This "Mr. Right" Is Very Wrong!

Dear Tazi:

My husband is one of those people who has to be right about EVERYTHING! He embarrasses me in public, at parties, and among strangers with his insistence that he is right - even when he is so obviously wrong. One time, he got into an argument with a saleslady, telling her I wore a size 12W, because "the 'W' stands for wide" and I have a wide backside. (The "W" does not stand for "wide", but for "woman", as the garment is cut smaller in the waist and wider in the hips than a Junior/Misses size). Another time, he accidentally started a rumor that our neighbor was pregnant because her skin was "glowing" (she had just received a facial).

Last week, at a 4th of July barbecue, he insisted he got better gas mileage by purchasing gas directly after someone else used the pump because there was sometimes gasoline left in the nozzle and hose. An argument erupted when someone contradicted him and told him that was outrageous. Things went downhill from there, and we were asked to leave the party. I was never so humiliated in my whole life!

I have told my husband that he owes all present at the party, as well as our host, a sincere apology. He has said he will apologize if someone can prove him wrong. Tazi, I haven't the faintest idea where to look for this information on gas pumps, but my husband's claim just sounds ridiculous! Can you help me?

Signed,
Married to "Mr. Right"

Dear Married to "Mr. Right":

Your husband told a saleslady that you have a wide bottom and you didn't resist the urge to clock him with your purse? You have my highest praise for your saint-like restraint! I will be writing to the Vatican to nominate you as Patron Saint of Put-Upon Wives! (Currently, that honor belongs to St. Monica - for those who were wondering).

As for your husband, you are correct: he is wrong on both counts. "W" does indeed stand for "Woman", and gasoline pumps are calculated on how much gasoline they deliver, not how much is pumped from the tank. This means whatever is left in the nozzle will be paid for by the next person who purchases gasoline, not the person who left said gasoline in the nozzle and hose. I am certain of this because I confirmed it with my local board of weights and measures, the government entity that certifies the pumps. Your husband can check this for himself - right before he apologizes to the neighbors and your party host for being such a blockhead.

Snuggles,
Tazi

P.S. I also know that "W" does not stand for "Wide" because no designer worth his drawing board would ever insult a woman that way! The correct term for a large caboose is "curvy"! If you don't believe me, ask Kim Kardashian!


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Tazi's Corner #73 - Paging Dr. Dolittle

Dear Readers,

I hope those of you who celebrate had a blessed Solstice, a festive Festivus, a Merry Christmas, and are enjoying a sacred Kwanzaa this past week! My, how busy it has been! I have hardly had time to catch my breath between celebrations (yes, I celebrate them ALL!).

In the midst of my celebrating, I was taken aback by a heart-wrenching story of a fellow kitty cat named Tiger, from West Virginia, who got his back legs caught in an (illegal) bear trap. This brave kitty chewed off both of his hind legs and dragged himself back home in an effort to return to his humans and mewl for assistance..

Tiger is one brave kitty!
(Photo courtesy of Facebook/FortheLoveofAlexInc.)

As you can imagine, Tiger's veterinary bills were large and his humans will need assistance in paying them. I am sure there are those of you out there who believe that a person should not own a pet if they cannot afford to care for one, but which of you has the money set aside for your own catastrophic illness? Which of you could easily write a check for a $20,000 insurance co-pay for an infant born premature or a child suffering from cancer? Unlike human hospitals, animals hospitals have the right to turn away a patient due to inability to pay; unlike a human hospital, precious few animal hospitals will bill a patient for services rendered and unlike human medical insurance a lot of animal doctors do not accept pet health insurance policies. Here in America families struggle to purchase their own health coverage, let alone coverage for a pet. Today I ask you to assist Tiger's family in paying for his medical care. Can you donate a dollar (or more if you are able) to For the Love of Alex Inc. , a non-profit charity which has set up a medical fund to assist Tiger's family with his veterinary bills?

If each and every one of my readers donates a dollar, and asks their friends and families to donate a dollar as well, think of the amount that could be raised to help Tiger and other animals in need of life-saving surgery? Hundreds of thousands, if not millions of dollars! All for a donation that will cost you less than a  "short" coffee at Starbucks! Donations can be made by clicking here or by going directly to http://fortheloveofalex.org/donate.html. The site is secure, and you can even donate using your PayPal account! Simply write Tiger's name in the Referred by/Note to Seller box on the donation form! It really is that simple to help this kitty in need!If cats are not your bag, you can also choose to donate to a dog in need of medical assistance; simply specify what type of animal or even medical condition you would like your donation to help! [Ed. Note: If cats are not your bag, why are you reading an advice column written by one? Sorry, could not resist asking that!].

Readers, here is your chance to play Dr. Dolittle to an animal whose human is unable to afford emergency or catastrophic care for their beloved pet. The animals are paging you; please don't ignore them.

Before it was a movie, it was a book series!

If you go to the For the Love of Alex website, you will see that they do not use paid solicitors; I am writing this column for free because I believe it is an important charity to support. If you cannot donate, please help to spread the word by spreading this column via your social media!

Snuggles,
Tazi

P.S.: I realize that there are those of you who believe that cats belong indoors or on a runner, like dogs; that cats are responsible for the death of small animals from field mice to songbirds; that if Tiger had not been out wandering he would never have been injured. Please don't lose sight of the fact that this was an illegal bear trap that injured little Tiger! Rather than an animal, it could have been a child who was permanently maimed.


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.