Black Friday Plans Make Some People Blue

Dear Tazi:

Every year my family loves to have a big, traditional Thanksgiving dinner with all of the trimmings. Sadly, money is very tight for me this year because I lost my job and had to take a position making less than I was; because of this, I am planning on shopping the night away at all of the Black Friday sales that Thanksgiving evening. In order to do this, I will have to sleep Thanksgiving Day. I realize that this is less than ideal, but it is truly the only way I will be able to give my two children (both teenagers) the kind of Christmas they deserve – one with lots of presents under the tree! I want this Christmas to be extra special for them because their father (my ex-husband) got remarried this year to a woman half his age and the kids are pretty upset about it.

When I told my mother about my shopping plans, she hit the roof! She told me that Thanksgiving is about family, not shopping, and that Christmas is about love, not presents. She accused me of trying to buy my children’s love with fancy gifts and told me that she had better see me at her table on Thanksgiving or I can forget coming around for Christmas.

Tazi, I think my mother is being unreasonable. I will still be sending the children to celebrate Thanksgiving with the family, so they will not be missing out; my kids will be spending Christmas Day with their father, so I will be all alone if my mother banishes me from her table for trying to do right by my kids and giving them the best Christmas ever in a year full of downers. I told my Mom that she was not seeing the big picture, and she responded that “there are none so blind as those who will not see”. I don’t think it’s right for her to start shaming me with Bible verses, especially since she knows I don’t go to church. I think that was just another one of her digs. How “Christian” is that? Can you think of a way to make my Mom see reason and to let me go about my life without shutting me out of hers?

Signed,

Mama’s Girl

Dear Mama’s Girl:

Your mother is being overbearing in her demands and is holding you an emotional hostage in order to get her way…but while I disagree with her methods, I cannot say the same for her philosophy on how holidays should be spent. There is a reason why the Federal government has declared days like Thanksgiving and Christmas national holidays; it is so families can take the time off of work – without retaliation – in order to spend those days with their loved ones. (While I wish they would recognize major celebratory days of non-Christian beliefs, too, that is another argument).

Your plan to spend Thanksgiving shopping has more holes in it than a Babybel Swiss!

I am beholding the power of cheese!

To start, you mention that you want to give your children the “best Christmas ever” but seem to think abandoning them on Thanksgiving is no big deal. In a year of hardships it is more important than ever to count your blessings and hold fast to family. Dumping your children on your family to spend the day sleeping and shopping is not going to make them feel important and loved, regardless of what you buy them.

Second, by shopping on Thanksgiving you are denying store employees of the privilege (some would say right) to spend Thanksgiving with their families. This year Thanksgiving also happens to fall on the first full night of Hanukkah, so to be forced to work this day would be doubly offensive to those of the Jewish faith.

Third, I will add that Christmas is about different things to different people, but it is not about buying someone’s love through expensive gifts that you call ill afford to purchase. I understand your children are not looking forward to spending the day with their father and his new wife, but ruining their Thanksgiving in order to accomplish your plan for Christmas cheer is the wrong way to go about solving the problem.

Fourth, I want to mention that your mother was not quoting the Bible, but referencing 17^th century Presbyterian minister Matthew Henry (1662 – 1714), who popularized this little known English proverb of unknown origins. Another Old English proverb is “wanting to eat your cake and have it, too” which seems to be what you want from your mother – approval to miss Thanksgiving and her open arms at Christmas. You realize that come Christmas you will need your Mom…has it occurred to you that maybe she needs you at Thanksgiving to make her holiday complete? If you want to go ahead with your Thanksgiving shopping plans you must do so without my blessing. I say that there will be enough sales between now and Christmas to equal the offerings of Black Friday.

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Shopaholic Or Not, Wasteful Spending Cuts Into Savings

Dear Tazi:

I have a problem.  When I get bored, I shop.  I am not a shopaholic - I don't feel the need to shop or get any kind of high off of it or feel let-down after I am finished shopping; I just have nothing better to do with my time so I go online and browse for things - gifts for upcoming birthdays, new clothes, bed and bath goodies, and stuff on clearance sale that looks like something I may eventually use.

I am not in debt over my head from my shopping habits, but I would like to pump up my savings account a bit, which I could do if I did not shop so much.  I was reading about one young entrepreneurial woman in Marie Claire magazine who started her business on a whim while unemployed.  She was able to do this because she took $20,000 from her savings for start-up costs.  What twentysomething has $20K in their savings account?  I suppose I could have half that much if I didn't spend so much.

My boyfriend doesn't have a problem with my spending; he tells me that if it makes me happy why stop?  The problem is, I am not sure that it makes me happy; not when I see the alternative things I can be doing with my money, like saving it to start my own business someday, although I am not certain what I would sell. My boyfriend tells me I am over thinking this, but I am not so sure.  What do you think, Tazi?  And do you have any tips to help me curb my spending habits?

Signed,
Bored Far Too Often

Dear Bored Far Too Often:

Can you control your spending when you shop?  It sounds to me as if you are a controlled shopaholic - someone who can control their shopping and spending so long as they are not tempted, but go crazy once the opportunity to shop presents itself.  How long can you continue shopping for needless things before your habit puts you into debt over your head?  Just because you can handle your debt now does not mean that you will always be able to make the payments on your credit cards.  One bout with a serious illness or stretch of unemployment can put you under financially, so a solid savings account is a good thing to have!

Since a solid savings account appears to be your goal, I can offer you some tips on how to get there; and since you humans love the organization of a list, I will present them to you in list form.  Consider it a post-Halloween treat!

1.  Know the difference between wasteful spending and investment spending.  Purchasing a pair of high-end, quality career shoes on end-of-season clearance is an investment; purchasing a pair of high-end, quality party shoes on clearance is not.  Before purchasing something, ask yourself: How often will I use this?  If I put it into storage for the season, will I remember that I have it?

2.  Invest in a book by financial guru Suze Orman - and read it!  The information she has to share is invaluable!  If you are not comfortable buying a book, see if your local library has it and give it a test drive.  I strongly recommend The Money Book for the Young, Fabulous and Broke (Riverhead Trade, 2007).

3. Put your credit cards into a lock-box or safe.  This will help you to resist the urge to use them by making them more difficult to access.  Carry one credit card - for emergencies - in your wallet.  Better yet, join AAA; your membership card can double as a pre-paid American Express card.

4. Unless you are absolutely certain that you will be giving someone a gift several months down the road, do not purchase something that will be "perfect" for them.  Furthermore, ask yourself: might an even better gift come along between now and then?

5. When you get the urge to spend wastefully, look at the price and put that same amount towards your credit card debt.  By doing this you are saving money and paying off your past purchases.  A bargain is not a bargain if you are paying monthly interest on it.

6. Create a budget based upon your pay cycle and stick to it.  If you are paid weekly, your budget should reflect that; bi-weekly, your budget should take you through two weeks.  By doing this you should not be caught short and should not have to dip into your savings to pay your regular bills.

7. Create an Excel spreadsheet and record every penny you spend for one full month.  Categorize each item - food, entertainment, credit cards, rent, etc. - and see how much you are spending in each area.  This will allow you  to profile your spending and cut back on things you do not need.  For example, do you really need a Starbucks coffee every morning?  At $2.50/cup adds up to $17.50 for one week!  You could buy and brew your coffee at home for a fraction of that price!

8. Pay yourself first.  My Mommie's Grandpa always used to tell her that she would never have a savings account if she did not pay herself first.  She wishes she took his advice to put 10% of every paycheck into savings and forget about it!  She does that now, and I suggest that you start!

9.  Buy store-brand food; it costs less and is usually manufactured by the brand name company.  Put the money you save into your savings account.

10. Sign up for and use store loyalty cards, cut (and use) coupons.  There are many online sites that offer coupons for free, so you don't even have to buy a newspaper to get them!

These small steps can add up to big savings, which you can put towards your dream of starting your own business, owning your own home, or taking a dream vacation.  Please write back in six months and let me know how you are doing!

Snuggles,
Tazi

P.S.  Shame on your boyfriend for not being more supportive!  Could it be that his habits reflect yours, and any change would create the need for him to examine his own financial habits?


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

"Cover Hogging" Makes For A Chilly Marital Bed

Dear Tazi-Kat:


Now that summer is over and the cool, crisp weather is on its way, I am dreading going to bed at night.  “Stan”, my husband of five years, prefers to sleep with the bedroom windows open “to let the fresh air in”, which I would not mind if he did not proceed to hog the covers because he is “too cold” and I absolutely refuse to turn up the heat (and send out heating bill skyrocketing) while the windows remain open.  I have offered to compromise and keep the air conditioner on at night to allow the air to cool and circulate, but Stan insists that it’s the scent of the open air helps him sleep, and only the open air will work for him.  I have tried to leave the bedroom windows open during the day with the bedroom doors closed, to seal in the “fresh air” that Stan craves, but he insists it is not the same.

Tazi, late last Autumn I left a glass of water on my nightstand and by the morning it was halfway to frozen solid!  I showed this to Stan, telling him that I was not exaggerating when I said the room felt as cold as ice.  He just laughed at the fact that it really was cold enough for water to freeze, and told me that I needed to add another layer; but no matter how many layers I add, I am still cold because he steals them all – which tells me he is just as cold as I am.  I do not know how to solve this problem, short of moving into the spare bedroom from October to April.  Do you have any ideas, Tazi?  Or should I start cleaning out the extra bedroom? 

Signed,

Blue in New England

Dear Blue:

I am so glad that you signed off with your geographical location, because I just may have a solution for you that will keep you warm without raising your heating bill: a super-thick down (or down alternative) comforter.  Since you live in New England, a day-trip to the shopping outlets in Kittery and the lesser known neighboring Freeport Shopping Outlets could provide you with what you need for around $300 - $500 (anywhere from 50% - 80% off of retail price!).  Autumn in New England is such a pretty time of year, you could add your trip to a weekend leaf-peeping getaway.

I realize that the cost of such a purchase may sound outrageously pricey for what amounts to nothing more than a bed covering, but an extra-thick down comforter will keep you warm and toasty, even through sub-zero temperatures.  If your husband were to hog this type of comforter, he would find himself kicking it off due to the suffocating heat that it traps within its fibers (something that does not occur with blankets).  Plus, if cared for properly, a down/down-alternative comforter will last you a lifetime, amortizing the cost down to pennies a night – and isn’t that worth the price of being able to share your bed with your husband?

--Tazi-Kat.

P.S.  If you scroll down to the bottom of the page, you will be treated to a picture of me claiming the covers of my Mommie's bed!

Tazi's Corner #20 - Remembering The Spirit Of The Season

Dear Readers,

First we had Black Friday, then we had Small Business Saturday; tomorrow is Cyber Monday.  Does that mean that today is a day to sit back and reflect on the true meaning of the holiday season? I hope so, because those are the kind of thoughts I will be sharing with you today.

As I have mentioned so many times in the past, I have a wonderful home, full of people who serve - I mean love! - me and want me to be happy.  One of the people who makes me happy is the little girl who lives next door.  "Missy" is unlike any child I have ever met; she is "seven going on sixty" as my Mommie describes her, but that is okay with me.  I am generally not fond of young children; they chase me under the furniture and try to pull me out by the tail. (Yeah, there's a good way to endear the cat to you!  Torture it!).  Missy, however, is not like that.  Missy is like an adult in miniature.  Like many children of a certain age, Missy is starting to doubt the existence of Santa Claus and the magic of Smiley, her Elf of the Shelf.  It is for all the Missys out there that I say this:

To all of you raising the Missys of the world, to all of you struggling to conquer your own personal battles; to you I would like to say that I understand that it is hard to keep believing. I know how difficult it can be to keep trying when all you want to do is give in and hope somebody else can pick up the slack, if only for a moment.  I may be just a little kitty, but I witness the trials of my humans, and the anguish of those who write to me.  We live in a world where it is so easy to lose our faith. Disappointments in our personal and professional lives sap our desire to keep trying; trying moments sap our reserves to the point where we wonder where we will find the strength to go on another step.  I say, keep trying, in spite of the hurt; you never know which attempt will lead to success.  

Don't be afraid to take naps between tries!  Just remember to try again when you wake!

Discouragement is a natural, human emotion - everyone feels it, but remember this the next time you feel the need to verbalize yours: Children - even those that are not your own - can have mighty good hearing when it comes to things we would rather they not hear; once spoken, words cannot be unsaid. The next time you catch yourself losing your temper or drowning your spirit over something you cannot control, think of the lesson you are passing on to a child. Better yet, if you find yourself stressed to the point that you are losing your temper or drowning in misery, maybe it is time that you have a "time out".

Remember that you will quickly reach the point where you can do no good for others if you refuse to first be good to yourself.  Brew a cup of coffee or tea; take 15 minutes to yourself with a newspaper or a good book; make time for yourself! While you are indulging in your "time out", ask yourself: Are the gifts you "need" to buy really so necessary that you must toss civility to the side to get them?  I'll bet you a Cabbage Patch Kid, a Furby, and a Tickle Me Elmo that they are not.  Do you really want to give your child a gift that required you to stampede over others to get it?

Zombie apocalypse or Wal-Mart on Black Friday?

In the consumer culture that has developed over the past several decades, is it any wonder children no longer believe in the magical?  Or do they?  As I overheard Missy explain to my Mommie that she didn't think her Elf was real, that her Mom moved him around after she went to sleep, I saw a glint of doubt in her eyes at the sound of her own words; a small fear that maybe - just maybe - she was wrong. Something tells me that there is a seven-year-old underneath that serious demeanor after all...a seven year old who wants to continue to believe, in spite of a gut feeling to the contrary.   Hope springs eternal in the hearts of youth, but just as with adults those hopes need to be nurtured.  Is there any way that we can make the magic last just a little while longer?

Please ignore the bad hair and take a minute to listen to the message!

Santa Claus, The Elf, and other characters of Christmas (does Hanukkah have any?) are only symbols of a greater good that dwells within our hearts, a good that often gets shoved aside in favor of other responsibilities, real and imagined.  This year, don't let the stresses of creating a "perfect" holiday season shove aside the reasons that we celebrate the season - the miracles, big and small, that come about as a result of faith, hope, charity, love, and the indefatigable strength of the human spirit. At seven years old, Missy and most other children her age are still too young to understand the spirit of good will behind the concepts of Santa and the Elf on the Shelf; it is up to you humans to illustrate it for them.  Are you up to the task?

Snuggles,
Tazi

P.S.  It is exactly one month until Christmas; thirteen days until the start of Hanukkah, so don't wait too long to start displaying your holiday spirit!  --T.K.

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.