Love Triangle Causes Rift Between Brothers

Dear Tazi:

Have you ever watched the Audrey Hepburn movie Sabrina, the one where two brothers compete for the same woman? I am in a similar situation as that, and I need someone to referee. I will call the woman in question "Katherine".

My brother and I are both divorced and in our fifties, so we are not kids. Katherine is about a dozen years younger than both of us and has never been married, although she has not lacked for male attention. Until recently, I thought her reason for avoiding marriage was because she had never bothered to grow up; but I could not have been more wrong about this amazing woman.

I have always known Katherine from the community but never paid any attention to her except to say hello when our paths crossed. My brother knows Katherine better than I because his ex-wife used to babysit her; however, I never knew he harbored feelings for her until I asked her on a date. That was when [everything] broke loose.

I recently attended a charity fundraiser as a way to network with some business acquaintances (and to support a worthy cause) when I spotted Katherine talking to a potential client of mine like they were old friends. I was surprised to see her there, but was pleased when she waved me over to join the conversation so she might excuse herself for a moment. It was in talking with my potential client that I discovered there is more to Katherine than I realized. I discovered that she is not chronically unemployed and a career student, but works from home as an Event Planner and holds two Masters degrees. I also discovered that she donates her talents to charities and was on the planning board for that evening's event. Seeing her in this new light I was completely taken with her and barely left her side all evening. Before the night was over, I had a date with her for the following weekend.

My mother happened to see a photo from the charity event in the Society pages of the local newspaper. It was a group photo, but my proximity to Katherine caught her eye. My mother has always loved Katherine (they are in the same garden club) so she posted the picture on the refrigerator, which is where my brother saw it when he came to visit. This is where things got ugly.

I won't give you a blow-by-blow, but suffice to say my brother has expressed interest in dating Katherine. He claims that he has been waiting for the right time to ask her out, out of respect for his ex-wife's relationship to her. Tazi, it has been five years since my brother's divorce and he has dated a string of women in that time. It has been seven years since my divorce, and I have dated one woman (a long term relationship that ended two years ago). I am not one to ask a woman out on a whim, and I think Katherine and I really have a connection. My brother has told me if I go out with Katherine I can cross him off of my Christmas card list. I think he is being selfish, he thinks I am being traitorous. I asked our youngest brother to moderate the argument, but he refused to get involved. I saw a copy of your column taped to my mother's refrigerator and thought, "Why not?".

Signed,
"Linus"

Dear "Linus":

It was only after I looked over the IMDB listing for Sabrina that I understood your signature. I suppose I am going to have to watch the movie now, huh? With regard to your problem, I have one question for your brother: Is Katherine even interested in you? As for you, what made you view Katherine in such a negative light before you got to know her better? A Paw Slap of Disgust for each of you, and be glad I am not forwarding your letter to the woman who gives out throat punches!


Photo courtesy of LOL Cats
If this woman means all that your brother claims she means to him, why has he been dating a string of other women while biding his time to ask Katherine out on a date? If she is at all interested in him this has to have broken her heart! It sounds to me that he is jealous because you have "scored" something he wants but cannot have - a date with this woman.

Since Katherine accepted a date with you - that will have most likely occurred by the time this letter is printed - it would be rude of you to suddenly break off all contact with her. If things are going well with Katherine, I say continue to see her. Your brother will have to grow up and get over it. If things are not all that you hoped between you and Katherine, graciously bow out and allow your brother the opportunity to ask her on a date. Whatever you choose to do, you and your brother need to stop talking about Katherine like she is a piece of property. She is a woman, with feelings and a mind of her own.

Perfunctory snuggles,
Tazi

P.S. to your Mom: Thanks for printing and posting my column! It means a lot to me! -T.K.


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

It's Never Too Late To Apologize For Bad Behavior

Dear Tazi:

I am an idiot. No, I am a jerk. No, I am an idiot and a jerk! Several years ago I allowed an amazing woman to walk out of my life because I was not ready for a relationship and wanted to play the field. I grew up with "Alexandria", and never forgot about her because we live in the same parish so I see her around every now and then - at the grocery store, the Post Office, and other places like that; sometimes, I even go to church because I know that she will be there. This is how I know that she has been happily involved with someone for the past four years.

When I first heard that Alexandria was seeing someone, I was happy for her - and relieved that she had moved on with her life after I broke her heart. It wasn't that I didn't have feelings for her; it was that I wasn't ready to settle down with one woman. I was only thirty and still enjoying playing the field, while she wanted someone more serious. I am now thirty-eight and playing the field has lost its charm. Yes, there were women out there who were younger and prettier than Alexandria, but they all expected me to take care of them - from buying them their every drink from the moment I meet them to buying them expensive jewelry for every holiday. Alexandria used to tell me that a gift of jewelry is a sign of a serious commitment, and I am starting to feel the same, now that I am older, which is why I have bought a diamond tennis bracelet for her.

I realize that Alexandria is with someone, and I am not trying to tempt her away and back into my arms; I just want her to know how important she is to me and that I have finally seen the light - that a good woman is hard to find. I want to tell her that I was an idiot to let her walk away and that I am a jerk for walking all over her feelings all those years ago. I want her to know that, come what may, she will always hold a special place in my heart.

My mother has accused me of trying to start trouble for Alexandria, of going back to the roots I tried to poison, now that I am old and washed up. My sister has reminded me that Alexandria would probably refuse the bracelet anyway, and that I should return it while I still have the receipt. While Mama is wrong, my sister is probably right which is why I was wondering if you think it would be okay to put the bracelet - along with an anonymous note - in Alexandria's mailbox, where she is bound to find it.

Signed,
Lovelorn in Louisiana

Dear Lovelorn in Louisiana:

Were you drunk when you wrote this letter to me? It has been eight years since you broke up with Alexandria! She has been in a serious relationship for four - which, incidentally, does not mean it took her the prior four years to get over you! While an apology for past bad behavior is never the wrong thing to do, you appear to be moved by the wrong motivation.

If you truly care about Alexandria - as a childhood friend or as something more - you will leave her be to move through life without you. Your idea of leaving her a diamond tennis bracelet in her mailbox reeks of stupidity. For one, it is a rarely prosecuted Federal crime to leave anything but duly posted U.S. mail in someone's mailbox. Second, how anonymous would your note actually be, and what affect do you think it would have on her current relationship?

I suggest that you return the tennis bracelet, while you still can, and forget about your plan to woo Alexandria. Next, I suggest you stop going to church in order to stalk this woman! While many couples have met during church, services in the Lord's house are not Match.com events! If you are sincerely called to attend mass, do so out of humble piety...and then after mass you might want to approach Alexandria and apologize for past wrongs against her. You don't have to give a sermon to her, just ask for her forgiveness for the bad blood you feel between the two of you. You may be surprised to discover that she has forgotten all about it and put it behind her years ago.

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Seventh Grade Lunch-Room Love Can Be A Soap Opera

Dear Tazi:

I am in the seventh grade and I broke my arm during gym class and now I need someone to carry my books for me to and from class. Usually my best friend “Kara” does it for me, but sometimes Kara and I are going in different directions so that is when I need someone else to do it for me. A boy in my class, “Derek” has been carrying my stuff for me when I go to math and science, because Kara and I are in different classes then and Derek is in both my math and science class.

My boyfriend “Carl” found out that Derek was carrying my books for me and got really mad. He yelled at me and told me that he doesn’t want Derek or any other boy carrying my books for me and that I should ask someone else to do it. I don’t want to be mean to Derek because he has been so nice to me and I think telling Derek that my boyfriend doesn’t want him carrying my books would be mean so I told Carl that he could tell Derek himself because I wasn't.

Carl caught up with Derek at lunch today and told him he would beat him up if he heard that Derek was still carrying my books, and Derek told him to go ahead and try. Derek knows Tae Kwan Do which I think is something like karate and Carl told him that Derek would like that, wouldn’t he, to beat up on a guy with his karate moves. Derek called Carl stupid and told him that Tae Kwan Do isn’t karate and that he wouldn’t waste his moves fighting a loser like Carl when he could just beat him up regular. That was when a teacher came over and broke things up, but Derek promised to meet Carl “anytime, anywhere”.

Now Carl is really mad at Derek because he made him look like a chicken who is afraid to fight and he keeps yelling at me that it is my fault that Derek made him look stupid in front of everybody. If I hadn’t let another boy carry my books he would never had to stand up to Derek like that. I don’t think it was my fault at all and I don’t like the way Carl is talking to me and blaming me for the way Derek embarrassed him.

My best friend Kara says that she thinks Derek likes me and that is why he carries my books for me and why he stood up to Carl, to try and impress me. Now that I know this and now that Carl is acting like a big jerk I want to break up with Carl and date Derek, but only if I know for sure that Derek likes me. Carl and I have been dating for three weeks now and that is a long time to invest in a relationship. I don’t want to throw it all away for something that might not last and end up with no boyfriend at all. My friends all say I should definitely date Derek, but I am not sure I like Derek that way. I think I just like the way he stood up to Carl and the way he carries my books for me. He makes me feel special. Is that what love is?

Signed,

Looking For Love

Dear Looking For Love:

My, what a complicated situation you have! Seventh grade can be tough, no doubt about it! From what you tell me, it does sound like Derek likes you and yes, when someone likes you they try to make you feel special. It sounds to me like Carl does not try to make you feel special but instead tries to control you. This is not a good thing. I realize that in the world of a twelve year old girl three weeks is a lot of time to invest in a relationship, and I know that being without boyfriend can seem like a fate worse than death, so you need to ask yourself: can you see yourself spending another three weeks with Carl, especially if staying with Carl means having to do what he says? You are too young to be committing yourself to a boy who will dictate your every move and decision. Wait; let me re-phrase that: nobody should commit his or her self to someone who is going to dictate their every move! You are a partner, not a pet!

Whether you break up with Carl or not should have nothing to do with how you feel about Derek and everything to do with how you feel about being with Carl. If you do not want to continue your relationship with Carl then you should break up with him, even if it means being alone. Sometimes, when we are looking for love, we take a wrong turn or two and end up in a dead-end. When that happens, you need to turn yourself around and find your way back onto the path that will move you forward. Maybe Derek is on that path and maybe he is not, but is certainly seems to me that Carl is a dead end!

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.