To Tattoo Or Not To Tattoo?

Dear Tazi:

I would like to get a tattoo – something small and unobtrusive, like a rose or a rainbow or a heart on my hip or lower shoulder or somewhere else not easily viewed – but my husband tells me he does not like tattoos and would prefer I not get one.

I love my husband, and I appreciate the fact that he did not forbid me from getting one, because he has no right to forbid me that any more than I do to tell him to stop drinking beer, but I do not want to make him unhappy. Still, I want a tattoo. I love the way they look on the women I see when we go out dancing, and I want one of my own to peek out while I am out on the dance floor, too. Can you think of a way I can please myself and my husband, even though we are at opposite ends over this?

Signed,

Line-Dancin’ Lynn

Dear Line-Dancin’ Lynn:

Since you don’t exactly know what you want for a tattoo or where you want to place it, I suggest you put this dream on hold until you are sure. In the meantime you can pick up a package of assorted temporary tattoos to get a feel for how one would look and where you might place it. Just be sure to tell your husband that it will wash off in the shower!

You need to remember that a permanent tattoo is a lifetime investment, so don’t get one unless you have some kind of connection to the design. If you do end up getting a real tattoo, I suggest that you find something with special meaning to both you and your husband; while your body is yours to do with as you wish, he is the one who has to look at it.

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

A New Cat Or A New Boyfriend? Tough Decision!

Dear Tazi:

My precious Boots, my childhood cat, died a few years ago and I finally feel ready to get a new cat. the problem is the man I have been dating for about six months has told me he is "not a cat person". He has no physical reason for disliking cats - he is not allergic to them and he claims he was never scratched or traumatized by one; he just says that cats have "taken over the Internet" and he thinks they are annoying.

I have tried to tell "Kevin" that not all cats are annoying; some are cuddly, some are aloof, some are playful, and some are not. I have told him that cats are like people - they have different personalities and the key is to find the right match, which is why I would adopt a cat, not a kitten. Kevin has told me that if I adopt a cat it would spell the end of our relationship.

I like Kevin - a lot - but I am not sure where things are going to end up with us. We have only been together for six months. I am considering waiting another six months to a year to see if we are going to be a permanent couple or even get married, but at the same time I do not like the idea of basing such an important decision on his feelings alone. We do not live together nor have we discussed that yet - like I said, we have only been together for six months. What's your (admittedly biased) opinion, Tazi?

Signed,
Cat Lover

Dear Cat Lover:

If you wanted to have children and Kevin did not, would you put your desires aside or find someone new? If you wanted to live in the country and Kevin wanted to live in the city would you move to the city to please him? If you like to vacation in the tropics and Kevin preferred to go skiing would you head to the mountains to please him? A successful relationship is about compromise without compromising yourself. Kevin's cold attitude and his ultimatum towards your want/need for a cat has me more concerned than the length of your relationship or where it is going.

Of course, you don't want THIS either!

If I were you, I would hold off on adopting a cat until you and Kevin have had a deeper talk about his one-way attitude. You do not live together, so it is not like he would be interacting with your cat (we felines are notorious for disappearing when people who do not like us enter our domicile). Ask Kevin where he sees your relationship going. Doe she see you moving in together when your/his lease expires? If you get a "maybe" tell him that you are not going to base an important decision upon someone else's "maybe". Kevin may be a great catch, but this does not mean that he is great for you. Tread cautiously, and hold onto your heart for at least a little while longer.

Snuggles,
Tazi




Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

A House Divided Needs To Tone Down The Debate

Dear Tazi:

I live in a house divided. My college student daughter (who still lives at home) has always had more moderate political beliefs than her very conservative father (my husband) but over the last few months, as Congress has become more and more contentious, so has the relationship between my family members.

I will admit that I have never been politically active, but I try to keep abreast of the goings on by reading the newspaper. My husband subscribes to the National Review and the Limbaugh Letter while my daughter prefers more liberal but mainstream publications like Time and the New Yorker. Both seem well-read, so when they go at it over the dinner table I find it hard to try and moderate between the two of them. I have tried to implement a “no political talk at the dinner table” rule, but they just move it into the den while I am trying to watch Wheel ofFortune and Jeopardy! Can you think of any way to put a halt to the cantankerousness between these two?

Signed,

Stuck In the Middle

Dear Stuck In the Middle:

Since your family has found a way around your “no political talk” rule you will need to find a way to get them to respect each other’s arguments. If they refuse to agree to disagree, I suggest that you implement a “scholarly source” rule. As a college student, this is something that may sound familiar to your daughter.

None of the sources your family reads for their information can be considered scholarly, regardless of their popularity or media success. A scholarly source is one that uses hard and fast research and interviews with certified experts in the field, and keeps personal opinion and political slant out of the news that they are reporting.

The next time your family starts bickering, ask them to name their source of information; if they cannot, then the argument is to cease until they can show accurately researched support for their case. This rule will serve two purposes: first, it will give you the peace and quiet you seek; second, it will make the arguments that do occur better researched and therefore more difficult to argue against, since you cannot fight facts (no matter how much you try). Eventually, they may decide that it is not worth all the effort required; at that point you can suggest that they take their argument to the local coffee shop where such debate is regularly welcomed, giving them some father-daughter time and you house to yourself during your nightly TV programs.

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Husband And Wife Disagree About What A Found Penny Brings

Dear Tazi:

My wife and I are having a silly argument and would like your opinion. I have been picking up found pennies (and other coins but mostly pennies) since I was a kid. My Grandma taught me “Find a penny, pick it up; all day long you’ll have good luck!” Old habits die hard, and this little ritual reminds me of my late Grandma and makes me feel close to her.

My wife thinks my picking up loose change is a disgusting habit, that the money is covered in germs and makes me look cheap. I argue that money is covered in germs anyway and that she has no idea where the money in her pockets has been before she received it but she isn’t afraid to handle it just the same. She says that is completely different, that the money in her purse was in the bank or a store register and not on the ground where a dog could pee on it or bugs could crawl on it. I argue that it could have been there before it reached the bank or the register and she just gets aggravated and tells me to stop exaggerating and to stop picking dirty money up off the ground. We each think that the other is being ridiculous. What do you think?

Signed,

Lucky And Wife

Dear Lucky And Wife:

The little rhyme you recite has its roots in superstition, when people believed that witches used pieces of shiny metal to cast their spells. By picking up a coin you found you prevented a witch from finding it – thus improving the chances that a spell would not be cast upon you.

Studies have shown that the money in our wallets is covered in germs and is probably one of the most unsanitary things we touch on a regular basis. I cannot see how a coin dropped on the ground could be any worse; in fact, it may be a sight cleaner if it were to remain outside during a rain shower. While it is true that a dog may have peed on your lucky find, the odds of that are unlikely; a penny is a pretty small target!

Since your penny-picking ritual has so much sentimental value to you I suggest that you compromise with your wife. You can continue to pick up found money so long as you immediately wash it or rub hand sanitizer on it when you find it in her presence, thus killing the germs that so disgust her.

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Who Is Responsible For Damage When Junk Car Is Further Damaged?

Dear Tazi:

Last week I borrowed my sister’s car because mine was in the shop having some warranty work done. My car is relatively new and looks like it just came off of the line because I take excellent care of it. My sister drives a much older car with a lot of scratches, dings, and other body damage (including a fender that is held on with wire).

Unfortunately, while I was in the mall parking lot, someone dinged her door and left a thumb-nail sized dent in it, as well as a chip in the paint. When I returned the car to my sister she noticed the new dent before I had the chance to tell her about it (and I was going to tell her about it!). Unbeknownst to me, she went out and got a quote on the cost of repair and discovered that the entire door will have to be repainted because the body shop will not guarantee a “touch-up job” on a door with so many other scratches and dings. My sister wants me to pay for the entire cost of having the entire car repainted, because a freshly painted door would not match the rest of the car!

I have absolutely refused to pay for the cost of having the door repainted, let alone the car, or to have the paint touched-up and the dent taken out of the door when she has done no such thing in the past to repair the damage she has inflected on her car. She told me if the situation was reversed and she had dinged my car I would expect her to pay for the damage, but I told her she was comparing apples and oranges, that my car is practically new and I take care of it. This led to an argument about how I have no respect for her things because they are not as nice as mine and how I think I am better than her because I make quite a deal more of it than she. She threatened to take me to small claims court to collect, so I told her to go ahead. I received my summons today.

Our mother is beside herself over this, and is telling me that I should pay to have the car repainted for the sake of family unity and “to keep the gossips from talking”. Tazi, I have no intention of paying to have my sister’s car repainted. I realize if I go to court I will probably have to pay something, so I would like to offer an amount that is fair. What do you suggest?

Signed,

Dented Relations

Dear Dented Relations:

Your sister is trying to play you for a sucker; shame on her! You are right that if you went to court you would probably have to pay something – most likely the cost of having the dent taken out and the paint touched up, but also a lot more in the loss of familial relations and whatever the gossips take out on your reputation.

She's not driving a beauty like this, is she?

I think a good compromise here would be to offer to pay half the cost of repainting your sister’s entire car. She is right that a freshly painted door on a car full of dings, scratches, and I am assuming sun-faded paint will look ridiculous, but it is not your responsibility to cover the cost of her lack of maintenance. The cost of re-painting an entire door will probably cost around $500 while repainting the entire car will go around $1200; for an extra $100 you can extend the olive branch, although I do not think you will end up paying anything at all if you do as I suggest: tell your sister that you will write a check directly to the auto body shop that does the work. This way, she cannot take the money and run but use it to pay for the repairs she is demanding you cover. If she cannot afford to pay her half tell her to start saving, that you are not going to be played for the sucker she apparently thinks you are.

Your sister would be wise to take the deal I have suggested; I doubt she would do any better in court and would most likely do a whole lot worse.

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Asking A Favor Can Require Courage; Respond Accordingly

Dear Tazi:

I have been dating a man I will call "Ernesto" for three months, and I like him a lot. He is not native to this country, but his English is pretty good. It could use improvement, but it is better than my high school Spanish so I don't make a big deal out of his grammatical mistakes. My problem is that Ernesto does.

Ernesto is very self-conscious of his speaking skills, having learned English by watching TV and listening to educated people talk. He has asked me to please correct him when he speaks "imperfectly". I have told Ernesto that a lot of native English speakers do not speak proper English and to not make a big deal out of it, but he has told me his dream is to speak flawless English and in order to do so he needs to have his mistakes corrected as he makes them, or else he will not know that they are mistakes.

Tazi, I am his girlfriend not his ESL teacher! I suggested to Ernesto that he try taking a few adult education courses at the local community center, but he was offended and told me he didn't think his English was that bad. I explained to him that he took what I said the wrong way and told him that I am not comfortable pointing out his errors. Ernesto has told me that my "reluctance" to help him with his problem shows and that he fears it will create "vicissitude" in our relationship. Tazi, I am not even sure what that word means and I told Ernesto to stop talking like a Word a Day Calendar, that no real American talks that way!

Ernesto was very hurt by my reaction and has barely spoken to me for a week. We still see each other; he just does not say more than a few words. Do you think I was too harsh on him? Should I risk embarrassing him to help him learn better English?

Signed,
Not A Teacher

Dear Not A Teacher:

I can think of a few words to describe what you are, but I am afraid that they are not very nice - in any language. To ask the kind of favor Ernesto asked of you can take a lot of courage and the way you responded - with disinterest and insults - was downright cruel. I realize you do not wish to embarrass Ernesto by correcting him in front of others, but he has requested that you do so. Might you reach a compromise and make a mental note of his errors to bring up with him in private?

You give me the impression that Ernesto's native language is Spanish. Might you ask him to teach you Spanish (because knowing a second language is a huge career boost) while you assist him with his English? In doing so you will learn that the Spanish you learn in high school is much more formal - and a lot less accurate - than the Spanish spoken in most areas of the world, especially in Latin America where the vernacular is much different than mainland Spain.

If you really like Ernesto, you will learn to be more sensitive of his feelings, be more willing to assist him when he asks a simple favor, and be open to compromise in order to find a solution to the challenges of dating someone from a culture that is different from your own.

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

The Great Cat Debate: Should They Be Let Outdoors?

Dear Tazi:

My wife and I are having an argument about "Tussler", our tomcat. I think a cat should be allowed to go outside and do things that cats like to do - chase mice, nap in the sun, prowl, and meet up with other cats to do whatever it is that cats do when nobody is watching.

My wife thinks that I am just trying to think of an excuse to get rid of the litter-box, and that forcing Tussler to go outside will result in him doing his business out there, too. She feels that Tussler should be an indoor cat, arguing that indoor cats live longer and need fewer trips to the vet. I say that while this is true, what cat would want to live longer if it is being kept a prisoner inside the house?

I will admit that not having to clean the cat box would be nice, but it's not my motive for wanting to install a pet door for Tussler. I just think that the poor cat is miserable being forced to stay indoors. We live in a safe, suburban neighborhood where people drive slow and keep their dogs leashed. There are no wild animals that would attack Tussler, and the birds have feeders and houses that are well out of his reach. What is your opinion, Tazi? Is my wife turning Tussler into a wimp or am I being too much of a forward thinker?

Signed,
Tussler's Dad

Dear Tussler's Dad:

With a name like Tussler, I am guessing that your tomcat is quite the bruiser! I know I wouldn't want to mess with him! My one concern here is that Tussler might try to bully the other cats in the neighborhood (and maybe even some of the dogs).

While your wife is correct that indoor cats live longer and need fewer shots and trips to the vet, the in vs. out preference should be decided by Tussler. While I prefer to be indoors, occasionally stepping out with my lady friend, not all cats prefer this lifestyle. My predecessor, Koko, was an outdoor cat, refusing to come in for dark of night or pouring rain! Eventually, he moved outside on a permanent basis, and Mommie went and adopted me!

If Tussler prefers to spend time outside, your wife will have to acquiesce to this preference or deal with a very unhappy kitty (and the knowledge that unhappy kitties tend to destroy stuff). Before allowing Tussler outside, though, make sure that he has all the necessary shots and take a stroll through the neighborhood, too, to make sure that Tussler will not be a threat to other animals or be threatened by them. Since you will be installing a pet door for Tussler you will need to make sure that he understands how to use it, that the door is both a way into the house as well as out of it, and you will have to be able to lock it for when you do not want Tussler outside. Owning an indoor/outdoor cat is a lot of responsibility - more so than having to clean a litter-box three times a week! If you are ready to take on these extra responsibilities, and Tussler truly wants to leave the house, I see no reason to hold him as a prisoner of your love for him.

Snuggles,
Tazi

P.S. Do you really not know what cats do when no one else is around? Here's a glimpse...

But not all of us look as good as Tim Curry in Spandex

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.