that at school when everyone around you is eating pizza and fries and soda and you are stuck eating a salad and bottled water.

I am going to be a senior in high school this September and I want my last year of school to be fun, and memorable for good reasons not for bad ones. Can you think of a way I can lose weight over the summer and start the new school year a new me? Looking like I do is starting to depress me.

Signed,

Boob Man

Dear Boob Man:

I suggest that you make an appointment with your physician for a full check-up. If your parents have to do this for you because of insurance or payment issues, ask them. In fact, insist on it. You need to rule out the possibility of a health issue (other than being overweight) that is causing your breast tissues to enlarge. There are several simple, non-threatening reasons this could be happening, including a slow thyroid gland, and medication could help reverse things.

In addition, you need to start eating better and exercising. I know it is no fun to be eating rabbit food while everyone else is eating junk food, but you don’t have to live on either extreme – you can find a place in the middle that offers you healthy choices while eating tasty food. A diet that makes you feel deprived is not a diet that anyone can stick to, so moderation is the key to success. Does your school cafeteria serve veggie pizza? You could get a slice or two with mushrooms, peppers, olives, broccoli, and the like rather than greasy pepperoni; instead of a side of fries you could have a side salad, and you can jazz up your bottled water by adding a sugar-free drink mix to it (single serve packets will fit in your pocket and are portioned for a ½ liter bottle of water). Doesn’t that sound tasty?

Exercise does not have to take place at a gym to be exercise! My Mommie likes to work in her garden, go for walks and bicycle rides (sometimes alone, sometimes with my Daddy), and is currently saving money for a nice pair of roller blades! If you really want to join a gym, is there one within biking distance of your house? A brisk bike ride to the gym could be your warm-up before your workout and a leisurely ride home could be your cool-down after you are done. If this is not an option, you could put a small set of free-weights in your bedroom; I know many people who do this, storing them under the bed when they are not using them. As a last resort, you could ask one of the athletes you know from school or even one of the coaches to assist in your training. When you have someone like that on your side, nobody will dare to tease you.

Weight loss does not happen all at once; it is a gradual process so try not to get discouraged if you are not losing weight – and your man boobs – as quickly as you would like. Any goal worth pursuing is worth committing to for the long haul.

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Morbidly Obese Child Needs Acceptance, Love,...and A Healthier Direction

Dear Tazi:

My son’s mother and I are divorced and we share custody. “Justin” is eight years old and of average height, but he weights almost 120 pounds. The boy is morbidly obese, and I am deeply concerned about his health. With regard to his upbringing, this is the one issue over which his mother and I disagree; unfortunately, that disagreement spills over into several areas.

When Justin is at my house, I make sure he eats healthy foods; plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables, lean meats, and low-fat foods. Justin is not happy with this arrangement, but he has learned the hard way that if he does not eat the food he is given less nutritional alternatives will not be offered. When Justin is with his Mom, the opposite is true. She has given in to Justin’s desires for poor dietary choices like macaroni and cheese, Raman noodles, hot dogs, and sugary foods.

We have only been divorced for two years, and Justin’s weight has more than doubled during that time. His pediatrician has ruled out any glandular problems, and agrees with me that Justin’s weight problem is related to diet; my ex-wife insists that it is “just baby-fat” and that he will lose it as he ages. I am afraid that my son will not be aging well and will die young if his diet is not overhauled now. He gets absolutely no exercise at his Mom’s house, since she allows him to sit around and play video games whenever he is with her. I try to make Justin exercise, but the effort it takes him just to ride his bike up and down the street is heartbreaking, and he is soon sweating, out of breath, and begging for a Gatorade.

My ex-wife could easily afford to buy healthy food for Justin – I have offered to purchase it for her myself, but she refused, telling me that money is not the problem; the problem is that at the end of the day she lacks the energy to argue with Justin over what he will and will not eat. She thinks it abusive to allow him to refuse a meal until he realizes that healthy food in a reasonable portion size is all he is going to get. (Portion size is something else his mother refuses to control; last Halloween she allowed him to eat an entire pound of chocolate in one night to make up for the fact that he did not have the energy to go trick or treating.).

I am considering suing for full custody of my son, a commitment I am willing to undertake to save his physical health, but I do not wish to take him away from his mother. I just want his mother to be a more responsible caregiver. Can you think of any other way to motivate her, short of taking our son away from her?

Signed,

Fit And Frustrated

Dear Fit And Frustrated:

Your letter leaves me feeling a deep concern for your son. It is obvious from his choice of food that he is being malnourished while at the same time being fed to death! From the sound of his diet he is not receiving the nutrients he needs to fortify his growing body, and at the same time is receiving too much of nutrients meant to be taken in sparingly. A single serving of Raman noodles in sauce has over 1,200 mg of sodium; if Justin is eating the entire block of noodles, that is two servings – and more than a full day’s worth of sodium and carbohydrates, with little to no other vitamins or protein.

From what you say, your son will eat nutritious food in proper portions, he just prefers junk food. Since your ex-wife is worn-out at the end of the day and caves to Justin’s preferences, a plan that works for her will be the plan that is most successful. Her comment that Justin’s extra pounds are “just baby fat” is obviously a denial of the reality that is before her eyes. Rather than sue for full custody – a serious and dramatic step – try other options first.

Together – as a family – the three of you should see a Nutritionalist. Showing Justin a united front on this issue may be what he needs to realize the severity of his problem, and will also show that he can no longer pit one parent against the other. A Nutritionalist will teach you – as parents – proper meal planning and foods appropriate for a growing boy who needs to lose weight. S/he will teach Justin the definition of portion size and tasty substitutes for his favorite foods. For example, turkey hot dogs are fat free and make a delicious substitute for beef or pork frankfurters; fresh fruit can be sweeter than candy.

Justin also needs to start exercising. Nobody likes to exercise alone, so as his parents you need to make it a point to exercise with him. Since Justin likes video games, the Wii Fit or other game system that requires physical movement to play would be an excellent investment made on his behalf. Justin did not double his weight overnight, and it will take a while for him to lose it.

Making diet and exercise a punishment will only discourage him from following such a regimen, so I do not suggest that you withhold food from him. Rather, try to find compromise. Both you and Justin’s mother should try meal planning, and include Justin in the process; if he feels involved in deciding what’s for dinner every night there will be no battles to fight with him at the end of the day. In the end, you need to make Justin’s journey a journey towards better health and more energy, not about making him feel badly about himself.

Snuggles,

Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Teenager Needs Help In Seeing Her Own Inner Beauty

Dear Tazi:

I am the youngest of three sisters; two of them are genetically blessed with amazing looks and a fast metabolism.  Guess which one of us got cursed with a thyroid problem?  Obviously me, or I would not be writing to you about my problems.

My sisters are both on the high school dance squad and look amazing in their uniforms; I get to dress up like the mascot to hide my pudginess.  My sisters are both able to go out for ice cream after the football games or to late night breakfasts after night-time events; I have to watch every mouthful that I eat.  My sisters are tall and thin, I am short and chunky.  I could go on and on, but I am sure that you get the point by now – they are the Beauties and I am the Beast!

The worst part of my problem is that my sisters are so supportive of me.  They are constantly encouraging me to workout with them and telling me that it doesn’t matter what I look like on the outside, it is who I am on the inside that matters.  They always include me in everything they do and do their best to boost my self-esteem, but somehow I just feel worse, like I am accepting their charity. 

You have given good advice to lots of people, Tazi.  Do you have any good advice for me on how to feel more accepted and beautiful?

Signed,

Plain Jane

Dear Plain Jane:

My Mommie has a thyroid problem, and she hates it!  It affects everything from her weight to her mood – especially if her thyroid hormone levels are too high or too low.  Over the years, she has learned to live with it and even joke about it!  If she overindulges at the holidays she blames it on her thyroid and works a little harder to take off the extra pounds, while all her friends bemoan the fact that they ate too much!  

Now that Mommie is approaching middle-age, many of her friends are experiencing metabolic slowdown and must diet for the first time in their lives.  They don’t know what to do!  Mommie coaches them with diet and exercise tips.  What I am trying to say is, it DOES get better! 

Right now, you are a teenager and are going through all of the ups and downs that the teenage years can bring.  You have two wonderfully supportive sisters on your side who want you to enjoy life as much as they are!  

This is Mommie's favorite reminder to always love herself for who she is!

Once you allow yourself to enjoy life, you will find that you feel less down about yourself; once the world sees you for the fun and interesting person you are you will discover that what your sisters say is true – the person you are on the inside is what matters to the people who matter! 

Snuggles,

Tazi

P.S.  Exercising with friends is so much more fun than exercising alone.  Why not give it a try?


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.