Diabetic Needs To Overcome Candy Addiction

Dear Tazi:

I have a problem that I have never seen addressed in any advice column before, so I thought I would write to you because you answer a lot of questions that people are normally too embarrassed to ask. Is it because it is easier to talk to an animal than a person? I think so!

My problem is that I am addicted to Skittles candies. I can eat an entire one pound bag of Skittles in one sitting I love them so much. I am not overweight from eating so much sugar, but I was recently diagnosed with diabetes; a genetic condition that runs in my family. A part of me always knew this day would come, which is probably why I worked to get my fill of Skittles while I could. I know that I have to give up this guilty pleasure now that I have diabetes, but I can’t!

Tasting the rainbow can be dangerous for diabetics
My doctor has lectured me on the dangers of high blood sugar, and told me that I need to give up the Skittles. I realize that nerve damage, blindness, and heart failure are all side effects of uncontrolled diabetes; but I am only 25 years old and those things seem so far away, while Skittles are so near! I have been reading about how your Mommie has put you on a diet and am wondering how you have managed to resist the kitty snax you crave so much! When I tried to put my cat on a diet he just chewed a hole through the bag and went to town on the stuff – which is what I feel like doing sometimes when I don’t get my Skittles. Can you offer me any advice on how to work around this addiction?

Signed,
Needing Won’t Power

Dear Needing Won’t Power:

Chew through the bag! What an ingenious idea! PAWS UP to you for suggesting it! (“”) (“”)

I love me some Meow Mix! Nom, nom, nom!
To answer your question as to how I deal with my diet, I whine. A lot. It doesn’t work, though, Mommie does not give in to my requests for kitty snax, so instead I do the next best thing – I got outside to my backyard and stalk chipmunks. Have you ever stalked a chipmunk? They are great fun to chase and the high that I get from exercise takes my mind off of the kitty snax I am not getting.

Since you are a human and do not depend on someone else to provide you with food, you must learn how to resist food. Treat your “addiction” to Skittles for what it is – an addiction. Remove all Skittles from your house, and do not bring any new bags home. The next time you crave their fruity sweetness, try eating a piece of fruit in the same flavor or, if the sugar content in fruit is still too high for your system, try a sugar free fruit drink in the same flavor you are craving. By substituting what you crave with something similar but not harmful to your body you will be able to wean yourself off of Skittles.

I realize that you are in the prime of your youth and you do not think the evils I diabetes can strike you, but many a diabetic in their prime has awoken one morning to discover that they can no longer see – diabetes induced blindness can strike that quickly, and without warning. Is your love of Skittles worth your eyesight? High blood sugar can cause serious damage to your internal organs as well as your nervous system; furthermore, diabetes can disable your body’s ability to heal from surgery or other serious wounds, and can compromise your immune system leading to more frequent and prolonged illnesses. Diabetes is an illness that must be taken seriously; even if you feel asymptomatic you could be doing permanent, irreversible damage to your body.

Snuggles,
Tazi

P.S. If you experience a moment of weakness and purchase a bag of Skittles, feel free to send them to me. I love batting them across the kitchen floor and chasing after them! You could try this, too – it’s good exercise, which is also good for diabetes control! If all else fails, participate in this interactive video exercise:




Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

A Cat's Perspective Can Answer A Lot Of Questions

Dear Tazi:

I have a cat and he is driving me crazy. "Russel" is five years old and no longer a kitten, but he constantly wants my attention whenever I am busy doing something else! If I am just sitting there, Russel is nowhere to be found, but as soon as I fire up my laptop; grab the newspaper; or worst of all sit down on the toilet he shows up out of nowhere and wants to jump on top of me.

Yesterday I got upset with Russel for climbing all over me during the Patriots game and I shoved him to the floor. Tazi, this cat looked at me like I was some kind of evil. I felt badly and scooped him up to sit with me, which turns out is all that he wanted anyway. I know you have a close relationship with your "Mommie" and was wondering if you could tell me how I could learn to have that kind of relationship with my cat. You see, my girlfriend wants to get married and have kids someday, and I'm thinking if I can't handle a cat there is no way I am going to be able to handle kids. I love my girl and don't want to disappoint her.

Signed,
Impatient Cat Owner

Dear Impatient Cat Owner:

Your problem rests in your signature - you do not own a cat; nobody actually owns a cat, they simply share a home with their cat, who has generously agreed to stay on in return for food, shelter, toys, and your undivided attention at all times (even when we are nowhere in sight).

Don't try to fight it, man...

In all seriousness, cats are not dogs and cannot be expected to act as such. I suggest you start to take notice of exactly when Russell comes out of nowhere and jumps up on you. You say it is whenever you are busy doing something, but that is not how it looks to Russel. Think about it...while you are on your laptop computer; while you are reading the newspaper; while you are on the toilet. What do these three activities have in common? I mean aside from the fact that you use the two former to keep you occupied while on the latter! The point I am trying to make is that you are sitting down during all three of these activities. From Russel's point of view you are not busy at all; you are just sitting there...ignoring him.

As you noticed while watching your football game, all Russel wanted was to be held - not to go for a walk on a leash (ugh!); not to play fetch with a tennis ball; not to do any number of things that dogs do; he just wanted a cuddle. Try giving your kitty a cuddle the next time he gets up in your grill and see what happens.

No. Just...no.

I think it says a lot about you that you are looking ahead to when you have children, and wondering if your lack of patience with your cat is a reflection on your parenting skills. While I cannot answer this (a child is not a cat) I do think your behavior is a reflection on your ability to make time for those around you. My Mommie and I are so close because we carve out time for each other. At the end of the day when all of her work is done and she is ready for bed, I jump on top of her for a cuddle to help her sleep. During the course of the day, we speak to each other with great regularity.

The next time Russel meows at you, talk to him! Cats do not meow at other cats, you know; we meow to communicate with our humans! The more you talk to him, the more loved he will feel, and if you carve out some one-on-one time with him you will find your cat-human interactions less disrupting, with Russel leaving you free to do your business. Catnip toys, a cat condo, or even an empty cardboard box will also fill Russel's desire for attention. Like a child, cats need toys; be a good Daddy and provide!

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

New Year's Wishes (And Resolutions) From Tazi-Kat!

Dear Readers,

I have a New Year's wish for you! It is similar to last year's wish for you, with updates to reflect the changing times!

May your year be filled with good health, good friends, and good luck. May you always remember to appreciate the happy times, and each other. May sadness fade with the support of friends, family, and community; and may outpourings of love and compassion salve the bitter sting of tragedy.

And belly rubs! I also wish you belly rubs!

May work be plentiful, but not overwhelming; may your pockets be so full of coin that you do not hesitate to share with those less fortunate; and may there always be time at the end of the day to enjoy some quality time with your loved ones (including belly rub time!)

May your cup of life always be full, and its contents ever sweet; may all of your dreams come true, and your nightmares fade with the dawn. (Belly rubbing a cat can help to accomplish this end!).

Wishing you all a happy, healthy, blessed 2014 that is full of abundance, joy, and plenty of belly rubs!

The kitten has spoken!

Snuggles to all,

Tazi-Kat

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

The Baby In This Stroller Is A Real Dog

Dear Tazi:

I have a problem and I need an opinion from an animal lover. I am 16, and I have an adorable teacup Maltese named "Snowflake"; she has been with me since I was 10 and I love her very much! She only weighs 2 pounds, and fits into my purse she is so small. She is an indoor dog, and uses a litter-box like a cat. She has plenty of toys to play with, and gets enough exercise by running around the house and climbing up and down stairs. My mother, however, believes that dogs should be allowed to go outside to get sunshine and fresh air, and insists on taking her with her when she goes jogging. This is my problem:

Snowflake is obviously way too small to be able to keep up with my mother while she jogs, so my Mom - thinking this is a way to add resistance to her workout - insists on putting Snowflake into a huge baby stroller and pushing it as she jogs through the neighborhood. Not only is this completely humiliating (have you ever seen something like this?) but I am afraid that this practice puts Snowflake at risk of being snatched up by an animal predator. Birds of prey such as owls, falcons, and hawks have been spotted in my area; and leaving Snowflake exposed - like she is when she is in the baby stroller - makes her an easy target.

My Mom thinks I am over-reacting, and using the idea of Snowflake as a bird's lunch as an excuse to get her to stop this humiliating practice. The fact that tossing the baby stroller from her jog would be an added bonus to keeping Snowflake safe has crossed my mind; but it is not the reason I object to my Mom taking Snowflake on her jogs. I am honestly concerned about my dog's welfare! Could you please help me explain to my Mom the danger Snowflake is in every time she is taken out like this?

Signed,
Double Whammy

Dear Double Whammy:

I have in fact seen people who take their small dogs out for a stroll in a baby carriage/stroller; and I have often wondered exactly why they were doing that. Thank you for offering clarity on this practice. Can you also explain why someone might do this to a cat?



Just curious...

As for what you were saying about birds of prey, you are correct that they would find your dog a tasty meal, and in worrying about the fact that your dog would be exposed to them while being pushed in a baby stroller. Unless the stroller has a roof/cover on it, birds of prey will have that proverbial bird's-eye-view of your dog and would be able to swoop down on your pet before your mother would have the chance to react. Furthermore, these birds have an incredibly large wingspan (4 - 6 feet from wingtip to wingtip) and very sharp talons. If a bird were to swoop down to attack Snowflake while your mother was still moving, she could end up the unintended target of the attack. This is something that needs to be pointed out to her immediately.

While I agree that all animals need fresh air and sunshine, both can be found by a screened window on a sunny day. The veterinarians I have met at the animal hospital all say that being an indoor cat keeps me healthier and will let me live a longer life. The same can be said for your dog. If you must take Snowflake outside, you must also make sure that she is well protected - and a baby stroller is not a good form of protection. If your mother wishes to jog with a baby stroller for extra resistance, she can do just that; substituting a two-pound barbell in place of Snowflake.

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

A List Of Thankfuls - Tazi's Annual Thanksgiving Message

Dear Readers:

Today is Thanksgiving in the United States of America, a day we set aside each year to give pause and think about the blessings in our lives. Whatever your personal beliefs about the holiday - political, religious, or a lack of either - today is a day to give appreciation for those who make our lives special. Today, I would like to use this space to offer praise to those who make my life special; and thanks for the things that make me a happy kitty!

I am thankful for:

My Mommie, who rescued me from the shelter when I reached out to her - literally. More dead than alive when the shelter brought me in, I would huddle in the back of my cage; fearful of everyone. When she walked in, something about her attracted me. My instincts told me she would be a good Mommie, so I rushed forward; stuck my paw through the cage; hooked my claws into her sweater; and pulled her close to me. We have been inseparable ever since.

My Co-Mommie, who is actually my Grand-Mommie, but she does not like being called that. Every night, after a long day of napping (on my part, not hers) she provides a lap for me to curl up in and cuddle. I love my evening snuggles!

I don't bite when given snuggles, but belly rubs are another story!

Every morning, Co-Mommie wakes early to keep me company and take care of my needs. She claims that she wakes early to get ready for work, but I know the truth: she just wants some alone time with me, before my nap schedule kicks in for the day.

My Daddy, who was promoted from "Uncle Person" after leaving work to let me in when I got locked out and it was threatening rain.  How many men do you know would punch-out of work to rescue their girlfriend's cat from the impending rain?  Exactly!  Now you know why he is my very favorite person in the whole, wide world, and I know that he feels the same way about me! How could he not? He comes over every day just to visit with me! (He claims he comes by to see my Mommie, but I know better!).

Or maybe Daddy just knew the consequences of wetting a cat!

For something my humans call "treats". I am not sure why they taste so much better than my cat cereal (what my humans call "dry food") but there is something about them that makes me want to gorge myself...and then throw them all up on the rug to make room for more!

Pancakes are Mommie's favorite, and so I loves them, too!

For cat-nip; and for the fact that humans have yet to discover how awesome it is!

For soft blankets, on which I take my naps, and for those holes in the walls and floors where warm air blows out of when it is cold. What a great invention!

Whoever invented these things was a genius!

For all of you, who read my column; write me letters; and leave me comments. I truly enjoy writing this column; and thank you for letting me be a part of your life!

Once upon a time, I was an abandoned kitty; left on the streets to fend for myself in the cold and the snow. Now, I am safe and warm; pampered and attended to; surrounded by people who care about me, who love me no matter what (even when I jump on their pool table in the middle of a game!).

Do YOU want to be the one to tell "Morris" to move?

I have a lot for which to be thankful...and it is my hope, dear Readers, that you do as well! A Happy Thanksgiving to you all!

Snuggles,
Tazi

P.S. Reduce, reuse, recycle! Think globally and act locally by giving your turkey scraps to the cat in your life!

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Love Triangle Causes Rift Between Brothers

Dear Tazi:

Have you ever watched the Audrey Hepburn movie Sabrina, the one where two brothers compete for the same woman? I am in a similar situation as that, and I need someone to referee. I will call the woman in question "Katherine".

My brother and I are both divorced and in our fifties, so we are not kids. Katherine is about a dozen years younger than both of us and has never been married, although she has not lacked for male attention. Until recently, I thought her reason for avoiding marriage was because she had never bothered to grow up; but I could not have been more wrong about this amazing woman.

I have always known Katherine from the community but never paid any attention to her except to say hello when our paths crossed. My brother knows Katherine better than I because his ex-wife used to babysit her; however, I never knew he harbored feelings for her until I asked her on a date. That was when [everything] broke loose.

I recently attended a charity fundraiser as a way to network with some business acquaintances (and to support a worthy cause) when I spotted Katherine talking to a potential client of mine like they were old friends. I was surprised to see her there, but was pleased when she waved me over to join the conversation so she might excuse herself for a moment. It was in talking with my potential client that I discovered there is more to Katherine than I realized. I discovered that she is not chronically unemployed and a career student, but works from home as an Event Planner and holds two Masters degrees. I also discovered that she donates her talents to charities and was on the planning board for that evening's event. Seeing her in this new light I was completely taken with her and barely left her side all evening. Before the night was over, I had a date with her for the following weekend.

My mother happened to see a photo from the charity event in the Society pages of the local newspaper. It was a group photo, but my proximity to Katherine caught her eye. My mother has always loved Katherine (they are in the same garden club) so she posted the picture on the refrigerator, which is where my brother saw it when he came to visit. This is where things got ugly.

I won't give you a blow-by-blow, but suffice to say my brother has expressed interest in dating Katherine. He claims that he has been waiting for the right time to ask her out, out of respect for his ex-wife's relationship to her. Tazi, it has been five years since my brother's divorce and he has dated a string of women in that time. It has been seven years since my divorce, and I have dated one woman (a long term relationship that ended two years ago). I am not one to ask a woman out on a whim, and I think Katherine and I really have a connection. My brother has told me if I go out with Katherine I can cross him off of my Christmas card list. I think he is being selfish, he thinks I am being traitorous. I asked our youngest brother to moderate the argument, but he refused to get involved. I saw a copy of your column taped to my mother's refrigerator and thought, "Why not?".

Signed,
"Linus"

Dear "Linus":

It was only after I looked over the IMDB listing for Sabrina that I understood your signature. I suppose I am going to have to watch the movie now, huh? With regard to your problem, I have one question for your brother: Is Katherine even interested in you? As for you, what made you view Katherine in such a negative light before you got to know her better? A Paw Slap of Disgust for each of you, and be glad I am not forwarding your letter to the woman who gives out throat punches!


Photo courtesy of LOL Cats
If this woman means all that your brother claims she means to him, why has he been dating a string of other women while biding his time to ask Katherine out on a date? If she is at all interested in him this has to have broken her heart! It sounds to me that he is jealous because you have "scored" something he wants but cannot have - a date with this woman.

Since Katherine accepted a date with you - that will have most likely occurred by the time this letter is printed - it would be rude of you to suddenly break off all contact with her. If things are going well with Katherine, I say continue to see her. Your brother will have to grow up and get over it. If things are not all that you hoped between you and Katherine, graciously bow out and allow your brother the opportunity to ask her on a date. Whatever you choose to do, you and your brother need to stop talking about Katherine like she is a piece of property. She is a woman, with feelings and a mind of her own.

Perfunctory snuggles,
Tazi

P.S. to your Mom: Thanks for printing and posting my column! It means a lot to me! -T.K.


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Love Of Animals Does Not Lead To Hoarding Them

Dear Tazi:

I love my girlfriend and my girlfriend loves her cats. Actually, she loves all cats, which is what scares me. "Angela" has often commented that if she could afford it, she would adopt every cat in the shelter and take them home with her. She puts food out for the strays in the area and is on a first-name basis with the local Paws Watch, which comes by once a season to perform spaying and neutering services, but there always seem to be more cats every year.

Right now, Angela has two indoor cats, which I can handle, but I am afraid that time will change her into the crazy cat lady, and she will end up with fifty cats and a house full of cat hair. Angela talks about getting married, and I would like to ask her to marry me, but this one fear is what is holding me back. Being a cat (person?) what is your opinion on this situation?

Signed,
Allergic To Crazy

Dear Allergic to Crazy:

Not knowing Angela, I have to ask: does she dress her cats up like this?



If the answer is yes, I think you should run - as fast as you can - in the direction opposite Angela; but not before rescuing those poor, put-upon indoor kitties of hers!

The possibility of a cat lover becoming a crazy cat person has more to do with their overall mental health than their love of animals. In fact, the more a person loves animals the less likely they are to hoard them because they know that having too many animals under one roof is not fair to said pets. If Angela is psychologically well-adjusted, and not prone to hoarding, I do not think she will suddenly turn into an animal hoarder (or, as you put it, a "crazy cat lady"). This in turn begs the question: Are you sure that you are not just looking for excuses not to marry Angela, and posing them as genuine concerns?

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Lifestyles Clash When Unemployed Brother Moves In With Sister

Dear Tazi:

I lost my job six months ago, fell behind in the rent, and had to move in with my sister and her husband until I can get back on my feet. I appreciate that they have given me the spare bedroom and are not asking me to pay rent, just that I purchase any food that I want but they do not buy for themselves; clean up after myself; and follow the rules of the house. I have no problem with the first request – I have money from my unemployment benefits to buy my own food – but I have a problem with them telling me how to live.

My sister and brother-in-law are eco-freaks. Everything gets reused or recycled. They only use green cleaning products, and insist that I used them to clean on their schedule and to their standard, not mine. For example, they want me to spray and rinse the shower with something called Simple Green after every use. Tazi, I shower every day. The water from the shower washes away any dirt, so the shower is clean when I am done using it. I don’t think I should have to clean it every day. Then there’s the cooking. My sister does not own a microwave because she thinks microwave cooking is unhealthy. Sometimes, all I want is a bag of popcorn, and I have no way to prepare it! She expects me to put popcorn kernels in a pan with oil and pop it that way! I’d buy my own microwave if I could afford it, but I can’t right now. Sis has all sorts of eco-food preparation gadgets, including a yogurt maker. Apparently, she and her husband are too good for the store-bought stuff – it has preservatives in it!

My sister has not yet pushed her eco-lifestyle on me, at least not directly, but I feel smothered by all the eco-[stuff] and eco-rules she has in the house. I feel like she is passively trying to convert me, always offering to let me use her stuff; offering me a taste of the fresh vegetables she grew in her organic garden; and requesting that I use the recycling and compost bins. Is there a polite way to tell her to lay off of me?

Signed,
Can’t Wait To Move

Dear Can’t wait To Move:

I understand how difficult it can be to live in someone else’s house by someone else’s rules. I hear it all the time – “Don’t scratch on the furniture, Tazi!” or “Stop kicking sand out of the box, King Nebuchadnezzar!” So much for being a king, huh?



On the flip side, I do enjoy my king-sized bed, my multiple feeding stations, litter-box cleaning service, and all of the other amenities that come along with my living situation. Rather than focus on the negative, try to focus on the positive.

You sister is not charging you rent, so you should be able to save a good chunk of money and be able to move back out on your own shortly after you find a job. Right now, your job should be looking for work or improving your job skills so you can find a job quicker. This means you will be living under her rules for the least amount of time possible; and I know you do not want to hear this, but it is her house, so her rules rule. As for your complaints…

Spritzing the shower after use takes all of thirty seconds and is a courtesy towards others. Water does not have antibacterial and antimicrobial powers, so your argument about the shower being clean from the water use is incorrect. If your sister prefers not to keep a microwave in her house than this is her business; make your popcorn the old-fashioned way, invest in a small microwave, or go without microwave popcorn.

Your attitude towards your sister’s green lifestyle borders on hostile. So she has her own yogurt maker; so what? Maybe she enjoys making homemade yogurt. How are her kitchen gadgets having a negative effect on your lifestyle? Your sister sounds like she is trying to make you feel at home, offering the use of her kitchen (and its gadgets) and sharing her vegetables (freshly grown does taste better!). All that she has asked in return is that you respect her lifestyle. If you cannot do this, I suggest you find a cheap motel or a friend’s couch before your presence stresses your sister’s marriage.

Perfunctory snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Zoo Animals Are Not Pets; Treat Wild Animals Accordingly

Dear Tazi:

I work as a docent at a mid-sized zoo in a mid-sized city. I love working with the public to teach them about the animals and their natural behaviors and habitats. I have a full-time job, so I am not looking for a job with the zoo, and have nothing to gain except personal fulfillment. Up until this summer, I have looked forward to performing my duties as an educator; but this year a new member of our docent team, “Chloe” is sapping the joy from my job.

One of the cardinal rules of our zoo is that the animals are wild animals, not domestic and certainly not tame. Visitor-animal interaction is strictly prohibited, for the safety of the public as well as the animals. For this reason, the names of the animals are not made known to the public; naming animals anthropomorphizes them, breaking down the barrier between humans and animals, but not animals and humans. Once an animal has a familiar name, people no longer see it as wild; they think it is tame and try to interact with it by feeding it through the fence or even petting it. Just because it has a name does not mean it is no longer wild and/or dangerous! This is a lesson that is stresses to us in our training sessions, but one that the new docent, Chloe has decided to ignore.

Chloe insists that the public should know the names of the animals; that it would make for a more pleasant visit if the children who visited us knew the animals names, so she has been incorporating this information into the tours and presentations that she gives. The first time it occurred, I was shocked and explained to Chloe the reasons for keeping the names private, but she just laughed. When one of the keepers informed her of the reasons – and that the animals respond to familiar voices, not their names – Chloe pouted that the keepers just wanted to keep the animals as their pets, and their pets alone.

Chloe continues to disclose this private information to every visitor she encounters, and the rest of us are seeing the effect of it. Children are taunting the animals more frequently, and even adults are ignoring the “DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS” signs with regular impunity. We would like to inform the Volunteer Coordinator of the source of this uptick in problem behavior, but as it happens Chloe is his mother’s best friend. We doubt telling would do any good and might even make the rest of us look bad. What do you suggest, my anthropomorphic little friend?

Signed,
Dolly the Docent

Dear Dolly the Docent:

You seem like a very well-educated docent, one who has taken her training to heart. You are correct that naming a wild animal does nothing for the animal – it could still not care less about you as a human, unless you have edibles or it considers you an edible – but creates a bonded feeling to the animal for the humans who view it. This in turn will cause humans to lose respect for the wild side of nature, and put both self and animal in grave danger – any caged animal that attacks a human is killed, even if it was only acting according to its animal nature.


Since you are uncomfortable bringing the subject of Chloe’s behavior to your Volunteer Coordinator, why not ask the Zookeepers to bring it to the attention of their supervisor; the veterinarians; or even the Zoo Curator? Chloe’s behavior is opening a door to liability that your zoo does not want; the sooner her behavior is corrected (through additional training or dismissal) the sooner the problem will be solved for all. As a volunteer, Chloe is not being paid so it is not as if you will be denying her the paycheck she needs to live; therefore, no guilt should be felt. She has earned the consequences of her actions.

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Exotic Dancer Offers Advice For College Student Considering The Field

Dear Tazi:

When I read the letter from the young woman who is considering working as an exotic dancer to pay her way through college I knew that I had to write. As one who has been in her situation, I think your advice was right-on; although I made a lot of money as a dancer, it cost me in other ways.

I was a good dancer – I mean really, really good. I took classical ballet, jazz, and modern dance from the time I was three years old, so I knew how to dance and incorporated many of my moves on the pole and on the stage. I was clearing over a thousand dollars a week and receiving expensive gifts (in secret, of course) from clientele who sought to “romance” me. I thought I had the world of a string, as my Grandma used to say!


After graduating – debt free – I went on to pursue a Master’s Degree and continued dancing to pay the bills, even though I was getting a little tired of it. The job is draining, both physically and mentally. Dancing isn’t exactly the type of job you can list on your résumé, so the only experience I had to list was co-op and internship positions, which I was smart enough to get while still a student. Once I got my graduate degree I thought I would be able to put dancing in my past, but I realized it was not going to be that easy. I got dressed up to go on my first professional job interview, walked into the Interviewer’s office, and came face to face with a former regular to my club. When I saw the look of recognition on his face I did not even have the courage to sit down; I turned around and walked right out of there, figuring he would call if he was interested in hiring me, but as expected that phone call never came.

After that incident, I was too upset to continue looking for work in the city where I went to school so I moved back home and looked for work in the large cities in that region of the country, where nobody knew of my past. I am not ashamed of my past, but there were a lot of business people who looked at me as if my past was shameful, which was hypocritical because they were the clientele that kept me employed as an exotic dancer.

That’s all I have to say, Tazi. I hope my story helps that young woman make an informed decision.

Signed,
The Dancer Formerly Known As Peppermint

Dear The Dancer Formerly Known As Peppermint:

Thank you for sharing your story and your words of wisdom. So often when we are in desperate circumstances we cannot see past the immediate gains that are being offered, not realizing that we may be putting ourselves further into dire straits.

"Tempted", if you are reading this, I hope you take the former “Peppermint’s” advice to heart and take a waitressing job instead.

Snuggles to both of you,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Good Money Does Not Mean The Job Will Be A Good Fit

Dear Tazi:

I am 18 years old and have the opportunity of a lifetime to go to an Ivy League school. My financial aid package will cover all of my tuition and fees, with a little bit left over for books, but I will still have to pay for my room, board, and living expenses. I am concerned as to how I will be able to work enough to pay for all this and study enough to keep my grades strong. I have a friend who suggested I try working in a gentlemen’s club. She said that I do not have to take my clothes off, that gentlemen’s clubs are different than strip clubs; that their cocktail waitresses dress sexy and make very good money without having to worry about men pawing them. She knows so much because she secretly works in one. Last year, she made over $60,000, working part-time during the school year and full-time during semester breaks.

My friend tells me that I have the figure and the looks to work as a cocktail waitress, as well as the experience from working in the local diner. I know how to be sweet and charming, but also how to hold my own against the tough customers who think that their large tips can buy them a little something extra. I like the idea of making good money while I am still in school, but I feel like I would be selling out my morals if I went to work in a tawdry place like a gentlemen’s club. Plus, as a student at an Ivy League I would have a certain level of sophistication to uphold, one that runs contradictory to working as a cocktail waitress, and yet the money is very tempting. What do you think, Tazi? Do you think I could find another job that pays well but would not lower my standards? Or should I look into cocktail waitressing at a men’s club?

Signed,
Tempted

Dear Tempted:

Sixty-thousand dollars a year for part-time work would be tempting to anyone – until they find out what they have to do to earn it, so I can understand your hesitancy to jump at this job field. Since you believe that cocktail waitressing would leave you in an uncomfortable bind, I advise against it. I would never judge somebody by what they do for a living, so long as what they do is legal, but I would never push someone to take a job that compromises their morals. Remember, college is only four short years! Once you graduate, you will have the opportunity to make a comfortable paycheck in a career field that inspires you.


Photo courtesy of www.icanhascheezeburger.com
You do not say which Ivy League school you will be attending, but I live on the East coast and I know that many of the Ivy’s are in or adjacent to large cities; and with large cities come restaurants, from fine dining establishments to small café’s and diners, all of which offer the opportunity to earn a good income from tips. You may not earn as much as you would working as a cocktail waitress, but then again you might do quite well just the same – and you would be much more comfortable with your working environment.

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Is An Online Affair Still Cheating?

Dear Tazi:

I feel like an idiot. I feel like I have been used. Worst of all, I feel like I have nobody to blame but myself. I know how you think that Facebook causes more relationship problems than any other social networking site, and you can add my story to that file.

I started dating "John" online about six months ago. (I have already changed his name, so please do not change it for me). He is an old friend that I found on Facebook, someone I have always crushed on. I saw from his page that he had a girlfriend and that they have been together for years so I asked him why they never got married and he told me it was because she was not ready. He did not offer any other explanation. At the time, he and his girl were going through a rough patch, and we started flirting online. I sent him some naughty pictures of myself, and he really seemed to like them so I sent him some more, figuring that sooner or later he and his girl would be breaking up and I would finally get a chance to date him in person.

This week, I went to John's girl's Facebook page because I saw on his page that she had tagged him in her status update. Her page isn't private, so I was able to see everything - pictures of them together, smiling and happy; love notes from him to her; and something that really steamed me, the status update where she tagged him. They had just returned from a romantic vacation to New England and she was bragging about how romantic he was. They did not look like a couple that was about to break up anytime soon.

I emailed John asking for an explanation, wanting to know why he went away on vacation with his girlfriend if things were so bad between them. He denied ever wanting to break up with her; said the "rough patch" only lasted a few weeks; and that he was an idiot to ever confide in me since it was obvious I took things the wrong way.

I want to send an email to John's girl (her address is listed on her Facebook profile) and tell her what a lying cheat her boyfriend really is, but I don't know if this will help or hurt my chances with John. What do you think I should do, Tazi? I know how you think honesty is the best policy. Should I be the bearer of bad news?

Signed,
Still Wanting Him

Dear Still Wanting Him:

You mention that you have been in an online relationship with John for six months. The fact that this relationship was a virtual one means it was never consummated, which means that as despicable as John's behavior was (accepting nude photos of another woman) it does not quite rise to the level of cheating, at least not in my book. What you have had with John is an affair of the heart, and from the sound of things it was pretty one sided. From what you write, it sounds to me like John is perfectly content to be with his current partner.

You ask me if it would be okay to email a woman you have never met - through Facebook - and tell her that her boyfriend of several years is a liar and a cheat. I think this is quite possibly the worst idea I have ever heard - even worse than the woman who wanted to marry a prison inmate. Here are the facts of the matter at hand:

1. John's girlfriend does not know you. Unless you have solid proof of illicit intentions - emails from John professing his feelings, naughty pictures of him, or anything even remotely questionable - this woman will have zero reason to believe you over John.

2. You say that John is an old friend that you have always "crushed on". Is this really how you want to treat an old friend? Yes, John was wrong to encourage you to send further nude photos of yourself, but you have to remember that the initial batch was sent unsolicited. It was you who pursued what you saw as an opportunity, not the other way around.

3. John does not sound interested in you as it is. Do you think destroying his relationship with a woman he obviously loves is going to improve your chances of landing him? If you answered "yes" to that question, slap yourself for me - it was rhetorical, and the answer is "no"!


I am getting a lot of mileage out of this pic lately!

I have re-read your letter a couple of times now, and from what you write it appears that all John is guilty of is grossly bad judgement in allowing an online flirtation to escalate. Since I know of very few men that would say no to receiving nude pictures of an attractive woman, I have to give John a pass on this one, regardless of my personal feelings on this matter. In my opinion, John has not cheated and any lies he has told have been lies of omission - because let's face it, what man is going to tell his girlfriend about something like this? It sounds to me that you are seeking my permission to seek revenge on John. Permission denied.

Perfunctory Snuggles,
Tazi



Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Student Dreams Of Being A Successful Writer; Asks Tazi How

Dear Tazi:

I am a senior in high school, and I love to write. It doesn't matter what kind of writing it is (creative or non-fiction, poetry, journalism, short-stories), I just enjoy the creative process and emotional release it offers. I would like to be a professional writer one day; but the problem is, I think I might not be that good of a writer.

My parents have never allowed me to take writing classes as electives, preferring I take extra science and math courses so I have never had any formal training. My school has a literary magazine that is published twice yearly, but my stuff has never been chosen for publication. It is a blind process (the selection committee does not see who wrote what), so I know it is not a popularity contest, with the most popular kids getting their stuff published...I just feel like maybe I am chasing a dream that will never be realized. I could self-publish, but that stuff is done on consignment and I do not want to invest my college money into something that may flop big time.

I will be going to college next year, and I know that the school I will be attending has a required freshman writing class where I can learn what I am doing wrong, but I would like to major in writing and I am just not certain if I am good enough to do it. I love your column, Tazi; it is so creative and is always fun to read. You have mentioned in the past that you sometimes have to re-work the letters for structure, to make them easier to read, and it is obviously working - I have seen your page view map and people from all over the world read your column! Do you have any tips on how I can be a better writer? I have enclosed a few samples of my stuff for you to review, if you don't mind.

Signed,
Future Rowling, Collins, Or Meyer...I Hope!

Dear Future Rowling, Collins, Or Meyer:

Oh, my! You do seem to have an appreciation for current popular fiction! Have you discovered any classic authors yet? My favorite is T.S. Eliot, who wrote about cats. Lloyd Alexander did the same, although his work was geared more towards children. I also enjoy Stephen King - my favorite is Pet Semetary, which features a zombie cat. I am somewhat obsessed with my own kind, as all cats tend to be obsessed with themselves; at least us male cats. Female cats tend to be more nurturing. Speaking of nurturing versus self-centered, my lady friend came by to visit tonight; but I was too busy napping to pay her any mind...but I digress, which happens often when I am writing. I was supposed to address your question, wasn't I?

The above paragraph is an example of my unedited work. Did you notice how I started to ramble off topic? Did you lose interest, because my writing was turning into a self-absorbed soliloquy? I left the above paragraph unedited to show the importance of editing, which is the greater part of successful writing. So often, when we write, we cannot see past our own point-of-view. We fall in love with what we have written and cannot see the need to edit it - we assume that it will be of such great interest to others, too, and declare our first draft to be perfection! So why mess with it, right? Because - to be quite honest - a first draft is something nobody but the writer (and possibly the writer's Grandma) will find fascinating. Most people find a first draft of something confusing or downright uninteresting - both of which can be hard to follow.

Successful writing is like successful cooking - you can't just throw all of your ingredients in one pot, stir, and serve. You have to add the right elements at the proper time, taste-test to make sure you have the right blend, and then walk away to allow the flavors to blend and marinate in their own juices. When you write, you take an idea and work on developing it, adding background to the story-line and deciding on where the plot is going by creating an outline of the story.

As your idea develops, you add the plot points in at the proper time to ensure continuity. Then, when you think you have everything in place, you write a rough draft and then walk away from it, to let it sit and allow your excitement over your creation to dissipate. Return when you feel you can view your work with a critical - but not overly judgmental - eye. You will notice changes that need to be made to make things flow better and to make for a more interesting experience for the reader. Once you finish your second draft, put it aside and then lather, rinse, repeat! If you feel additional changes are not needed, run your work by someone in your potential audience who would be willing to evaluate it and give you constructive criticism; make further edits based upon the comments you receive. As you can see, several drafts may be needed before you reach a final, finished product.

Once you reach your end-point with a particular piece, compare the completed work with the first draft and make notes on what was changed, what was kept, and what was completely eliminated. Over time, you will see a pattern developing and you will be able to learn more about your strengths and weaknesses as a writer, building towards the success you seek.

Do not feel discouraged by the process, or by those who make the process look easy - writers who declare their work to be perfect on the first try and/or who pump out stuff overnight very rarely receive wide, sustained, commercial success for their work. For more tips on commercially successful writing, visit People I Want To Punch In The Throat: My Blogging Advice. By pure chance, her blog today happens to be on how she has managed to successfully (read: go viral and get paid) work as a professional freelance writer.

Snuggles,
Tazi

P.S. with regard to your writing samples: Vampires have been overdone. Try not to stand on the shoulders of giants, but to build your own ladder to reach the stars. The full narratives are somewhat disjointed - especially the two poems you included to start and end of the story. They are obviously quite personal; perhaps a little too personal, as one would have to be able to crawl inside your mind to fully understand their meaning.


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Tazi's Corner #75 - Winter Blues? Cat Memes To The Rescue!

Dear Readers,

Well it finally happened. All 50 of America's states have seen below-freezing temperatures at the same time.

He's been warning us that winter is coming!

Due to large amounts of the white stuff I have been unable to sneak outside and hide under my deck. Feeling full of woe, I decided to cheer myself up by looking for memes of chubby cats. Because chubby cats make me smile. They remind me that I am not as fat as my vet says I am. (However, if this cold keeps up I will become one with them). Enjoy! I'm off for a nap.

Because the cold air adds 10 pounds, you know!

You wanna be the first to tell off the big guy?

Metaphorically speaking...I think!

Because Chris Christie has made it OK to be chunky!

Because being cute invalidates all other arguments!

And it's all Santa's fault!

'nuff said!

Because it's Girl Scout Cookie season!

That's all for now, humans! If the government is monitoring your Internet usage, I hope they like cats as much as you!

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

"Numberphobic" Needs To Learn Math!

Dear Tazi:

I have a problem that I am not sure how to address: I am an adult and I have never learned how to count money or balance a checkbook.

I never had an allowance as a child; my parents always paid for everything or gave me exact change for things like movie tickets with friends. For Christmas and birthdays I would get gift cards, so I never had to worry about making sure the cashiers gave me proper change. As an adult, I put everything on my credit card and pay the balance at the end of the month or use my debit card, making darn sure that the balance is high enough that my charges will not result in overdraft. I have never over-drafted and I have excellent credit, so I must be doing something right!

My situation becomes a problem because my boyfriend and I are talking about moving in together – and sharing our expenses. He has asked me to take care of the finances because he believes I am good with money, seeing as how I pay off my credit cards every month and have never, ever bounced a check. How do I tell him the truth, that I can’t do basic math?

Signed,

Numberphobic

Dear Numberphobic:

Take a deep breath and exhale slowly, letting out your stress and fear with it. Doesn't that feel good? Now, repeat after me: “I am not the only adult in America who cannot count money”. Believe it or not, you aren't. A lot of Americans cannot handle this basic concept, and with the propensity of credit and debit card use rising all the time the issue is becoming more and more severe – so much so that community colleges and community centers are offering course in basic business math, where students learn how to count money and make change; reconcile a checking account statement; calculate simple and compound interest; and figure commissions and taxes on sales and purchases.

Cats are good at math, but not this good!

Your boyfriend has asked you to take charge of your finances because he thinks you are good at it. Could it be that he, too, has never mastered the skill of handling money? I suggest that the best way to tell your boyfriend that you cannot do basic math is to tell him that you cannot do basic math. The direct way is always the best way to deliver a simple truth. Explain to him that you have never over-drafted your accounts because you prefer to use a credit card or gift card to pay for purchases, which cannot overdraft, and that you have never actually reconciled your checking account at the end of the month. He may be surprised, but that shock is only because you appear so capable.

If your boyfriend knows how to count money and balance a checkbook, ask him to teach you; it can be a project you undertake as a couple and a step in the right direction for you as individuals, and as a couple. I firmly believe that both members of a relationship should be aware of the joint finances. If your boyfriend is also weak in the area of personal bookkeeping the two of you should take a class together in order to get these skills down pat. Consider it just one more way the two of you can grow as a couple.

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Share Your Christmas Traditions With Tazi!

Dear Readers,

Since it is Christmas Eve I have decided to take a rare vacation for the next few days to celebrate with my family and the large bag of kitty snax I see hidden in the far reaches of the Christmas tree; for some reason, my humans thought I would not go after them if they were tucked away there!  Such Christmas fools!

I will get those kitty snax, even if it kills the tree!

I would like to wish you all a very relaxing holiday, and to those who do not celebrate a relaxing day off tomorrow, courtesy of America's Judeo-Christian traditions. Speaking of which, are any of my Jewish readers going to a "Matzo Ball" this year?

I doubt I will be able to sleep a wink tonight; I will be on the lookout for Santa! I plan on attacking the big guy and digging through his toy sack for just the right gift for Mommie. Do you think she will like a big bag of Skittles candy? I love chasing them around the floor, almost as much as I love chasing chipmunks around the house! Speaking of chipmunks, Mommie was not amused with the dead chipmunk I gave her last Christmas. Personally, I thought it was the best Christmas gift ever!

I plan on attacking the real Santa, too!

What, dear readers, is the best gift you have ever received for the holidays? What is the worst gift you have ever received? Please, share your stories with me! Just this once, I will not mock your crazy human behavior of buying the wife a crock pot for Christmas! I receive so many letters with tales of woe; today I would like to hear your tales (tails?) of happiness and laughter! You can comment here at the end of the column, or comment on Facebook or on Twitter, with the hash-tag AskTazi, or by direct tweet to @TaziKat. I look forward to hearing what you have to say!

I am off to bed now...the quicker you fall asleep, the quicker Santa comes to your house, you know!

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Tazi's Corner Issue #12: The Sad State of Writing Proficiency in America

Dear Readers:

This week I had a revelation – I CAN have cheeseburger!  What joyous news!

Yes, little brother, you CAN!

While marveling over this wondrous discovery, my light little heart sunk like a balloon as Mommie started reading the newspaper aloud; the story left me both disgusted and chagrined.  It stated that only 27% of junior high and high school students tested“proficient” in writing – and that was with the help of spell-check and the thesaurus feature. This got me to thinking: Do people really think that cats suffer from a lack of grammatical skills so deplorable that we are only capable of LOL speak?  Sorry, I digress; as I have said in the past we cats tend to slip into self-centeredness from time to time.

I do all the grammar and spelling corrections myself!

As I was saying, twenty-seven percent of our future adults are considered to be “proficient” in writing; this means that 83% are below the minimum standard set by educational experts.  I thought about this and a cold shiver ran down my body as I wondered, “Who will be left to write Cat Fancy once this generation of writers retires?”  I immediately looked to my Mommie, pleading with her to pick up the torch, but she thought I was pleading for a treat and ignored me.  Darn diet! 

As Mommie continued to read to me, I started wondering when – and why – the writing abilities of our youth have plummeted to such embarrassingly low levels of proficiency.  Is it the use of word processing programs?  Have they made us dependant upon spelling and grammar checks to catch our every mistake?  Is it because grammar is no longer taught in schools?  Is it instant messaging habits that have taught us to sacrifice quality for speed?  I decided that this issue deserved further investigation, and planned for a field trip.  To the Tazimobile, Mommie – let’s go!

I like to imagine the Tazimobile as being this cool...

As it turns out, the Tazimobile was in the laundry, so I jumped into my Tazi-Sack (a much snugger version of the Tazimobile) and accompanied Mommie to her school, a place dedicated to academic excellence...or so I thought.  On this particular day the library was buzzing with activity – the perfect setting for a kitty-cat to wander about unnoticed!  I chose to hide under the computer stations so I could peek out and view what people were writing; I am sorry that I did, for it was hard to resist the temptation to scream “GOOD G-D, I’M BLIND!”  Here is but one example of some of the stuff I saw:

I gotta diskribe a seen for dis paper, but I don’t kno what to rite about.  I am chillin at da skewl and hopin dat sumthin good will happin to rite about so my teacha won’t flunk me for fukkin dis up.

Where do I start?  First, I apologize for the profanity, if that really is what it is...it’s a little hard to tell, considering that the entire narrative is profane in my eyes.  I realize that I can get a little creative with my spelling (I like to use the Canadian “-ie” ending rather than the American “-y”) but at least I stay within the realm of proper spelling and grammatical canon!  What truly makes me sick is that my Mommie’s school (skewl?) is a college!  I’d had enough of the horrors, and climbed back into my Tazi-Sack head first, offering my opinion of the situation in the form of my rear-view. 

After returning home and begging for some treats to calm my nerves, I did a little first-hand research on the possible causes of America’s lack of grammatical proficiency.  Cozying up to a school-teacher friend Mommie had invited over for coffee, I learned that in many school systems teachers are no longer allowed to grade a paper down for incorrect spelling or poor sentence structure.  “Ummm….upon what criteria is the paper graded?” I wondered?  Thankfully, so did Mommie and ironically, the answer was “material content”.  So spelling and sentence structure are now considered immaterial to the content of a paper?  Apparently so; because, according to Mommie’s teacher friend who prefers to remain anonymous, “Not everyone speaks [proper English] in the home, so [teachers] cannot expect students to understand what is correct and what isn’t; by correcting them we are criticizing their cultural way of speaking.  Or so we have been told”.  Parents, please correct me if I am wrong but wouldn’t you prefer that teachers criticize your “cultural way of speaking” – as well as pants on the ground and backwards hats – than allow your child to enter the working world completely unprepared to succeed? 

Say no to crack!  Pull up your pants!

Song: "Pants on the Ground" by General Larry Platt

  

America’s 27% writing proficiency rate is proof that the current methods are not working.  It’s time to try something new and get back to the basics.  It is time to get real, youth of America.  I have heard that the real world doesn’t care about self-esteem; that’s a lesson that will be harder to take if you spend your formative years in a bubble.  Pay now or pay later.

Snuggles to all,

Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Marital Stress On The Mend Thanks To A Tazi Suggestion!

Dear Tazi:

I want to thank you for the advice you gave about “Fred” and his Elf of the Shelf antics. You told the letter writer if Fred’s forgetfulness about lowering the toilet seat was “the biggest problem in her marriage” she should consider herself lucky. Your advice has me looking at my marriage in a whole new way.

My husband of seven years, “Barry”, is a plumber. This is the second marriage for both of us, so we are not young kids with stars in our eyes. Every day Barry returns home from work and his clothes are filthy, smelly, or otherwise in need of laundering. Barry does his best to aim for the laundry hamper when changing, but misses almost every time. He claims that when he gets home from work all he wants to do is toss off his clothes and relax; that he spends the greater part of his day kneeling under sinks, next to toilets, or working on underground pipes and the last thing he wants to do is bend over to pick his laundry up off of the floor. He feels that the fact that he makes an effort should count for something.

Barry’s attitude would annoy me to no end, especially since I am a busy stay-at-home Mom (we both have custody of our teenage children) who works hard to keep the house clean and presentable, in addition to everything else that must be done to keep the household running smoothly. I had reached the point where I was ready to blow my stack with him when my mother forwarded me a link to your Elf on the Shelf on the toilet letter. I showed the letter to Barry and asked if this was what was becoming of us – were we turning into a couple who fought against each other instead of with each other?

Thanks to your column, Barry and I had a long talk. He felt that I did not appreciate how hard he worked and how achy his muscles were when he returned home; I felt that he was being disrespectful of how hard I worked to keep the house looking nice for him. Together, we talked through our aggravation and have been working on improving our relationship, working with each other instead of against each other. It has only been six weeks, but Barry’s “aim” has greatly improved and he is even keeping a score-sheet to record how many “points” he scores. Turning this chore into a game has improved both of our moods, and should Barry lapse I remind myself, as I pick up his clothes without complaint, that my marriage could have much bigger problems. Our children have all noticed the difference in our attitudes, and have commented on how much happier we seem since starting “Laundry Basketball” and have suggested other “games” to make the drudgery of chores fun.

Thank you, Tazi!

Sincerely,
Happily Married The 2nd Time Around

Dear Happily Married The 2nd Time Around:

I am so happy to hear that my column assisted you through your marital stress! It is rewarding to know that my little kitten self played a small part in helping you with the heavy lifting of improving your relationship with your husband. I am purring all over!

I like to think Vince Lombardi came back as a cat

Please spread the word that www.asktazi.com is the place to go for advice, entertainment, and a little break from your own reality!

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Celebrate World Cat Day With Tazi-Kat!

Dear Readers:

Today is World Cat Day, a day to celebrate cats and all that we do for you humans! For example, do you think anyone could make you feel as insignificant as a cat can make you feel? This is just one of the many services a cat provides (we keep you humble!) and one of the many feline-esque accomplishments that we celebrate today!

Much ado has been made about cats throughout history, from ancient myth to modern literature. Popular author Lillian Jackson Braun (1913 - 2011) will forever be remembered in the hearts of cat lovers for her charming Cat Who…series, about two Siamese cats who assist their human companion in solving mysteries. For those who prefer talking cats, Shirley Rousseau Murphy writes the Joe Grey Mysteries, about a large grey tom-cat and his lady friend who have the ability to talk (a secret that is poorly kept from their human companions). Lloyd Alexander (1924 - 2007, of The Black Cauldron fame) sets aside medieval fantasy for fantasy of a different sort in The Town Cats and Other Tales and then there is T.S. Eliot’s (1888 - 1965) Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats, the inspiration for the Broadway musical CATS!

Oh! How could I forget about Mrs. Murphy, the mystery solving cat that is the star of Rita Mae Brown and Sneaky Pie's books! Sneaky Pie is my hero, having co-authored every one of the Mrs. Murphy mysteries! No, I have not forgotten the most famous cat of all, Dr. Seuss’ (1904 - 1991) The Cat in the Hat; I just saved him for last because he gives me the creeps! (To those who have read the book: don’t you agree that that babysitter should be fired?). Are there any more famous literary cats that I am forgetting? Please mention them in the comments section below!

In addition to being literary rock stars, cats have had to fight the bad rap we get through superstition. Ailurophobes (that’s a person with a fear of cats) will tell you that a black cat is bad luck; that all cats will suck a baby’s breath because they are jealous of the new arrival; and that we are all familiars of witches! Not true! It was during the dark ages that people stopped worshiping us cats as supreme beings and associated us with evil – something to do with us liking the dark and having glowing eyes and having the ability to scream like a demon and…okay, I get it! I guess we cats can be scary!! Since I have come to realize that people love a good superstition (or explanation of folklore), here is a list of “catty beliefs” for your reading pleasure:

• In Norse mythology, cats were believed to have great influence on the weather. Cats were thought to cause storms (which is crazy, because everyone knows we hate rain!). The dog, an attendant of the storm king Odin, was a symbol of wind. Cats came to symbolize down-pouring rain, and dogs to symbolize strong gusts of wind; thus the saying "it's raining cats and dogs"! (Snopes.com will give you the truth on the thatched-roof “folklore” story!)

• The expression “Cat got your tongue?” has a particularly gruesome origin: during the ancient years of the Middle Eastern cultures, a sometimes punishment for prisoners was to have their tongue cut out of their mouths and fed to the King’s cats.

• Sailors used cats to predict the outcome of voyages. Loud caterwaulers predicted a stormy voyage. A playful cat meant a safe passage. They also believed that to throw a cat overboard was to guarantee stormy weather, so they always kept their ship’s cats happy and well-fed – and away from the rails!

• A bride will have a happy and successful marriage if a black cat sneezes near her on her wedding day (Note to Mommie: don’t leave me behind if that day should ever come!)

• In many cultures, cats are symbols of fertility! Some cultures put a cat in a cradle and give it to a newlywed couple to ensure the birth of children.

• In the Dark Ages, a live cat was buried in the foundation of a house to ensure good luck to its inhabitants (not so lucky for the cat, though, huh?).

• In America, it is bad luck if a black cat crosses your path and good luck if a white cat crosses your path. In Great Britain, it is just the opposite! (This might explain why the British love my column!).

• Once upon a time, people believed that cat’s blood cured all ailments. (This could explain Charlie Sheen’s claims of “tiger’s blood”).

• In Transylvania, if a cat jumps over a corpse, the corpse will become a vampire!


• A medieval superstition states that a cat sitting on top of a tombstone meant that the dearly departed was actually possessed by the Devil

• Another medieval superstition states that two cats fighting on a gravestone are an archangel and a demon, fighting for possession of the soul

• Legend has it that Mohammed cut off the sleeve of his robe rather than disturb his cat from resting on it. (Are you listening, Mommie?)

• A Thai legend states that cats guarding a sacred temple from Burmese invaders saved the temple treasures by hooking their tails together in a circle and refusing to allow anyone to pass.

I hope you have enjoyed this list; feel free to pass it on to others, and always remember that “Cats are cats...the world over! These intelligent, peace-loving, four-footed friends – who are without prejudice, without hate, without greed – may someday teach us something”. –James Macintosh Qwilleran (via The Cat Who Saw Stars, by Lillian Jackson Braun)

HAPPY WORLD CAT DAY TO ALL!
Snuggles,
Tazi

Gracious thanks to fellow blogger Maya Lynn Lincoln for reminding my Mommie of this important holiday!

Professional acknowledgement to the Dictionary of Superstitions, by David Pickering.


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.