Bake-Off Offers A Teaching Moment For Grandma and Granddaughter

Dear Tazi:

My eldest granddaughter is fourteen and is interested in baking.  She is very good at following a recipe, but does not yet have enough experience to create recipes of her own.  I know in time she will do just fine, and I am very proud of her skills.  I do a lot to support her, including assisting her with the cost of some of the more expensive ingredients for her cookies, cakes, and pies, and I am always willing to give her an honest opinion on her finished products.

My problem is that "Bethany" would like to enter the Annual Christmas Pie Bake-Off that our church holds every year.  There is a small entry fee, which I will be glad to cover for her, and a "tasting" fee for the public to join in on the fun and choose their favorite pie.  All the money goes to the church, so that they may continue with their missions of the Good Word.

I would be thrilled if Bethany wanted to enter the Bake-Off on her own, but she cannot.  The rules strictly state that all pie recipes must be original to the baker and, as I have already mentioned, Bethany has not yet formulated recipes of her own.  The Bake-Off is only a month away, so Bethany does not have time to try and formulate her own pie recipe. She is aware of this, and has asked me to let her use one of my pie recipes.

Tazi, I do not know what to do about this request!  On the one hand, I would love to see Bethany compete in her first Bake-Off; but on the other hand, I would like to see her do it with her own recipe.  To use my (award-winning) recipe under her name would be cheating!  I realize that all the money raised goes to the church, and one less entrant means that much less money for the church missions, but I don't think cheating is a very Christian way to go about raising that extra money!

Tazi, Bethany has her heart set on entering the Bake-Off this year.  I don't want to tell her no, but I feel like my conscience will bother me too much if I say yes.  What do you suggest, Tazi?

Signed,
Cherry Pie Mess

Dear Cherry Pie Mess:

Mmmmmm.....pie!  Where exactly is this annual Bake-Off?  Is it somewhere in the New England area where I could make Mommie and Daddy drive to and bring me back some pie?  Oh, I am being self-centered again - sorry, I lapsed!

My concern is not for your conscience, but for your granddaughter's.  Does she realize that the contest requires all pie recipes be property of the person entering it?  Before you do anything else, you need to explain this fact to Bethany.  Her response can guide your conscience towards the next step to take.

If Bethany was unaware of the rules and her request was perfectly innocent, is it possible that the two of you enter as one?  You could work together to make the pie and enter as a Grandma-Granddaughter Pie Baking Team!  If I were attending the Bake-Off, I would be perfectly charmed at the idea of two generations spending quality time together for a good cause.

If each entrant must be a solo entrant, in good conscience you must tell Bethany that she cannot use your recipe, but that you could work with her to try and develop her own pie recipe in time for the big event.  The recipe would have to be Bethany's own idea, but you could offer guidance as to what flavors work well together and what flavors do not.  My personal favorite is blueberry-peach pie!  Yummy!

One last possibility is that Bethany is aware of the rules and trying to sneak around them.  If this is the case, you need to have a frank talk with your granddaughter about good sportsmanship and fair play...and then tell her that she is on her own in finding a Bake-Off winning recipe until she shows a better sense of character.

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

For Some, Everything Is A Competition - Even Illness

Dear Tazi:

My sister-in-law "Betsy" has me wanting to scream! With her, everything is a competition. Back when she and my brother were dating Betsy saw me as a threat because he and I were so close, so she felt the need to one-up me every chance she got. If I won an award, Betsy would talk about how many more awards she had won; if I bought a new dress, Betsy would run out and buy and entire new wardrobe; when I took up photography as a hobby, Betsy invested in a professional digital camera. She even delayed her wedding to my brother because she wanted a nicer venue than the one my husband and I had! You get the picture. The worst part is, Betsy and my brother do not have the money to be making all of these expensive purchases! Because my brother is head over heels for Betsy, he lets her charge whatever she wants tot heir credit cards, with the idea that they will get paid off "eventually". Her attitude upsets not just me, but the rest of my family as well.

I am generally not petty, and have learned to ignore Betsy's insecure behaviors, but she recently went beyond the pale and I am not sure I can hold it together around her much longer. What started out as a recent, routine doctor's appointment turned into a living nightmare when a lump was discovered in my breast. The doctor did not want to worry me, but was concerned enough to order a biopsy, the results of which would take a couple of weeks.

I did not want to call a false alarm and worry my family; but I did not want them to wonder why I was suddenly so moody and short-tempered while waiting on the test results, so I told my husband and immediate family - our children, my parents, and my brother. Since I really did not need Betsy's one-upmanship during this time, I did not tell her about my biopsy, but she found out anyway from my brother, who mentioned it in conversation with her.

Thankfully, the biopsy came back normal and I do not have cancer. For this, I am grateful. However, I now have to deal with Betsy carrying on about how I "always have to be the center of attention" and "worried the family half out of mind over nothing" and, worst of all, her own tales of "the many times" she thought she might have cancer but was "strong enough" to keep it to herself. At first, I was concerned that Betsy had gone through cancer scares alone in an attempt to appear brave, but after my mother pressed her she elaborated - her "cancer scares" were no more than WebMD symptom searches, where anything can be cancer if you look hard enough.

Tazi, I want to take the high road, and I have tried to put this past me, but Betsy just announced (over Sunday dinner, no less) that she has a doctor's appointment because she's been having headaches and "might have a brain tumor" and wants to have her symptoms evaluated "like 'Jennifer' did at her last doctor's appointment". Thankfully, I had a mouthful of food and started choking, allowing me to excuse myself before taking Betsy to task. How should I handle things, when this issue arises again?

Sign Me,
"Jennifer"

Dear "Jennifer":

First, let me offer you my congratulations that you are cancer free - such a health scare is like no other, so I can completely understand why you are offended by your sister-in-law's self-diagnosis, and her comparison of her special doctor's appointment with your routine one.

One detail you left our was your family's reaction to Betsy's news. Were they honestly concerned or was there a lot of eye-rolling in her direction? I ask because both extremes will feed Betsy's need for attention - the former a reward for her pleas, the latter a challenge to try harder. Betsy's reaction to your health scare - and her constant need to be the best - stem from a very fragile ego. Whether Betsy suffers from low self-esteem or an inflated sense of self-worth, it is obvious that she sees you as a threat to the love that her husband (your brother) feels for her.

I would advise you to sit down with Betsy and be straight with her. Explain to her - nicely - that you are concerned that she seems to constantly need to compete with you for attention, and that this competition is one-sided; that she is family, and that you wish to have the close relationship that sisters-in-law should have. Tell her that the comments she made about your needlessly worrying the family hurt you and that you did not share your medical news to draw attention to yourself, but rather to explain a sudden change in personality.

I cannot promise that, as a result of this conversation and line of reasoning, Betsy will change her behavior, but she will at least be aware of how you and the rest of the family view it. I would like to recommend counseling for Betsy, but for you to suggest it to her would most likely end badly. I just hope that she is reading this column, and sees herself in your letter.

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Baker's Secret Ingredient Comes From A Box

Dear Tazi:

I feel like such a fraud. I grew up in a world of 4-H club, Grange, and Future Farmers. Put me in a barnyard, and I can win blue ribbons with my eyes closed and one hand tied behind me back; but put me in a kitchen and I am as helpless as a newborn baby.

My Mom was always an amazing baker, and her pies would win first prize in every contest she entered. People would rave about her baking, and she was frequently approached by local restaurants asking her to bake for their dessert menus. After Mom passed away a few years ago, I inherited her recipes. As a tribute to her, I decided it was time that I learned to bake, too. I figured that with Mama's recipes, I would finally be able to make something that was worth eating. Boy, was I wrong!

Tazi, my pie crusts are like shoe leather and no matter what I do, my cakes always fall flat. Even I won't eat my own peach preserves, they are so runny; and my pear tart is frightening. A part of me feels like I am letting Mama down, so I have tried even harder to learn how to bake; but it seems like the harder I try to worse I fail. I finally gave up, and in a moment of desperation (I had company coming over, and they were looking forward to Mama's cherry cobbler) I bought a Pillsbury pie crust and some jarred cherry preserves in the next town over (which is about 30 miles away) and threw together the best darn cobbler I have ever tasted. It was apparent that my guests thought so, too, because they all told me how amazing my cobbler was - even better than my Mom's, God rest her soul!

Word of how delicious my cherry cobbler was spread quickly - mostly because people were shocked that I could bake anything that would turn out edible - and now people are encouraging me to enter my cobbler in an upcoming bake-off. Tazi, I just can't...the bake-off requires homemade recipes, and my ingredients are all store-bought! If I enter the bake-off, I will feel like a complete fraud; but what excuse can I give to avoid entering? All I ever wanted to do was make Mama proud. Now, I feel like she must be rolling in her grave.

Signed,
Pillsbury Dough Girl

Dear Pillsbury Dough Girl:

Although I cannot vouch for the jarred cherry preserves you purchased, I have to say that Pillsbury makes one amazing pie crust! If the preserves you purchased were just as good, that cherry cobbler you made had to be out of this world! I don't even LIKE people food, but I always make an exception for chicken pot-pie made with Pillsbury crust. I'm not helping your guilt any, am I? Sorry...

Not everyone has your mother's talents in the kitchen, just as not everyone has your talents in the barnyard. It is okay to not be good at everything; but it is not okay to misrepresent yourself in a competition. How would you feel if someone's hog won a blue ribbon for size because they hopped it up on steroids? I bet you would feel the same as the woman who slaved over her pie crust but received a red ribbon because you took first place.

If I were you, I would not - under any circumstances - enter that bake-off that folks are encouraging you to enter. If they ask you why you refuse to enter, tell them the truth: that the recipes you have are not your own; they were created by your mother and the honor of competing with them belonged to her. Then let the matter drop. Unless it is the Pillsbury Bake-Off* that you are entering, then by all means go for it - just be sure to reveal that you are using Pillsbury ingredients, a requirement of all entrants.

Snuggles,
Tazi

*The 2012 Pillsbury Bake-Off actually took place this past Tuesday.


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Woman Needs to Be The Best, Bride Fears Being Topped On Her Wedding Day

Dear Tazi:

I have a friend who reminds me of the Dilbert character “Topper”. Whatever you say, she can top it. When I broke my ankle and needed help getting around, she droned on about how she once broke her leg in three places but still managed to get the grocery shopping done with no assistance (her brother secretly told me that it was a slight fracture, and that she used the Stop and shop Peapod® service!). Another time, a mutual friend was describing her vacation to the Açores – a trip she had to save for for two years – when Topper interrupted her to tell of her planned trip to the Galapagos Islands; when the trip did not materialize she claimed that she had to cancel it due to the fact that her company simply could not run without her for the two weeks she planned on being gone. Barf.

I am engaged and am planning my wedding. Topper has offered to plan it for me, as her wedding gift to my fiancé and me. While I have to admit she does have some amazing connections and huge talents in the area of event planning (she is a professional event planner), I am afraid that if I accept my wedding will turn into The Topper Show. My fiancé would prefer that Topper have nothing to do with the planning of our wedding, but so far he has had nothing to do with the planning of our wedding, either. All of the work has fallen upon me, and I am feeling slightly overwhelmed. I cannot afford to pay for a wedding planner, and Topper really wants to do it. In spite of her need to be the best at everything, she is a really great person and a good friend in all other aspects. What do you say, Tazi?

Signed,
Topped Off

Dear Topped Off:

I can see your predicament. On the one hand, free wedding planning services from a professional event planner can be a huge temptation; the only problem is that your wedding guests may have to spend the day hearing Topper brag about how she planned the whole day. However, I have a feeling that as a wedding guest Topper will be making every conversation about her anyway, so why fight her when you can make her an ally?

Sometimes, the best way to stop someone from going down a particular path is to cut them off at the pass. I suggest that you accept Topper’s generous offer to plan your wedding as her gift to you. In return for her generosity, you can publically thank her by adding your ebullient and gracious thanks to her at the end of your wedding program. This should give Topper all the attention she wants – and deserves for her efforts. If your wedding guests know enough to compliment Topper for her efforts she may suddenly be struck by a sense of humility, brought on by the sense of fulfillment she is so desperately seeking. Of course, things may go the exact opposite way, too, with Topper basking in your limelight, but that is one reason why you have a Maid/Matron of Honor – to handle problems that crop up so you can enjoy your special day. Make sure that your Honor attendant is aware of Topper’s possible behavior, and make certain that she feels comfortable handling Topper’s special temperament.

I wish you all the best as your wedding approaches and in your married life!

Snuggles,
Tazi

P.S. As for your fiancé’s opinion, until he starts helping you with the wedding planning he has no right to turn down Topper’s offer! --T.K.


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Competitive Eating Requires A Lot Of Training, Strong Stomach

Dear Tazi:

Have you ever seen the movie Cool Hand Luke? It’s an old movie. My brother and I were stuck home with the flu and Grandma was watching us and she put that movie on to watch. It was okay, but what was really awesome was when that Paul Newman guy had to eat 50 hard boiled eggs in an hour. GROSS! My brother challenged me to do it. I don’t think it can be done. I think the movie faked it. My Dad is a weightlifter and he says too much protein will make you sick and eggs are all protein. My brother says I am scared to lose. My Mom says no, because it would be a waste of food. My brother says he will pay for the eggs with his allowance, but Mom still says no.

Do you think it can be done, Tazi? Can a person eat 50 hard boiled eggs in one hour? My brother has a plan to get Mom to say yes.

Signed,

Cool Hand Jeffrey

Dear Cool Hand Jeffrey:

You did see how sick that “Paul Newman guy” looked after eating a couple dozen hard boiled eggs, right? And that was only half of what he was supposed to eat, and he was a full grown man! Eggs are almost all protein and fat – two substances that make you feel really full, really fast so you don’t need to eat a lot of them. Also, protein takes a while to digest, so your tummy can only hold so much of it; try to stuff down too much at once and you will throw up!

Cats barf too much to make good competitive eaters...

There are many different types of competitive eating contests, the most famous one being the Nathan’s Famous 4th of July Hot dog Eating contest, where you see people eating enormous amounts of food in a very short time. Like weightlifters and other athletes, these people train to do what they do so they do not get hurt or sick. So, to answer your question can a person eat 50 hard boiled eggs in one hour? Only if they work their way up to it; just like a weightlifter cannot dead-lift 300 pounds on the first try, neither can a person eat 50 hard-boiled eggs on the first try. Don’t waste your money or food by trying; not everything you see in the movies is real.

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.