Picky Eater Will Eat When She Gets Hungry

Dear Tazi:

My four year old daughter is a picky eater. She will only eat carbs! Her favorites are macaroni and cheese and french fries, but she will also eat spaghetti, white bread with butter, cereal, and of course sugar. Her pediatrician has said that she is healthy, but that I need to vary her diet in order to avoid problems like malnutrition and excessive weight gain.

I have tried putting vegetables in "Jennie's" mac and cheese, but she just picks them out. She does the same thing with the fruit I put in her cereal, and she will not drink milk unless it is chocolate milk - something I added to try and get her to drink milk in the first place. My husband is of no help in trying to get Jennie to eat a healthier variety of foods; he just suggests that we let her eat what she would like to eat, and as she gets older her tastes will change and so will her eating habits. His eating habits are just as bad - he will eat nothing but pizza and steak! I am at my wits end with both of them, Tazi! My husband can be responsible for his own heart attack, but I do not want my child to grow up thinking her eating habits are acceptable. Do you have any ideas on how to get my little girl to eat, Tazi?

Signed,
Frustrated Mom

Dear Frustrated Mom:

I suggest that instead of catering to everyone's tastes, you plan a weekly menu - and stick to it. Be sure to incorporate some of the foods your family likes, like macaroni and cheese or pizza bites; rather than make these foods the main course serve them in a smaller portion, as a side dish. This will satisfy their desire for the special food but leave them with other, more nutritious selections to fill their bellies.

If your daughter refuses to eat anything on her plate except for her favorite carb-laden foods, do not offer her more of them. When she makes it known that she is done with her meal, take her plate away from her - even if most of her meal is still on it. If later in the evening she complains that she is still hungry, offer her the remainder of her dinner (reheated, if required). If she refuses it, play along by telling her that she must not be all that hungry. If she throws a tantrum, suggest that she must be tired and that it is time for bed - then follow through with the choice she makes: dinner or bedtime.

A hungry child will not choose to remain hungry for very long. Sooner, rather than later, they will come to the understanding that if they do not eat what is being served than they will not be eating at all. Once your daughter makes this connection, offer her a reward - like a dessert treat for eating some of each item on her plate. Up the ante each time by requiring she eat a little more nutritious food at each meal before she can have dessert. In time, she really will be full and not just pretending to be full so she can have room for dessert.

I have to add that these ideas are not my own, but the ideas shared with me from mothers of picky eaters - and every single one of them had the picky eater on a healthier track within a few weeks. I hope that these ideas work for you, too!

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

New Mom Needs To Love Child For Who She Will Be, Not What She Will Look Like

Dear Tazi:

I am a new Mom to a baby girl who, at three weeks old, already looks like a beauty queen!  Her big blue eyes would just melt your heart and I just know that she is the next Honey Boo Boo Child!  I cannot wait to start entering her in beauty pageants, but my husband – my baby’s father – has different ideas.  He has declared that under no circumstances will he allow me to waste our money on “that garbage”, nor will he allow me to force our child into a life of competition and princessery.  He wants to encourage her to develop her mind and be someone based upon her intelligence!  Tazi, my baby girl is only three weeks old!  We don’t even know if she is going to be intelligent, but I can tell that she is going to be a traffic stopper in the looks department!  What do you suggest I tell my husband to get him to understand that beauty pageants are our little girl’s ticket to success?  I have tried to find sponsors to pay for the pageant costs, but nobody has taken me up on the offer to sponsor Miss America 2033! 

Signed,

Mama to a ‘Bama Beauty Queen

Dear Mama to a ‘Bama Beauty Queen:

I hate to burst your bubble (oh, who am I kidding?  This is one bubble I am excited to burst!), but at three weeks old most babies still have blue eyes and all of their Mamas think they are just the prettiest child on God’s green earth (the rest of the world tends to differ, though).

At less than one month old, your child is too young to be conscious of the pageantry and “princessery” that you seek to make her life, but as she gets older she may or may not embrace the plans you have for her.  Not every child is as receptive to beauty pageants and “Go Go Juice” as Little Miss Honey Boo Boo; some little girls prefer getting down and dirty in the mud to applying makeup and hair dye.

I can understand your new-Mom excitement, but you need to slow down and allow your daughter to develop at a slower pace.  If, in time, your daughter chooses to take part in the beauty pageants you so hope for that will be the time to try and get your husband to mellow on the subject, as well as the proper time to seek sponsorship to defray the costs associated with child beauty pageants.  Just don't take it overboard...please.

I realize that you do not yet know how high (or low) your daughter’s I.Q. will be when she grows up, but you also do not know what she will look like, either.  She may develop a thyroid problem, severe acne, or other physical traits that would exclude her from the winner’s podium in the cut-throat world of pageantry, where looks are everything.  Please do not link your child’s self-worth to physical beauty; no child deserves a fate like that.

No Snuggles For You,

Tazi



 Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Bake-Off Offers A Teaching Moment For Grandma and Granddaughter

Dear Tazi:

My eldest granddaughter is fourteen and is interested in baking.  She is very good at following a recipe, but does not yet have enough experience to create recipes of her own.  I know in time she will do just fine, and I am very proud of her skills.  I do a lot to support her, including assisting her with the cost of some of the more expensive ingredients for her cookies, cakes, and pies, and I am always willing to give her an honest opinion on her finished products.

My problem is that "Bethany" would like to enter the Annual Christmas Pie Bake-Off that our church holds every year.  There is a small entry fee, which I will be glad to cover for her, and a "tasting" fee for the public to join in on the fun and choose their favorite pie.  All the money goes to the church, so that they may continue with their missions of the Good Word.

I would be thrilled if Bethany wanted to enter the Bake-Off on her own, but she cannot.  The rules strictly state that all pie recipes must be original to the baker and, as I have already mentioned, Bethany has not yet formulated recipes of her own.  The Bake-Off is only a month away, so Bethany does not have time to try and formulate her own pie recipe. She is aware of this, and has asked me to let her use one of my pie recipes.

Tazi, I do not know what to do about this request!  On the one hand, I would love to see Bethany compete in her first Bake-Off; but on the other hand, I would like to see her do it with her own recipe.  To use my (award-winning) recipe under her name would be cheating!  I realize that all the money raised goes to the church, and one less entrant means that much less money for the church missions, but I don't think cheating is a very Christian way to go about raising that extra money!

Tazi, Bethany has her heart set on entering the Bake-Off this year.  I don't want to tell her no, but I feel like my conscience will bother me too much if I say yes.  What do you suggest, Tazi?

Signed,
Cherry Pie Mess

Dear Cherry Pie Mess:

Mmmmmm.....pie!  Where exactly is this annual Bake-Off?  Is it somewhere in the New England area where I could make Mommie and Daddy drive to and bring me back some pie?  Oh, I am being self-centered again - sorry, I lapsed!

My concern is not for your conscience, but for your granddaughter's.  Does she realize that the contest requires all pie recipes be property of the person entering it?  Before you do anything else, you need to explain this fact to Bethany.  Her response can guide your conscience towards the next step to take.

If Bethany was unaware of the rules and her request was perfectly innocent, is it possible that the two of you enter as one?  You could work together to make the pie and enter as a Grandma-Granddaughter Pie Baking Team!  If I were attending the Bake-Off, I would be perfectly charmed at the idea of two generations spending quality time together for a good cause.

If each entrant must be a solo entrant, in good conscience you must tell Bethany that she cannot use your recipe, but that you could work with her to try and develop her own pie recipe in time for the big event.  The recipe would have to be Bethany's own idea, but you could offer guidance as to what flavors work well together and what flavors do not.  My personal favorite is blueberry-peach pie!  Yummy!

One last possibility is that Bethany is aware of the rules and trying to sneak around them.  If this is the case, you need to have a frank talk with your granddaughter about good sportsmanship and fair play...and then tell her that she is on her own in finding a Bake-Off winning recipe until she shows a better sense of character.

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Overprotective Parent Must Ease Up, Allow Children To Have A Childhood

Dear Tazi:

When I was a child, I was very accident prone.  I would “trip over air” as my mother put it.  Because of my numerous trips to the emergency room child services kept a close eye on my home; the concern was appreciated, but unnecessary.  Now that I am an adult I am a parent myself, and I am extra careful with my children – perhaps too careful.

I realize that times have changed and that child protection has improved since I was a kid – it is now a crime to fail to report suspected child abuse – and I am scared to death of losing my children because they fell out of their tree-house or hurt themselves skateboarding.  Because of this, I have not allowed my children to have a tree-house or to play in their friends trees; nor have I allowed them to skateboard or roller-blade or enjoy any of the childhood pastimes that I enjoyed when I was their age. 

My wife and I argue regularly about how much caution is too much caution to take; she says that we should let our children be children, that a certain amount of risk is healthy and will help them to grow into well-adjusted adults ready to take on the world.  I want to agree with my wife, but I live in fear of that knock on the door from child services and the thought of my children being removed from our home until after we clear investigation.  Yesterday, I lost my temper when I learned that my wife allowed our four year old to play on the monkey bars at the playground.  What if she had fallen?  Am I correct in thinking that my wife takes too many chances with our children’s physical safety?  Or is she right in thinking that I am being overprotective?  Sometimes I wonder.

Signed,

Protective Papa

Dear Protective Papa:

Although I am not a parent, I can understand you plight.  No parent wants to see their child hurt, but I have to agree with your wife on this one; it appears that you may be stunting your children’s development with your overprotective ways.  A child will never learn how to pick him or herself up off the ground (literally or figuratively) if they are never allowed to fall.

Personally, I think you are giving your children far too little credit.  Unless they completely lack any kind of physical strength and coordination they should be able to climb a ladder into a tree-house or scamper across the monkey bars at the playground.  Both of these constructs are generally built less than ten feet off the ground, so on the chance that a child should fall the drop will not be all that great (remember than you must subtract your child’s dangling height from the length of the drop).

The next time your children seek to indulge in a childhood pastime that you fear will cause injury, ask yourself: “Did I do this as a kid?  Did I suffer a life-threatening injury from it?  Did I survive to adulthood without incurring permanent damage?”  So long as you answer yes/no/yes in that order, I do not see why your children should be denied the same opportunity – so long as they are wearing the proper protective gear (i.e. pads and a helmet for skateboarding) and the activity does not involve the careless risks of youth – there will be time enough for that kind of stuff when they are teenagers.  In the meantime, give your children the gift of a childhood worth remembering.

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Husband And Wife Clash In Potty-Training Battle

Dear Tazi:

I am ready to lose my mind! I have a wonderful daughter who is almost three years old. She is on track or exceeding all of her milestones with one exception: she refuses to toilet train. I have tried bribing her with rewards, punishing her by leaving her in a dirty diaper for longer than normal, forcing her to use the potty and pretending the potty is no big deal – all to no avail.

A large part of my problem in getting “Jennifer” to potty train is my husband. He does not think we should push Jennifer if she is not ready to potty train; however, he is also not home during the day and he frequently travels for work, leaving me alone with Jennifer for days at a time. Being tied to my daughter so much is starting to give me “Mommy brain”. I need more stimulation than Mommy and Me classes but can not leave Jennifer with a babysitter; my husband will not pay for the expense and I am a stay-at-home Mom, so all my cash comes from his paycheck. Although generous, he requests that I account for the money I spend.

I would like to enroll Jennifer in pre-school; but in order to do that she must be potty-trained, which would mean going against my husband’s directive not to push her. What do you think I should do, Tazi? Should I defy my husband? Or just wait and hope that our daughter will eventually potty train on her own?

Signed,
Trapped

Dear Trapped:

Your signature speaks volumes, as does your question as to whether or not you should “defy” your husband. Considering that your husband is not around much of the time, Jennifer’s care falls upon you. At “almost three” the time to potty train is now. The older she gets the more difficult it will become, as she will become more resistant to change.

I will suggest a method that is recommended by family psychologist John Rosemond, a parenting expert. He calls this method “Naked and $75”. The $75 will be the cost to get your rugs cleaned; the "naked" refers to the method of getting your child to potty train.

Mr. Donahue suggests that you remove your child’s bottom layers of clothing – including the diaper (you can let them wear a long shirt). That is pretty much it for your part! When your daughter says that she has to go to the bathroom, direct her to the bathroom and her potty chair and instruct her to use it. You will probably be met with resistance and “accidents” on your rugs, but no creature – human or otherwise – likes to relieve themselves onto their living space. Should Jennifer have an accident, you can have her assist you in cleaning it up and depositing it into the toilet and flushing. Within two weeks, she should have received the message that the potty is the place to relieve yourself.

This is Tazi again! I have also heard that offering a child a reward of panties with their favorite cartoon character on them is a great motivator. If your daughter is into Disney princesses, you can tell her she can wear Disney Princess underwear once she is potty trained. If she is into rufflebutts, you can coax her with big-girl ruffled panties. The key to this method is follow-through – once your daughter shows that she will consistently use the potty you must produce the reward.

As for your husband’s thoughts on this matter: If he feels that Jennifer is being “pushed” into potty training, inform him that while he is home it will be HIS job to change any and all dirty diapers, regardless of how tired, busy, etc. he is. You can then watch how fast he changes his mind about what is best for your daughter.

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Divorced Mom Prefers Cutting Ties Over Mending Seams

Dear Tazi:

For some reason, my ex-mother-in-law seems to think I want to maintain a relationship with her, even though I have divorced her abusive son.  She claims that her son’s behavior is no reflection on who she is as a parent, and that she wishes to have a healthy relationship with the mother of her grandchildren.

Tazi, I have no plans on withholding access to my children from her, so long as she respects the restraining order the judge granted against her son.  I do have plans to move on with my life by cutting ties with him and the people who raised this abusive monster – namely his parents.  I have expressed this to my ex-MIL in countless ways, but she is still trying to “mend our severed relationship”.  How do I get it through to her that I have no desire to patch the threadbare cloth that remains of our family connection?

Signed,

Through With Them All

Dear Through With Them All:

I am confused.  I understand that you do not wish to have a relationship with your ex-mother-in-law, but you are willing to give her unsupervised visitation with your children?  Are your children teenagers?  This is the only scenario that I can find acceptable in a situation like this!

The fact that the judge granted your children a restraining order against their father tells me that his abuse must have had a gravely negative affect on them.  You trust their grandmother to honor the restraining order and keep her son away from the kids?  Am I missing something?

I realize that your ex-husband’s parents raised him, but to blame them for creating an “abusive monster” goes a little too far.  People have free will, and they can accept or reject the lessons they have been taught; that you consider your ex-MIL a good enough Grandma to have unsupervised visitation tells me that you do not consider her a bad influence.  Put plainly, you cannot have it both ways.

I think your ex-MIL’s desire to have a healthy relationship with the mother of her grandchildren is natural, and a wise move on her part; she is putting the needs of the children first, and from the scant information included in your letter, I am inferring that your children need to see that the grown-ups they love can still get along with each other.  I am not saying that you and your ex-MIL need to become bosom buddies, but occasionally staying for coffee and discussing the children’s visit upon picking them up should not be out of the question.  Putting your children’s welfare before your own personal dislikes will not go unnoticed by those who need to see it the most.

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Tips From A Nanny On How To Treat Yours

Dear Tazi:

I love, love, love your column and am hoping you will print my letter. I am a professional Nanny in the Boston area, and just gave my two-weeks notice to the family for whom I have worked for the past two years because, as great as the children are, I am sick to death of their parents' poor treatment of me.

I have several leads on a new job, so I am not worried about employment, but decided to put together my own contract this time around instead of using the one provided by the agencies I have worked through in the past. From this contract, I have put together a list of Rules For Parents that I am hoping you will print. Nannies everywhere will thank you!

Rules For Parents, From Your Nanny:

1) I am a Nanny, not a housekeeper or a cook. My job is to assist in the care and raising of your child(ren). In the course of my duties I will see that your child is fed, properly clothed, and their quarters tidy; however, it is not my job to clean your house, do your laundry, or see that dinner is on the table for you when you return from work; so please do not expect me to do these things for you.

2) Part of my job as a Nanny is to see that your children are properly disciplined. I personally do not believe in spanking, so please do not ask me to hit your child. Even if I were a proponent of spanking, the liability alone would stay my hand. A revoking of privileges will usually do the trick.

3) I may not have children of my own, but this does not mean I do not know how to raise a child. Please do not speak down to me. Most Nannies possess post-secondary education and/or specialized training in the field of early childhood education and are better prepared to deal with the stresses of child-rearing than many parents.

4) Please do not take your emotions out on me when your child runs to me before/instead of you to show off their accomplishments/milestones/etc. As a Nanny, I will always encourage your child to put you first; but I cannot help it if they feel a closer bond to me. Consider spending more time with your child and see a closer bond with them develop.

5) If you need me to work overtime I am going to need more than five minutes notice at the end of my shift. You know that you are working late/have plans after work/are stuck in traffic. Give me the courtesy of knowing this, too, so I can notify the people who are waiting on me.

6) Please do not undermine the authority you vested in me when your children complain that I am being "mean" by not giving in to their every desire. There is a reason why I am not allowing them to have ice cream before bed, and it is not because I don't want to deal with them being hyper until after midnight. It might be because I know they have an 8 AM soccer game and need a good night's sleep in order to play their best.

7) Pay me on time. I nanny your child in order to make a living, not because I enjoy their company so much that I quit my day job to spend more time with him/her.

8) While on the subject of payment: If you want me to go on your family vacation with you, you will have to pay me my regular wages as well as my travel expenses. It may be a vacation for you, but it is still work for me; so do not expect me to be grateful for the "opportunity" to travel. You would not go on a business trip for no pay; do not expect me to do the same.

9) Respect my days off and do not expect me to be available on those days. Your boss does not call you at home and demand that you come in to the office on your day off, nor should you do the same to me.

10) Understand that as much as I care about (and for) your child and am like family to you, I am still your employee. Do not expect me to spend Christmas Day or other holidays with you. I have my own family and will be spending time with them. I make this matter clear to your child; please do not confuse them by suggesting otherwise when they whine about how they would like me to be there.

Thank you for giving me a larger voice, Tazi!

Signed,
The Nanny

Dear The Nanny:

My Mommie worked as a part-time Nanny many years ago, so I ran your list by her to see if she agreed. Many of the reasons you listed are among the reasons she chose not to continue in that field, and she actually spewed her coffee from laughing so hard over Rule #7. Apparently, there are a lot of parents who think that payment for services rendered is optional. (She would like to state for the record, though, that the parents she worked for were all amazing, and always paid her on time!).

Thank you for these suggestions! Readers, if you employ a Nanny - or even a part-time babysitter or a daycare professional - please print out a copy of these rules and tape them to your refrigerator door as a reminder to be professionally courteous to your child-care provider.

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

When Is It Time To Let The Security Blanket Go?

Dear Tazi:

My husband and I are having a disagreement over our daughter’s security blanket. “Caroline” has had blankie since birth and the wear and tear on it makes this fact quite evident. I wash her blanket at least once a week, but the thing is permanently stained and has several holes that can no longer be darned. I want to throw the thing out, but my husband is firmly set against it and tells me that I need to find a better way to clean it and “preserve” it. I have suggested that we “lose” blankie while at the grocery store or shopping center or even while on vacation, but he is firmly set against my plan and insists that Caroline will give up her blanket when she is ready.

Tazi, my daughter is five and a half years old and will be starting first grade in the fall. She went to half-day kindergarten and was able to live without blankie through that! She will be in school for a full-day starting next month. I say this is the perfect time for her blankie to find its way into the garbage pickup. I have talked to Caroline about ditching the blanket, but she only holds onto it tighter, so an intervention seems to be what is needed and I am getting no support from her father. Am I being too strict, as my husband claims, or is he being too soft?

Signed,

Southwest Mom

Dear Southwest Mom:

While blankie sounds disgusting, believe it or not this is how animals (including humans) form attachments to stuff. For a creature with a superior sense of smell – such a moi and my fellow felines – an unwashed blanket smells like us and the humans and home we love; it provides us with a sense of belonging. The stains on your daughter’s blanket form a history of her short memory and give her a sense of security in unfamiliar places and situations. To rip this away from her without warning would be callous; however, she is reaching an age where she should naturally want to shed the blanket. If she doesn’t do it soon (as in by the time of her first slumber party) an intervention may be necessary.

Here is an idea that may work for you: You say that the blanket’s holes are beyond darning, so don’t do it. Allow the holes to get larger and eventually the blanket will tear in half - on its own or with a little assistance from the washing machine (hint, hint). When blankie tears, tell Caroline that she needs to choose which half she wants to keep (you can help this decision process by making sure one half is much more ragged and nasty than the other). The half Caroline does not keep gets thrown away. Repeat the process as necessary (once every few weeks so as not to arouse her suspicions). Eventually, blankie will be a pocket-sized square that she can tuck inside her coat. Surely you cannot object to that?

My bigger concern is your husband’s attitude; by outright overruling you and refusing to compromise he is disrespecting you as his wife and partner and treating you like another child. I have no idea if he is like this in other areas of your marriage or just when it comes to your daughter, but try not to lose your tenacity; you are going to need it in the coming years.

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Morbidly Obese Child Needs Acceptance, Love,...and A Healthier Direction

Dear Tazi:

My son’s mother and I are divorced and we share custody. “Justin” is eight years old and of average height, but he weights almost 120 pounds. The boy is morbidly obese, and I am deeply concerned about his health. With regard to his upbringing, this is the one issue over which his mother and I disagree; unfortunately, that disagreement spills over into several areas.

When Justin is at my house, I make sure he eats healthy foods; plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables, lean meats, and low-fat foods. Justin is not happy with this arrangement, but he has learned the hard way that if he does not eat the food he is given less nutritional alternatives will not be offered. When Justin is with his Mom, the opposite is true. She has given in to Justin’s desires for poor dietary choices like macaroni and cheese, Raman noodles, hot dogs, and sugary foods.

We have only been divorced for two years, and Justin’s weight has more than doubled during that time. His pediatrician has ruled out any glandular problems, and agrees with me that Justin’s weight problem is related to diet; my ex-wife insists that it is “just baby-fat” and that he will lose it as he ages. I am afraid that my son will not be aging well and will die young if his diet is not overhauled now. He gets absolutely no exercise at his Mom’s house, since she allows him to sit around and play video games whenever he is with her. I try to make Justin exercise, but the effort it takes him just to ride his bike up and down the street is heartbreaking, and he is soon sweating, out of breath, and begging for a Gatorade.

My ex-wife could easily afford to buy healthy food for Justin – I have offered to purchase it for her myself, but she refused, telling me that money is not the problem; the problem is that at the end of the day she lacks the energy to argue with Justin over what he will and will not eat. She thinks it abusive to allow him to refuse a meal until he realizes that healthy food in a reasonable portion size is all he is going to get. (Portion size is something else his mother refuses to control; last Halloween she allowed him to eat an entire pound of chocolate in one night to make up for the fact that he did not have the energy to go trick or treating.).

I am considering suing for full custody of my son, a commitment I am willing to undertake to save his physical health, but I do not wish to take him away from his mother. I just want his mother to be a more responsible caregiver. Can you think of any other way to motivate her, short of taking our son away from her?

Signed,

Fit And Frustrated

Dear Fit And Frustrated:

Your letter leaves me feeling a deep concern for your son. It is obvious from his choice of food that he is being malnourished while at the same time being fed to death! From the sound of his diet he is not receiving the nutrients he needs to fortify his growing body, and at the same time is receiving too much of nutrients meant to be taken in sparingly. A single serving of Raman noodles in sauce has over 1,200 mg of sodium; if Justin is eating the entire block of noodles, that is two servings – and more than a full day’s worth of sodium and carbohydrates, with little to no other vitamins or protein.

From what you say, your son will eat nutritious food in proper portions, he just prefers junk food. Since your ex-wife is worn-out at the end of the day and caves to Justin’s preferences, a plan that works for her will be the plan that is most successful. Her comment that Justin’s extra pounds are “just baby fat” is obviously a denial of the reality that is before her eyes. Rather than sue for full custody – a serious and dramatic step – try other options first.

Together – as a family – the three of you should see a Nutritionalist. Showing Justin a united front on this issue may be what he needs to realize the severity of his problem, and will also show that he can no longer pit one parent against the other. A Nutritionalist will teach you – as parents – proper meal planning and foods appropriate for a growing boy who needs to lose weight. S/he will teach Justin the definition of portion size and tasty substitutes for his favorite foods. For example, turkey hot dogs are fat free and make a delicious substitute for beef or pork frankfurters; fresh fruit can be sweeter than candy.

Justin also needs to start exercising. Nobody likes to exercise alone, so as his parents you need to make it a point to exercise with him. Since Justin likes video games, the Wii Fit or other game system that requires physical movement to play would be an excellent investment made on his behalf. Justin did not double his weight overnight, and it will take a while for him to lose it.

Making diet and exercise a punishment will only discourage him from following such a regimen, so I do not suggest that you withhold food from him. Rather, try to find compromise. Both you and Justin’s mother should try meal planning, and include Justin in the process; if he feels involved in deciding what’s for dinner every night there will be no battles to fight with him at the end of the day. In the end, you need to make Justin’s journey a journey towards better health and more energy, not about making him feel badly about himself.

Snuggles,

Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.