Dear Tazi:
I have a friend who reminds me of the Dilbert character “Topper”. Whatever you say, she can top it. When I broke my ankle and needed help getting around, she droned on about how she once broke her leg in three places but still managed to get the grocery shopping done with no assistance (her brother secretly told me that it was a slight fracture, and that she used the Stop and shop Peapod® service!). Another time, a mutual friend was describing her vacation to the Açores – a trip she had to save for for two years – when Topper interrupted her to tell of her planned trip to the Galapagos Islands; when the trip did not materialize she claimed that she had to cancel it due to the fact that her company simply could not run without her for the two weeks she planned on being gone. Barf.
I am engaged and am planning my wedding. Topper has offered to plan it for me, as her wedding gift to my fiancé and me. While I have to admit she does have some amazing connections and huge talents in the area of event planning (she is a professional event planner), I am afraid that if I accept my wedding will turn into The Topper Show. My fiancé would prefer that Topper have nothing to do with the planning of our wedding, but so far he has had nothing to do with the planning of our wedding, either. All of the work has fallen upon me, and I am feeling slightly overwhelmed. I cannot afford to pay for a wedding planner, and Topper really wants to do it. In spite of her need to be the best at everything, she is a really great person and a good friend in all other aspects. What do you say, Tazi?
Signed,
Topped Off
Dear Topped Off:
I can see your predicament. On the one hand, free wedding planning services from a professional event planner can be a huge temptation; the only problem is that your wedding guests may have to spend the day hearing Topper brag about how she planned the whole day. However, I have a feeling that as a wedding guest Topper will be making every conversation about her anyway, so why fight her when you can make her an ally?
Sometimes, the best way to stop someone from going down a particular path is to cut them off at the pass. I suggest that you accept Topper’s generous offer to plan your wedding as her gift to you. In return for her generosity, you can publically thank her by adding your ebullient and gracious thanks to her at the end of your wedding program. This should give Topper all the attention she wants – and deserves for her efforts. If your wedding guests know enough to compliment Topper for her efforts she may suddenly be struck by a sense of humility, brought on by the sense of fulfillment she is so desperately seeking. Of course, things may go the exact opposite way, too, with Topper basking in your limelight, but that is one reason why you have a Maid/Matron of Honor – to handle problems that crop up so you can enjoy your special day. Make sure that your Honor attendant is aware of Topper’s possible behavior, and make certain that she feels comfortable handling Topper’s special temperament.
I wish you all the best as your wedding approaches and in your married life!
Snuggles,
Tazi
P.S. As for your fiancé’s opinion, until he starts helping you with the wedding planning he has no right to turn down Topper’s offer! --T.K.
Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.
I have a friend who reminds me of the Dilbert character “Topper”. Whatever you say, she can top it. When I broke my ankle and needed help getting around, she droned on about how she once broke her leg in three places but still managed to get the grocery shopping done with no assistance (her brother secretly told me that it was a slight fracture, and that she used the Stop and shop Peapod® service!). Another time, a mutual friend was describing her vacation to the Açores – a trip she had to save for for two years – when Topper interrupted her to tell of her planned trip to the Galapagos Islands; when the trip did not materialize she claimed that she had to cancel it due to the fact that her company simply could not run without her for the two weeks she planned on being gone. Barf.
I am engaged and am planning my wedding. Topper has offered to plan it for me, as her wedding gift to my fiancé and me. While I have to admit she does have some amazing connections and huge talents in the area of event planning (she is a professional event planner), I am afraid that if I accept my wedding will turn into The Topper Show. My fiancé would prefer that Topper have nothing to do with the planning of our wedding, but so far he has had nothing to do with the planning of our wedding, either. All of the work has fallen upon me, and I am feeling slightly overwhelmed. I cannot afford to pay for a wedding planner, and Topper really wants to do it. In spite of her need to be the best at everything, she is a really great person and a good friend in all other aspects. What do you say, Tazi?
Signed,
Topped Off
Dear Topped Off:
I can see your predicament. On the one hand, free wedding planning services from a professional event planner can be a huge temptation; the only problem is that your wedding guests may have to spend the day hearing Topper brag about how she planned the whole day. However, I have a feeling that as a wedding guest Topper will be making every conversation about her anyway, so why fight her when you can make her an ally?
Sometimes, the best way to stop someone from going down a particular path is to cut them off at the pass. I suggest that you accept Topper’s generous offer to plan your wedding as her gift to you. In return for her generosity, you can publically thank her by adding your ebullient and gracious thanks to her at the end of your wedding program. This should give Topper all the attention she wants – and deserves for her efforts. If your wedding guests know enough to compliment Topper for her efforts she may suddenly be struck by a sense of humility, brought on by the sense of fulfillment she is so desperately seeking. Of course, things may go the exact opposite way, too, with Topper basking in your limelight, but that is one reason why you have a Maid/Matron of Honor – to handle problems that crop up so you can enjoy your special day. Make sure that your Honor attendant is aware of Topper’s possible behavior, and make certain that she feels comfortable handling Topper’s special temperament.
I wish you all the best as your wedding approaches and in your married life!
Snuggles,
Tazi
P.S. As for your fiancé’s opinion, until he starts helping you with the wedding planning he has no right to turn down Topper’s offer! --T.K.
Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.
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