Milk Is Expensive; Should He Buy The Cow?

Dear Tazi:

Do you know the expression "Why buy the cow when milk is so cheap?" Well, milk is no longer cheap. In fact, the price of it is continuously climbing, with the price of local, organic milk topping $7.00 a gallon!

I live in a rural area, and would like to buy a cow in order to produce my own fresh, organic milk. The cost of the cow would be amortized over the years and, in the end, I believe the cost of owning and caring for a milking cow will be cheaper than continuing to buy milk. My wife says I am crazy, and refuses to even consider my plan. She likes you, Tazi, and always says your advice is spot-on, so I know she will listen to you if you agree with me about buying a cow. What do you say? Cats like milk!

Signed,
Milk Lover

Dear Milk Lover:

You are really talking about milk, right; and not a metaphor for something else? And for the record, a cat's love of milk is an old wives tale. Most cats lack both the ability to taste sweet foods and to digest lactose. If offered milk, most of us cats will drink it for the moisture and promptly get sick.

I just re-read your letter to make sure I wasn't missing anything - you really are considering buying a cow? - and have to ask if you have considered all the angles, including the facts that:

1) a cow has to be milked every day, 2 - 3 times a day, so long as she is producing.

2) a cow is a mammal, and like all mammals does not produce milk (without chemical encouragement) unless she is lactating - which requires her to have recently calved and be regularly pumped in order to keep producing, lest her milk start to dry-up.

3) a good producer can produce 8 - 10 gallons of milk per day; so unless you are Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar or you are planning on sharing your product with the neighbors, you are going to be drowning in milk.

It is possible to purchase a genetically hybridized cow that is smaller and therefore produces only 1 - 2 gallons of milk per day; but you imply a preference for organic milk, so I am not certain this would be the avenue for you to take. WikiHow offers detailed information on how to keep a milking cow, including important considerations on feeding, grazing, and medical care (did you factor veterinary bills into your amortization?).

If at the very least you are not willing to wake every morning at 5 AM to milk your cow - no days off, no holidays, no vacations, and no sleeping-in - and rush home after work every evening to milk her again (no drinks with friends or working overtime), then you should not be entertaining the idea of getting a dairy cow. This is in addition to all of the other responsibilities that come with owning a farm animal. Milk is suddenly looking a whole lot cheaper, huh?

If it is fresh, local, organic milk you seek for a reasonable price you could probably buy it directly from a local diary farmer. Many rural areas have local farms that sell their product to large, commercial dairy producers - a solution to your problem that is much cheaper than buying the cow.

Snuggles to you and your wife,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Tazi's Corner #73 - Paging Dr. Dolittle

Dear Readers,

I hope those of you who celebrate had a blessed Solstice, a festive Festivus, a Merry Christmas, and are enjoying a sacred Kwanzaa this past week! My, how busy it has been! I have hardly had time to catch my breath between celebrations (yes, I celebrate them ALL!).

In the midst of my celebrating, I was taken aback by a heart-wrenching story of a fellow kitty cat named Tiger, from West Virginia, who got his back legs caught in an (illegal) bear trap. This brave kitty chewed off both of his hind legs and dragged himself back home in an effort to return to his humans and mewl for assistance..

Tiger is one brave kitty!
(Photo courtesy of Facebook/FortheLoveofAlexInc.)

As you can imagine, Tiger's veterinary bills were large and his humans will need assistance in paying them. I am sure there are those of you out there who believe that a person should not own a pet if they cannot afford to care for one, but which of you has the money set aside for your own catastrophic illness? Which of you could easily write a check for a $20,000 insurance co-pay for an infant born premature or a child suffering from cancer? Unlike human hospitals, animals hospitals have the right to turn away a patient due to inability to pay; unlike a human hospital, precious few animal hospitals will bill a patient for services rendered and unlike human medical insurance a lot of animal doctors do not accept pet health insurance policies. Here in America families struggle to purchase their own health coverage, let alone coverage for a pet. Today I ask you to assist Tiger's family in paying for his medical care. Can you donate a dollar (or more if you are able) to For the Love of Alex Inc. , a non-profit charity which has set up a medical fund to assist Tiger's family with his veterinary bills?

If each and every one of my readers donates a dollar, and asks their friends and families to donate a dollar as well, think of the amount that could be raised to help Tiger and other animals in need of life-saving surgery? Hundreds of thousands, if not millions of dollars! All for a donation that will cost you less than a  "short" coffee at Starbucks! Donations can be made by clicking here or by going directly to http://fortheloveofalex.org/donate.html. The site is secure, and you can even donate using your PayPal account! Simply write Tiger's name in the Referred by/Note to Seller box on the donation form! It really is that simple to help this kitty in need!If cats are not your bag, you can also choose to donate to a dog in need of medical assistance; simply specify what type of animal or even medical condition you would like your donation to help! [Ed. Note: If cats are not your bag, why are you reading an advice column written by one? Sorry, could not resist asking that!].

Readers, here is your chance to play Dr. Dolittle to an animal whose human is unable to afford emergency or catastrophic care for their beloved pet. The animals are paging you; please don't ignore them.

Before it was a movie, it was a book series!

If you go to the For the Love of Alex website, you will see that they do not use paid solicitors; I am writing this column for free because I believe it is an important charity to support. If you cannot donate, please help to spread the word by spreading this column via your social media!

Snuggles,
Tazi

P.S.: I realize that there are those of you who believe that cats belong indoors or on a runner, like dogs; that cats are responsible for the death of small animals from field mice to songbirds; that if Tiger had not been out wandering he would never have been injured. Please don't lose sight of the fact that this was an illegal bear trap that injured little Tiger! Rather than an animal, it could have been a child who was permanently maimed.


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

When Is A Dog Not A Dog? When It Is A Wolf!

Dear Tazi:

My sister, “Frances” has always been the type to “rescues” animals. I do not mean taking in an occasional stray dog or cat, although she does that, too; I mean going to the pet store and buying up all of the feeder animals (fish, mice, crickets, etc.) and freeing them. Frances also goes to the animal shelter to frequently adopt animals that are there. Thankfully, she lives on a large farm and has room for all of these critters. Frances works as a schoolteacher, and will often teach on the importance of ecological balance and why it is important to treat animals with respect – spay and neuter your dogs and cats; do not keep exotics as pets; and do not abandon animals into the wild. Unfortunately, frances does not always follow her own advice.

This summer, Frances started volunteering as a docent at our local zoo, which sits just outside a wooded area. During one of her shifts she noticed what she thought was a stray dog. She spend several weeks coaxing it to come to her and teaching it to trust her. After she succeeded in doing this, she brought it home to her farm. Tazi, a half-blind moron could tell by looking at this creature that it is more wolf than dog! When I mentioned this fact to Frances, she said that she had managed to tame it, so it must have a good amount of dog in it. I say the creature is dangerous to own and that she should return it to its natural habitat; but Frances refuses, saying it has come to depend on her and that putting it back into the wild is the equivalent of a death sentence.

Where Frances and I live, it is illegal to own a wolf hybrid. I admit the animal has not hurt anyone yet, but I am simply not comfortable with the idea of a wolf living among humans. It is unnatural. However, I cannot find it in my heart to turn Frances in to the animal control; they would see the animal put to sleep, and I do not want that hanging over my head. Do you know of any way to convince Frances of the error of her decision?

Signed,
Animal Lover, Too

Dear Animal Lover, Too:

A wolf is a wolf is a wolf, and the wolf in a wolf-dog hybrid trumps the dog portion of the animal. A wild animal can be tamed to an extent – meaning it can be taught through a system of punishment and reward to live among humans – but it will never be domesticated, which means it will never view a human as its master and its behavior will always remain unpredictable.

Your sister’s new “pet” was born in the wild, which means it will not adjust to domestic living – to try to force this lifestyle on the animal would be cruel and dangerous, not to mention illegal. If the animal was brought in as a pup I might argue differently, but from the sound of your letter this is a full grown wolf-hybrid; it will not adjust to captivity (which is what domestic living is for a wild animal). Furthermore, is your sister lives on or around an operating farm she is putting the lives of the surrounding livestock in very real danger. Even though it is half-dog, Frances’ hybrid will have no qualms about attacking sheep, chickens, and other slow-moving livestock – be it her own or the neighbor’s. Should it be a neighbor’s livestock that is damaged, you can bet that they will have no issue with calling animal control to see your sister’s “pet” put down, and your sister charged with keeping a wild/vicious animal.

The wolf-hybrid your sister has taken in has not lived with her long enough to become acclimated to human presence and regular provisions. It will have no problem readjusting to living in the wild, and I suggest that your sister return the animal to where she found it immediately.

Snuggles,
Tazi

P.S. As for the animals she is "freeing", she is sentencing them to certain death. Feeder animals are bred in captivity, and cannot survive in the wild. Although I am personally against feeding live animals to pets (mice have claws and teeth, and can scratch and injure) their freedom will lead to a much more painful death than being eaten by someone's pet. --T.K.

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

EXTRA EDITION: A Big Thank You to WJAR-NBC10/Providence-New Bedford!

Dear Readers:

The #1 NBC station in Southern New England is #1 in my heart tonight! WJAR-NBC10 has made a generous donation of $5,000 to local animal shelters as a thank you to their viewers for "liking" them on Facebook.

As a former shelter cat who, according to the staff, arrived "more dead than alive" I was nursed back to health when they could have just as easily (and much less expensively) put me to sleep. As much as I love to sleep, that is one nap no animal wants to take! It is thanks to the generosity of financial sponsors like NBC-10 that animals like me can find good and loving homes. Thank you, thank you, a thousand times thank you!!!

Sincerest of Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.