Bake-Off Offers A Teaching Moment For Grandma and Granddaughter

Dear Tazi:

My eldest granddaughter is fourteen and is interested in baking.  She is very good at following a recipe, but does not yet have enough experience to create recipes of her own.  I know in time she will do just fine, and I am very proud of her skills.  I do a lot to support her, including assisting her with the cost of some of the more expensive ingredients for her cookies, cakes, and pies, and I am always willing to give her an honest opinion on her finished products.

My problem is that "Bethany" would like to enter the Annual Christmas Pie Bake-Off that our church holds every year.  There is a small entry fee, which I will be glad to cover for her, and a "tasting" fee for the public to join in on the fun and choose their favorite pie.  All the money goes to the church, so that they may continue with their missions of the Good Word.

I would be thrilled if Bethany wanted to enter the Bake-Off on her own, but she cannot.  The rules strictly state that all pie recipes must be original to the baker and, as I have already mentioned, Bethany has not yet formulated recipes of her own.  The Bake-Off is only a month away, so Bethany does not have time to try and formulate her own pie recipe. She is aware of this, and has asked me to let her use one of my pie recipes.

Tazi, I do not know what to do about this request!  On the one hand, I would love to see Bethany compete in her first Bake-Off; but on the other hand, I would like to see her do it with her own recipe.  To use my (award-winning) recipe under her name would be cheating!  I realize that all the money raised goes to the church, and one less entrant means that much less money for the church missions, but I don't think cheating is a very Christian way to go about raising that extra money!

Tazi, Bethany has her heart set on entering the Bake-Off this year.  I don't want to tell her no, but I feel like my conscience will bother me too much if I say yes.  What do you suggest, Tazi?

Signed,
Cherry Pie Mess

Dear Cherry Pie Mess:

Mmmmmm.....pie!  Where exactly is this annual Bake-Off?  Is it somewhere in the New England area where I could make Mommie and Daddy drive to and bring me back some pie?  Oh, I am being self-centered again - sorry, I lapsed!

My concern is not for your conscience, but for your granddaughter's.  Does she realize that the contest requires all pie recipes be property of the person entering it?  Before you do anything else, you need to explain this fact to Bethany.  Her response can guide your conscience towards the next step to take.

If Bethany was unaware of the rules and her request was perfectly innocent, is it possible that the two of you enter as one?  You could work together to make the pie and enter as a Grandma-Granddaughter Pie Baking Team!  If I were attending the Bake-Off, I would be perfectly charmed at the idea of two generations spending quality time together for a good cause.

If each entrant must be a solo entrant, in good conscience you must tell Bethany that she cannot use your recipe, but that you could work with her to try and develop her own pie recipe in time for the big event.  The recipe would have to be Bethany's own idea, but you could offer guidance as to what flavors work well together and what flavors do not.  My personal favorite is blueberry-peach pie!  Yummy!

One last possibility is that Bethany is aware of the rules and trying to sneak around them.  If this is the case, you need to have a frank talk with your granddaughter about good sportsmanship and fair play...and then tell her that she is on her own in finding a Bake-Off winning recipe until she shows a better sense of character.

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

ALL Moms Are "Working Moms", Regardless Of Where They Spend Their Day

Dear Tazi:

Like you, I am a work-from-home professional. I have a very busy schedule, from the moment I start work around 8:30 AM until I clock out after 5:00 PM, Monday through Friday. It took me a long time to get my clients to accept my disciplined schedule, but they now respect the fact that I will not work overtime or weekends "just for them"; and they accept the reasonable time estimates that I give them for their projects.

I am also the mother of two elementary school aged twin boys, and the parents of their friends and classmates assume that because I am "home" during the day that I am available to chaperone field trips; or be the after-school host to all of my children's friends. One of my neighbors actually asked me to pick up her sick child from school (and watch him until her husband got home from work). Tazi-Kat, I have a very busy schedule and am not about to let people take advantage of me! I politely explain to people that I work from home, and am not a full-time homemaker. I do offer to chaperone the children's field trips at least once a quarter, and host play-dates once a week, and on weekends.

My problem is that this schedule-sharing is not enough for the President of the school PTA, "Sheila", who called me at home (during the work day) and left a scathing message on my answering machine, demanding that I pick up the phone because she "knew" that I was home. Apparently, the school was hosting a bake sale that I did not know about because my sons forgot to bring home the flyer that asked parents to bake something. I called Sheila the first chance I was able, and politely explained to her that I did not get the memo about baking, and she made some very rude comments to me about how I must "sit on my ass eating bon bons while other people have to go to work". After that comment, I politely ended the conversation.

I have heard through the grapevine that a lot of parents did not receive a flyer about a bake sale, and it turns out that only the children of women that Sheila considers to be "stay at home moms" received one! Now, I am curious if my sons honestly forgot to bring home the flyer or if they never received one to bring home. There is a PTA meeting coming up soon, and I would like to address this matter during the open forum part of the meeting, but I am not certain what to say. Any advice, Tazi-Kat?

Signed,
A Working Mom (At Home During The Day)

Dear Working Mom:

You are in a bit of a quandary, aren't you? I assume your sons will say that they never received a flyer regardless of whether they did or not, so I will put that question into suspension and present the scenario as-is: If you go to the PTA meeting assuming that Sheila did not have a flyer sent home with your sons, it means that she is of the understanding that you work professionally from home; and that she owes you an apology for her rude, crude message. If you go into the meeting assuming that Sheila did send a flyer home with your sons, then Sheila needs to be corrected of the mistaken assumption that you are a "stay-at-home mom" in addition to apologizing to you for her rude and crude message. While I am on the subject of apologies, I would like to add that Sheila owes all "stay at home moms" an apology for not only assuming that they have the time in their schedules to sit around eating bon bons, but for also putting the responsibility of baking solely upon their collective shoulders!

I would find it hard to believe that you were the only woman Sheila singled out for such harsh treatment, so you will probably have supporters at the PTA meeting who will join you in discussing this matter during the open forum portion of the meeting - if the meeting gets that far before this issue is addressed. I am not certain that even Robert's Rules of Order will be able to keep things under control, so I would suggest you do your best to keep control of your temper, and lead by example. Please write back to let me know how this situation ends. I hope all turns out well.

Snuggles,
Tazi