Insecure Wife Thinks Husband Is Crushing On Another Woman

Dear Tazi:

My husband is in love with another woman. He denies it, but I see the way he looks at her in church and I know that he drives the long way home just so he can drive past her house (my friends have seen him); he says it is because there is less traffic on that route.

“Melanie” is blonde, curvy, and the perfect height for my husband. She has never had children so she has been able to keep her weight down and her figure looking fabulous because she also has time to go to the gym. She has a glamorous job as a bartender for a popular, upscale dining club and she drives a cute little sports car. She is also ten years younger than me and looks ten years younger than that! I on the other hand am taller than my husband, which I know he hates even though he says he’s fine with it; I am a plus-size woman because I was never able to lose the weight I gained after I had my son; I drive an aging minivan; and work in an office. I suppose I could be described as frumpy, especially when compared to Melanie. Why wouldn’t my husband fall for her? “Deek” only married me because I threatened to leave him and take our son (who was a newborn) with me.

Deek and I were only dating a short time when I got pregnant, and I was so in love I was thought I had enough love for the both of us to make our marriage work. The first few years were a stressful adjustment, but I brushed off those stresses as anything newlyweds with a new baby would experience. By the time my son reached school age I knew my marriage was not working, but by that time Deek was taking classes towards a professional certificate and could not afford to leave me. I thought if we could wait it out we could work things out.

When my son turned six, Deek decided it was time for us to start going to church and for our son to receive his sacraments. Deek was a churchgoer growing up but I never was; however, I let him take our son every week hoping Deek would see how far I was willing to go to make him happy. I did not go to my son’s First Communion because I was sick that day, but I could see how disappointed he was so I promised not to miss his confirmation when he turned sixteen. Well, that was a few months ago and after seeing Melanie in the congregation I had my suspicions as to why my husband like church so much!

I decided to start going to Sunday mass with Deek and our son, and they both seemed happy that I would be joining them. I’ve been going all summer now and I see how Deek looks at Melanie. The worst part is when she comes up to me after the mass to say hello and ask how I am doing. I know it is just an excuse to talk to Deek! That woman will take him any way she can! She even had the nerve to offer us a gift certificate to the dinner club where she works as a wedding anniversary present! She said she thought we might like an evening of dinner and dancing, but I know she is just trying to sneak in some time with Deek! I just know it! Why else would she offer? (She claims that she gets one a month to do with what she’s like, and that she was so glad to finally meet me after all these years that she wanted to do something nice for me! Ha!). Deek would like to use the gift certificate, but I told him my thoughts on the whole matter and he told me I am being crazy.

Tazi, can you think of a way that I can prove Deek is cheating on me with Melanie? It may only be an affair of the heart, but that is how these things start – then the next thing you know I will be in divorce court! I am betting that Deek is just waiting for our son to turn 18 so he doesn’t have to pay child support! I am heartbroken over this, and want to save my marriage, but how can I compete with Melanie?

Signed,

Brokenhearted In New England

Dear Brokenhearted In New England:

I am going to say this in the nicest way a kitty cat knows how, which is to say I am going to be blunt: You need to talk to a professional counselor about your low self-esteem issues. You need to learn to trust your husband when he tells you he is not in love with Melanie. You need to ask yourself this very important question: Has Melanie ever expressed the slightest romantic interest in your husband, or is she in a happily committed relationship of her own?

While your marriage may not have had the most fairy-tale beginning that does not mean that it cannot have its own version of and they lived happily ever after. Please stop comparing yourself to Melanie; you do not know what her life is like and it is possible that she envies you – not for your husband, specifically, but for the lovely life you have – a husband, a son, a minivan, and a womanly figure that proudly bears the marks of motherhood. I know of many young women who have struggled with infertility and would gladly give up their “fabulous” figures in return for a child. Melanie may very well be one of these women. You cannot know what another person’s life is like until you have walked a mile in their shoes.

Happily Ever After rarely is...

Since your husband and son seemed genuinely happy that you would be joining them for church services, take them at their word and continue to go if this is something you enjoy. After services, try to approach Melanie on your own and get to know her independent of your husband; she may very well  be looking to make friends and be hoping for your acceptance – which could be why she gave you such a nice anniversary present!

Last of all, I would like to say that there is a big difference between having an innocent crush on someone and being in love with that person. It is possible that your husband has a crush on Melanie. Haven’t you ever noticed how good-looking another man is? This does not mean that you are ready to throw away your marriage and commit your life to this man; it just means that you are human and have an appreciation for a pretty face and a charming personality. This, too, shall pass, I am sure, leaving you wondering why you were so upset in the first place.

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.