Man Uses Woman's Fear Of Public Toilets To Hide His Infidelity

Dear Tazi:

I have a problem that I have not seen addressed elsewhere, and I am embarrassed to ask my doctor about it: I am unable to defecate in a public bathroom.  I have no problem with peeing, but when it comes to farting or pooping I hold it in until I get home. 

This school year I moved away to college and my problem has caused some complications.  I only live a few hours from home, so I can return home on weekends, but a daily commute would be too much.  I thought I would have a private bathroom to share with only a few people, but my dormitory is old and has two ladies rooms per floor – which means I am sharing my bathroom with an entire floor!

I have managed to learn to “hold it in” until after everyone is asleep, but this is a college campus and people go to bed late – generally after midnight every night!  I wish I could hold it until the weekend, but I can’t.  My record is three days.

While showering today I noticed some strange bumps on the inside of my butt-crack.  They were about the size and consistency of a raisin.  I think I have anal warts!  My boyfriend insists he has been faithful to me since I went away to school and that I must have gotten them from the public toilet seat.  Could this have happened, Tazi?  I know there are all sorts of nasty germs lurking on public toilet seats, which is why I don’t like using them, but I always thought genital/anal warts were sexually transmitted.  Is my boyfriend right?  Or do you think he is lying to me?

Signed,

Itchy Down There

Dear Itchy Down There:

Your boyfriend could technically been telling the truth when he said he has been faithful since you went away to school; he could have cheated on you while you were still at home.  The fact that he blames your infection on something he knows you fear – public toilet seats – makes me believe that he is being less than honest with you.

Condyloma – the medical term for genital warts – is transmitted through skin to skin contact with an infected person.  Is it possible to contract it from a toilet seat?  Anything is possible, I suppose, but the chances of this happening are about the same as me turning green and growing a second tail.  

Now about that second tail…

Now is not the time to assign blame.  Now is the time for both you and your boyfriend to go to a doctor and get treated for this viral infection.  Left untreated anal warts can spread to the rectum and the colon, and possibly lead to anal, rectal, or colon cancer in later years.  Additionally, if you are unlucky enough to have contracted condyloma accuminatum the warts will spread and grow until your tushy looks like it has a cauliflower growing out of it!  (I have seen pictures of it in Mommie’s sexual health textbooks). 

Due to the graphic nature of such pictures, I have only linked to them here.

If these pictures are not enough to scare you into seeking medical treatment I do not know what else to tell you, except good luck in your future attempts to “pinch one off”!

Snuggles,

Tazi

P.S.  You should never be too embarrassed to tell your doctor anything!  S/he is the person you have trusted with your health; you must trust them with your behavior, too!

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

A Sexually Transmitted Infection Is Not Something You Want To Fool Around With!

Dear Tazi:

For the past few months, I have been having pain in my [scrotum]. I have no health insurance, in spite of the new healthcare law, so I put off going to the doctor until I couldn't take the pain anymore. That is when I found out I have gonorrhea. I am bisexual, but know that you don't get gonorrhea from entering in the back door, if you know what I am saying, which is why I am positive that it was my most recent ex-girlfriend that gave it to me.

I called "Joan" to ream her out for giving me the clap; she freaked out on me, denying that she gave it to me because she does not have it and flipped out on me for "exposing" her to an STD. My doctor had to report my case to the state Department of Health, so now my name is on a list somewhere of people who are infected. I don't think it is fair that my ex gets off for free and I am stuck with a large medical bill and a mark against my name.

Do you know if I can legally force Joan to show me her medical records, proving whether or not she gave me gonorrhea (and is therefore legally responsible for my medical bills, pain and suffering, and punitive damages) or if she has even been tested in the first place? She claimed that she went for her annual visit to the gynecologist a few weeks ago and that all of her tests - including the mandatory STD testing - all came back negative; but I think she is lying to me. We last slept together six months ago, so it could be that she just doesn't have symptoms yet.

Signed,
Hurting Down Below

Dear Hurting Down Below:

I would like to correct you of a few misconceptions you seem to be living with: first, it is entirely possible to catch gonorrhea through anal intercourse, so there is a good chance that you caught your STD from your male lover(s). Second, when you choose to partake in sexual intercourse you choose to take on the risks that accompany your decision - including the possibility of catching an STI - sexually transmitted infection, which is the proper term. Therefore, you probably do not have the right to sue her for pain and suffering and punitive damages; however, you may want to check the laws in your state.

Whereas a few states have laws that require you to inform a sexual partner that you have an STI, many people do not know that they have one until they start experiencing symptoms. For women, symptoms generally appear within a week; for men it can take as long as a month for symptoms to appear, if symptoms appear at all. Considering that you and Joan had not had intercourse with each other for several months prior to your diagnosis, and that Joan's annual medical workup came back clean I feel comfortable believing her side of the story - that she does not have gonorrhea.

As for forcing Joan to reveal her medical records, you have no legal right to do this. If Joan had been treated for gonorrhea her case would have had to be reported to the state Department of Health as well - not to put a mark against her name, but to work backwards through her sexual history so all of her previous partners could be contacted and tested. There is a good chance that Joan's recent visit to the gynecologist was prompted by a call from the Department of Health, or it could just be a coincidence that her annual exam was scheduled for this time. Regardless, the Department of Health would have contacted her about getting tested, just as they would have contacted you if Joan had been the one to test positive for gonorrhea.

I think you should chalk this incident up to experience, and learn a valuable lesson in the process: always wear protection when you are engaging in intercourse with someone of an unknown sexual history. For more information on gonorrhea, its symptoms, visit the U.S. National Library of Medicine.

Safe Snuggles,
Tazi

P.S. Most states and large metropolitan areas have health clinics that will treat gonorrhea - and other STI's - for free.

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.