Dear Tazi:
Last night I came home early from work to find my husband of
fifteen years in bed with our child’s babysitter. “Fred” was supposed to be at
work as well (second shift), thus the need for a babysitter.
We have been having some financial problems lately, and
since Fred handles all of the money I just assumed it was because we had
overspent our budget or because of the rising cost of food and gasoline. In
fact, I have taken to working extra shifts at work (I am a Nurse) to try and
earn extra money – something Fred has been encouraging me to do, even though it
means I never get to see our daughter during the week. Now I discover that the
shortfall wasn’t all that bad and was only made worse because Fred has been
taking off of work the nights I work in order to make time with the babysitter
after our little girl has been put to bed.
Obviously, I want to file for divorce. I do not even want to
hear Fred’s side of the story. My concern is for my daughter, who is only seven
years old. I have never been very good at balancing a checkbook and I am not
sure I make enough money to support her on my own. I work first shift at the
hospital, so I would be able to be there for her after school and my Mom can
watch her for an hour or two before school so I can get to work, but what if I
have to work overtime? Could I even afford daycare or a babysitter or an
afterschool program? My head is spinning! Is leaving Fred even what is going to
be best for my baby girl? She woke up this morning and asked where Daddy was,
and I told her he picked up an extra shift at work; I didn’t have the heart to
tell her that I sent him to a motel.
Signed,
Living In A Waking Nightmare
Dear Living In a Waking Nightmare:
You have my deepest sympathies on this horrible betrayal of
trust and fidelity. I realize that you have no interest in hearing Fred’s side
of the story, but depending on the age of your daughter’s babysitter the police
may be interested in hearing it. If she is under the age of sixteen he has
committed statutory rape and could be criminally charged for his odious
behavior. I realize this sounds harsh, but in a few short years your daughter
will have friends that age. Do you want him preying on those young girls, too?
 |
| And you thought she offered adventures in babysitting! |
Since your husband is already at a motel he may want to send
for his things while you explain to your daughter that her Daddy has behaved
badly and is being put in a “time-out”. This gives her the story on a level she
can understand; if Fred was messing around with the babysitter for any length
of time (and it sounds like he was) your daughter was probably aware of it on
some level.
Next, you need to talk to a divorce attorney about your
rights and responsibilities (to yourself and your daughter). Your husband may
lose custody of your daughter due to his shenanigans with the babysitter but he
will still be responsible for paying child support, which will be anywhere from
25% - 33% of his gross weekly earnings. Knowing this should help you to figure
a budget and how to live within it. If you are truly that bad at budgeting you
may want to invest in the cost of a personal finance class through your local
community college or Learning Connection. With bounced check fees being what
they are the class will quickly pay for itself in the money a balanced
checkbook saves you. You may also want to see a counselor to help you through
this difficult emotional period; your health care provider or even someone at
work (since you work in a hospital) can probably recommend one.
Only you can decide if leaving your husband is what is best
for your daughter, but my personal opinion is that you are doing the right
thing. While a two-parent household may be what is best for a child when the
parents’ relationship is well-adjusted, I believe a house built on crumbling
foundations will only serve to hurt the child’s emotional development. I do
believe that it is important that you allow your daughter to maintain a healthy
and close relationship with her father, in spite of your differences with him.
Just because Fred is a lousy husband does not mean he isn’t a terrific father.
Snuggles,
TaziAsk Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.
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