Teenage Drinker May Be Teenage Alcoholic

Dear Tazi:

I am 18 and I think I might have a drinking problem.  I don’t want to say I might be an alcoholic, because I don’t think my drinking is that bad; I only drink because there is nothing else to do where I live.  If there was something to do around here I know that I wouldn’t drink as much, but there isn’t and I get bored so I drink.

All of my friends drink, so I never noticed how much I drink until I met my new girlfriend.  She doesn’t drink at all and doesn’t like it when I drink.  She is always on me about my drinking and I was going to break up with her because of all the [nagging] when she challenged me to go one whole weekend without drinking.  I never turn down a bet or challenge of any kind, so I took her on figuring it was an easy win.  Tazi, I lost.  I made it until Saturday night and was going out of my mind for a beer! 

I did break down and start drinking that weekend, but every beer I drank tasted funny.  I kept thinking I might be addicted, which ruined my buzz.  I have been fine since, sort of; I can drink without the beer tasting funny, but its not as fun as it was before my girl pointed out what she calls my “dependency upon beer to have a good time”.  Tazi, am I an alcoholic?

Signed,

Likes My Beer

Dear Likes My Beer:

It is not for me to decide whether or not you are an alcoholic; only you can come to such a personal realization.  I can, however, provide for you a list of characteristics of an alcoholic, courtesy of WebMD.com:  

Signs of alcohol abuse

You have problems at work or school because of your drinking, such as being late or not going at all.

You drink in risky situations, such as before or while driving a car.

After drinking, you can't remember what happened while you were drinking (blackouts).

You have legal problems because of your drinking, such as being arrested for harming someone or driving while drunk (intoxicated).

You get hurt or you hurt someone else when you are drinking.

You keep drinking even though you have health problems that are caused or made worse by alcohol use, such as liver disease (cirrhosis).

Your friends or family members are worried about your drinking.

Signs of alcohol dependence or addiction

You cannot quit drinking or control how much you drink.

You need to drink more to get the same effect.

You have withdrawal symptoms when you stop drinking. These include feeling sick to your stomach, sweating, shakiness, and anxiety.

You spend a lot of time drinking and recovering.

You have given up other activities so you can drink.

You keep drinking even though it harms your relationships and causes health problems.

Whether or not you recognize yourself in the above list(s), I do believe that you are abusing alcohol since you are using it as a cure for boredom.  The next time you find yourself reaching for a drink, ask yourself, “Why do I want this drink?”  When you discover the cause of your desire for alcohol you can work on finding a cure for it.  If the cause is boredom, I suggest you find a hobby – other than drinking – to occupy your time.    

If possible, I suggest you visit a local Alcoholics Anonymous meeting to see where your drinking could lead you if you do not get your desire for alcohol under control.  If you find this visit helps you, I suggest that you continue to go to these meetings.  “Bill W.” has many friends who would be happy to help you through your struggles with alcohol abuse.

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Son Learns Expensive Lesson About Being A Grown-Up

Dear Tazi:

My son turned 21 this summer and, as planned, he moved out into his own apartment. The reasons were many - it was time, he had been saving for a few years, he wants to be an adult - but the biggest reason that I can see is because I do not allow alcohol in my home. My own father was an alcoholic, so my wife and I do not allow alcohol in the house. Because we do not live close to any bars and my son knows better than to drink and drive (we hope!) this left him unable to drink at all unless he had his own apartment.

"Joseph" and his best friend have found an affordable two-bedroom apartment in a working-class neighborhood that is very different from the upper-middle-class upbringing they had, but the area is populated with good people, and a Neighborhood Crime Watch group keeps the area safe. My wife and I have little to worry about when it comes to our son's safety; it is his attitude about money and worldly goods that concerns us.

We asked Joseph for his Christmas list when we saw him for Thanksgiving dinner, and he emailed it to us that weekend. My wife and I were both taken aback when we read some of the expensive items he listed. For example, Joseph needs new sneakers, which is understandable, but instead of just asking for new sneakers he listed a very expensive brand-name pair that costs over $100! He doesn't even run or play a sport! He also needs a new mobile phone, since the screen on his was shattered when he dropped it, but he is requesting the new iPhone 5 ($850!) as a replacement for his current iPhone 4. Joseph's list also contains practical items, like bed sheets, but again he asks for the best on the market - a single Ralph Lauren pillowcase is $115! The entire sheet set Joseph wants costs almost $500!

When we asked Joseph why he wants such expensive things for Christmas, he told us it was because we can afford them and he can't. Tazi, while it is true my wife and I can afford to purchase such expensive items, that does not mean that we do so on a regular basis! My sneakers are expensive, but are hardly top of the line - and I run daily! My wife and I both have smart phones, but we bought them under contract for a considerable discount; and the one set of luxury sheets I have ever bought my wife were for out 20th wedding anniversary! I like to think that after 20 years of wedded bliss she deserves a present like that! (For the record, I also bought her jewelry! She asked for the sheets, lest you think I am a jerk!).

My wife and I are united on not spending so much on single items for Joseph, preferring he earn the money to buy such things for himself rather than expect others to simply bestow such things upon him, but we differ on what to do about it. She would like to write Joseph a lump-sum check for Christmas - say, $1500 - and let him buy whatever he wants; I would rather we buy him less expensive versions of what he wants - say, a $40.00 set of sheets by Better Homes and Gardens, and a nice pair of Nike from JC Penney - and a check for $1,000. I am afraid if we give him a check and nothing else he will spend it on luxury items. At least if we give him less expensive versions of what he seeks we will be conveying the message that we don't approve of his luxury choices. Don't you think so, Tazi?

Signed,
Father Of A Big Spender

Dear Father Of A Big Spender:

I DO think so! I am so happy that you have been reading my column long enough to know how I think! Now what am I thinking?

Time's up! I'll tell you!

I am also happy to know that you bought your wife jewelry as well as new sheets for your 20th anniversary - which by the way is the China Anniversary; linen is the fourth, so you are sixteen years late! Jewelry makes up for it, though! Whoa, this catnip has me rambling...back your issue...

Has your wife explained why she just wants to hand over a check for Christmas instead of shopping for your son? Is she so upset over his gift requests that she is just plain disgusted? Is she afraid he will reject any gifts she buys that are not what he has specifically requested? Is she secretly hoping he will run out and buy those Ralph Lauren sheets so his cat can snuggle deep into the softness?

Tazi at home...

I think you should discuss with your wife her reasons for wanting to skip shopping for your son and cut him a check instead. This should help the two of you reach agreement on this matter. Personally, my larger concern is your son's reason for moving out of your home. Are you sure it was his desire to drink? If that is the case, is writing him a large check really the best idea? As a compromise, why not offer to pay his half of the rent for a few months as a Christmas gift from you and his mother? You could send the checks directly to his landlord. This way you will at least know that it is paid, and that his drinking will not lead to homelessness.

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Underage Drinking Can Lead To Serious Troubles Down The Road

Dear Tazi:

I think my big brother might have a drinking problem. He always has a water bottle full of some kind of clear liquid, but I don’t think it’s water because after drinking it his mood changes. Some days he gets very laid back and other times he gets goofy or moody. One time he left his water bottle out of the counter and I grabbed it to taste what was in it and he caught me and yelled at me to leave his stuff alone.

I have asked “Bradley” if he has ‘shine in his water bottle but he just made a mean face at me and said “wouldn’t you like to know”. Actually, I would, and not because I want to drink it (I don’t) but because I don’t like his mood when he drinks whatever is in that water bottle. I am only 14 but Bradley is 18. He is old enough to get in trouble if the Sherriff catches him out in public acting like he does around the house when he is drinking (at least, I THINK he is drinking).

My parents are divorced and Mom works a lot to take care of us, so she isn’t home much. The owner of the local diner told me that as soon as I can get my working papers I can have a job waitressing so I can help Mom with the bills and stuff, and I want to but I think that Bradley should be helping, too! He doesn’t work (he says he is looking) so I don’t know where he would get the money to buy hooch which is why I am not certain he has a drinking problem. I think if he has a drinking problem this could be why he can’t find a job.

I want to tell my Mom what I think but I also don’t want to add to her burdens and plus I have no proof that Bradley is drinking. What would you do, Tazi? I have tried to ask myself what would Jesus do but he hasn’t been answering me.

Signed,

Kentucky Girl

Dear Kentucky Girl:

You sound like a very mature young lady to want to make life easier for your Mom, but you can do that by staying in school; getting good grades; and working part-time if the first two things on this list allow for it. You may not want to add to your Mom’s burdens, but how burdened do you think she will feel if your brother gets in trouble with the law for his behavior?

That's how them Duke boys got into trouble!

It is possible that Bradley is not drinking alcohol (moonshine, hooch) and that he simply has an energy drink with very high caffeine content; too much caffeine can affect a person’s mood in the way you have described – making them silly, moody, or laid back. Judging by Bradley’s reaction when he caught you with his water bottle it is quite possible he is drinking something he shouldn't.

You are right in thinking that a drinking problem can keep someone from getting a job, and it would be a shame to see someone as young as your brother waste his life on alcohol. I know it will take a lot of course, but you need to tell your Mom or another trusted adult about your brother’s behavior. If he does not have the money to buy ‘shine, he may be doing a favor for the person who is making it. If this is the case, he will be in much more trouble than he would be for public drunkenness; illegal manufacture of alcohol (which is what moonshine is) is a Federal crime. Sometimes telling on others is in their best interest.

Snuggles,

Tazi

P.S. Jesus always answers us; we just don't always like His answers!

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.