Tazi Reminisces On His One Year Anniversary! Let's Celebrate Together!

Dear Readers:

Today is a very exciting day in Tazi-Land – or, as others call it, that crawl space under the end table where Tazi likes to hide. To-MAY-to, to-MAH-to is what I say! I am too excited to argue about how one would describe my Kingdom, because today is the one year anniversary of my advice column!

Who would have thought that a two-week blogging assignment for Mommie’s Writing in Online Environments class would have spawned such fame for me, her little kitten? Aside from me, of course! However, even I am amazed at the success of my endeavor. I persuaded Mommie to continue the column after she started to receive real letters – feel free to send your own! My initial goal for year one was to receive 12,000 page views – an average of 1,000 per month. I thought it sounded ambitious enough – even for a cat – when something important happened: the shy teenage girl who lived next door to me started an international controversy.

Yes, Jessica Ahlquist of the Cranston prayer banner controversy was my next door neighbor – at least she was, until I moved down the street – which is one of the reasons I felt compelled to call people out on the hypocrisy of the threats of violence and death that were being made against this young woman, a pawn in someone else’s larger game of political chess. That desire to add my small voice to the large debate also gave my column world-wide exposure. The column I posted with regard to the matter – my first “Extra Edition” – was my most read column for eight months straight; my rant on payday advance loans recently knocked it from the top spot. The irony of all this is that I printed the original letter as an “Extra Edition” on a Thursday because I thought the whole situation would be blown over and forgotten by Monday. What does a little cat know? The controversy continues still, an entire school year later.

My column isn’t all about controversy, though; many of my most read letters have been about everyday problems – especially relationships between men and women, and problem behaviors that we are afraid to admit. My holiday columns on cultural traditions have also done quite well, so I will continue to have Mommie assist me with my research since you seem to like them so much (I do all the research myself, Mommie just supervises me on the Internet so I don’t look at inappropriate pictures of naked cats!).



For those of you who only recently started reading Ask Tazi to those of you who have been there from the very first column, I thank you for the amazing success you have brought me! As of today, I have over 20,000 page views and counting – almost double my original goal! While I mull over what my next goal should be (50,000 views? 100,000 views?) I will leave you all with TWO lists to celebrate this joyous occasion! The first is the list of my Top 5 Most Viewed Columns; the second is Tazi’s Top 5 Favorite Columns. Enjoy!

Tazi's Top 5 Most Viewed Columns

1. Tazi's Corner Issue #3: Thoughts On Payday Advance Lending Services
This is the column that unseated the prayer banner heard ‘round the world.

2. EXTRA EDITION: Prayer Banner In School A Hot Topic!
I hope this listing will not reignite the hate.

3. An Unmade Bed Leads To Larger Issues In This Marriage
You humans argue over the strangest things!

4. One Need not Be A Woman To Study Women's Studies
I was surprised at the success of this letter; I only printed it because Mommie is a Women’s Studies major.

5. Happy Sadie Hawkins’ Day
I was hoping Mommie would take a hint and ask my “Uncle” to marry her; she didn’t.

Do YOU have a favorite column of mine? Let me know in the comments section! Here are my favorites (so far!)

Tazi’s Top 5 Favorite Columns

1. Laws Of Physics Meet Laws Of Reality In An Unlikely Romance
This letter is special because – as Mommie’s friends correctly guessed – it was the first real letter she received (although not the first real letter printed; that honor went to Michael, the boy who wanted a puppy). Truth can be stranger than fiction!

2. "Diaper" wearing Mom Has Trouble Potty Training Daughter
This was a recent letter, but it is garnering quite a reader following! Who knew Depends could be so interesting?

3. Dad's Assistance With Haunted House Turns Into A Real Life Horror!
Another example of humans complicating things! When I want someone to leave me alone, I hide under the deck!

4. May-December Romance In Limbo As Paths Divide
I think this is the most self-centered, self-delusional letter I have ever received...well, maybe. This next one might top the list. (A Jitterbug phone as a form of child abuse?).

5. Follow-Up Letter: Tea-Partying Teenager Writes To Tell His Tale!
Any time I get a follow-up letter I purr with joy; but this one sent me over the edge. Happy Election Season, humans!

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Farmville Fanatic Has Withering Relationships

Dear Tazi-Kat:

I need help. For the last few years, I have been playing Farmville to the point of addiction! It has taken over my life to the point where I spend several hundred dollars a month on Farmville cash to spend on my farm. At first I justified the expense, arguing that Farmville is my only form of entertainment, but I have reached the point where I can no longer justify the amount of time and money I spend playing this online game.

This year, I found myself unable to sit through Thanksgiving dinner with my in-laws because I kept excusing myself to go to the bathroom. My mother-in-law thought her cooking wasn't agreeing with me; but the truth is, I was playing Farmville on my iPhone. I did not start my holiday shopping until Christmas Eve, because it seemed like every time I had a spare moment, my farm needed my attention. At Christmas dinner, I excused myself at least a dozen times to check on my Farmville missions before my husband confiscated my iPhone and told me that I could choose between Farmville or the Funny Farm, because that is where he will be sending me if I don't start putting people ahead of my gaming.

I tried to make an honest effort to give up Farmville, but found myself unable to go more than a few hours without checking on my farm. Unlike the rest of my life, Farmville brings me such delight! I thought I could sneak in some Farmville time while my husband is at work and the kids are out of the house, and set my crops to grow/pause when my husband is home, but I discovered this morning that he put a parental block on Facebook and Farmville.com! He has not given me back my iPhone, so I went to store to try and buy a new laptop (so I could play on a computer without a parental block) where I discovered that he removed my name from our credit card accounts! As a homemaker, I have no income of my own; and cannot get a credit card in my name to outmaneuver my husband. I decided to try one last tactic and went to the local library to log-on to Farmville from there, but I discovered that my password is no longer working!

When I confronted my husband about my day, he confirmed setting the parental controls after changing my Facebook password; removing my name from our credit card accounts; and cancelling my iPhone service (and paying a hefty fee that could have been spent on more useful items). I feel like he is treating me like a child! I realize that I have an addiction, but I think I should be allowed to overcome it in my own way; in my own time. My husband disagrees, saying that he has been trying to get me to stop playing Farmville for months now, and that his extreme measures were required. Tazi-Kat, I honestly don't know what he is talking about; these extreme measures are the first time I have noticed his disapproval of my gaming, and I think he is making things up to defend his grossly inappropriate behavior. What do you think, Tazi-Kat?

Signed,
Suzie The Farmer

Dear Suzie The Farmer:

Although I do not approve of your husband's tactics - or his use of the play-on-words "Funny Farm" - I am going to split my decision on this argument. Your addiction is far too strong to try and conquer on your own, and drastic measures may be required. However, the controlling measures your husband took to try and get you to stop gaming were just plain wrong. You are his wife, not his child, and this addiction is one that you must work to conquer together.

From the tone of your letter, you have been tuning out life around you in preference for Farmville; to the point where you ignore your family on the holidays. Are you aware of how much you have been ignoring your husband and children the rest of the year? The fact that your husband claims that he has been trying to get you to stop playing Farmville "for months now" and this is the first time you are actually hearing him - after he has taken away your access to the game - leads me to believe that you have been tuning out much more than you realize.

I realize that Farmville brings you great joy, but that joy is coming at the detriment of your relationships with others. If the rest of your life is not as delightful as Farmville, you need to concentrate your energies on discovering why you find life to be such a drag, and take steps to remedy the problem(s). Since you are unable to go for more than a few hours without playing Farmville, I do not think independently weaning yourself off of the game is the best course of action at this point.

Video games - and computer games, like Farmville - provide for instant gratification, and can be as addictive as drugs or alcohol. For that reason, you will need a supervised recovery program. I suggest that you contact a certified mental health professional, and make an appointment to discuss the issues that leave you seeking an escape from real life. Once you are aware of how to conquer that which is driving you to invest so much time, money, and attention into Farmville you may discover that the game holds less and less of an attraction to you.

As an aside, I would like to mention that marriage counseling might be helpful in opening the doors of communication between you and your husband. You lament the "hefty fee" your husband had to pay when he cancelled your iPhone account; yet you admit to spending "several hundred dollars a month" on Farmville. It seems to me that the Great Shut Off was an investment in your financial future, as well as your marital future; but again, this is something that you should discuss with a licensed therapist, not a cat.

-- Tazi-Kat

P.S. Please give a snuggle to your children from me. It sounds like they could use some attention.

Daughter Gets Blamed For Mom's Internet Porn Habit

Dear Tazi-Kat:

I am a horrible, evil woman undeserving of the titles "Wife" and "Mother". I am so ashamed of how I threw my daughter under the bus in order to save myself, and I want to make things right, but I don't know how. Here is my problem:

I love my husband - and I am still in love with him - but I am no longer sexually attracted to him. After almost 20 years of marriage, the spark has slowly faded. We continue to have sex; and my husband has no idea that there are problems between us because for the past several years I have been using Internet porn to get myself riled up before bed, in order to enjoy sex with him.

I usually erase my browsing history after one of my "prep sessions", so my husband is none the wiser; and up until now, it has been a win-win situation. A few weeks ago, I was interrupted by an important phone call about my mother's health just as I was finishing my Internet browsing, and I forgot to erase my history. The next morning, my husband went to check his email and saw some of the addresses I had visited stored in our address history. When he called the racy sites into question, I panicked and told him our teenaged daughter, "Jillian", must have been exploring the sites after we had gone to bed.

I told my husband I would speak to Jillian "woman to woman" about such natural teenaged curiosities, but my husband insisted on being a part of the conversation. Jillian of course denied visiting the sites, and my husband decided to ground her for lying. She had to miss a Halloween party that she was looking forward to attending, as well as a Homecoming dance at school. Jillian is rightfully devastated, and very angry with both me and her father for not believing her.

Tazi-Kat, I want to come clean about the whole debacle; but I fear that if I do my marriage will never be the same. If I continue to keep my secret, I fear it will do irreparable damage to the relationship between my husband and daughter. My anxiety has been showing, but my husband has chalked it up to my mother's continued health issues. In the meantime, I have sworn off Internet porn and am searching for a better way to reignite my passion for my husband. I just don't know which way to turn - for either of my problems! HELP!

Signed,
Hot Mama In Hot Water

Dear Hot Mama:

It appears that you have been living a lie for much longer than the past few weeks. By pretending to feel sexual passion for your husband (while secretly stoking the fires through Internet porn) you have been avoiding the opportunity to explore the reasons why your passion has faded, and denying your husband the opportunity to partner with you in working through this issue. You have multiple issues here, more than can be solved with some quick advice in this column, so I will briefly address each one and suggest further steps to take on your own.

All long-term romantic relationships go through periods of passion and platitude; it is those who find a way to balance the down periods with the ups that are able to go the distance. Open communication with your husband is an absolute must at this point. You do not have to crush your husband's ego by admitting that you have been surfing for porn for "the past several years", but you do have to admit to him that it was your browsing history, not your daughter's, that he found on the Internet. Tell him the truth: That you had not been feeling up to performing, but did not want him to suffer from your lack of libido and were trying to find a quick fix to the problem. Apologize for to lying to him, but understand that there may be a lot of work ahead of you to rebuild his trust in you.

The next step should be for you to discuss your feelings with a licensed therapist, who can help you discover why your passion for your husband has faded. You say you still love him - and that you are still in love with him - so your loss of sexual attraction could be hormonal; although this is doubtful, considering the fact that pornography works for you. It is possible that you feel "safe" with porn because you do not have to do anything to feel like you are still desirable to your husband; or it could also be a case of familiarity breeding contempt, in which case you might benefit from exploring the issue with your husband by your side. You do not say for how long your mother has had "health issues", but stress - the day-to-day kind, as well as the catastrophic kind - can sap a person's sex drive and make them want to "phone it in", so to speak.

You also owe your daughter a heart-felt apology. You need not go into detail - she may have already figured out on her own that it was your browsing history that she was blamed for - but you do need to apologize for your terrible lapse in judgment, even if it is to simply say that you realize it was not her browsing history, and that you are sorry that she got blamed for it. Since you are her Mother, I will leave it up to you as to whether or not to make up for the loss of privileges she has suffered - such a gesture would be nice, but often times a guilty conscience can make one go overboard when making reparations.

-- Tazi-Kat