Churchgoer Is Generous With Money; Not So Much With Spirit

Dear Tazi:

I am a daily churchgoer who tithes (yes, we are out there in this hedonistic society!). Each month, I send a check for 10% of my gross income directly to my church. I believe the money I donate is between me, God, and the parish bookkeeper. However, at weekend masses when the collection basket is passed, I would swear the other parishioners are giving me dirty looks because I do not put in any money. These are the same people who arrive at mass late, leave early, and live sinful lives the rest of the week! I will not be judged by such hypocrites, and want to say or do something to let them know that their disdain is sorely misplaced; however, I am not comfortable saying something during mass, and like I said they leave early so I cannot approach them after the mass.

I have considered putting an empty envelope in the basket each week, just for show, but I fear that would be a show of pride, something the Bible teaches against. I would talk to the pastor but I am afraid I might sound petty, even though I do not feel as though I am being petty. My reputation is being sullied, and I want to set the record straight. I have asked myself, "What would Jesus do?" but am uncertain of the answer, so now I am asking you.

Signed,
Monthly Giver

Dear Monthly Giver:

You want to know "What would Tazi-Kat do?" I feel so appreciated! I might have to make this my new slogan. To answer your question of what I would do, I would do nothing. No, check that...I would follow the advice of the gospel of Matthew, 7:5: "First cast out the beam out of your own eye; and then shall you see clearly to cast out the mote out of your brother's eye" (KJV).

Check your pride at the door, please...

Perhaps others at mass are throwing dirty looks your way, or perhaps it is your imagination. What concerns me more is your statement that you believe your financial contribution to your church is between you, your God, and "the parish bookkeeper", yet you seek to let others know just how often you give, if not how much as well. To reference the gospel of Matthew again (6:5): "And when you pray, you shall not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men..." (KJV).

While your attendance record at mass and your generosity of wallet are admirable you appear to lack a generosity of the spirit, referring to those you assume are judging you as "hypocrites" who "lead sinful lives", on top of your blanket statement about our "hedonistic society". Are you not a sinner, too? I am reminded of yet another passage from our friend Matthew (7:1) "Judge not, that you be not judged." (KJV).

If, after reflecting on your own behaviors and attitudes you are still bothered by what you perceive to be dirty looks (real or imagined), I suggest that you deposit your check in the collection basket once a month (or on a weekly basis) rather than send it directly to the parish offices - just be sure to explain the reason for the change to your pastor. He is, after all, the leader of the congregation and he has a right to know if you are being made to feel uncomfortable. Perhaps this is an issue he or she can address in a sermons.

Snuggles,
Tazi

Child Is Losing His Religion, Much To Mother's Dismay

Dear Tazi:

My heart is breaking. My son started college this past September, and when he returned home over the semester break he informed me that he would not be attending Christmas mass with me - or any mass, for that matter. "Jeff" told me that he realized that religion is nothing more than "pablum for the weak minded masses" and that he wanted no part of it.

I have tried talking to him about his sudden change in behavior, but the more I try the further he runs. With the whole hulabuloo in your home state over a prayer banner in the local high school, I am sure you have had it with issues of religion; but please, is there any advice you can offer me on how to break-through to my son?

Signed,
Devastated

Dear Devastated:

Your son's words are quite hurtful, for many reasons, but especially since you appear to be a devout Christian. Please know that you have my sympathies.

Many times, when a child leaves home for the first time it is a time of personal discovery. Whether your son is an atheist or is simply exploring different philosophies is something that only time will tell. In the Book of Matthew (13:1-23) the parable of the Sower and the Seeds tells the story of the various places seeds fell - "some seed fell by the wayside; and the birds came and devoured them. 5 Some fell on stony places, where they did not have much earth; they immediately sprang up because they had no depth of earth. 6 But when the sun was up they were scorched, and because they had no root they withered away. 7 And some fell among thorns, and the thorns sprang up and choked them..."

In times of adversity, some turn away from their upbringing while others cling to it; the same can be said in times of prosperity. I gather from your son's comment that religion is "pablum for the weak minded masses" that there is more going on in his life than he is willing to share. Perhaps he is the seed that is being choked by the weeds; or the seedling that cannot burrow into the rocky ground. Rather than chase your son back into a life in the church - as you have seen, that will not work - try to approach him on his own terms: Ask him why he feels as he does, what has happened to affect this sudden change in his beliefs, and why he feels he must use such hurtful language. Everyone is entitled to their opinions and beliefs; but nobody is entitled to be disrespectful to another - especially to their Mama!

If you can engage your son in an honest and caring conversation - one in which he does not feel attacked - perhaps he will be more willing to discuss his feelings on this sensitive matter. I cannot guarantee that he will return to the church - that is a decision that he alone can make - but at least you will know why he has walked away from it.

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.