A Series Of Short Questions And Answers

Dear Readers,

People often ask me if my letters are real, and the answer is YES, they are! A lot goes into writing an advice column, and I cannot imagine doing it if I had to write both sides of it! The only changes I make to letters is to correct spelling and grammar, edit for language (you will see synonyms placed in brackets where naughty words are removed), and truncate for space concerns. I try to keep each column between 800 - 1200 words, and some letters run that length on their own!

On the flip side of long letters is the short letter. I increasingly receive private messages through Twitter that are more than 140 characters, but not by much, or quick questions with little details about what surrounds the issue. Without knowing the full story, it is difficult to give a quality answer. Today I am answering some of those letters, because I believe that every letter deserves a response!

Here we go!!

Is It Ever Okay To Steal Someone Else's Food?

Dear Tazi,

What is your opinion on people who steal other people's lunches from the office refrigerator? I believe that if someone puts their lunch in there and labels it, it is their food; but no name means it is fair game for whoever wants to take it. After all, maybe what the "thief" took was the exact same thing that they brought from home and someone else stole theirs! Right?

Signed,
Not The Thief

Dear Not The Thief:

I believe that an office will provide a refrigerator for the benefit of its employees. It is up to the employee to label their food, because as you point out two people may bring the same exact item - yogurt, cottage cheese and fruit, a sandwich from the local deli. No labels means confusion and inadvertent theft can occur. I do not believe that "no name means fair game" unless the provider of the food explicitly offers to share ("Hey, everyone, I brought in some eclairs! They are in the fridge - help yourself!").

Also a good reason not to steal someone else's food...

It sounds to me like someone stole your labeled lunch so you grabbed someone else's unlabeled treat and got caught in the act! Next time, don't take the law into your own hands - take your complaint to Human Resources!

Snuggles,
Tazi


Could His Brother-In-Law Be Secretly Gay? 
Or Was He Just Really Drunk?

Dear Tazi:

My sister's husband groped my [butt] at a Halloween costume party! He claims that he had been drinking and that he didn't realize that I wasn't his wife (the siblings and spouses did a group costume and all dressed up like different colored crayons). I'd buy that if it weren't for the fact that I am several inches taller than my sister - and a guy. Could my brother-in-law be secretly gay? How do I tell my sister this?

Signed,
The Red Crayon

Dear The Red Crayon:

Exactly how much did your brother-in-law have to drink that night? How form-fitting were those crayon costumes? How visible were your faces? Before jumping to conclusions, think about the big picture. Has your brother-in-law ever acted so affectionately towards you before? Have you ever suspected that maybe he is interested in men as well as women? Before you suggest to your sister that her hubs might be gay, look at the totality of the evidence before you and not at one isolated incident. Chance are you are over-reacting. Alcohol can make people do crazy things!

Like make white people think they can dance!

Snuggles,
Tazi

Does Tazi-Kat Practice What He Preaches?

Dear Tazi,

You give a lot of good advice. Do you actually follow it yourself?

Signed,
Just Wondering

Dear Just Wondering:

Thank you for the compliment! I am a cat, which is to say I am one of Earth's most perfect beings and therefore do not make mistakes. But you can bet your tushie  that I make sure my Mommie thinks before she acts and practices what I preach (she is the original recipient of the Tazi-Kat Paw Slap of Disgust!).

Snuggles,
Tazi

Is She Naturally Thin? Or Is She Anorexic?

Hey Tazi ,

I have read your article about thin/skinny bashing. I am so worried about my partner's weight.She is an extremely underweight person .We have issues related to weightiness..

Signed,

Awaiting Your Suggestion

Dear Awaiting Your Suggestion:

You are a very caring partner to take on such a difficult and sensitive issue. Problems with distorted body image are almost always to blame when a person who is extremely underweight refuses to eat. The question you need to ask is, does she eat very little only when you are around or in general? A lot of people are uncomfortable eating in front of someone they are trying to impress - be it a romantic partner or an important work colleague - for fear of looking undignified. Accidental spills, slurps, or food stuck in one's teeth can deeply embarrass some people.

I will suggest a way to put an end to your arguing, but it is something you must both agree on before following through with it: ask your partner to make an appointment with her doctor for a full and complete physical. She must agree before-hand to share the results with you. If the doctor gives your partner a clean bill of health, in spite of her low body weight, you must accept that she is healthy at her current weight and not pester her about it unless she starts to lose weight without reason (and without putting it back on within a reasonable amount of time). On the flip side, if your partner does not receive a clean bill of health (due to her weight or other issues) she must agree to follow the doctors orders towards a path to wellness. If your partner does not have health insurance, affordable health care is available through community based health-care centers, including many hospitals. Do not let a lack of insurance deter her from pursuing good health!

Snuggles,

Tazi

What Can You Do With A Degree In Women's Studies?

Dear Tazi,

What does a person do with a degree in Gender and Women's Studies? Is that even a real degree?

Signed,
Old Fashioned

Dear Old Fashioned:

Yes, it is a real degree! As for what you can do with it, the answer is anything you want; it just depends on what area you choose to focus. Many people go on to law school; some become practicing sociologists; others become writers, guidance counselors, or activists. I know Women's Studies graduates in the fields of social work, domestic and global politics, college administration, government...and oh yeah, even one that works in transcription, translating my meows into the written word you are reading here!

Snuggles,
Tazi


That's all for now, readers! Keep those letters - short and long - coming! Snuggles all around! --T.K.

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

"Thin Bashing" Makes Being Underweight Even Harder

Dear Tazi:

I am a woman in my mid-thirties and have always had the same problem with my appearance since I was a child: I am too thin. I eat healthy and exercise in an attempt to put on muscle and increase my size, but I have a very small frame and will probably always be super-thin. My doctor tells me I am healthy, albeit being slightly underweight (muscle adds weight but not bulk to my frame), and not to worry too much about it so long as I do not feel dizzy or have heart palpitations or any other issues associated with being underweight. I have been able to deliver two healthy children, but after both of my pregnancies I lost the weight immediately - and my curves along with it :-( .

My problem is that many of my friends think I must be a closet anorexic and will not get off of my back about how thin I am - they are constantly trying to force me to eat "more" - and will encourage me to eat sugary foods. I eat approximately 2,000 calories a day, so I am not starving myself! Since when does "more" equal unhealthy? I do indulge occasionally, but I am not one for sweets; they hold no attraction for me.

Invariably, after I explain myself to my friends, someone will always accuse me of bragging about how I can eat whatever I want and not gain weight. Tazi, this is not the case! I am not bragging, nor am I saying I can eat "whatever I want", unless not liking sweets much implies that I can eat all of the healthy food I want and not gain weight. I would never criticize the appearance or eating habits of an overweight friend, so why do people think that it's OK to pick on me for being thin? How should I respond to these accusations?

Signed,
Skinny Minnie

Dear Skinny Minnie:

I am happy to hear that you are healthy, in spite of the fact that you are underweight; being underweight can be just as dangerous as being overweight, as I am sure you are aware. As you have discovered, there is a major backlash against the super-fit by people who are not so genetically blessed. This is because there are people who will "humbly brag" about how fit they are as a way of shaming those who cannot fit into a pair of size 2 skinny jeans.

What is HER excuse?
My guess is hunger pangs.

If your friends are making you uncomfortable, feel free to speak up in your own defense - you are among friends! Tell them that too much sugar makes you sick (as it would anyone) and that you don't have much of a taste for it. The next time a friend bemoans her size and wishes she could be as thin as you, tell her that you wish you had her curves - or her fabulous chest, or her dynamite booty - and see how quickly the mood of the room brightens! Living in a society that values the waifishness, many women feel insecure when in the presence of someone who is naturally thin; feeling insecure can lead to some thoughtless comments.

If someone continues to harangue you about your looks, politely but firmly tell them that your weight is not a topic you enjoy discussing - and then change the subject. Only an absolute clod would push the boundary you have set. Do you really want to count such clods among your close circle?

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Being Small Is Not A Curse. Healthy Eating Can Help

Dear Tazi:

I am a twelve year old boy and "small for my age", like my Mom says. I am really small. My nine year old brother is the same height as me. I am hoping I will grow a lot over the summer and during the school year because I want to go out for football next Spring.

I have always been really good at football, and was one of the best players on my town's PAL League. My Mom is already freaking out about how I am too small to play football with the high school boys and that I will get crushed or killed by some of the bigger boys. I am a really fast runner, Tazi, and I don't think the bigger boys would be able to catch me but my Mom is freaking out anyway. My Dad and she argue when they think I am not listening. Dad says Mom needs to stop treating me like a baby and let me play football "when the time comes". I agree with my Dad!

Do you think I will grow enough over the next year if I start eating more food? I am hungry all of the time, but I don't eat a lot because I am afraid I will get fat, like my older sister. I know that sounds mean, but she is really huge and I think it is because she eats too much and doesn't play sports.

Signed,
Billy

Dear Billy:

For someone so young you have made some very important observations! You are right that eating too much and not exercising can cause us to gain too much weight but so can a lot of other things, like gland problems. Has your sister been checked for hypothyroidism (HYPO-thigh-roid-ism)? This is a problem that gives a lot of teenage girls a problem with controlling their weight and can make them feel helpless to control their weight, so they just eat more figuring they are going to get fat anyway. Be nice to your sister!

You might have a gland problem, too, which would explain whey you are "small for your age". Your body might not be producing enough human growth hormone (HGH) which could be why you are not growing. I suggest that if you are hungry you eat. Teenage and pre-teen boys need more food than the rest of us because their bodies are going through changes that require extra energy - changes that include growing taller and developing bigger muscles!

Just don't turn into this guy...ever.

I also suggest that you ask your parents to take you to the doctor for a check-up, if you have not had one within the last 12 months. The doctor will be able to evaluate your physical development and let you know if there is a problem with it. Some boys start out small and grow tall and brawny almost overnight! You might be one of those boys, so don't despair! Be sure to eat plenty of healthy foods, including lots of fresh vegetables and whole grains and (if you are not vegan) low-fat dairy products. A healthy diet will result in a healthy body, and that is what you need to play football! Hike!

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.