Churchgoer Is Generous With Money; Not So Much With Spirit

Dear Tazi:

I am a daily churchgoer who tithes (yes, we are out there in this hedonistic society!). Each month, I send a check for 10% of my gross income directly to my church. I believe the money I donate is between me, God, and the parish bookkeeper. However, at weekend masses when the collection basket is passed, I would swear the other parishioners are giving me dirty looks because I do not put in any money. These are the same people who arrive at mass late, leave early, and live sinful lives the rest of the week! I will not be judged by such hypocrites, and want to say or do something to let them know that their disdain is sorely misplaced; however, I am not comfortable saying something during mass, and like I said they leave early so I cannot approach them after the mass.

I have considered putting an empty envelope in the basket each week, just for show, but I fear that would be a show of pride, something the Bible teaches against. I would talk to the pastor but I am afraid I might sound petty, even though I do not feel as though I am being petty. My reputation is being sullied, and I want to set the record straight. I have asked myself, "What would Jesus do?" but am uncertain of the answer, so now I am asking you.

Signed,
Monthly Giver

Dear Monthly Giver:

You want to know "What would Tazi-Kat do?" I feel so appreciated! I might have to make this my new slogan. To answer your question of what I would do, I would do nothing. No, check that...I would follow the advice of the gospel of Matthew, 7:5: "First cast out the beam out of your own eye; and then shall you see clearly to cast out the mote out of your brother's eye" (KJV).

Check your pride at the door, please...

Perhaps others at mass are throwing dirty looks your way, or perhaps it is your imagination. What concerns me more is your statement that you believe your financial contribution to your church is between you, your God, and "the parish bookkeeper", yet you seek to let others know just how often you give, if not how much as well. To reference the gospel of Matthew again (6:5): "And when you pray, you shall not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men..." (KJV).

While your attendance record at mass and your generosity of wallet are admirable you appear to lack a generosity of the spirit, referring to those you assume are judging you as "hypocrites" who "lead sinful lives", on top of your blanket statement about our "hedonistic society". Are you not a sinner, too? I am reminded of yet another passage from our friend Matthew (7:1) "Judge not, that you be not judged." (KJV).

If, after reflecting on your own behaviors and attitudes you are still bothered by what you perceive to be dirty looks (real or imagined), I suggest that you deposit your check in the collection basket once a month (or on a weekly basis) rather than send it directly to the parish offices - just be sure to explain the reason for the change to your pastor. He is, after all, the leader of the congregation and he has a right to know if you are being made to feel uncomfortable. Perhaps this is an issue he or she can address in a sermons.

Snuggles,
Tazi

Beer Drinker Wants Pot Smoker To Quit, Refuses To Kick His Own Habit

Dear Tazi:

I have a girlfriend that I love very much and who I would like to make my wife. There is just one thorn between us that we cannot seem to resolve. "Sheila" likes to smoke pot. She smokes it on a daily basis, several times a day. She claims that it relaxes her, and provides a host of medical benefits; however, these "medical benefits" have not been scientifically proven and I feel that she is actually harming her health. If she were to quit smoking pot I would drop to one knee in an instant.

The other side of this picture is that I like to drink beer. I do not drink hard liquor and, unlike pot, alcohol has scientifically proven medical benefits. I do not drink to excess - usually I will have no more than a six-pack a night - and I feel that the health benefits I derive from alcohol outweigh Sheila's objections that I may be harming my liver.

I have asked Sheila to stop smoking pot, and she has said she would - if I quit drinking. I believe that what she is asking is unreasonable, considering the fact that alcohol is not illegal and pot is (at least for now). I think she only offered to quit smoking pot under these circumstances because she knew I would say no to giving up beer which, as I have mentioned, has proven medicinal effects.

What is your opinion, Tazi? Is Sheila being unreasonable or am I - as she claims - being a hypocrite?

Signed,
Beer Man

Dear Beer Man:

As much as I dislike marijuana and the many questionable studies done on it, I have to admit that it does have some redeeming qualities (it can work as a pain killer or to relieve anxiety; it cannot cure lung cancer). If Sheila is using marijuana in moderation and for a diagnosed medical condition such as anxiety or chronic pain and it offers her relief that she cannot get through legally acceptable medical means, than I condone the use of it. This, however, is a lot of "if's" and "and's".

As for your drinking habit - for that really is what it is - you should not try to excuse it with the reasoning that alcohol has medical benefits. Yes, it has been proven that a moderate intake of alcohol is beneficial; however, your intake is not considered "moderate" by any accepted scientific opinion! Two 12-ounce beers per day is considered the maximum amount of alcohol that should be imbibed before damage to one's liver and kidneys will start to occur. Your habit of "usually" not drinking "more than a six-pack a night" means you drink to excess on a regular basis, and any medicinal benefits you are receiving are overridden by the damage you are causing to your body.

Since you ask my opinion I will give it: I think you are being a hypocrite, and that you and Sheila both need to seek professional help - for your habits, and for your relationship. I would advise that neither of you consider marriage until you have learned to fight fair, and to respect each other. In other words, learn to see how you look through the eyes of the other, and move forward from there.

Perfunctory Snuggles,
Tazi

P.S. Do you even know for certain if Sheila would say yes to your marriage proposal? --T.K.


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Self-Righteous Hypocrite Calls Ex-Wife A Sinner

Dear Tazi:

My ex-wife is calling me a hypocrite, and I am not sure if I am or not. I am afraid to talk to my Pastor about this situation, because the man I am today is not the man I once was and I do not wish for him to see that deeply into my past. The Lord has forgiven me my sins; they are in the past.

Back when we were dating, my now ex-wife "Darcy" got pregnant. She wanted to keep the baby but I was not comfortable with this decision; I was not ready to be a father and we did not have the money to get married. We would have ended up on welfare and other government services which was not then nor now the future I ever envisioned for myself. I convinced Darcy of the logic of having an abortion, which she had. We were married a few years later but things did not work out between us, partially because Darcy could never get over the loss of her child and my refusal to start a family until I felt we were financially secure.

It's been a little over a year since our divorce finalized and I have been born again in the Faith. Darcy's attendance at the Mass has always been spotty, but she generally goes once a month and on the holidays. I have discovered through mutual friends that she continues to receive the Eucharist, in spite of her mortal sin (you know, her abortion). I wrote Darcy a nice letter explaining to her that she had ex-communicated herself when she chose to commit her sin, and that she should excuse herself from receiving until her soul has been cleansed through the sacrament of confession - and maybe not even then.

Darcy showed up at my house a few days later with my letter in her hand. I thought she wanted to politely discuss the matter, but to my dismay she threw accusations at me! In addition to calling me a hypocrite, she accused me of forcing her to have her abortion! I may have driven her to the clinic, yes, but who else was going to take her? Ultimately, it was her decision not mine; after all, it is a woman's right to choose, not a man's!

My friends have confirmed that Darcy continues to receive the gift of the Eucharist when she goes to church, and this is bothering me. I would like to go to her Pastor to reveal her dark past to him, but I fear doing so would result in my part of the sin - for which I have cleansed myself - being revealed. Only my Lord has the right to judge me, so while I am not ashamed of my past I would rather it not be known. I called Darcy and reiterated my disappointment over her decision to receive the Blessed Sacrament and even suggested that I might tell her Pastor what she seeks to hide, but she threatened to tell "everyone" that I forced her to have an abortion! Obviously, I have kept my mouth shut and prayed quite a bit on this matter and I think my decision to go to Darcy's Pastor is the right one. Yet, I cannot stop hearing her voice calling me a hypocrite. Am I?

Signed,
Washed Clean In The Water

Dear Washed Clean In The Water:

Yes. Yes, you are a hypocrite and not only that you are the worst kind of hypocrite - a self-righteous hypocrite who believes in forgiveness 'for me but not for thee' as the expression goes. Your ex-wife was in a very vulnerable position - unmarried and pregnant - when her support system (you) pushed for her to terminate her pregnancy. Your suggestion that it was Darcy's "choice" makes me sick, considering you gave her a choice between a rock and a hard place, considerately offering to drive her to the clinic but not offering to be there for her if she chose to carry to term.

You twice comment that your sins have been forgiven yet assume that Darcy's sins have not (and then pontificate that even if they have she should continue to self-flagellate in punishment). Reconciliation and Penance are a very personal topic. I can understand why Darcy would have no desire to discuss the two with you. You further comment that you are not ashamed of your past but would prefer it not be known. This is the very definition of shame!

You do not mention what denomination your faith is, but my teachings are Catholic and your views seem equally strict, so I will work from that point. According to the writings of Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI "Regarding the grave sin of abortion or euthanasia, when a person’s formal cooperation becomes manifest...his Pastor should meet with him, instructing him about the Church’s teaching, informing him that he is not to present himself for Holy Communion until he brings to an end the objective situation of sin, and warning him that he will otherwise be denied the Eucharist." (Courtesy of Evangelical Word Television Network).

The fact that you have not told your Pastor about your "part of the sin" leaves me wondering if you have received the sacrament of reconciliation that you seem so gung-ho to force upon Darcy. My advice to you is to seek the advice of your Pastor with regard to your behavior - past and present - and to leave Darcy alone before you find yourself in trouble with the laws of this world (harassment and emotional abuse come to mind).

-- Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.