"Diva" Must Learn To Budget, Friend Seeks To Intervene

Dear Tazi:

I have a friend who is an absolute diva!  Anything she wants, she gets and worries about the bill later.  This would not concern me so much if it were not for the fact that she keeps trying to drag me down with her.  If she wants a pedicure, she insists I come along; when I tell her I can’t afford one, she replies, “Sure you can!  You just think you can’t!”  No, Tazi, I really can’t….plus I live in the North and open-toe shoe season is over.  Nobody is going to see my feet anyway!  This is just one example of “Tonya’s” irresponsibility.  There are many more.

Tonya has always kept her spending a secret from her husband, arguing that she can do what she wants with her “allowance”.  Tonya pays the bills – her husband does not want the responsibility – so her husband cannot see the hundreds of dollars she spends every month on stuff she does not need.

Tonya’s husband just lost his job, and they have had to cut back on a lot of things, including cable TV; cigarettes and alcohol; date nights; coffee shop coffee; and laundry service – but Tonya still spends money on stupid stuff!  This week she wanted me to go with her to get our Tarot cards read.  She said the psychic is very reputable, which is why she costs so much, but Tonya wanted to know how much longer she was going to have to “pinch pennies”.  Tazi, she isn't!  Although I accompany her on most of her outings, I do not indulge myself.  I am now starting to feel resentful towards Tonya for the way she spends money she does not have while her husband joneses for a cigarette.  I completely understand how he feels, and want to say something to him.  Should I?

Signed,

The REAL Penny-Pincher

Dear The REAL Penny-Pincher:

I can see how your friend’s attitude would disgust you; I am mildly disgusted by her myself and I have not had to sit next to her as Miss Cleo tells her the future. 

I would advise against telling Tonya’s husband just where all their money is going; if he has any interest in knowing he can step up to the responsibility of assisting with the household budget.  I am aware that in most marriages one person handles the finances, but the other spouse is generally aware of where the money is being spent.  Willful ignorance offers its own rewards, as well as its own punishments.

You are wise not to spend money that you do not have to spend, even in the face of temptation.  Unfortunately, watching Tonya’s high rolling behavior sounds like it is dragging on your spirits.  May I suggest a compromise?  The next time Tonya suggests something that costs money – pedicures, Tarot readings, lunch at a fancy restaurant – counter-offer with an idea that is low-cost or free.  Colleges and universities frequently host lectures that are free and open to the public; in many areas, museums offer free admission on the first Saturday of the month; and your public library is a great place to look at local artwork, find a good book, or just chill with a friend!  If none of this appeals to you, why not try people watching at Wal-Mart?  The view is always an interesting one!                                                                                        

Photo courtesy of www.peopleofwalmart.com

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Repost: Tazi's Corner: Issue #2: Rules For A Successful And Loving Relationship

Hello Readers, and welcome to another edition of Tazi’s Corner – Life As Your Pet Sees it! Since I am a cat, I do my fair share of napping; but this is not all that I do with my spare time! I also spend as good deal of time pretending to nap so I can spy on the world of humans. Let me tell you, y’all tend to complicate matters, so with that in mind I am offering

Tazi’s Tips for a Successful, Loving, and Long-Term Relationship!

The “rules” start from a female perspective, and alternate with a man’s perspective. Enjoy!

She Says If you must check out another woman in front of us, do it discreetly – without moving your neck. Unless the woman is a total train wreck, like you see on PeopleOfWalMart.com; then you can gawk all you want. We won't feel the least bit threatened. Honestly, will probably be staring, too.

He Says Never, ever talk with a man you don't know in front of us. I don't care if that other person is a Catholic priest – don't do it! We see it as flirting. Flirt with your significant other.

She Says Don't steal my flannel pajama pants because your junk is cold. Those are the coziest things I own.

He Says Never wear flannel pajama pants around your man. This is why he steals them - to keep you from committing this heinous error.

She Says Never, ever try to diagnose PMS. And if you ever show up at my door with a 1 pound Hershey bar and say, "You sounded like you needed this" be prepared to be castrated!

He Says Don't ever leave a box of tampons in plain view. I don't care if it is your bathroom, hide them under the sink. This is something no man wants to see, for a variety of reasons.

She Says Call when you say you will. And if I call and you don't want to talk, don't disrespect me by pretending to be listening. Ask if you can call me back "later". I will understand.

He Says Understand that I am not going to call you exactly when I say I will – it looks desperate, and makes me look whipped in front of my friends. Know that I will be thinking of you just the same.

She Says Don’t compare me to your ex-girlfriend, even if I come out the winner. It makes me wonder what you will say about me if I am ever an “ex”.

He Says Never, ever trash an ex-boyfriend to another man. If he really is the low-life you claim, other men will already know that, and we will trash him for you.

She Says At least pretend to enjoy the chick-flick I have asked you to watch with me.

He Says If you don't like sports, do not claim to "love" them to try and impress us. Not all men love sports, but they do hate insincere women.

She Says If you DO love chick flicks, don't be afraid to admit it – it will be our little secret! Stuff like that makes me feel closer to you.

He Says Take at least a passing interest in the things that I like. Your supportive attitude makes a huge difference in whether or not I lie to you about where I am going and what I am doing.

She Says Be willing to try new things – who knows? You may find you enjoy live theatre and Broadway musicals.

He Says Don't try to match us drink for drink. Men can drink more than women, and sloppy drunk is not attractive.

She Says Love me enough to tie my hair back when I am getting sick. Respect me enough to clean the toilet when I am through.

He Says Eat your half of the pizza. You are beautiful, and don't need to diet.

She Says Remember that starch can make me feel fat and stop pushing the extra slice on me when I refuse it.

He Says I don't shave on weekends. Deal with it.

She Says My bra and panties will not match on the day before laundry day. Deal with that.

He Says Be up front with me about your feelings for me; but don't go overboard. Before you tell me you love me, start by saying, "I love it when you [fill in the blank]". If we aren't ready to hear the words yet, this will ease us into it – or give us the heads up that it is time to pull back a little.

She Says Don't assume that I will have sex with you at a prescribed point in our relationship. All relationships are different. Some never make it that far.

He Says Don't expect us to be mind readers. If we go too far, tell us…and if we aren't going far enough show us!

She Says Don't assume that what worked for your ex-girlfriend will work on us. And that goes for all areas, not just sex. Not all women groove to expensive jewelry; some of us like iMerchandise.

He Says Don't "drop hints" – we will not get them. Tell us what interests you.

She Says If you love me than always love me, even when I am ugly. Especially when I am ugly.

He Says Look at me like I am the only man in your world.

She Says Stand up for me when your Mom is being a [w]itch to me.

He Says As soon as I learn how to stand up to her myself.

She Says Offer to put me first when you have conflicting commitments. I will probably let you off the hook if you don’t do this too often; but we like to know we are #1. (We ARE #1, aren't we?).

He Says Don't gripe about Boys’ Night Out. By showing that you trust me, it makes me want to act in a trustworthy manner.

She Says The same rule goes for Girls’ Night Out.

He Says It's not that I don't trust you; it's that I don't trust other men to behave themselves around you. You are too beautiful.

She Says Don't flatter me to try and get your own way. Be sincere.

He Says Learn how to graciously accept a compliment!

She Says Know when I am sorry without making me say it every single time. That gets kind of humiliating. Let my actions speak for me.

He Says Accept that flowers are my way of saying "I know I messed up big time; can you ever forgive me?"

She Says If you don't know what you did to hurt me, don't make me explain it to you until AFTER I have cooled down.

He Says Tell me what I did. Please…and then forgive me for not knowing you better.

She Says Don't call me a nag

He Says Never nag. It is the most unattractive thing a woman can do…

She Says Take out the garbage when it needs to go out…not two days later.

He Says Never interrupt me while I am playing video games, watching sports, or hiding in my Man Cave to ask me to do house chores.

She Says Limit your time in your Man Cave and a lot of our problems will solve themselves

He Says Don’t freak on me if I forget to put the toilet seat down.

She Says Don't EVER tell me I don't keep the house as clean as your Mom does.

He Says Make an effort to get along with my Mom, even when she is rude to you.

She Says Don't be afraid of my Daddy.

He Says If our religious or political views differ, don't try to force your beliefs on me. Because I love you, I will make an effort to see your point of view.

She Says Respect and love me for who I am, not who you wish I was.

He Says Respect and love me for who I am, not for who you think I should be.

She Says Share your thoughts and feelings with me.

He Says Don’t ask me “What are you thinking?”

She Says Give me credit for my ideas and accomplishments, even if they outshine yours.

He Says If things aren't working, and we have tried our best, accept that I am breaking up with you. It may not be forever but in my mind, at that very point, it is. Let go. Stalking me will only help me get over you that much quicker.

She Says Know that if I break up with you, it is because you do not fulfill my needs. Post break-up is not the time to start trying.

He Says Never tell me I am lousy at something – even if I am. Teach me how to improve.

She Says Always be sensitive towards my emotions, and I will be gentle on your ego.

He Says Continue to tell me you think I am hot, even after I develop "love handles" or start to lose my hair.

She Says Take care of yourself physically. I don’t want to lose you to a heart attack.

He Says Baby me when I am sick, even if it is inconvenient for you.

She Says Accept that when illness strikes me, I will not be the Super Mom in the cough syrup commercial.

He Says Don't give me conflicting instructions.

She Says Always communicate with me. For women, most of our relationship problems start because we are feeling ignored, and we don't know how to let you know.

He Says Don't shut me out sexually. For men, most of our relationship problems start because we are feeling ignored, and we don't know how else to let you know.

She Says Understand that for a woman, having sex involves a lot of preparatory and a lot of clean-up after the fact; sort of like eating watermelon.


See, readers? Just as in real life, the woman gets the last word!

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Aging Gracefully Is Better Than Not Aging At All

Dear Tazi:

I have an odd issue and I am uncertain about how to proceed. Last Saturday morning I ran out to the Super Wal-Mart to pick up a few items I hadn't realized I'd run out of, and I caught sight of myself in one of the reflective metal surfaces at the meat counter - and I didn't recognize myself! I looked much older than I always thought I looked, and am wondering just how long I have looked this way. I don't have the money for a makeover, and am feeling very blue about this whole issue. In fact, my self-esteem is tanking over it. Do you have any suggestions on where to go from here?

Signed,
Old Lady

Dear Old Lady:

Let me get this straight: You caught an quick glimpse of yourself in what was probably a scratched, possibly dented, and most likely smudged metal surface that produced a distorted reflection at a time that you were probably not looking your best in the first place, having run out of the house unexpectedly. And you trust this one image over the mirror into which you usually look?

Seeing ourselves as we truly look in the moment as opposed to how we see ourselves in our "magic mirrors" can be truly jarring at times; but you also need to consider the reflective source and how you looked at the time your image was being reflected. Most women I have seen do not make-up their face and do their hair to go to Walmart on a Saturday morning; and judging from the pics posted on the People of Walmart site, most people in general do not take care with their personal appearance before skedaddling out the door to the local superstore. Does this make you feel at all better?

Except for our man, Willy. He ALWAYS looks fresh when going to Walmart!

Expensive cosmetics and trips to the salon are a nice way to pamper oneself, but are not necessary to reverse the aging process. A bottle of drugstore moisturizer will do wonders towards improving the firmness of your skin, and a box of Miss Clairol will cover the gray. Control-top pantyhose and tummy control jeans can help hold a jiggly middle in place, and wearing age-appropriate clothing will go far towards giving you a more tailored appearance. Consuming plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables, whole grains, and water will also improve your personal appearance by keeping your body healthy. Nothing helps a person look younger like the glow of good health! Nothing ages a person faster than the stress of worry and anxiety...and cigarette smoking, so if you do smoke now might be a good time to quit!

I also suggest that you ask a few close, trusted friends to give you an honest and constructive critique of your personal appearance. You may discover that you are not really an "old lady" after all, and were simply having a bad day! If you still feel the need for personal improvement - or if your friends suggest it - keep in mind that as people get older, they invariably start to show signs of age. This is nothing to feel blue about; but rather it is something to embrace! Aging is a natural part of life, and much more preferable to the alternative of dying young and leaving a great looking corpse.

Snuggles,
Tazi

Livin' On A Prayer (Instead Of A Budget) Irritates Friend

Dear Tazi:

I have a friend who is an absolute diva!  Anything she wants, she gets and worries about the bill later.  This would not concern me so much if it were not for the fact that she keeps trying to drag me down with her.  If she wants a pedicure, she insists I come along; when I tell her I can’t afford one, she replies, “Sure you can!  You just think you can’t!”  No, Tazi, I really can’t….plus I live in the North and open-toe shoe season is over.  Nobody is going to see my feet anyway!  This is just one example of “Tonya’s” irresponsibility.  There are many more.

Tonya has always kept her spending a secret from her husband, arguing that she can do what she wants with her “allowance”.  Tonya pays the bills – her husband does not want the responsibility – so her husband cannot see the hundreds of dollars she spends every month on stuff she does not need.

Tonya’s husband just lost his job, and they have had to cut back on a lot of things, including cable TV; cigarettes and alcohol; date nights; coffee shop coffee; and laundry service – but Tonya still spends money on stupid stuff!  This week she wanted me to go with her to get our Tarot cards read.  She said the psychic is very reputable, which is why she costs so much, but Tonya wanted to know how much longer she was going to have to “pinch pennies”.  Tazi, she isn't!  Although I accompany her on most of her outings, I do not indulge myself.  I am now starting to feel resentful towards Tonya for the way she spends money she does not have while her husband joneses for a cigarette.  I completely understand how he feels, and want to say something to him.  Should I?

Signed,

The REAL Penny-Pincher

Dear The REAL Penny-Pincher:

I can see how your friend’s attitude would disgust you; I am mildly disgusted by her myself and I have not had to sit next to her as Miss Cleo tells her the future. While I believe in the gift of reputable psychics I also believe that there is an appropriate time to visit one - and when you are down and out is not that time. The same can be said for pedicures and other indulgences.

I would advise against telling Tonya’s husband just where all their money is going; if he has any interest in knowing he can step up to the responsibility of assisting with the household budget.  I am aware that in most marriages one person handles the finances, but the other spouse is generally aware of where the money is being spent.  Willful ignorance offers its own rewards, as well as its own punishments.

You are wise not to spend money that you do not have to spend, even in the face of temptation.  Unfortunately, watching Tonya’s high rolling behavior sounds like it is dragging on your spirits.  May I suggest a compromise?  The next time Tonya suggests something that costs money – pedicures, Tarot readings, lunch at a fancy restaurant – counter-offer with an idea that is low-cost or free.  Colleges and universities frequently host lectures that are free and open to the public; in many areas, museums offer free admission on the first Saturday of the month; and your public library is a great place to look at local artwork, find a good book, or just chill with a friend!  If none of this appeals to you, why not try people watching at Walmart?  The view is always an interesting one!                                                                                        

Willy the Pimp. So this is who Frank Zappa was singing about...
Photo courtesy of PeopleofWalmart.com

If you cannot convince Tonya to leave Macy's and return to Walmart (figuratively speaking, although quite literally as well) you will have to tell her that you will no longer be a party to her wasteful spending. Then, find your own way to keep busy with other friends. There are other fish in the sea!

Snuggles,

Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Tazi's Corner #49 - Where's The Outrage?

Dear Readers:

Have you ever noticed how the people on the People of Walmart site are mostly white? My hypothesis on this (can’t call it a theory because it isn’t proven) is that white people have just stopped caring.

This week, while perusing the PeopleofWalmart.com website for a mood lift, here are a few of the pictures I found:

Is that poop?

???

Why, God, why?

"Willie the Pimp" is always stylin' with the ladies!

With the exception of Willie the Pimp, all of these people are white. I know it’s just Walmart, and yes I know it is close to 100 degrees outside, but you could at least act like you care about your appearance! This past week, my dear Mommie went to the salon and she wore a lounger – what her brother calls a “Mrs. Roper dress”, although in her defense it was one solid color and she had matching shoes. 

Uh-oh....maybe she did look like Helen Roper!

I thought she looked cute, and she looked white person cute, but once she got to the salon she realized that no woman of color (black or brown) would have been caught beyond the pool in a lounger. She realized, with a deep sense of humility, that she has gotten lazy about her appearance. Lucky for her, she was at the salon and surrounded by people with the training to help her!

Another great place to people-watch is a state fair. I think Jeff Foxworthy covered this one when he described the people you will see at a state fair:

"If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty."

What he did not mention is that most of these people are white; it’s like I said, it seems that white people have just stopped caring.

Back in the 1960’s people of all colors protested what they felt was wrong with our government and our society. Where now is the outrage when our government criticized the citizens of Egypt for rising up against their oppressors? Have Americans forgotten that we were once a country that overthrew our own government? No, I am not talking about the American Revolution; I am talking about the War Between the States (aka The Civil War or the War of Northern Aggression, depending on which side of the Mason-Dixon Line you live).

I hear a lot of complaining about how middle class Americans (which, according to sociologists, are primarily white) are bearing the brunt of the country’s tax burden; how the poor cannot afford to pay taxes for the social benefits they receive and how the über-wealthy manage to find loopholes and offshore accounts in order to pay less and less in taxes. What I do not see or hear are organized protests against all that is unfair! Has the middle class grown too comfortable for their own good?

So why am I addressing this and not the elephant in the room that everyone else is discussing elsewhere? I will not get into the details of what has been on my mind following the verdict of the Trevon Martin/George Zimmerman case because I refuse to fan the flames of the issue, but one thing I will comment on is the fact that I keep seeing a Facebook posting about a white child who was killed by a black teenager, with the caption “Where is the outrage?” I think that is a question that white people need to answer; the Black community does not seem to have an issue with expressing their displeasure when they feel that their rights have been trampled. (Incidentally, there was national coverage for this story when it first occurred; it just seems that people have forgotten).

After Zimmerman was found not guilty of killing Trevon Martin, on the basis of self-defense, protests erupted across the county. I have watched the news…I have read the papers…I have seen pictures online…and there are very few white faces seen participating in these protests. Where is the outrage, white people ask? Perhaps it is they who can answer their own question. But first, they really should take a look in the mirror and make sure that they look like a person that people are going to take seriously. Pants on the Ground is not just an anthem for Black youth anymore.

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.