A Pool Can Make For Quite An Attraction; Can Sometime Attract Unwanted Guests

Dear Tazi:

My wife and I moved to our middle-class suburban neighborhood two years ago. We do not have children, although many of our friends do, and we like to entertain. Normally when we entertain, we do not have to explicitly comment that it is an adults-only event and that it would be inappropriate to bring children. It is not that we do not like children; it is just that we prefer the company of adults at our cocktail parties. Plus, my wife and I both feel that a cocktail party is not the proper venue for a child.

Spring is here, which means summer will soon be arriving; and with it our annual entertaining issue. As previously stated, we "normally" do not have to explicitly state our parties are adults-only; but in the summer-time, nothing is normal. My wife and I have an in-ground pool and enjoy swimming in it for both fitness and fun. We do not mind having the neighbors over with their children during the day, so long as they keep an eye on their charges; but evening is when we entertain, and as I have said cocktails and children do not belong in the same room. Unfortunately, there are a few couples on my street who feel that rules do not apply during the summer months.

These couples are always welcome in our home, so we do not wish to offend them by asking that they leave their kids at home; but my wife and I are not comfortable with having children near the pool when it is dark and their supervision have been imbibing. Most of the neighbors have made comments to these couples, suggesting that they leave their children at home, but the usual response is to comment on how much their children just love the pool, and how they don't have the heart to leave them at home. Short of closing the pool to all of our guests - thus eliminating the one thing of interest to these children - how should we handle this situation?

Signed,
Party-Planner

Dear Party Planner:

You seem to me to be the generous sort; opening your pool to those who wish to use it, with the stipulation that parents keep an eye on the children that they brought with them. Therefore, I am going to suggest that you be direct in approaching your neighbors who insist on bringing their children to your soirees. In a polite but firm manner, let them know that daiquiris and children are not a good mix; and that their children are welcome to use the pool during the day, with parental supervision, when alcohol is not being served.

I realize that being direct is a great way to offend some people; but I believe the presence of children is the greater offense to the rest of your guests, who appear to want to relax in a grown-up environment. You do not mention how these children behave when they are in your pool; but I am guessing they can be quite rambunctious, when all the adults want to do is relax and cool-off in calm waters. If the parents in question are offended, simply restate that no offense is meant and that you are simply looking out for the comfort and well-being of all of your guests. At this point, some of your other guests will probably come to your aide to assist in driving home the point.

Rare is the person who will bite the hand that feeds it. If these couples enjoy both your company and your hospitality, I doubt that asking them to leave their children at home during the adults-only time will offend them so much that they storm out, never to return.

If the direct approach is not a direction you are comfortable taking, expect these couples to return with children in tow. At that point, simply inform them that the children can sit in or around the pool as the adults do but, for the comfort and safety of all, rambunctious play will not be allowed. The children will probably be so bored out of their minds that they will beg their parents to take them home and leave them there.

Now, may I add one last suggestion about serving alcohol at an evening pool party? I would not advise it. Alcohol and swimming can lead to drowning and other serious but unintended consequences, especially when the lighting is too dim to see well. You may want to keep the pool open during daylight hours only - something that would also solve the problem of children attending your evening get-togethers.

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Pregnant Teen Has Regrets; Will Her Baby Be One Of Them?

Dear Tazi:

How I wish I could pick you up and give you a big snuggle and make everything right in my world again. I have a big problem, one I am not so certain that even a cat could solve. I am 15 years old and pregnant, and I do not know how to tell my parents or if they would even believe me when I tell them how it happened.

A few months ago my best friend and I got dressed up, put on make-up, and made ourselves look older in order to sneak into a frat party at one of the local colleges. We did it on a dare and because it felt sooooooo cool to be drinking with college students and to be escaping from my parents firm rule. They are fundamentalist Christians, and have tries to raise me to live by the same rules, but I hate it. Now I feel like I am being punished for breaking the rules.

I take full responsibility for going to the party, Tazi, but I did not have sex on purpose. I can't remember how much I had to drink, only that I got really dizzy after my last one and may have blacked out or passed out - I can't remember! I know I would not willingly have sex with a stranger, so I am thinking maybe someone at the party slipped something into one of my drinks - but I can't be 100% certain! My best friend wasn't with me at the time; all she remembers is seeing me sitting on a couch looking "out of it" and then finding me at the end of the night with my clothes pulled off.

Obviously, I am far too young to be a responsible Mom, but there is no way I could have an abortion, either, even if I believed in it. Sooner or later I am going to have to tell my parents - I just can't imagine how! I just wish this was all a bad dream.

Signed,
Growing Problem

Dear Growing Problem:

You have my deepest sympathies for your plight. Your situation is a difficult one all around, and the sooner you work on setting things straight the sooner your life will start to make more sense. The first thing you need to do is tell your parents everything you have told me here - you can even print out this letter and tell them it is from you, if that is easier for you. The second thing you must do is report your sexual assault to your local authorities.

Normally, a few months after a sexual assault occurs is a few months late to collect evidence; however, your assailant left undeniable evidence that now grows inside of you. Regardless of whether the sex was consensual or not, at fifteen you are considered to be too young to give consent, so your assailant is guilty of statutory rape at the very least. If you provide the police with the time, date, and location of the party they may be able to track down the man who has fathered your child. Fraternities - especially those that are chapters of a national organization - have a reputation to protect, and will generally cooperate in exchange for keeping the house name of their organization out of the negative spotlight that is about to be shone upon it.

Your parents will be understandably upset, to put things mildly. As fundamentalist Christians, though, it is their avowed duty to practice the love that they preach. This means forgiving you of your sins (going behind their backs to a party qualifies as a sin) and offering you the emotional support you need to work through this difficult time. This child you carry is their grandchild, so they have a duel emotional stake in what is happening.

Since termination of your pregnancy is out of the question, this leaves you with two choices: putting the child up for adoption or raising the child yourself. There are several non-profit resources out there that would be willing to offer you assistance as you attempt to find the right path for you to follow. I would suggest that you start with the church that you and your family attend.

I realize this is a scary situation for you to be going through, but I want you to take a deep breath and think for a moment how your decision will affect you down the road. Can you picture your life ten years from now? Do you see raising your child as a daily part of it? Or do you see yourself content with the decision to offer him/her to a loving couple who are seeking to start a family? In the end, the final decision is yours to make; but I do hope that your family will be supportive of whatever you decide.

Extra snuggles and a purr,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.