Does She Love The Cat More Than Him? (Probably)

Dear Tazi:

I think my girlfriend loves her cat more than she loves me. I am not a cat person, and I think the cat knows it because every time I go over there the darn thing crawls all over me. My girlfriend says the cat just likes me and wants to show me how much.

I have been with “Erica” and “Butterscotch” for a little over a year now, and I would like to take our relationship to the next level and move in together (Erica lives with her mother, who goes South for the Winter in November and doesn’t return until May). I brought up the idea to Erica and she was thrilled; when I suggested that she leave Butterscotch with her mother she was less thrilled, and told me that she could never “abandon” Butterscotch.

Tazi, I cannot believe Erica is choosing her cat over me! When I put it this way, she told me that Butterscotch is like her child and if she had a child would I ask her to give up custody? Tazi, a cat is not a human being, but Erica can’t seem to get this through her head. I feel like I am stuck with this cat because he (yes, it’s a boy cat) and Erica are a package deal. I feel like if I let her move Butterscotch in with us I am giving in and letting her put the cat first, and if I break up with her to move on and find someone new (who does not own a cat) I am letting the cat win. Is this the most ridiculous thing you have ever heard?

Signed,

Why Am I Writing To A Cat For Advice?

Dear Why Am I Writing To A Cat For Advice?:

Because I am a smart kitty, that is why! Also because I understand the importance of Erica and Butterscotch’s bond, something that you obviously do not. While a cat (or any pet) is not a human being, it does depend upon its human for care – just like a child. When a person takes on the responsibility of pet ownership it does not end when a new boyfriend finds the pet distasteful.

I could see why you would have a problem with Butterscotch if he did not like you, but he seems to really enjoy your company. If he hated you, he would find a much better way to annoy you – like walking in front of you and winding in between your legs as you try to walk down a dark hallway. Since Erica loves both you and Butterscotch, and both Erica and Butterscotch both love you, the only one with a problem here is you.

Can you make cute faces like this? I didn't think so!

Erica is willing to put living with you on hold until you either accept Butterscotch or he reaches the last of his nine lives (cats live 18 – 22 years, you know!) and Butterscotch probably does not care one way or the other if he has you around full-time or only part-time, so the decision that needs to be made is yours alone; try not to see it as a matter of winning or losing (that sounds far too controlling for my comfort) but as a matter or taking what life offers you as opportunities come your way.

As for whether or not your girlfriend loves her cat more than you I can tell you that she probably does love Butterscotch more, but in a different way; while her love for you is romantic her feelings for Butterscotch are maternal. The longer you two remain a couple and the deeper your bond becomes the more things will even-out, so long as you are willing to accept Butterscotch for what he is – an important part of your girlfriend’s life.

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Bad Driver Needs To Keep Eyes On The Road

Dear Tazi:

I am beside myself as I am writing this, so please feel free to correct any typos, grammatical errors, and whatever else you need to do to make this letter understandable. My husband ran over my neighbors cat this evening, badly injuring the poor animal. By some miracle, the animal was not killed; but the vet bill will probably be several thousand dollars, which we will of course cover without complaint. At least, I will cover without complaint; my husband will be wailing the entire time.

"George" claims that the cat ran out into the middle of the road and right in front of his car, giving him no time or space to stop. While this may be true, I know a different version of the truth myself: George has a bad habit of not looking where he is going while behind the wheel of the car. George likes to talk when he is driving, and has a dangerous habit of looking at the person he is talking to while he is still driving. If there is nobody in the car with him - and there wasn't when he hit "Zebra Cake" - he will listen to NPR [National Public Radio] and look down at the radio to yell at the talk show host (as if they can hear him!).

While I am thanking our lucky stars that Zebra Cake was not killed, I am doubly grateful that George did not hit a child. We live in a residential neighborhood, and there are several young children with families on our street. I commented to George that he needs to be more careful when he is driving - that the next thing he hits may not be a thing, but a person; but he just got defensive and told me I was over-reacting. What can I do to make George see the danger of his driving habits?

Signed,
Pet Lover

Dear Pet Lover:

Poor Zebra Cake! I am glad to hear he will recover from his injuries. As for your husband, let him complain all he wants about paying the vet bill - the fact remains, he hit a domestic animal with his vehicle. Most people would show remorse at doing something like that, even if the animal did jump out in front of their vehicle. NO snuggles for George!!!

As for correcting your husband's poor driving habits; you can't. The fact that George got defensive tells me that he is aware of the fact that his driving habits are endangering others, and he is probably in shock from the traumatic experience. By pointing out that he could have hit a child you are rubbing the obvious in his face. I would suggest that you let the matter drop for now. Since George was alone in the car at the time of the accident, only he knows the truth - weather he hit Zebra Cake because he was not paying attention to the road, or because the cat really did make a suicide run in front of the car.

In the meantime, I think it would be a nice idea if the two of you went to visit Zebra Cake to check in on him and see how he is doing. When faced with the extent of the animal's injuries, George may take to heart the fact that it could have been a child that "ran out into the middle of the road and right in front of his car, giving him no time or space to stop". Hopefully, this will lead to an awakening on his part that driving is a privilege that needs to be undertaken with a great deal of awareness for one's surroundings.

If George continues to deny the fact that his driving habits are dangerous, I would suggest that you - and others - refuse to get into the car with him when he is behind the wheel. Once he sees how serious you are about automotive safety, he will have no choice but to examine his behavior. A defensive driving course would be beneficial to George, and the money spent on it will be more than recouped by the break on auto insurance rates that you will receive after completing the course.

Snuggles to you and Zebra Cake,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

The Baby In This Stroller Is A Real Dog

Dear Tazi:

I have a problem and I need an opinion from an animal lover. I am 16, and I have an adorable teacup Maltese named "Snowflake"; she has been with me since I was 10 and I love her very much! She only weighs 2 pounds, and fits into my purse she is so small. She is an indoor dog, and uses a litter-box like a cat. She has plenty of toys to play with, and gets enough exercise by running around the house and climbing up and down stairs. My mother, however, believes that dogs should be allowed to go outside to get sunshine and fresh air, and insists on taking her with her when she goes jogging. This is my problem:

Snowflake is obviously way too small to be able to keep up with my mother while she jogs, so my Mom - thinking this is a way to add resistance to her workout - insists on putting Snowflake into a huge baby stroller and pushing it as she jogs through the neighborhood. Not only is this completely humiliating (have you ever seen something like this?) but I am afraid that this practice puts Snowflake at risk of being snatched up by an animal predator. Birds of prey such as owls, falcons, and hawks have been spotted in my area; and leaving Snowflake exposed - like she is when she is in the baby stroller - makes her an easy target.

My Mom thinks I am over-reacting, and using the idea of Snowflake as a bird's lunch as an excuse to get her to stop this humiliating practice. The fact that tossing the baby stroller from her jog would be an added bonus to keeping Snowflake safe has crossed my mind; but it is not the reason I object to my Mom taking Snowflake on her jogs. I am honestly concerned about my dog's welfare! Could you please help me explain to my Mom the danger Snowflake is in every time she is taken out like this?

Signed,
Double Whammy

Dear Double Whammy:

I have in fact seen people who take their small dogs out for a stroll in a baby carriage/stroller; and I have often wondered exactly why they were doing that. Thank you for offering clarity on this practice. Can you also explain why someone might do this to a cat?



Just curious...

As for what you were saying about birds of prey, you are correct that they would find your dog a tasty meal, and in worrying about the fact that your dog would be exposed to them while being pushed in a baby stroller. Unless the stroller has a roof/cover on it, birds of prey will have that proverbial bird's-eye-view of your dog and would be able to swoop down on your pet before your mother would have the chance to react. Furthermore, these birds have an incredibly large wingspan (4 - 6 feet from wingtip to wingtip) and very sharp talons. If a bird were to swoop down to attack Snowflake while your mother was still moving, she could end up the unintended target of the attack. This is something that needs to be pointed out to her immediately.

While I agree that all animals need fresh air and sunshine, both can be found by a screened window on a sunny day. The veterinarians I have met at the animal hospital all say that being an indoor cat keeps me healthier and will let me live a longer life. The same can be said for your dog. If you must take Snowflake outside, you must also make sure that she is well protected - and a baby stroller is not a good form of protection. If your mother wishes to jog with a baby stroller for extra resistance, she can do just that; substituting a two-pound barbell in place of Snowflake.

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Tazi Talks About The Neutered Life

Dear Tazi:

My husband and I are having a disagreement, and since it involves our cat we thought we should ask you to offer a solution.  “Roger” and I have adopted the most adorable tabby cat I have ever seen.  I love him so much, and am so afraid of anything bad happening to him.  I do not want to let him outside, but I know that he will eventually want to explore what you call the wide world beyond the fence.  In order to keep “Tigger” from wandering I would like to have him neutered.  I think this step would be in his best interest, but Roger is adamantly opposed to the idea.  He claims that neutering is not necessary and is demeaning to the animal.

Tazi, you have mentioned in the past that you are neutered.  Do you or your Mommie regret having this operation done?  Can you educate my husband on the importance of neutering pets?

Signed,

Tigger’s Mommy

Dear Tigger’s Mommy:

I had no say in my operation; I was a rescue cat and by law I needed to be neutered.  I was “fixed” before I reached sexual maturity, so I really do not miss my testicles one bit.  I do wish that Mommie had sprung for the extra cost of laser surgery/vasectomy as opposed to full castration, but that is only because people now think I am a girl.  I think this might be what Roger means when he says neutering is demeaning to the animal.  Because I have been “altered” I cannot be entered into cat shows, either.  I, however, have this column as a way to share my beauty with the world! 

In a more serious vein, neutering (or spaying) your pet is one of the best things you can do for them!  Not only do you eliminate the potential for reproductive cancers; you eliminate the potential that your pet will reproduce, adding to them stray animal problem in your community.  The tortures of being a stray animal are far worse than the temporary discomfort of sterilization surgery. 

Me in Atlantic City, just chillin' with my feral peeps!

Other potential benefits from neutering your male cat should be attractive to both you and your husband.  Neutered cats do not wander nearly as much or as often as un-neutered cats – we have no reason to chase after the ladies – nor do we spray as much, since we do not feel the need to act as competitive as an un-neutered cat.  Neutered cats are also much less aggressive than un-neutered cats, around both humans as well as other cats.  A neutered Tigger will be much less likely to challenge Roger for the role of dominant male of the house!

Write-In "Tazi for President" in 2012!

In short, unless you are planning on breeding Tigger, I see no reason why he should not be neutered.  The lady cats love neutered males!

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Exotic Pets And Cats Are Not A Good Mix

Dear Tazi:

My boyfriend of two years and I are talking about moving in together now that we have both graduated from high school. I love “Paul” dearly and would love to move our relationship to the next level but there is one major problem. Our pets are incompatible.

I have a cat – “Major Fluffums” – who I have had since I was 13. I would sooner cut off an arm than abandon Major, and my family has made it quite clear that Major Fluffums is my cat – where I go, he goes; not that I would have it any other way. I would never do anything to put major in danger or even the slightest discomfort. The way I see it, I am his human guardian and it is my responsibility to see to his proper care.

Paul has a snake – twelve foot long python that he keeps in a large fish tank. “Sally” only eats once every three to four weeks, but when she is fed live animals – guinea pigs, rabbits, mice, rats, and other prey animals. About once a week, Paul will allow Sally out of her tank for supervised roaming throughout his house. This takes place when nobody else is home because Paul’s mother and sisters are freaked out over Sally’s presence. The only reason Paul has been allowed to keep Sally is because she was a gift from his late father.

Paul’s mother has not had to tell him that if he moves out Sally must go as well, but it does not need to be said. I, on the other hand, will not move Major Fluffums into a house where there is an animal that views him as a future meal. I have told Paul as much, but he insists that Sally would never eat Major because he only lets her out of her cage between feedings, never before one. Paul feels about Sally as I do about Major Fluffums, so it appears there is no room for compromise. Short of waiting for one of our pets to pass away, do you have any suggestions on how to make a living arrangement between us work?

Signed,
Paul’s Girl But Major Fluffums’ Mom

Dear Paul’s Girl But Major Fluffums' Mom:

Where do I begin? First I will say that Paul cannot guarantee that Sally will not eat Major Fluffums. A python is a wild animal, and wild animals are unpredictable. The mere smell of Major Fluffums will be enough to drive Sally crazy, and if Paul has been anywhere near Major Fluffums the scent of cat will be on him, thus putting him in danger every time he approaches Sally. If this is something he has not realized yet, moving in together will bring this issue to the forefront.

Another issue is the licensing of a wild animal as a pet. In order to keep a python as a pet, you are required to have special permission from both your local municipality and the landlord from whom you are renting. While the municipal license may not be an issue, finding an understanding landlord might be a problem. If you are unable to find a landlord willing to rent to someone with a python, your problem with Major Fluffums becomes a non-issue.

Finally is the issue that both of you are putting your pets before each other. A successful relationship requires that each member put the other first; neither you nor Paul is doing this, nor do either of you appear to have the will to compromise on the matter. Before moving in together I think it would be best if you each made a list of what is important to you, and then compare notes to see just how willing each of you is towards supporting the goals of the other. You may be surprised at what you discover, and it may be enough to put the brakes on your plans to move your relationship to the next level.

Snuggles,
Tazi



Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

A Plea From The Cat: Not The Carrier AGAIN!

Dear Tazi:

My name is Kitty-Cat and I am a seven-year-old tabby. I like to think that I am very healthy! I have a glossy coat and keep myself clean; I like to play and am very energetic; and I sleep about as much as any other cat. We kitties need our beauty sleep, right? I have a loving family, and am a very happy cat! So why am I writing to you?

My Mommy is what my Daddy calls a hypochondriac. That is a big long word that meaning she thinks that there is always some kind of illness that needs to be treated. Mommy is forever taking me to the vet because she thinks something is wrong with me. If I sneeze, I get shoved in the cat carrier and taken to the vet; if I spend too much time sleeping in the warm sun it’s into the cat carrier and off to the vet; if I throw up it’s into the cat carrier and off to the vet! Considering how much we cats love to barf, you can imagine how much time I spend at the vet! I want to plea, "Not the carrier AGAIN!" but Mommy does not understand my meows and hisses.

Daddy says that Mommy is overreacting, and I think she is, too. I know that she cares about me and that is why she is always taking me to the doctor, but Daddy is starting to complain about all of the bills. Mommy says that we can afford it – and we can, but that is not the point. Daddy says I should not have to go to the vet once a week and he is wondering why the vet keeps seeing me as a patient. He thinks the vet has found a “sucker” and is “milking it for all she’s worth”.

I do not like to think that my Mommy is being taken advantage of by my vet. Can you think of a way to let her know that I am a happy and healthy kitty without always having to go to the vet? I would much rather not have to get into that awful cat carrier, and I would prefer to take the money she spends and buy a new cat condominium for my play room!

Signed,

Kitty-Cat

Dear Kitty-Cat:

I always enjoy hearing from a fellow feline! I am so glad you wrote! Like you, I enjoy long naps in the warm sun, playtime, keeping my fur clean, and of course making large and glorious barfs in the middle of the living room floor!

I actually prefer the hardwoods. Makes for more slipperies.

I cannot imagine what it must be like to get stuffed into a cat carrier on a regular basis, or be taken to the vet every week! Twice a year is already too much for me! It is obvious that your Mommy is very scared that something bad is going to happen to you. Did something happen in her past to make her so overprotective? She may want to take the money she is spending on vet bills and use it to pay for some professional counseling for herself. Getting to the root of her fear will do you both wonders!

I also suggest that you ask your Mommy to try a different vet. If your vet is examining you – and charging her – every time you walk through the door and has not said anything about the excessive visits, it could be that this office is using your Mommy’s fears to line their own pockets. I know when I was making excessive barfs, my Mommy took me to the vet’s office and they did not even charge her! They gave her a free sample of some kind of kitty treat that was supposed to help with my hairballs and stop the frequency of my barfs; a good vet knows their patients, and will not look to take advantage of an overprotective parent. Try the ASPCA website for a referral near you.

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

New Restaurant Owner Has A "Teacup" Of Trouble On His Hands

Dear Tazi:

I have spent years as an Executive Chef in a fine restaurant and am finally realizing my dream of opening my own restaurant. I grew up with very little, worked my way through college and up the ladder of success, and am still a little nervous when dealing with the "upper crust". I guess there is still a little of that poor kid from Brooklyn still inside me.

As a Chef, I always worked in the kitchen and heard the stories that the servers and the Maitre 'D would discuss - not so much of bad food (I can understand personal tastes, and am always ready to "fix" a dish to the guest's preference) - but of poorly behaved guests. One of the more difficult issues is women who bring their dogs into the restaurant with them. I do not mean service animals, but purse-sized "teacup" dogs that they try to smuggle in and then feed from the table. Even if the Department of Health did not outlaw this practice, I would not allow it in my establishment. In addition to being unsanitary, customers have allergies and even the best trained dog can mess if it can't hold it in any longer.

In the past, I was always in the kitchen and never had to be the one to deal with an outraged customer who insisted that her "Fluffums" (it was always a woman) is well-behaved and would "simply go crazy" waiting in the car. The more the dining room staff tried to be polite about the situation the worse it would get, until someone at the table would step in and side with the staff. Being an established restaurant, this place could easily handle the threats made about "never coming here again". Right, lady...see you next week at your regular time and table!

As a new restaurant, my establishment is going to need some time to build up a reputation for service - thankfully, my reputation as a Chef follows me, but I am nervous about how to handle the potential dog problem. A sign saying "No Dogs Allowed" seems so bourgeois and is not in the image I seek to present. I realize you are a "cat", but do you have any solutions regarding dogs?

Signed,
Chef

Dear Chef:

Congratulations on the opening of your new restaurant! This must be both an exciting and stressful time for you. I admire the fact that you are looking to steer clear of any problems before they occur - that is the behavior of a successful business owner!

I realize that there are people who insist that their precious pooches are practically human, but there are health codes to uphold. Therefore, I have two words for you: doggie nursery. If you have a small room near the entrance (like a sizable coat room) or a heated outbuilding, you could outfit it as an area for patrons to "check" their dogs before entering the dining area. I realize it sounds crazy, but is no crazier than those who would bring a dog into a restaurant with them.

A few decades ago ago, my Mommie ran the child-care at a small, family-owned fitness facility. The big gyms thought it was crazy to have child care, until they started losing their female clients to the smaller gym with the child-care. Now, many gyms and fitness centers offer child-care as a part of membership. Obviously, you would have to have size/weight limits on the dogs (say, 8 pounds and under) but you could provide sleeping crates, toys, and other amenities (including a staff member to oversee it all) that will keep a dog busy for a few hours while its owner eats dinner. If the problem is as rampant as you make it sound, a doggie nursery could be a selling point for your customers.

If this idea is something that does not work for you, have your staff give a gentle reminder that there are "No Pets Allowed" when patrons call to make a reservation. If they still show up with a pet in tow, you have given them fair warning; have the Maitre 'D explain that the dog is not allowed in the dining room. Should the dog remain unnoticed until the party is seated, you should not feel nervous about approaching them and asking them to remove their dog from the dining area. Would you allow someone who is improperly dressed to enter your restaurant? Would you allow someone to remove his pants because he ate too much, and they were feeling too tight? If it helps, picture such a scenario as you approach the table or use such an analogy to remind the dog owner that you are not picking on them; you are simply enforcing the rules of the establishment and the Board of Health.

I wish you bon appétit et bon chance! with your new restaurant!

Snuggles,
Tazi

When Pet-Parents Break Up, Fido And Fluffy Want Visitation

Dear Tazi:

I broke up with my boyfriend the week between Christmas and New Year's. I know what you must be thinking (that I am a horrible person!) but the break-up was mutual, and a long time coming. The passion was gone, and "Jim" and I had drifted apart over the years. My problem has to do with my cat, "Pudgie".

Pudgie was very attached to Jim, and would greet him at the door every day when he returned home from work, just like a dog! (Sorry if that comparison offends your cat-like sensibilities, Tazi). Pudgie insisted on napping on top of Jim and would sleep by our bedroom door at night, to keep guard. If I paid too much attention to Jim, Pudgie would get territorial and shove me away while showering Jim with attention. Like I said, Pudgie was very attached to Jim.

Since I am the homeowner in the relationship, Jim moved out when we broke up; since Pudgie was my cat to begin with, there was no question of who he belonged to and who he would live with as Jim and I parted ways - or so I thought. Pudgie, it appears, has other ideas on his agenda. It appears that he misses Jim. Pudgie still sits and stares at the door every evening, around the time Jim would come home every night, and when Jim does not appear Pudgie meows like a crying child. I try to soothe him, but he won't have it. When I go to bed at night, Pudgie roams the house and cries (I tried locking him in another room, but he scratched to door something awful!). When I get up in the morning, Pudgie looks at me like his heart is broken, and meows for Jim. I can't go on like this! Seeing Pudgie so sad breaks my heart! He's not eating, and is even losing the pudginess that gave him his name (which I suppose is a good thing, but not really at the same time).

I truly have no desire to get back with Jim, so I am hesitant to call him and invite him over to visit with the cat; in fact, I am hesitant to tell him that the cat misses him because it sounds like a ridiculous attempt to get back with him! On the other hand, I can't leave Pudgie to suffer like this...what do you think would be the best approach to reuniting Pudgie and Jim, without making it sound like I am desperate to get back with him?

Signed,
Concerned Cat Owner

Dear Concerned Cat Owner:

Science has recently discovered something that people have known for a long time: animals can feel emotions and have emotional attachments. Creatures from elephants to orangutans have been seen expressing sorrow and grief over the loss of a tribe member, even when there has been no loss of protection or provisions due to the loss. This shows that the grief is not a matter of altruism, but of actual heartfelt sorrow. Pudgie is indeed mourning the loss of his preferred human companion (no offense to your human sensibilities!).

If you are sincere about not wanting to reunite with Jim, I suggest that you email him a copy of your letter to let him know just how much Pudgie misses him, and suggest some sort of visitation schedule (since I am certain that Jim misses Pudgie, too!). If Pudgie is an outdoor cat, would he take to a harness so Jim could have a play-date in the park with him? If Pudgie is an indoor cat, do you trust Jim to be alone with him in the house to cat-sit Pudgie while you run errands? If not, is Jim allowed to have a pet visit where he is currently living? Do you have a mutual friend who would not mind hosting Jim and Pudgie for an afternoon once or twice a week? Visitation with Jim could greatly improve Pudgie's emotional state and attitude.

When couples split, all the animals involved know is that someone they loved is no longer around; they do not understand what has happened, and can experience a sense of abandonment. For Pudgie's sake, I hope that Jim understands this and is willing to make time for visitation with Pudgie. Whether either of you want to accept it or not, Pudgie is his cat, too - at least in Pudgie's eyes he is! Jim, your cat needs you! Please make some time for him.

Snuggles to all,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Tazi's Corner #75 - Winter Blues? Cat Memes To The Rescue!

Dear Readers,

Well it finally happened. All 50 of America's states have seen below-freezing temperatures at the same time.

He's been warning us that winter is coming!

Due to large amounts of the white stuff I have been unable to sneak outside and hide under my deck. Feeling full of woe, I decided to cheer myself up by looking for memes of chubby cats. Because chubby cats make me smile. They remind me that I am not as fat as my vet says I am. (However, if this cold keeps up I will become one with them). Enjoy! I'm off for a nap.

Because the cold air adds 10 pounds, you know!

You wanna be the first to tell off the big guy?

Metaphorically speaking...I think!

Because Chris Christie has made it OK to be chunky!

Because being cute invalidates all other arguments!

And it's all Santa's fault!

'nuff said!

Because it's Girl Scout Cookie season!

That's all for now, humans! If the government is monitoring your Internet usage, I hope they like cats as much as you!

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Tazi's Corner #73 - Paging Dr. Dolittle

Dear Readers,

I hope those of you who celebrate had a blessed Solstice, a festive Festivus, a Merry Christmas, and are enjoying a sacred Kwanzaa this past week! My, how busy it has been! I have hardly had time to catch my breath between celebrations (yes, I celebrate them ALL!).

In the midst of my celebrating, I was taken aback by a heart-wrenching story of a fellow kitty cat named Tiger, from West Virginia, who got his back legs caught in an (illegal) bear trap. This brave kitty chewed off both of his hind legs and dragged himself back home in an effort to return to his humans and mewl for assistance..

Tiger is one brave kitty!
(Photo courtesy of Facebook/FortheLoveofAlexInc.)

As you can imagine, Tiger's veterinary bills were large and his humans will need assistance in paying them. I am sure there are those of you out there who believe that a person should not own a pet if they cannot afford to care for one, but which of you has the money set aside for your own catastrophic illness? Which of you could easily write a check for a $20,000 insurance co-pay for an infant born premature or a child suffering from cancer? Unlike human hospitals, animals hospitals have the right to turn away a patient due to inability to pay; unlike a human hospital, precious few animal hospitals will bill a patient for services rendered and unlike human medical insurance a lot of animal doctors do not accept pet health insurance policies. Here in America families struggle to purchase their own health coverage, let alone coverage for a pet. Today I ask you to assist Tiger's family in paying for his medical care. Can you donate a dollar (or more if you are able) to For the Love of Alex Inc. , a non-profit charity which has set up a medical fund to assist Tiger's family with his veterinary bills?

If each and every one of my readers donates a dollar, and asks their friends and families to donate a dollar as well, think of the amount that could be raised to help Tiger and other animals in need of life-saving surgery? Hundreds of thousands, if not millions of dollars! All for a donation that will cost you less than a  "short" coffee at Starbucks! Donations can be made by clicking here or by going directly to http://fortheloveofalex.org/donate.html. The site is secure, and you can even donate using your PayPal account! Simply write Tiger's name in the Referred by/Note to Seller box on the donation form! It really is that simple to help this kitty in need!If cats are not your bag, you can also choose to donate to a dog in need of medical assistance; simply specify what type of animal or even medical condition you would like your donation to help! [Ed. Note: If cats are not your bag, why are you reading an advice column written by one? Sorry, could not resist asking that!].

Readers, here is your chance to play Dr. Dolittle to an animal whose human is unable to afford emergency or catastrophic care for their beloved pet. The animals are paging you; please don't ignore them.

Before it was a movie, it was a book series!

If you go to the For the Love of Alex website, you will see that they do not use paid solicitors; I am writing this column for free because I believe it is an important charity to support. If you cannot donate, please help to spread the word by spreading this column via your social media!

Snuggles,
Tazi

P.S.: I realize that there are those of you who believe that cats belong indoors or on a runner, like dogs; that cats are responsible for the death of small animals from field mice to songbirds; that if Tiger had not been out wandering he would never have been injured. Please don't lose sight of the fact that this was an illegal bear trap that injured little Tiger! Rather than an animal, it could have been a child who was permanently maimed.


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Americans! Remember To Change Your Clocks Tonight!

Dear Readers:

Tonight ends Daylight Savings Time in the states that observe it (see, Arizona? I didn't forget about you!).

Remember to turn your clocks back an hour before you go to bed tonight, and to make sure that your pets' food and water bowls are full. While you may sleep in an hour, they will be up - and hungry - at their regular time. For me, That is 2 AM.

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Repost: Tazi's Corner: Issue #9: Abandoned Pets, Adoption...and Tazi's Story

Dear Readers:

One last repeat and then we are back to original columns starting tomorrow! 

I am back from vacation! I have had a wonderful week lounging seaside and sipping catnip margaritas while working on my tan (under this black fur I am paper white!). While away, I ran into a horrifying discovery: someone had abandoned a family of eight angora rabbits! These domestic animals could never survive in the wild, so I immediately contacted animal services! Once they got over the shock of a talking cat these wonderful people caught the bunnies, saw them treated, and have put them up for adoption. How could anyone be so cruel to an animal? I have said it before and I will say it again (below and here): pets are not disposable; pet ownership is a commitment, and if you are not ready to take it seriously do not adopt an animal!

Snuggles,

Tazi


[Ed. Note: Tazi's story has been pieced together through many sources, including veterinarian reports and post-adoptive behaviors].

Dear Readers:

About a month ago, a reader sent me this picture and suggested I write about the sad phenomenon of abandoned pets.


I thought about it, decided that I would not be Sarah McLaughlin-ing you all if I wrote on this topic, and am dedicating space to this sensitive subject.


The subject of pets is a sticky matter. Some people see pets as a form of home security (from human intruders to rodent invaders); others see pets as a member of the family; some go so far as to consider a pet equal to a human child. I have met in person and received mail from many people who have chosen to have pets instead of human offspring or who prefer their pets company over that of their children. As flattered as I am that quadruped companions play such an important role in a person’s life, I am of the belief that we are valued family members and surrogate children – not children per se, so please do not treat us like infants.

Now that you understand that I do not equate pets with human children, I can move forward without worrying about scathing letters calling me an egomaniac. I am a cat – we are all egomaniacal; however, it is not egomaniacal to expect someone who has taken us into their home to treat us like family. I ask you:

How many times has a child destroyed something you valued; you have not banned them from your home, have you?

How many times have you dated a person that did not like children; you did not send your children to an orphanage, did you?

How much money do you spend on extras, like cookies; candy; chips and other non-nutritional food? My Mommie once gave up coffee so she could afford to feed me. Would you be so selfless in order to feed your pet? If not, excuse me while I report you to child services…I can only imagine what kind of parent you are!

Would you abandon your children because you could not find housing in a good neighborhood; or would you keep looking until you found the right place? I know it can be difficult to find an apartment that accepts pets, but they are out there; you just have to look a little harder, and be willing to ask questions. Most places that do not explicitly say “NO PETS” are willing to negotiate a lease, some without a “pet deposit”. (Please do not argue that it is illegal to refuse to rent to someone with children; such discrimination is almost impossible to prove).

Congratulations, you have a “real” baby now! Will s/he still be a member of the family should other babies come along; or will he or she be joining me at the shelter? If you cannot handle the responsibility of a child and a pet, I would hate to see how you handle what life throws at you when your child learns to crawl, walk, talk, and run you ragged. When your child gets old enough to ask for a pet, do the animal kingdom a favor and tell your child “no”.

I know that sometimes the inevitable occurs – financial loss, divorce, etc. - and you simply cannot afford to keep your pet any longer or you are unable to give it the attention it deserves. If you cannot bear to bring them to the shelter, put forth the effort to find them a new home! Do not abandon them in your foreclosed home because “it’s the only home they ever knew”. Even worse, do not allow them to return to the wild – they cannot return to whence they did not come. If an animal was born into a domestic setting, freeing it into the wild is sentencing it to a slow death from starvation and injury. Some animals can adapt – The Call of the Wild has some truth to it – but that leads to the problem of invasive species; Florida and Hawaii have a terrible problem with pythons and after Hurricane Katrina packs of wild dogs roamed New Orleans.


Jack London would be proud...

Animals are quite adaptable and will take to a new home with new owners. I should know; I have been there.

Since starting this column, many people have read my bio and asked me about life before I came to live with Mommie and her people. It is not something I like to discuss because I still suffer residual anxieties from that time; I will not approach a street for fear of cars, I will not go into a car for fear of being left far from home, I will not let Mommie leave the house without a promise that she will return. People say I have the spirit of a dog; I tell them I express the behavior of a creature that has been abandoned and left to starve. Here is my story:

I don’t remember much about my early life – a kitten never does! I suppose I was playful and full of mischief; I know I had a special blanket to sleep upon because that was the first thing I demanded of Mommie after she adopted me, the red one on her bed, please. I was also trained not to sit directly on a table or a counter-top, but to sit on the newspaper on top of the table or counter-top instead – that was how I became such a literate cat! When I arrived at Mommie’s, I was so happy to see she had newspaper on the table! The shelter didn’t offer newspaper, and I never knew where to sit, so I just curled up in the back of the cage.

The first few months of my life were quite happy! I lived in a home with a nice human who treated me well. Then one day, when I was about nine months old, I was taken for a car ride. I did not like this and soon discovered why when the human driving the car put me out at the edge of something called a “biking and walking path” and left me there. I was so scared! I was just a little kitten, and had never before been outside in the big, wide world! Where were they going? Why were they leaving me there? Where was my human? I cried so many little kitty meows, but nobody heard me.

That first night, as it started to get dark, I got hungry. I meowed for food, but nobody brought me any. I looked for my bowl but nobody had brought it; same with my box, and I had to go! This terrible existence went on for three weeks; the weather was so cold and so was the ground – the white stuff on it stung my paws as I walked! I was ever so hungry, all the time…

By the fourth week, I was ready to curl up in a ball and die; so that is what I did. I wandered into the backyard of a nearby house, tucked my nose under my back paws, and waited for the hungry and cold feelings to stop. They didn’t; instead, a miracle occurred. The humans who lived in that particular yard saw me! Thinking I was already dead, they called the Animal Shelter and asked if “someone could come pick up a dead cat” in their yard (those are the exact words they used! I heard the shelter telling Mommie about it!). When the shelter got there, they found me. They called me, “a little ball of fur, shivering with fear, more dead than alive”. Too weak to fight, I let the Animal Control Officer pick me up and carry me into a truck figuring nothing could be worse than what I had already gone through; just make my end a painless one was all that I wished.

When I got to the shelter, they put me in the back room and had a doctor check me out. I was malnourished and needed my shots. I had avoided dehydration by eating the cold, wet stuff on the ground; the doctor said that is what saved my life. For three weeks I got to stay in the back room, where I was nursed and pampered and allowed to sleep and eat as much as I wanted! I gained three pounds during that time and tipped the scales at eight pounds when they moved me to the adoption area! I liked the back room, and wished I could have stayed there – the main area of the shelter was full of angry looking cats, most of who had been “surrendered” by their owners; I understood why those cats looked so angry, but at least their humans had been kind enough to bring them to the shelter.

I was on display in the Cat Adoption Area for a week when a woman in a red sweater walked in, looking for her feral cat. She had taken him in a few years ago, and feared he had “heard the call of the wild” and gone back to being feral. Well, duh! Just like you can’t free a domestic, you can only cage a wild animal for so long! Knowing she would be looking to adopt a new cat – and loving that red sweater she had on – I burst forth from the back of my cage, hooked my paw through the bars, grabbed her sweater in my claws and gave her the saddest, most pleading meow the feline world has ever heard (I also gave her my best Puss In Boots eyes). The shelter employees were accordingly shocked – I had not displayed such affection for any of them; they, however, were not wearing red. I have to admit I was quite shocked myself when she left without me! Knowing she would be back to look for her erstwhile feral, I made a plan to redouble my efforts at adoption, going so far as to stay awake and wait for her during nap time!

To make a long story short (too late, I know) I spent three weeks inducing a guilt trip on that woman in the red sweater…and have spent the last eight years calling her “Mommie” as I shower her with affection (and requests for treats) in return for giving me a loving home. In the words of the immortal Paul Harvey, now you know the rest of the story…and now that you know it, please think about adopting a shelter animal as your next pet! Seriously, don’t make me go all Sarah McLaughlin on you!

Snuggles,
Tazi



Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Neighbor's Yard Is Not The Place To Drop Your Dog's Droppings!

Dear Tazi:

I have a neighbor who allows his dog to relieve itself on my lawn.  This neighbor is not even courteous enough to pick up his dog’s droppings – he just leaves them there for me.  The worst part?  My neighbor owns a Saint Bernard, so the droppings are enormous. 

I know that you addressed this issue once before – and suggested that the homeowner gather the feces for delivery to the dog owner’s yard – but I get sick to my stomach just approaching the droppings.  The smell and the texture turn my stomach.  I am an elderly woman and do not have the strength to lift a large shovel that would put some distance between me and the offending product, and I do not have the extra money to spend on a Pooper Scooper – besides, it should be the dog owner’s financial responsibility, not mine.  I hate to bother the Sherriff’s office with such a trivial matter, but it is not trivial to me!  My granddaughter told me to ask myself, “What would Tazi do?” which is how I discovered your charming column, so I am asking: What would you do, Tazi?

Signed,

Grandma Minnie

Dear Grandma Minnie:

First, I would jump in your lap for a nice big cuddle!  Grandmas make for the best cuddles! 

Next, I would show you a copy of this blog post by Publicly Painful, so you would know that you are not alone in your problem; then, I would call the Sherriff’s office and file a complaint against the dog owner.  Your problem is not trivial to you, and as a taxpayer you have every right to utilize the services of local law enforcement to protect your property and peace of mind. 

What your neighbor is doing is probably against the law – most municipalities have laws about cleaning up your dog droppings.  These laws exist for several reasons; aside from aesthetics it is important to clean up domestic droppings because it attracts rats.  That’s right!  Rats eat dog poop – as well as other nasty stuff.  Why do you think they live in the sewers?  Your neighbor is leaving a steaming pile of trouble on your front lawn; the Sherriff’s office can see to it that this (comparatively) small problem does not get any bigger.  Have courage and your problem will be taken care of by those with the authority to do it!

Snuggles,

Tazi

P.S.  The original letter was about a cat, but thank you for reading it!  Your interest is appreciated! --T.K.


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Tazi's Corner #42 - The Therapeutic Value Of Cats (and Other Four-Legged Creatures)

Dear Readers:

This has been, as President Obama put it, a rough week in America. Between the Boston Marathon bombing and the ensuing manhunt to the West Texas fertilizer plant explosion, to the latest news that five snowboarders were killed in a Colorado avalanche Americans have been under a seige of bad news. In the spirit of healing, today I would like to share an essay by my cat friend (and co-conspirator of all things catly) Nemo Chairdude.

Being a Cat Bringing Lots of Love In This Busy,But Sometimes Stressful World

by Nemo Chairdude

As I heard about the awful events of the Boston Marathon bombing, I was in shocked.  I may be only an indoor cat, but I still know how cruel the world can be; I could not help but to hear the news report of the events that unfolded that day, as my family watches the 6 PM news every night. One may think, “What does a cat understand about the cruelty of this world?”, but I truly understand.

I remember watching the Today show with my family on September 11, 2001 and saw the horrors of the attacks on the [World] Trade Center. Just like my family, I too was in shock. A few days after the attacks, my Mommy had severe anxiety because my Nana decided to go to a casino in another state. See, my Mommy has Autism Spectrum Disorder, and hearing about news events sets off her anxiety about anything. The events of 9/11 caused her so much anxiety that it caused her to be afraid to go out in the house by herself (or for the rest of the family to go out, as well). Well, anyway, because of what happened days earlier, my Mommy was so upset she was crying hysterically. As she was crying, I came over and gave her tons of cuddles and even did some “meowing” and my other funny stuff to keep her mind off things. This helped her out so much that I realized how important I am to her. She even told me “Nemo, I love you so much. Thank you for keeping Mommy calm”. She also told me “This world can be so cruel, but it is kitties, like you that make this world such a calmer place to be in”.

May I offer you a therapeutic cuddle?

As the years went by, I witnessed many other horrors through television, but I have also watched Animal Planet, where they would have wonderful shows about “Therapy Dogs” and other amazing pets. I always wonder if I, too, am considered a “Therapy Pet”, as I do help my family keep calm during their most darkest and stressful moments. My Nana tells me that I am more than a therapy pet; she and my Mommy say I am the “Heart and soul” of the family, one who is loved and cherished. Many people out there have pets that are considered family; animals that make them feel good in such a stressful, cruel world. I know I may just be a cat, but I feel good knowing that my cuddles, love, and just plain “being around” makes my family feel much safer in this world. So the moral of the story is: if anyone feels that this world is scary and/or stressful, get yourself a pet to come home to; having an animal family member, can make your world feel like a much safer place.

Sending you all tons of cuddles, hugs, and lots of love from my cat bed to you and your families.

Love,

Nemo Chairdude 

Nemo Chairdude is an 18 year old cat who lives with his loving family. His favorite things to do are watch television (especially news and Animal Planet), eating people food from his Nana's plate, and of course, giving tons of cuddles while he spends time with his family. His human, writer Maya Lincoln, is an occasional contributor to the Cranston Patch. Her work has been featured here on AskTazi.com.

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

The Great Cat Debate: Should They Be Let Outdoors?

Dear Tazi:

My wife and I are having an argument about "Tussler", our tomcat. I think a cat should be allowed to go outside and do things that cats like to do - chase mice, nap in the sun, prowl, and meet up with other cats to do whatever it is that cats do when nobody is watching.

My wife thinks that I am just trying to think of an excuse to get rid of the litter-box, and that forcing Tussler to go outside will result in him doing his business out there, too. She feels that Tussler should be an indoor cat, arguing that indoor cats live longer and need fewer trips to the vet. I say that while this is true, what cat would want to live longer if it is being kept a prisoner inside the house?

I will admit that not having to clean the cat box would be nice, but it's not my motive for wanting to install a pet door for Tussler. I just think that the poor cat is miserable being forced to stay indoors. We live in a safe, suburban neighborhood where people drive slow and keep their dogs leashed. There are no wild animals that would attack Tussler, and the birds have feeders and houses that are well out of his reach. What is your opinion, Tazi? Is my wife turning Tussler into a wimp or am I being too much of a forward thinker?

Signed,
Tussler's Dad

Dear Tussler's Dad:

With a name like Tussler, I am guessing that your tomcat is quite the bruiser! I know I wouldn't want to mess with him! My one concern here is that Tussler might try to bully the other cats in the neighborhood (and maybe even some of the dogs).

While your wife is correct that indoor cats live longer and need fewer shots and trips to the vet, the in vs. out preference should be decided by Tussler. While I prefer to be indoors, occasionally stepping out with my lady friend, not all cats prefer this lifestyle. My predecessor, Koko, was an outdoor cat, refusing to come in for dark of night or pouring rain! Eventually, he moved outside on a permanent basis, and Mommie went and adopted me!

If Tussler prefers to spend time outside, your wife will have to acquiesce to this preference or deal with a very unhappy kitty (and the knowledge that unhappy kitties tend to destroy stuff). Before allowing Tussler outside, though, make sure that he has all the necessary shots and take a stroll through the neighborhood, too, to make sure that Tussler will not be a threat to other animals or be threatened by them. Since you will be installing a pet door for Tussler you will need to make sure that he understands how to use it, that the door is both a way into the house as well as out of it, and you will have to be able to lock it for when you do not want Tussler outside. Owning an indoor/outdoor cat is a lot of responsibility - more so than having to clean a litter-box three times a week! If you are ready to take on these extra responsibilities, and Tussler truly wants to leave the house, I see no reason to hold him as a prisoner of your love for him.

Snuggles,
Tazi

P.S. Do you really not know what cats do when no one else is around? Here's a glimpse...

But not all of us look as good as Tim Curry in Spandex

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Loss Of Pet Leaves A Hole; New Pet Is Not A Replacement

Dear Tazi,

My cat “Indiana” had to be put down this past September, after 18 years of life. I’d had Indiana since he was a kitten; I loved that cat more than anything. My seven year old daughter – who I have custody of part-time – was also upset over Indiana’s death, which is why my girlfriend went out and bought me a new kitten for Christmas.

My daughter loves “Sadie”, and I have to admit that she is a cute kitten, but I am just not ready for a new cat, and I am afraid that it is showing. Try as I might, I just can’t bond with this new kitten. Indiana was a man’s cat; he was a total [tough guy]. Sadie is gentle when she plays – great for my daughter, but hardly a good replacement for Indiana.

I don’t want to insult my girlfriend or upset my daughter by getting rid of Sadie, but I just can’t bond with her like I did Indiana. I am just not ready to start over without my main man, Indiana. You’re a cat. Do you have any suggestions on what I should do here? I feel badly. Sadie is just a kitten and always looks like she can’t understand why I don’t love her like everyone else.

Signed,

Hoosier

Dear Hoosier:

The loss of a pet is an inconsolable one, yet you have my deepest sympathies on the loss of your beloved cat. I have always said that until you have owned a pet you have not known unconditional love. Your Indiana sounds a lot like my predecessor, Koko Kat, who was also a [tough guy]; in fact, his nickname was Bad A--. Koko ran off after coming out on the winning end of a tangle with something large and dangerous, but he was missing for several weeks, during which time my Mommie looked for him every day – all through the neighborhood and at the animal shelter – which is where she saw and fell in love with me.

Like you, Mommie did not wish to adopt another cat (even me); she wanted her original cat back! Then, she realized that I was not a replacement of her Koko Kat; I would not replace the memories she had of Koko, rather, I would bring her new memories all our own, of just her and me. Different does not necessarily mean better – or worse; just unique. My personality is the polar opposite of Koko Kat, who chose to return to his pre-adoptive feral ways. Mommie does not love me more or less than she does Koko – just differently. If you were to have another child, would you love him/her more or less than your first? Of course not; you would love them the same amount, just in different ways.

I suggest that you give little Sadie a chance to be her own self – not a shadow of Indiana or a replacement of him, either, but a kitten with her own personality. Try to think of her as an additional cat in your life, not one that is a replacement for the cat you lost. Get to know Sadie by playing with her, offering her a cuddle, and cleaning her litter-box. She may never be the rough and tumble cat that Indiana was, but unlike dogs a kitten’s personality does not always reflect the cat she will become!

If, in the end, you simply cannot bond with Sadie please do not send her to a shelter; try to find her a home with friends or family or even your girlfriend, which would allow your daughter to still see her, or find a good home for her with someone who will love and cherish her. It is unfair, but kittens more than six months old are not adopted very quickly – people want a baby kitten, not a half grown one, and sending Sadie to the shelter may mean that is where she is to live out her days.

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Pet Fish Mysteriously Die; Is Family Member Responsible?

Dear Tazi:

I have a very expensive tank of tropical fish that I keep as a hobbyist. I went on vacation to Atlantic City this summer and asked my sister to care for my fish for me, leaving her explicitly written instructions for the feeding and care of my fish. When I returned, two of my most expensive fish (valued at over $50 each!) had died with no explanation. I was livid and demanded that my sister reimburse me the cost of purchasing new fish.

My sister has refused to compensate me for my loss, stating that she was truly sorry that they died, but that she cared for the fish exactly as instructed – without being compensated for her time, efforts, or mileage to and from my house. Tazi, she never asked for compensation; if she had I would have simply hired a professional to care for them while I was away. As it is, I am wishing I had instead of using the extra money to play the slots. At least then I would only be out the cash instead of the cash and my fish.

Tazi, don’t you think that my sister owes me the cost of two new Tropicals? She insists that I am being petty and that her costs make mine a wash; I say she never asked for compensation before agreeing to help me so she has no right to use her costs to offset her financial responsibility to me.

Signed,
Out Two Fish And A Couple Hundred Dollars

Dear Out Two Fish A Couple Hundred Dollars:

To be completely honest (as if a cat could be anything else), no; I do not agree with you. I am sorry to hear that your fish died while you were away; but since they died “without explanation” they could have just as easily died while under your care. Your sister was generous enough to save you some money by stepping up when you asked her to care for your fish – for free – while you were away on vacation; to turn around and demand compensation from her is truly tacky. Could it be you lost a little more on the slots than you planned, and are really looking to make back your loss by way of your sister’s wallet? I feel a Paw Slap Of Disgust coming on, so I will end my response here before the urge gets out of control.

Too late…here it is.

Sigh...and i have been doing so well lately!
Oh, and my Lady Friend has something to give you, too…

My Lady Friend is a lot less tolerant than me...

You owe your sister an apology for demanding that she pay you for the loss of your fish, and an unconditional acceptance of her apology for the death of your fish. Just because someone expresses sympathies in the form of regret does not mean that they are accepting responsibility for the tragedy.

No Snuggles For You!
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

When Is A Dog Not A Dog? When It Is A Wolf!

Dear Tazi:

My sister, “Frances” has always been the type to “rescues” animals. I do not mean taking in an occasional stray dog or cat, although she does that, too; I mean going to the pet store and buying up all of the feeder animals (fish, mice, crickets, etc.) and freeing them. Frances also goes to the animal shelter to frequently adopt animals that are there. Thankfully, she lives on a large farm and has room for all of these critters. Frances works as a schoolteacher, and will often teach on the importance of ecological balance and why it is important to treat animals with respect – spay and neuter your dogs and cats; do not keep exotics as pets; and do not abandon animals into the wild. Unfortunately, frances does not always follow her own advice.

This summer, Frances started volunteering as a docent at our local zoo, which sits just outside a wooded area. During one of her shifts she noticed what she thought was a stray dog. She spend several weeks coaxing it to come to her and teaching it to trust her. After she succeeded in doing this, she brought it home to her farm. Tazi, a half-blind moron could tell by looking at this creature that it is more wolf than dog! When I mentioned this fact to Frances, she said that she had managed to tame it, so it must have a good amount of dog in it. I say the creature is dangerous to own and that she should return it to its natural habitat; but Frances refuses, saying it has come to depend on her and that putting it back into the wild is the equivalent of a death sentence.

Where Frances and I live, it is illegal to own a wolf hybrid. I admit the animal has not hurt anyone yet, but I am simply not comfortable with the idea of a wolf living among humans. It is unnatural. However, I cannot find it in my heart to turn Frances in to the animal control; they would see the animal put to sleep, and I do not want that hanging over my head. Do you know of any way to convince Frances of the error of her decision?

Signed,
Animal Lover, Too

Dear Animal Lover, Too:

A wolf is a wolf is a wolf, and the wolf in a wolf-dog hybrid trumps the dog portion of the animal. A wild animal can be tamed to an extent – meaning it can be taught through a system of punishment and reward to live among humans – but it will never be domesticated, which means it will never view a human as its master and its behavior will always remain unpredictable.

Your sister’s new “pet” was born in the wild, which means it will not adjust to domestic living – to try to force this lifestyle on the animal would be cruel and dangerous, not to mention illegal. If the animal was brought in as a pup I might argue differently, but from the sound of your letter this is a full grown wolf-hybrid; it will not adjust to captivity (which is what domestic living is for a wild animal). Furthermore, is your sister lives on or around an operating farm she is putting the lives of the surrounding livestock in very real danger. Even though it is half-dog, Frances’ hybrid will have no qualms about attacking sheep, chickens, and other slow-moving livestock – be it her own or the neighbor’s. Should it be a neighbor’s livestock that is damaged, you can bet that they will have no issue with calling animal control to see your sister’s “pet” put down, and your sister charged with keeping a wild/vicious animal.

The wolf-hybrid your sister has taken in has not lived with her long enough to become acclimated to human presence and regular provisions. It will have no problem readjusting to living in the wild, and I suggest that your sister return the animal to where she found it immediately.

Snuggles,
Tazi

P.S. As for the animals she is "freeing", she is sentencing them to certain death. Feeder animals are bred in captivity, and cannot survive in the wild. Although I am personally against feeding live animals to pets (mice have claws and teeth, and can scratch and injure) their freedom will lead to a much more painful death than being eaten by someone's pet. --T.K.

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Husband Is In The Doghouse After Bringing Home A Puppy

Dear Tazi:

Several months ago, my son Michael wrote to you as a homework assignment (he had to write a letter to someone, and he chose you). He wanted advice on how to get me to give in and allow him to get a puppy. I thank you very much for explaining to him why he could not have a puppy; I only wish my husband had bothered to listen to either of us. For Christmas, he bought Michael a black Labrador puppy.

"Charles" decided that a puppy would be a great gift for our almost-eight-year-old son and brought home "Frisky" on Christmas Eve. Michael was ecstatic, and once again promised to take care of everything the puppy would need. Fast forward two months, and guess who is stuck taking care of the animal? That's right - me.

Frisky is an adorable puppy, but a lot of work, and I get absolutely no help from my husband. When it is time to take Frisky for a walk/run after work, Charles claims he needs to go to the gym to exercise or that he just got back from the gym and is too tired. When it comes to taking Frisky to obedience training classes, Charles insists that he has work that he brought home from the office. Yesterday, when we had to take Frisky to the vet for his puppy shots, Charles could not go because he "had" to go play racquetball at the club! Michael comes with me for all of the above (walks, classes, and to the vet) but whines the entire time that he is bored.

I would never drop an animal off at the pound, but I am seriously considering trying to find a new home for Frisky; he is simply more than I can handle. When I mentioned this over dinner last night, Michael started to cry and the conversation was dropped until bedtime - when my husband accused me of being selfish. He thinks that because I am a stay-at-home-mom I don't do anything during the day, and have all the time in the world to schedule obedience classes, vet appointments, and walks with the dog.

Tazi, I would love to find time to go to the gym during the day; but between running the house, sewing clothes for my family, running errands, volunteering at school...there just aren't enough hours in the day! How do I get my family to start pitching in to help me out with the dog? Frisky is starting to get very attached to me.

Signed,
Not Feeling Frisky, In More Ways than One

Dear Not Feeling Frisky...

It sounds to me like you have your hands quite full! Being a stay-at-home-mom can be a full-time job and adding a new puppy to the mix can be like working overtime; but please remember that Frisky will not be a puppy forever. Soon, he will be trained and the need for obedience classes will end; his visits to the vet will become a yearly event, rather than a monthly thing; and his walk/run schedule will become less erratic as you learn the difference between when he needs to be walked and simply when he wants to go for a walk. In the meantime, if Frisky is to become a full-fledged member of the family, the rest of the family needs to start pitching-in to help!

Unlike cats, which are solitary, dogs are pack animals. This means, unless trained to do otherwise, they look to one person as the pack leader and everyone else as pack members - members that rank higher than the dog would like to believe. This can lead to the dog obeying only the leader and ignoring or disrespecting other members of the family/pack. Your husband and your son need to make an active effort to include themselves in Frisky's obedience training and his regular routine.

I find it very convenient for Charles that he only brings work home from the office on the nights Frisky has obedience training classes. This is an issue on which you need to stand firm. Explain to Charles what I have mentioned: that Frisky will not see your husband as an "Alpha" pack member unless he is trained to do so - which means coming to the obedience training classes and learning how and when to exert authority over the pooch.

As for finding the time and energy to take the dog for an evening run, tell Charles that he can skip the cardio portion of his workout and go for a run with Frisky. This will give both of them the exercise they crave, as well as build a bond between the two of them, which will serve a two-fold purpose: It will give you time to yourself, and lessen - or even prevent - the possessiveness that will soon come if Frisky's attachment to you grows any stronger.

As for Michael whining that he is bored, remind him that Frisky is his puppy; and that he has to take the bad along with the good. In short, he needs to suck it up - although I wouldn't put it in those exact words.

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.