Patient Has Crush On Doctor, Is Crushed To Be Referred to Another

Dear Tazi:

I have a very embarrassing problem. I have a crush on my gynecologist. Like me, she is a woman, but she is married so I don't think she would be interesting in taking a walk on the wild side with me. I can accept this without a problem. Just as I am not attracted to straight men who have expressed interest in me I know that straight women have their preferences, too. My problem is the frequency with which I see her.

Over the past year I have been receiving treatment for a recurring medical issue which has resulted in the need for a hysterectomy. At almost every visit I have been given a pelvic exam, which involves intimate (medical) contact between me and my doctor. As creepy as this sounds, I have actually found myself turned on by these exams. Since my doctor uses a liberal amount of lubricant and wears rubber gloves during my exams I don't think she has been able to tell...but I am not sure.

My hysterectomy has been scheduled, and I thought my doctor was going to be the one to perform it, but she has told me that a different doctor will be doing the surgery and all post-surgical follow-up. When I asked her why, she told me that the hospital where the surgery will be performed has its own surgical team and that she is not in the rotation at this time. I want to believe that this is the reason - I suppose it sounds plausible - but I am afraid that she is making excuses to dump me as a patient because of my crush. Is that unethical? Have I crossed a line? Should I say anything?

Signed,
Nervous and Annoyed

Dear Nervous And Annoyed:

Having a crush on someone can make a person paranoid. Every little thing that happens takes on enormous significance, and is examined to the nth degree. Sexual excitement is a physiological reaction to a stimulus that is often beyond our control, so even if your doctor has been able to detect this in you (through rubber gloves and a handful of KY) I do not think she would take it as anything more than your body reacting reflexively.

The reason your doctor has given you for passing you off to another surgeon is quite plausible, and not uncommon. This does not mean that your doctor cannot be present to observe or to assist with your follow-up care if she has the time in her schedule to do so - which I doubt she does. Gynecologists have ridiculously tight schedules, which is why many women schedule their appointments a year or more in advance!

If you would prefer that your doctor be the one to provide follow-up medical attention for reasons other than your attraction to her - such as your comfort level with her, uneasiness in disrobing in front of a new doctor, or simply the fact that she has been with you every step of the way so far - express this preference and your concerns to her and see if something can be worked out between the two of you. She may have a very good reason for wanting you to follow-up with the surgeon who performs your surgery, and this will give her the chance to further explain some of the unanswered questions you have.

Snuggles
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Same Sex Crush Has Office Worker Uneasy

Dear Tazi:

I work with a very sweet woman I will call "Lisa". I enjoy Lisa's company at the office, and often refer co-workers to her when their projects fall under her domain, just to make sure that they are not making her job harder by re-contacting her contacts and undoing her work (we work in Sales and Marketing). Because I pass by Lisa's cubicle on the way to my own, I will wave hello or stop for a minute to say hi. I am afraid that this has given Lisa the wrong impression of me.

Lisa is a lesbian and I am straight. Although she does not talk about her love life, others at the office are much closer to her than I am, and they have confirmed to me what I have suspected: that Lisa has a crush on me. At first I thought this was not possible - I didn't think gay people were ever attracted to straight people - but after thinking about it I realized that just because someone is not attracted to you does not mean you cannot be attracted to them. Isn't this the theme of every Taylor Swift song?

I do not wish to distance myself from Lisa, but every time I walk past her she looks at me with this dreamy look on her face; if I stop to say hi she practically begs me to stay and converse with her a little longer, so making my exit is quite awkward. I have considered talking to the HR Department, but I don't know what to say without embarrassing either of us, and I am not really certain how I might word a complaint. Lisa knows that I am straight - she has even commented on the picture that I have of me and my boyfriend that sits on my desk. How should I deal with this situation? Ignore it and hope it runs its course? Talk to HR? Talk to Lisa directly? What?

Signed,
Crushed On

Dear Crushed On:

I am glad that you figured out that just because someone is homosexual does not mean that they cannot feel an attraction to someone who is heterosexual! The class nerd may have a crush on the Homecoming Queen, even though he recognizes that his chances are about as close to zero as in your situation, but that does not change how he feels. Lisa is a human being, regardless of her sexual preferences, so please treat her heart with care.

I suggest that while you are at the office you remain 100% professional; this means no slipping into casual terms of endearment that can be mistaken for more than they are. Off the cuff comments like "thanks, hon!"or "got a second, sweetie?" can easily be misconstrued by one who has a crush on the person saying them. When Lisa stops you to speak to her, be polite but firm and tell her that you only have a minute, that you need to get back to your desk. If, on the other hand, her reason for stopping you is business-related, give her the same time you would give to any other co-worker. Lisa should get the picture that you know how she feels and are not interested in her that way; you should not need to spell it out for her.

If the situation does not improve and you are still feeling discomfort when dealing with Lisa, I suggest you ask HR for a desk reassignment. Explain that your current desk requires you to pass by an employee that has an unrequited crush on you, and the attention you are receiving is making you uncomfortable. There is no need to name names - if it is a small office, HR probably already knows about it.

Overall, you must remember to act like the adult you are, and handle the situation with courtesy and aplomb. As awkward as it may seem, take Lisa's affections as a compliment to the woman you are, and remind your boyfriend how lucky he is to have a woman as wonderful as you!

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

She's In Love With Justin Bieber!

Dear Tazi:

Is it possible to be in love with a man who doesn't even know I exist? I know it sounds crazy - and that he is crazy in love with Selena Gomez - but I am in love with Justin Bieber. At first I just thought it was a stupid crush, but then I saw him in concert; and I swear he looked right at me several times during the show...and I felt something like I have never felt before! When that crazy woman accused him of fathering her baby, I went nuts! All I could think was that she HAD to be lying - that Justin would never lower himself to sleep with a groupie; but then, how do I know that, really? I really don't KNOW Justin Bieber as a person - just what I see in the media. My obsession with Justin has reached the point where my boyfriend left me over it; and yet, I really don't miss him. I think I would miss Justin more.

Tazi, the worst part of my problem? I am old enough to know better! I am in my mid-twenties, and Justin is just a kid. But still...I dream of one day being one less lonely girl, and of being Justin's favorite girl. Never say never, right?

Signed,
That Should Be Me!

Dear That Should Be Me!:

I almost didn't publish your letter because of all the Justin Bieber links I had to enclose in it. Did you really have to make that many references to his songs????? [Ed. Note: In order for non-Bieber fans to understand the references, song titles have been linked to the videos]. However, I have published it, so I will offer you the following advice:

Come back down to earth, and accept the fact that you and Justin Bieber will most likely never be a couple. You have a celebrity crush, which is perfectly normal; but you have allowed it to invade on your everyday life, which is unhealthy. If your boyfriend was not someone you were serious about, I could understand why you would not miss having him in your life; but if you are breaking off successful relationships for a fantasy crush I would suggest you take stock of where your life is headed.

You need to ask yourself why you are so obsessed with Justin Bieber. Is it his boyish looks? His sensitive song lyrics? Does he somehow embody traits that you are seeking in a man? If this is the case, you need to start looking for an appropriate mate who embodies these traits. Or is it possible that you are afraid to pursue a relationship with someone attainable, and are using Justin Bieber as an excuse to keep interested and available men at arm's length? Some soul searching, and some serious discussions with a trusted friend or counselor could help you to answer these questions; as well as assist you in moving forward with your life, and putting your crush on Justin Bieber back into perspective.

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.