Repost: Tazi's Corner: Issue #2: Rules For A Successful And Loving Relationship

Hello Readers, and welcome to another edition of Tazi’s Corner – Life As Your Pet Sees it! Since I am a cat, I do my fair share of napping; but this is not all that I do with my spare time! I also spend as good deal of time pretending to nap so I can spy on the world of humans. Let me tell you, y’all tend to complicate matters, so with that in mind I am offering

Tazi’s Tips for a Successful, Loving, and Long-Term Relationship!

The “rules” start from a female perspective, and alternate with a man’s perspective. Enjoy!

She Says If you must check out another woman in front of us, do it discreetly – without moving your neck. Unless the woman is a total train wreck, like you see on PeopleOfWalMart.com; then you can gawk all you want. We won't feel the least bit threatened. Honestly, will probably be staring, too.

He Says Never, ever talk with a man you don't know in front of us. I don't care if that other person is a Catholic priest – don't do it! We see it as flirting. Flirt with your significant other.

She Says Don't steal my flannel pajama pants because your junk is cold. Those are the coziest things I own.

He Says Never wear flannel pajama pants around your man. This is why he steals them - to keep you from committing this heinous error.

She Says Never, ever try to diagnose PMS. And if you ever show up at my door with a 1 pound Hershey bar and say, "You sounded like you needed this" be prepared to be castrated!

He Says Don't ever leave a box of tampons in plain view. I don't care if it is your bathroom, hide them under the sink. This is something no man wants to see, for a variety of reasons.

She Says Call when you say you will. And if I call and you don't want to talk, don't disrespect me by pretending to be listening. Ask if you can call me back "later". I will understand.

He Says Understand that I am not going to call you exactly when I say I will – it looks desperate, and makes me look whipped in front of my friends. Know that I will be thinking of you just the same.

She Says Don’t compare me to your ex-girlfriend, even if I come out the winner. It makes me wonder what you will say about me if I am ever an “ex”.

He Says Never, ever trash an ex-boyfriend to another man. If he really is the low-life you claim, other men will already know that, and we will trash him for you.

She Says At least pretend to enjoy the chick-flick I have asked you to watch with me.

He Says If you don't like sports, do not claim to "love" them to try and impress us. Not all men love sports, but they do hate insincere women.

She Says If you DO love chick flicks, don't be afraid to admit it – it will be our little secret! Stuff like that makes me feel closer to you.

He Says Take at least a passing interest in the things that I like. Your supportive attitude makes a huge difference in whether or not I lie to you about where I am going and what I am doing.

She Says Be willing to try new things – who knows? You may find you enjoy live theatre and Broadway musicals.

He Says Don't try to match us drink for drink. Men can drink more than women, and sloppy drunk is not attractive.

She Says Love me enough to tie my hair back when I am getting sick. Respect me enough to clean the toilet when I am through.

He Says Eat your half of the pizza. You are beautiful, and don't need to diet.

She Says Remember that starch can make me feel fat and stop pushing the extra slice on me when I refuse it.

He Says I don't shave on weekends. Deal with it.

She Says My bra and panties will not match on the day before laundry day. Deal with that.

He Says Be up front with me about your feelings for me; but don't go overboard. Before you tell me you love me, start by saying, "I love it when you [fill in the blank]". If we aren't ready to hear the words yet, this will ease us into it – or give us the heads up that it is time to pull back a little.

She Says Don't assume that I will have sex with you at a prescribed point in our relationship. All relationships are different. Some never make it that far.

He Says Don't expect us to be mind readers. If we go too far, tell us…and if we aren't going far enough show us!

She Says Don't assume that what worked for your ex-girlfriend will work on us. And that goes for all areas, not just sex. Not all women groove to expensive jewelry; some of us like iMerchandise.

He Says Don't "drop hints" – we will not get them. Tell us what interests you.

She Says If you love me than always love me, even when I am ugly. Especially when I am ugly.

He Says Look at me like I am the only man in your world.

She Says Stand up for me when your Mom is being a [w]itch to me.

He Says As soon as I learn how to stand up to her myself.

She Says Offer to put me first when you have conflicting commitments. I will probably let you off the hook if you don’t do this too often; but we like to know we are #1. (We ARE #1, aren't we?).

He Says Don't gripe about Boys’ Night Out. By showing that you trust me, it makes me want to act in a trustworthy manner.

She Says The same rule goes for Girls’ Night Out.

He Says It's not that I don't trust you; it's that I don't trust other men to behave themselves around you. You are too beautiful.

She Says Don't flatter me to try and get your own way. Be sincere.

He Says Learn how to graciously accept a compliment!

She Says Know when I am sorry without making me say it every single time. That gets kind of humiliating. Let my actions speak for me.

He Says Accept that flowers are my way of saying "I know I messed up big time; can you ever forgive me?"

She Says If you don't know what you did to hurt me, don't make me explain it to you until AFTER I have cooled down.

He Says Tell me what I did. Please…and then forgive me for not knowing you better.

She Says Don't call me a nag

He Says Never nag. It is the most unattractive thing a woman can do…

She Says Take out the garbage when it needs to go out…not two days later.

He Says Never interrupt me while I am playing video games, watching sports, or hiding in my Man Cave to ask me to do house chores.

She Says Limit your time in your Man Cave and a lot of our problems will solve themselves

He Says Don’t freak on me if I forget to put the toilet seat down.

She Says Don't EVER tell me I don't keep the house as clean as your Mom does.

He Says Make an effort to get along with my Mom, even when she is rude to you.

She Says Don't be afraid of my Daddy.

He Says If our religious or political views differ, don't try to force your beliefs on me. Because I love you, I will make an effort to see your point of view.

She Says Respect and love me for who I am, not who you wish I was.

He Says Respect and love me for who I am, not for who you think I should be.

She Says Share your thoughts and feelings with me.

He Says Don’t ask me “What are you thinking?”

She Says Give me credit for my ideas and accomplishments, even if they outshine yours.

He Says If things aren't working, and we have tried our best, accept that I am breaking up with you. It may not be forever but in my mind, at that very point, it is. Let go. Stalking me will only help me get over you that much quicker.

She Says Know that if I break up with you, it is because you do not fulfill my needs. Post break-up is not the time to start trying.

He Says Never tell me I am lousy at something – even if I am. Teach me how to improve.

She Says Always be sensitive towards my emotions, and I will be gentle on your ego.

He Says Continue to tell me you think I am hot, even after I develop "love handles" or start to lose my hair.

She Says Take care of yourself physically. I don’t want to lose you to a heart attack.

He Says Baby me when I am sick, even if it is inconvenient for you.

She Says Accept that when illness strikes me, I will not be the Super Mom in the cough syrup commercial.

He Says Don't give me conflicting instructions.

She Says Always communicate with me. For women, most of our relationship problems start because we are feeling ignored, and we don't know how to let you know.

He Says Don't shut me out sexually. For men, most of our relationship problems start because we are feeling ignored, and we don't know how else to let you know.

She Says Understand that for a woman, having sex involves a lot of preparatory and a lot of clean-up after the fact; sort of like eating watermelon.


See, readers? Just as in real life, the woman gets the last word!

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.