Black Friday Plans Make Some People Blue

Dear Tazi:

Every year my family loves to have a big, traditional Thanksgiving dinner with all of the trimmings. Sadly, money is very tight for me this year because I lost my job and had to take a position making less than I was; because of this, I am planning on shopping the night away at all of the Black Friday sales that Thanksgiving evening. In order to do this, I will have to sleep Thanksgiving Day. I realize that this is less than ideal, but it is truly the only way I will be able to give my two children (both teenagers) the kind of Christmas they deserve – one with lots of presents under the tree! I want this Christmas to be extra special for them because their father (my ex-husband) got remarried this year to a woman half his age and the kids are pretty upset about it.

When I told my mother about my shopping plans, she hit the roof! She told me that Thanksgiving is about family, not shopping, and that Christmas is about love, not presents. She accused me of trying to buy my children’s love with fancy gifts and told me that she had better see me at her table on Thanksgiving or I can forget coming around for Christmas.

Tazi, I think my mother is being unreasonable. I will still be sending the children to celebrate Thanksgiving with the family, so they will not be missing out; my kids will be spending Christmas Day with their father, so I will be all alone if my mother banishes me from her table for trying to do right by my kids and giving them the best Christmas ever in a year full of downers. I told my Mom that she was not seeing the big picture, and she responded that “there are none so blind as those who will not see”. I don’t think it’s right for her to start shaming me with Bible verses, especially since she knows I don’t go to church. I think that was just another one of her digs. How “Christian” is that? Can you think of a way to make my Mom see reason and to let me go about my life without shutting me out of hers?

Signed,

Mama’s Girl

Dear Mama’s Girl:

Your mother is being overbearing in her demands and is holding you an emotional hostage in order to get her way…but while I disagree with her methods, I cannot say the same for her philosophy on how holidays should be spent. There is a reason why the Federal government has declared days like Thanksgiving and Christmas national holidays; it is so families can take the time off of work – without retaliation – in order to spend those days with their loved ones. (While I wish they would recognize major celebratory days of non-Christian beliefs, too, that is another argument).

Your plan to spend Thanksgiving shopping has more holes in it than a Babybel Swiss!

I am beholding the power of cheese!

To start, you mention that you want to give your children the “best Christmas ever” but seem to think abandoning them on Thanksgiving is no big deal. In a year of hardships it is more important than ever to count your blessings and hold fast to family. Dumping your children on your family to spend the day sleeping and shopping is not going to make them feel important and loved, regardless of what you buy them.

Second, by shopping on Thanksgiving you are denying store employees of the privilege (some would say right) to spend Thanksgiving with their families. This year Thanksgiving also happens to fall on the first full night of Hanukkah, so to be forced to work this day would be doubly offensive to those of the Jewish faith.

Third, I will add that Christmas is about different things to different people, but it is not about buying someone’s love through expensive gifts that you call ill afford to purchase. I understand your children are not looking forward to spending the day with their father and his new wife, but ruining their Thanksgiving in order to accomplish your plan for Christmas cheer is the wrong way to go about solving the problem.

Fourth, I want to mention that your mother was not quoting the Bible, but referencing 17^th century Presbyterian minister Matthew Henry (1662 – 1714), who popularized this little known English proverb of unknown origins. Another Old English proverb is “wanting to eat your cake and have it, too” which seems to be what you want from your mother – approval to miss Thanksgiving and her open arms at Christmas. You realize that come Christmas you will need your Mom…has it occurred to you that maybe she needs you at Thanksgiving to make her holiday complete? If you want to go ahead with your Thanksgiving shopping plans you must do so without my blessing. I say that there will be enough sales between now and Christmas to equal the offerings of Black Friday.

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

A List Of Thankfuls - Tazi's Annual Thanksgiving Message

Dear Readers:

Today is Thanksgiving in the United States of America, a day we set aside each year to give pause and think about the blessings in our lives. Whatever your personal beliefs about the holiday - political, religious, or a lack of either - today is a day to give appreciation for those who make our lives special. Today, I would like to use this space to offer praise to those who make my life special; and thanks for the things that make me a happy kitty!

I am thankful for:

My Mommie, who rescued me from the shelter when I reached out to her - literally. More dead than alive when the shelter brought me in, I would huddle in the back of my cage; fearful of everyone. When she walked in, something about her attracted me. My instincts told me she would be a good Mommie, so I rushed forward; stuck my paw through the cage; hooked my claws into her sweater; and pulled her close to me. We have been inseparable ever since.

My Co-Mommie, who is actually my Grand-Mommie, but she does not like being called that. Every night, after a long day of napping (on my part, not hers) she provides a lap for me to curl up in and cuddle. I love my evening snuggles!

I don't bite when given snuggles, but belly rubs are another story!

Every morning, Co-Mommie wakes early to keep me company and take care of my needs. She claims that she wakes early to get ready for work, but I know the truth: she just wants some alone time with me, before my nap schedule kicks in for the day.

My Daddy, who was promoted from "Uncle Person" after leaving work to let me in when I got locked out and it was threatening rain.  How many men do you know would punch-out of work to rescue their girlfriend's cat from the impending rain?  Exactly!  Now you know why he is my very favorite person in the whole, wide world, and I know that he feels the same way about me! How could he not? He comes over every day just to visit with me! (He claims he comes by to see my Mommie, but I know better!).

Or maybe Daddy just knew the consequences of wetting a cat!

For something my humans call "treats". I am not sure why they taste so much better than my cat cereal (what my humans call "dry food") but there is something about them that makes me want to gorge myself...and then throw them all up on the rug to make room for more!

Pancakes are Mommie's favorite, and so I loves them, too!

For cat-nip; and for the fact that humans have yet to discover how awesome it is!

For soft blankets, on which I take my naps, and for those holes in the walls and floors where warm air blows out of when it is cold. What a great invention!

Whoever invented these things was a genius!

For all of you, who read my column; write me letters; and leave me comments. I truly enjoy writing this column; and thank you for letting me be a part of your life!

Once upon a time, I was an abandoned kitty; left on the streets to fend for myself in the cold and the snow. Now, I am safe and warm; pampered and attended to; surrounded by people who care about me, who love me no matter what (even when I jump on their pool table in the middle of a game!).

Do YOU want to be the one to tell "Morris" to move?

I have a lot for which to be thankful...and it is my hope, dear Readers, that you do as well! A Happy Thanksgiving to you all!

Snuggles,
Tazi

P.S. Reduce, reuse, recycle! Think globally and act locally by giving your turkey scraps to the cat in your life!

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

It Is Not Dinner Host's Place To Teach Children Manners

Dear Tazi:

My brother and his wife have three beautiful children, all who lack basic manners.  I realize it is not their fault that they do not comport themselves like civilized human beings, but my sister-in-law’s fault for not teaching them basic manners.  With Thanksgiving coming up, I am concerned about how the children will behave during our family’s formal dinner.  

I realize it is in poor taste to discipline another woman’s children, but I do not think I will be able to sit idly by and watch my nephew and nieces act like animals during what is supposed to be a classy celebration.  Furthermore, I do not wish for my children to think that such primal behavior can go without reprimand. 

Since I will be hosting Thanksgiving this year, I believe it would be appropriate for me to correct the unacceptable manners of my nephew and niece, should they display them.  My husband, however, has told me that a gracious host does not publicly humiliate their guests.  My intent will not be to publicly humiliate these children, but rather to save them from public humiliations down the road by teaching them proper manners now.  I believe that guests should follow the standard set by their host, and that I would simply be educating these children to behave as expected.  What do you say, Tazi?  Who is right, my husband or me?

Signed,

Gracious Host

Dear Gracious Host:

I have one question for you, regarding something that is bothering me: does your brother have a role in raising his children?  Or does his wife do 100% of the child rearing?  I ask because you assign all blame to your sister-in-law for your nephew and nieces’ lack of decorum.  I believe you when you say that your intent is not to publicly humiliate the children, because I am getting the impression that your intent is to publicly humiliate your sister-in-law.  

I am going to have to side with your husband on this issue – to an extent.  He is correct that a gracious host does not publicly humiliate their guests; however, a gracious host also does all that they can to ensure the comfort of all of their guests.  If your nephew and nieces are as vagabond as you claim their lack of manners will certainly affect the comfort of your other guests.  Since Thanksgiving is still a few weeks away, I suggest that you contact your brother and discuss the issue of table manners with him – not your sister-in-law.  Explain to him that Thanksgiving will be a formal affair, and that you want to give him a head’s up so he and his wife can explain to the children what is expected of them, as well as how to handle the formalities of which fork to use.  Tell him that you will be having the same conversation with your own children (and then have that conversation) so he does not feel that his children are being singled out among many.  

You do not say how old your nephew and nieces are, but if they are old enough to sit with the adults than they are old enough to learn proper and formal table manners.  If your brother feels that formal table manners are a little too much for his children to handle, with consideration to their age, you should act the part of the gracious host and provide a children’s table – at which your own children should sit, as well.  If their manners are as good as you imply your nephew and niece will pick up their cues from your children.

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

A Non-Traditional Holiday Plan Can Make For A Fun Holiday Just The Same

Dear Tazi:

This year I am hosting a vegetarian Thanksgiving! I am not a vegetarian, nor are any members of my family; I just think that Thanksgiving has become a celebration of excess instead of gratitude and am trying to cut down on the foods my family gorges on the most - roast turkey, sausage stuffing, and anything with bacon and drippings on top of it.

My mother-in-law is insisting that I am crazy and that my Thanksgiving meal will be a complete flop without any kind of meat, and that the two lasagnas I am planning on making - meatless and veggie - and serving as the main dish was not what the Pilgrims ate. She seems to forget that the Pilgrims did not eat candied yams with marshmallows on top, either. My brothers-in-law are all talking about having a BYO meal because they can't imagine a day without meat, and my sisters are arguing that their husbands could all stand to go meatless for a few more meals.

Tazi, all I want is a happy, healthy, family-filled Thanksgiving. It's too late to change my plans now...how can I make this day a success?

Signed,
Meatless Holiday

Dear Meatless Holiday:

You can make the day a success by greeting each guest with a smile and the beverage of their choice; by cooking up a delicious lasagna and lots of tasty sides; by making sure that the football game is on TV; and by making sure that there are at least five different flavors of pie so everyone's favorite flavor is represented! You can make sure that the conversation between your guests flows freely and that the topics are kept light and non-confrontational. Does your family like to play trivia games? Put some trivia cards on the table and have them take turns asking questions. If you have old photo albums of holidays past, pull them out and let everyone reminisce upon holiday memories past. If you have a favorite holiday movie (I am fond of A Christmas Story) make sure that gets a showing at some point during the day.

"You'll shoot your eye out, kid!"

Holidays are a time to gather in the warmth of family and friends and to appreciate the blessings life has bestowed upon us. If you have friends who will be celebrating alone, invite them over to spend the day with you - I am sure they will be so appreciative of the invite they won't care that you are serving lasagna instead of turkey (which the Pilgrims did not eat, either)! While your method of curtailing the excesses is unique, it is yours so make the most of it! A good guest will grin and bear it and hopefully have such a good time so as to completely forget whey they were unhappy in the first place!

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Tazi's List Of Thankfuls - A Thanksgiving Message For All

Dear Readers:

Today is Thanksgiving in America, a day we set aside each year to give pause and think about the blessings in our lives. Whatever your personal beliefs about the holiday - political, religious, or a lack of either - today is a day to give appreciation for those who make our lives special. Today, I would like to use this space to offer praise to those who make my life special; and thanks for the things that make me a happy kitty!

I am thankful for:

My Mommie, who rescued me from the shelter when I reached out to her - literally. More dead than alive when the shelter brought me in, I would huddle in the back of my cage; fearful of everyone. When she walked in, something about her attracted me. My instincts told me she would be a good Mommie, so I rushed forward; stuck my paw through the cage; hooked my claws into her sweater; and pulled her close to me. We have been inseparable ever since.

My Co-Mommie, who is actually my Grand-Mommie, but she does not like being called that. Every night, after a long day of napping (on my part, not hers) she provides a lap for me to curl up in and cuddle. I love my evening snuggles!

I don't bite when given snuggles, but belly rubs are another story!

Every morning, Co-Mommie wakes early to keep me company and take care of my needs. She claims that she wakes early to get ready for work, but I know the truth: she just wants some alone time with me, before my nap schedule kicks in for the day.

My Daddy, who was recently promoted from "Uncle Person".  He comes over every day just to visit with me! (He claims he comes by to see my Mommie, but I know better!). He recently made a special trip to let me into the house when I got locked out on a work day! How many men do you know would punch-out of work to rescue their girlfriend's cat from the impending rain?  Exactly!  Now you know why he is my very favorite person in the whole, wide world, and I know that he feels the same way about me! How could he not?

Or maybe Daddy just knew the consequences of wetting a cat!

For something my humans call "treats". I am not sure why they taste so much better than my cat cereal (what my humans call "dry food") but there is something about them that makes me want to gorge myself...and then throw them all up on the rug to make room for more!

Pancakes are Mommie's favorite, and so I loves them, too!

I also love grass...it helps me barf, making more room for noms.

Please not to use Chemlawn stuff on your grass?  I eats it!

For cat-nip; and for the fact that humans have yet to discover how awesome it is!

Catnip...food of the gods!

For soft blankets, on which I take my naps, and for those holes in the walls and floors where warm air blows out of when it is cold. What a great invention!

Whoever invented these things was a genius!

And for something (someone?) new to my life...my pet mouse Jingles!  She was supposed to be snake food for the snake where Mommie works, but the snake refused to eat her.  I think it was because she was too cute to eat!  She is so sweet she would have given him diabetes! Mommie brought her home as a pet for me, but Jingles won't come out of her tank to play with me!  I wonder why...

Meet Jingles, The Wonder Mouse!

For all of you, who read my column; write me letters; and leave me comments. I truly enjoy writing this column; and thank you for letting me be a part of your life!

Once upon a time, I was an abandoned kitty; left on the streets to fend for myself in the cold and the snow. Now, I am safe and warm; pampered and attended to; surrounded by people who care about me, who love me no matter what (even when I jump on their pool table in the middle of a game!).

Do YOU want to be the one to tell "Morris" to move?

I have a lot for which to be thankful...and it is my hope, dear Readers, that you do as well! A Happy Thanksgiving to you all!

-- Tazi-Kat

P.S. Reduce, reuse, recycle! Think globally and act locally by giving your turkey scraps to the cat in your life!

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Woman Breaks It Off With Man Of Too Many "Deal-Breakers"

Dear Tazi:

Back in November, I wrote to you about a man I was seeing (aka "Irwin") who had a long list of what he called "deal-breakers" in a relationship. You suggested that I "walk away" from Irwin ASAP without making excuses to stay because I did not want to be alone during the upcoming holiday season. You asked me to write back and let you know how things turned out, so I am writing to share my story.

I wasn't too thrilled with your advice, but kept it in mind as I gave Irwin a little more time and, as it would turn out, one more date. It was the week before Thanksgiving, and Irwin still had not mentioned what his plans were for Thanksgiving, so I finally decided to ask him to join my family and me for dinner. Irwin was delighted to accept; so I thought this meant he might actually be getting serious about me. I could not have been more wrong!

Thanksgiving was being held at my Aunt's house, and since she lives halfway between my place and Irwin's, I suggested that we meet there and gave Irwin explicit directions; complete with landmarks so he would not get lost. Dinner was to be served at 1:00 PM; so when Irwin did not show by 1:30 I got worried and tried to call him, to no avail. To make a long story short, Irwin did not show up until 4:00 PM, upset that we did not hold dinner for him! His explanation for being so late was that he does not like to eat a big holiday meal until halfway between lunch and dinner, so as not to be hungry again just before going to bed.

Not only did Irwin not offer an apology for his tardiness; but he gave my aunt an attitude about "scheduling dinner at a time that was not convenient for an honored guest". I do not know where Irwin got off thinking he was an "honored guest", but I was completely humiliated by his ungrateful behavior. To make matters worse, Irwin told me that the cool reception he received from my family was "a possible deal-breaker" and that I might want to suggest that they apologize to him for their rudeness if our relationship was to continue. Needless to say, I broke up with him on the spot.

I spent the holiday season single, much to the relief of my family, and realized that I would rather be alone than settle for someone who treats me like a lesser person. Valentine's Day is approaching, and although I am a bit disappointed to be spending it single; I realize that there are worse fates to suffer - for example, I could still be dating Irwin!

Signed,
Footloose and Fancy Free

Dear Footloose and Fancy Free:

Thank you for writing to follow up with me and my other readers! I am sorry to hear that you had such an embarrassing experience over Thanksgiving; but you must remember that such events are the stuff that family legends are made of; and that someday, you will look back and laugh over it.

I wish you all the best in your hunt for Mr. Right, and am glad to know that you are refusing to settle for Mr. Right Now.

Snuggles,
Tazi



Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

A Thanksgiving Message From Tazi-Kat!

Dear Readers:

Today is Thanksgiving, a day set aside each year to give pause and think about the blessings in our lives. Whatever your personal beliefs about the holiday - political, religious, or a lack of either - today is a day to give appreciation for those who make our lives special. Today, I would like to use this space to offer praise to those who make my life special; and thanks for the things that make me a happy kitty!

I am thankful for:

My Mommie, who rescued me from the shelter when I reached out to her - literally. More dead than alive when the shelter brought me in, I would huddle in the back of my cage; fearful of everyone. When she walked in, something about her attracted me. My instincts told me she would be a good Mommie, so I rushed forward; stuck my paw through the cage; hooked my claws into her sweater; and pulled her close to me. We have been inseparable ever since.

My Co-Mommie, who is actually my Grand-Mommie, but she does not like being called that. Every night, after a long day of napping (on my part, not hers) she provides a lap for me to curl up in and cuddle. I love my evening snuggles! Every morning, Co-Mommie wakes early to keep me company and take care of my needs. She claims that she wakes early to get ready for work, but I know the truth: she just wants some alone time with me, before my nap schedule kicks in for the day.

My "Uncle Person", who comes over every day just to visit with me! (He claims he comes by to see my Mommie, but I know better!). He is my very favorite person in the whole, wide world, and I know that he feels the same way about me! How could he not? I hope that someday, he comes to live with us!

For something my humans call "treats". I am not sure why they taste so much better than my cat cereal (what my humans call "dry food") but there is something about them that makes me want to gorge myself...and then throw them all up on the rug to make room for more!

For cat-nip; and for the fact that humans have yet to discover how awesome it is!

For soft blankets, on which I take my naps, and for something new I recently discovered: a hole in the wall where warm air blows out of when it is cold. What a great invention!

For all of you, who read my column; write me letters; and leave me comments. I truly enjoy writing this column; and thank you for letting me be a part of your life!

Once upon a time, I was an abandoned kitty; left on the streets to fend for myself in the cold and the snow. Now, I am safe and warm; pampered and attended to; surrounded by people who care about me, who love me no matter what (even when I jump on their pool table in the middle of a game!). I have a lot for which to be thankful...and it is my hope, dear Readers, that you do as well! A Happy Thanksgiving to you all!

-- Tazi-Kat

P.S. Reduce, reuse, recycle! Think globally and act locally by giving your turkey scraps to the cat in your life!

Student Giving Thanks For Time Away From Roommate

Dear Tazi-Kat:

I am a junior in college and have a roommate from Hell situation. After living in a dorm for two years, I have moved into off-campus housing this semester. I have two roommates, one of whom I can't stand. She is loud, lazy, and inconsiderate. She leaves her dirty laundry all over the place, refuses to wash her share of the dishes, keeps her stereo on all day and all night, and is generally just a miserable person with whom to live. She is also my best friend since junior high school.

This is "Lisa's" first experience living "away" from home (we are about 1/2 an hour away from our hometown). When we both lived at home with our parents, Lisa's mother made her keep her room clean, her music at an appropriate level, and complete household chores, so I never got to see the loud and messy side of Lisa. When we agreed to live together, it was with the understanding that everything would be split three ways with our third roommate, someone who was introduced to us through my college's housing department. I thought it was understood that this meant housework as well as bills, but Lisa is not holding up her end of the bargain. Although her rent is paid on time she does nothing else to contribute to the running of our household.

Our other roommate - who is a dream to live with - is getting fed-up with the situation and has threatened to move out if Lisa's behavior does not improve; and has asked me (as her best friend) to talk to her about the situation. Thus far, I have not worked up the courage to do it, and Roommate #3's patience is wearing thin. I have been taking my stress out at the gym and not on Lisa, so I don't think she realizes how unhappy I am with her.

Thanksgiving is coming up, and I cannot wait to go home to get away from all of this for a few days; but this year Lisa's parents have decided that they are going to take a Thanksgiving cruise - just the two of them, now that they have an "empty nest". This has left Lisa with nowhere to go for Thanksgiving, and she has been loudly complaining about it for the past week. It is obvious that she is trying to solicit an invitation to my Thanksgiving table, but I really need some time away from her in order to re-evaluate our living situation from a distance and draw up a game-plan for next semester (I may be writing to you again, Tazi-Kat!).

My question is, is there a polite way to rebuff Lisa's hints for a Thanksgiving invite? And do you think ignoring her requests will irreparably damage our friendship?

Signed,
Seeking Some Peace

Dear Seeking Some Peace:

You are discovering a truth that many young people have discovered over the years: that best friends do not always make the best roommates. Since you have not let on that you are upset with Lisa, it is not fair of you to hold her behavior against her - although she will probably start to think something is wrong if you continue to ignore her hints about Thanksgiving.

Growing up is a process that occurs over time, at different rates for different people. For Lisa, this is probably the first time she has ever been left alone on the holidays and she could be feeling abandoned by her parents. As her best friend, she needs you to be there for her during this time of transition.

I realize that you need some time away from Lisa, but Thanksgiving Day isn't exactly the best day to choose. No decent person deserves to be alone on the holidays. I have no idea what Lisa's parents were thinking when they chose to take off and leave their daughter alone on Thanksgiving - their last chick may have flown the nest, but she is well within circling distance of it. Perhaps they thought their daughter's best friend would extend an invite to her table?

The Thanksgiving holiday is but one day, and most colleges and universities dismiss students the day before, allowing for a 5-day break and a nice visit home. Since you and Lisa only live 1/2 an hour away from home, you should be able to accommodate Lisa at your Thanksgiving dinner and have plenty of time alone to assess your living situation. An invite to dinner is not an invite to spend the entire week at your place.

I suggest that - with your host/hostess' O.K. - you invite Lisa to have Thanksgiving dinner with you, impressing upon her the fact that you have a lot of things do get done over the holiday break and the invite does not mean that you will be spending the entire long weekend together. Do make an effort to get together with Lisa at some point over this time, though, should she seek to spend more than just one day with you. This will go a long way towards reassuring Lisa that you can still be friends should you decide that you can no longer be roommates.

--Tazi-Kat