A Series Of Short Questions And Answers

Dear Readers,

People often ask me if my letters are real, and the answer is YES, they are! A lot goes into writing an advice column, and I cannot imagine doing it if I had to write both sides of it! The only changes I make to letters is to correct spelling and grammar, edit for language (you will see synonyms placed in brackets where naughty words are removed), and truncate for space concerns. I try to keep each column between 800 - 1200 words, and some letters run that length on their own!

On the flip side of long letters is the short letter. I increasingly receive private messages through Twitter that are more than 140 characters, but not by much, or quick questions with little details about what surrounds the issue. Without knowing the full story, it is difficult to give a quality answer. Today I am answering some of those letters, because I believe that every letter deserves a response!

Here we go!!

Is It Ever Okay To Steal Someone Else's Food?

Dear Tazi,

What is your opinion on people who steal other people's lunches from the office refrigerator? I believe that if someone puts their lunch in there and labels it, it is their food; but no name means it is fair game for whoever wants to take it. After all, maybe what the "thief" took was the exact same thing that they brought from home and someone else stole theirs! Right?

Signed,
Not The Thief

Dear Not The Thief:

I believe that an office will provide a refrigerator for the benefit of its employees. It is up to the employee to label their food, because as you point out two people may bring the same exact item - yogurt, cottage cheese and fruit, a sandwich from the local deli. No labels means confusion and inadvertent theft can occur. I do not believe that "no name means fair game" unless the provider of the food explicitly offers to share ("Hey, everyone, I brought in some eclairs! They are in the fridge - help yourself!").

Also a good reason not to steal someone else's food...

It sounds to me like someone stole your labeled lunch so you grabbed someone else's unlabeled treat and got caught in the act! Next time, don't take the law into your own hands - take your complaint to Human Resources!

Snuggles,
Tazi


Could His Brother-In-Law Be Secretly Gay? 
Or Was He Just Really Drunk?

Dear Tazi:

My sister's husband groped my [butt] at a Halloween costume party! He claims that he had been drinking and that he didn't realize that I wasn't his wife (the siblings and spouses did a group costume and all dressed up like different colored crayons). I'd buy that if it weren't for the fact that I am several inches taller than my sister - and a guy. Could my brother-in-law be secretly gay? How do I tell my sister this?

Signed,
The Red Crayon

Dear The Red Crayon:

Exactly how much did your brother-in-law have to drink that night? How form-fitting were those crayon costumes? How visible were your faces? Before jumping to conclusions, think about the big picture. Has your brother-in-law ever acted so affectionately towards you before? Have you ever suspected that maybe he is interested in men as well as women? Before you suggest to your sister that her hubs might be gay, look at the totality of the evidence before you and not at one isolated incident. Chance are you are over-reacting. Alcohol can make people do crazy things!

Like make white people think they can dance!

Snuggles,
Tazi

Does Tazi-Kat Practice What He Preaches?

Dear Tazi,

You give a lot of good advice. Do you actually follow it yourself?

Signed,
Just Wondering

Dear Just Wondering:

Thank you for the compliment! I am a cat, which is to say I am one of Earth's most perfect beings and therefore do not make mistakes. But you can bet your tushie  that I make sure my Mommie thinks before she acts and practices what I preach (she is the original recipient of the Tazi-Kat Paw Slap of Disgust!).

Snuggles,
Tazi

Is She Naturally Thin? Or Is She Anorexic?

Hey Tazi ,

I have read your article about thin/skinny bashing. I am so worried about my partner's weight.She is an extremely underweight person .We have issues related to weightiness..

Signed,

Awaiting Your Suggestion

Dear Awaiting Your Suggestion:

You are a very caring partner to take on such a difficult and sensitive issue. Problems with distorted body image are almost always to blame when a person who is extremely underweight refuses to eat. The question you need to ask is, does she eat very little only when you are around or in general? A lot of people are uncomfortable eating in front of someone they are trying to impress - be it a romantic partner or an important work colleague - for fear of looking undignified. Accidental spills, slurps, or food stuck in one's teeth can deeply embarrass some people.

I will suggest a way to put an end to your arguing, but it is something you must both agree on before following through with it: ask your partner to make an appointment with her doctor for a full and complete physical. She must agree before-hand to share the results with you. If the doctor gives your partner a clean bill of health, in spite of her low body weight, you must accept that she is healthy at her current weight and not pester her about it unless she starts to lose weight without reason (and without putting it back on within a reasonable amount of time). On the flip side, if your partner does not receive a clean bill of health (due to her weight or other issues) she must agree to follow the doctors orders towards a path to wellness. If your partner does not have health insurance, affordable health care is available through community based health-care centers, including many hospitals. Do not let a lack of insurance deter her from pursuing good health!

Snuggles,

Tazi

What Can You Do With A Degree In Women's Studies?

Dear Tazi,

What does a person do with a degree in Gender and Women's Studies? Is that even a real degree?

Signed,
Old Fashioned

Dear Old Fashioned:

Yes, it is a real degree! As for what you can do with it, the answer is anything you want; it just depends on what area you choose to focus. Many people go on to law school; some become practicing sociologists; others become writers, guidance counselors, or activists. I know Women's Studies graduates in the fields of social work, domestic and global politics, college administration, government...and oh yeah, even one that works in transcription, translating my meows into the written word you are reading here!

Snuggles,
Tazi


That's all for now, readers! Keep those letters - short and long - coming! Snuggles all around! --T.K.

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

One Need Not Be A Woman To Study Women's Studies

Dear Readers:

In honor of my 10th birthday this week (6/26) I am taking a week-long vacation! For your entertainment, I am re-posting some classic columns that you may have missed the first time!

--T.K.

Dear Tazi:

I just finished my freshman year of college and as a general education credit I took an Introduction to Women’s Studies class and loved it. I found the viewpoints and cultures we explored – so different from our own – incredibly interesting. I never realized that I took for granted the many rights that American women have that women in other countries (and cultures, right here in this country) are struggling to attain. I also never realized how “patriarchal” our society is, with everything being run from a man’s point of view. Take, for example, public beaches. I have seen men with boobs bigger than Coco [Austin, the model] lying around with no shirt on, and that is perfectly legal; but a woman – no matter how flat-chested she is – must wear a top or else she can be arrested for indecent exposure. I think the 400 pound man in a Speedo should be the one getting arrested, don’t you?

I would like to continue taking more Women’s Studies courses, and maybe even complete a minor in the subject to go along with my Political Science major. The one issue with my plan is that I am a man, and not even an effeminate one. I played football in high school, go drinking with the guys, and do everything that normal guys do – I only took the Women’s Studies class because my girlfriend was in it and wanted me to take it with her.

I guess I am just afraid of what people will think when they find out I am taking Women’s Studies classes. I am afraid that the women in the classes will see me as an interloper and that the guys are all going to think that I am secretly gay. Do you have any rejoinder that I can give to the comments I am certain to receive when people discover that I like Women’s Studies?

Signed,
‘Bama man

Dear ‘Bama Man:

You have written to the right kitty cat! My Mommie happens to be a Gender and Women’s Studies student at the University of Rhode Island! I have a habit of taking long naps on her textbooks, and have learned through osmosis that Women’s Studies is an interdisciplinary field that covers a wide range of topics, including Political Science and Sociology! (How’s that for a rejoinder?). As you have discovered, you do not have to be a woman – or an “effeminate” man – to enjoy Women’s Studies classes. In fact, all men are actively encouraged to explore the curriculum and see how the classes offered could enhance their studies.

Classes in Women’s Studies are designed to expose students to topics that are not (traditionally) covered in the liberal arts program of general education. It is for this reason that many colleges offer their Women’s Studies classes as general education credits and free electives, to offer an alternative viewpoint to the traditional Western philosophies found in historical readings.

Judging from your signature, you are from the Deep South; a place where tradition runs deep. Do not feel that you must abandon your traditions in order to study Women’s Studies; rather, think of it as the exploration of a new path in the rich culture that already surrounds you. Rather than take a history course on the War of Northern Aggression (aka The Civil War), why not take a class on Women of the Civil War? A required Literature credit could easily be filled with a class on Southern Female Writers (My Mommie is a huge fan of the work of Southern women authors, especially Harper Lee’s To Kill a Mockingbird; as for me, I just love the title!).
If, after explaining to people your interest in Women’s Studies, you find that you are still receiving flak for your choice of minor I suggest that you just do your best to shrug it off and people will stop bothering you. Those who tease and/or bully do so in the hope of getting a defensive reaction. By coolly explaining that you are exploring a vein of your proud Southern heritage you take away the very ammunition they seek to shoot.

Lastly, to answer your question about indecent exposure: I think that is a moot point. I don’t think a 400 pound man would fit into a Speedo. It may be made of Spandex® but it is still governed by the laws of physics.

Snuggles,
Tazi

P.S.: Might I recommend for you a Women’s Studies elective that deals with Race Class and Gender? This class delves into how each of the three (race, class, and gender) can determine our social status in society, and how we as a culture can work to overcome discrimination and backlash to become a more balanced society. As a Political Science major this type of course would suit you well, and might even count for credit towards your major degree as well. –T.K.


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Tazi's Corner #30 - The Inherent Sexism of The "Blonde Joke"

Dear Readers:

Something happened a few weeks ago that has my Mommie seeing red! She needed to blog the anger out of her system, and since my blog gets tens of thousands of more hits than hers, I decided it was in my best interest to lend her this space (an angry Mommie means less kitty snax for me!). --T.K.

The Inherent Sexism Of the "Blonde Joke"

by Tazi's Mommie

I hold an Associates degree in General Science and a Bachelors degree in Communications. I am finishing the final requirements of two more Bachelors degrees, in Biology and in Gender and Women’s Studies at the prestigious University of Rhode Island. I am a member of four academic honor societies – Phi Theta Kappa; Phi Eta Sigma; the Golden Key Society and Omicron Delta Kappa, the last of which requires members to hold leadership positions in addition to having a ridiculously high grade point average. While on the subject, I’d like to mention that my cumulative GPA is a 3.72 (on 4.0 scale) and I will be graduating summa cum laude this spring. All of this means nothing, though, when people first meet me. It means nothing because I am blonde. I am natural blonde. I am also shapely, attractive, and have a bubbly personality which means when people first meet me they automatically want to deduct about 80 IQ points, deciding that because I fit the “blonde joke” stereotype I must have the intellectual capacity of Forrest Gump.

Blonde jokes are one of the last remaining vestiges of a time when it was socially acceptable to insult someone based upon an incorrect stereotype. We have all heard the jokes – the Truly Tasteless Jokes series of books has them cataloged by subject – and perhaps we even tell them, behind closed doors, among close friends and family who we believe will not judge us. How many of you who tell these jokes are willing to post a joke about the “cheap Jew” or the “ignorant Black man” to your Facebook page? Are the jokes you tell in private no longer funny when they result in the court of public opinion judging you unfavorably?

Blonde jokes have bothered me since I was a teenager. I considered fighting back by telling brunette jokes – they exist, and are very nasty – but, in the end, these jokes simply feed into the stereotypes that blonde jokes promote. “Who makes bras for brunettes?” (Answer: Fisher-Price) feeds the stereotype that only blondes have curves like Marilyn Monroe. Doesn't anyone remember her Gentlemen Prefer Blondes co-star Jane Russell? Yes, Marilyn Monroe played the role of the dumb blonde on several occasions, but that was sixty years ago! Haven’t we evolved as a society since that time? Girls, it is no longer cool to play dumb; it was never cool to be a slut.

Slut? Yes, slut. Another feature of the blonde joke is rampant sexual promiscuity. “How does a blonde turn on the lights after having sex?” (Answer: She opens the car door). This joke – and jokes like it – plays to the assumption that blondes are more likely than brunettes or redheads to have one-night stands in parking lots with men they have just met. I searched GoogleScholar.com, and found not one shred of evidence to support this idea – in fact, one study showed that participants judged brunettes with tattoos to be heavier drinkers and more sexually promiscuous than blondes without tattoos! Another study reveals that it is artificial blondes [i.e. brunettes and redheads posing as blondes] that men judge to be of looser moral character. Are those blonde jokes still amusing to you? Before you answer, let me take this argument one step further: Have you noticed that all blonde jokes are about women?

Think of a blonde joke – any one, it doesn't matter if the blonde portrayed is stupid, promiscuous, or acting like an entitled brat, so long as the subject of the joke is a blonde. Is the blonde in the joke a man or a woman? What did you picture in your head?  If the joke is written down, does it refer to the blonde with the pronoun “he” or “she”? Now, thinking of the same joke, I want you to change the hair color to your own (natural) color. Is the joke still funny? How about when you exchange the hair color for the generic term “woman” or “girl”? Are you still laughing? Or is the sexism now blatant enough for you to see?

Some would argue that former V.P. Dan Quayle is a male blonde joke
(he's more of a blonde, male joke)

 If you are still laughing at your own debasing humor, and you still have the urge to tell blonde jokes, please replace the woman’s description one of your mother, your sister, your wife or girlfriend or another woman you hold dear; maybe then this message will get through to you. Still laughing? Then make yourself the subject of the joke, and have a laugh at your own expense.

To those who want to stand up and make things right, I thank you, but please...don’t take a “Polish joke” and turn it into a “male blonde” joke. This misled attempt to even the playing field is like fighting fire with marshmallows. A marshmallow thrown into the fire does nothing to harm the fire; it only turns into something that brings smiles and laughter. So, too, does the person who attempts to fight sexism with a joke.

KJM
01.26.13

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Tazi's Corner #17 - The Importance Of Your Vote

Dear Readers:

I was going to use this space this week to talk about all the Halloween loot I dragged home this week, but having to watch political ads ad nauseum  crushed my creative muse.  While searching for it, I came across an old essay by my Mommie, and decided that it needed an audience.  Since nobody reads her blog (seriously, it has something like 700 hits over three years) I have decided once again to give her this space.  Sheesh, two weeks in a row!  I am telling you, we cats do nothing but give!

Without further ado, I present to you Mommie's essay on why she votes.

Snuggles,
Tazi

Why I Believe in the Importance of the Vote

by Guest Writer Tazi's Mommie

My Aunt's late mother, "Claire", was born in the early 1900's - before women were extended voting privileges. I remember how Claire once shared a memory with me, of how she went into the voting booth with her mother during the first (national) election in which women were allowed to vote. It was a powerful image, indeed, especially since she was around 90 years old when she shared it with me. For 85+ years that memory lived in her mind...it must have been important to her.

As a Women's Studies major, I have studied the history of women's suffrage in America; from its earliest roots at Seneca Falls, to the racism of Alice Paul that split the fight into a black and white issue, to the protest down Pennsylvania Avenue. The images of women being beaten, jailed, and even killed as they fought for suffrage is brought to life for me as Claire's memory echoes in my mind. How many of us now take our voting privileges for granted? That's correct, I said "privilege", not "right". How many are foolish enough to refer to suffrage as the "right" to vote? Voting is not a right - rights are something extended to all, without restriction. Think about that, and consider yourself lucky if you are one of the millions in the world who do have that privilege.

Throughout U.S. history more people have been denied the vote than have been granted it. When our country was founded, only white, property-owning men were allowed to vote. The standards were eventually relaxed to allow all white men to vote; but it took a Civil War, a Constitutional amendment, and countless lives lost to secure the vote for minority citizens. Excuse me, black male citizens. The 15th amendment did not extend the vote to black women, or to Native Americans (who were not considered to be citizens, in spite of the 15th amendment's wording). It took a second Constitutional amendment and even more lives lost to secure suffrage for women; and it took the Civil Rights Era and yet more lives lost to guarantee that those who were extended voting privileges could actually exercise them. Now, we have voter ID laws cropping up around the nation, including in my home state of Rhode Island. Is this an attempt to secure our polls or, as many claim, an attempt to revive Jim Crow? Is this a law that the average American wants to see enforced?

Copyright Garry Trudeau.  All Rights Reserved.

I realize that many people will not vote because they do not like the choices they have.  Do you choose the rock or the hard place?  Do you make a joke of your vote by writing in "Tazi-Kat" for President?  Before you do either (although I am sure my cat would appreciate the publicity) remember that many in the world do not have the opportunity to freely elect their political leaders. Oh, sure, elections are held! In fact, before Operation Iraqi Freedom, Sadaam Hussain had been getting elected President by a unanimous vote for decades. If you can't smell bullsh-- coming from those election results, I've got a bridge I would love to sell you!  

Before you refuse to vote on the grounds that it is just too arduous, stop and think about what is going on in Egypt, Tunisia, and Syria right now.  It is called the Arab Spring and young people are fighting and dying for proper representation in their government, governments that are openly abusive of their own people; governments that are openly corrupt; governments that don't listen to the needs of the masses, but only to the voices of those who have money (sounds a bit like what is starting to happen in America, huh?).  The suffering of these brave young people makes the few hours you have to wait at the polls suddenly seem like a much less strenuous ordeal.  If you are handicapped or disabled, let the poll workers know - they will accommodate you.  No eligible voter should feel as if they cannot due to age or debilitation.  

Her crime?  Protesting her government leaders.  
She was beaten near to death.

Perhaps the most important reason to vote is this: If the average American does not make their voice heard, the only voices being heard will be those of the extreme - from the Tea Party (Michele Bachmann and Rand Paul) to Socialists (Bernard Sanders and, some would say, Al Franken).  From what I read in the blogs; letters to the editor; and other places where opinions are expressed, this is not what most Americans want.  Please do your part to keep it from happening - vote this Tuesday, November 6th.  Polls are open from 7 AM to at least 8PM, so regardless of what shift you work, the polls will be open before you go in or after you get out.

This week, as I mark my ballot, I will think about Claire...and smile because I know she would be happy that I voted!

A prosperous Election day to All!

--Tazi's Mommie

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.