Dear Tazi-Kat:
I am getting married this December, and have sent out my wedding invitations early, so people will remember NOT to double-book the date with their Christmas parties and other holiday plans. The invitations have been received by many of my invited guests - and some of them have had the nerve to ask if they can bring a date, disregarding the fact that the envelope was addressed solely to them!
I am having a rather large wedding, and in order to include everyone that I wanted to invite, my parents (who are footing the entire bill) told me that I had to draw the line somewhere; so I drew it among my single friends. If they are not married or in a serious relationship, I did not add "and guest" to their invitation. A table full of my sorority sisters (who are the only ones affected by my decision) have taken offense to this plan, and are taking it quite personally; accusing me of assuming that just because they are single they cannot find a date to escort them to my wedding.
Tazi-Kat, I love all of my sisters; but I have to admit that those that are complaining about the lack of a "+1" are single for a reason, and probably could not get a date for my wedding if they paid someone to take them! I have tried to explain to them that they will all be seated at the same table, so they will not be all alone - they will have each other - and that going solo to a wedding can be a great way to meet someone, if they keep an open-minded attitude about it. Their response has been less than understanding, and they have threatened to "boycott" my wedding altogether, which would leave a huge gap in my seating plan (the room is bigger than necessary, but it was the only one available at the location I wanted for the date I wanted).
The issue is driving a wedge between me and some of my other sisters, as well. Tazi-Kat, how can I get them to understand that there just isn't room for everyone; and that my parents cannot afford for them to bring a friend just so they will have someone to dance with to the slow songs?
Signed,
Having Some Big Fat "Greek" Wedding Troubles
Dear H.S.B.F.G.Wedding Troubles:
Are you certain that your single sorority sisters "could not get a date if they paid someone..."? The economy is pretty bad right now, and I am certain that someone out there would be willing to escort each of them for the right price. Seriously, they say that there is someone for everyone, and that must be true if an absolute b!tch like you corralled a guy into marrying them. Yes, you read that right, Bridezilla!!
I am going to be completely honest with you, which is probably not what you want to hear, but what you need to hear just the same: Your attitude stinks! To write the things you wrote about your sorority sisters shows a complete lack of ethics and is a betrayal to your vows of sisterhood.
In deciding for yourself that they are "single for a reason" and then seating them all together at the same table makes them sound like "the mutants at table 9" from the movie The Wedding Singer. Just because somebody is single does not mean that they do not date, and would not enjoy bringing someone with them to a "couples" event. If you think going single to a wedding is a "great way" to meet someone, you have obviously never gone solo to a wedding. Plus, by your own admission, your sorority sisters will be the only single people there, making it impossible to meet someone.
Even if every person you invited to your wedding R.S.V.P.'s with a "yes", the cost to serve an additional "table full" of guests - which is what you would have, if all of them brought guests - would be around $500 for the average wedding. Again by your own admission, there would be plenty of room for the extra people; thus solving the "huge gap" in your seating plan should your offended sisters not show.
Considering that your parents are paying for your wedding, I think you should offer to cover this nominal amount personally, as a peace offering for your truly horrid attitude. It is up to you to decide if this is too much to pay for the price of sisterhood; but should you refuse, you may discover the price you end up paying to be much higher than that.
--Tazi-Kat
I am getting married this December, and have sent out my wedding invitations early, so people will remember NOT to double-book the date with their Christmas parties and other holiday plans. The invitations have been received by many of my invited guests - and some of them have had the nerve to ask if they can bring a date, disregarding the fact that the envelope was addressed solely to them!
I am having a rather large wedding, and in order to include everyone that I wanted to invite, my parents (who are footing the entire bill) told me that I had to draw the line somewhere; so I drew it among my single friends. If they are not married or in a serious relationship, I did not add "and guest" to their invitation. A table full of my sorority sisters (who are the only ones affected by my decision) have taken offense to this plan, and are taking it quite personally; accusing me of assuming that just because they are single they cannot find a date to escort them to my wedding.
Tazi-Kat, I love all of my sisters; but I have to admit that those that are complaining about the lack of a "+1" are single for a reason, and probably could not get a date for my wedding if they paid someone to take them! I have tried to explain to them that they will all be seated at the same table, so they will not be all alone - they will have each other - and that going solo to a wedding can be a great way to meet someone, if they keep an open-minded attitude about it. Their response has been less than understanding, and they have threatened to "boycott" my wedding altogether, which would leave a huge gap in my seating plan (the room is bigger than necessary, but it was the only one available at the location I wanted for the date I wanted).
The issue is driving a wedge between me and some of my other sisters, as well. Tazi-Kat, how can I get them to understand that there just isn't room for everyone; and that my parents cannot afford for them to bring a friend just so they will have someone to dance with to the slow songs?
Signed,
Having Some Big Fat "Greek" Wedding Troubles
Dear H.S.B.F.G.Wedding Troubles:
Are you certain that your single sorority sisters "could not get a date if they paid someone..."? The economy is pretty bad right now, and I am certain that someone out there would be willing to escort each of them for the right price. Seriously, they say that there is someone for everyone, and that must be true if an absolute b!tch like you corralled a guy into marrying them. Yes, you read that right, Bridezilla!!
I am going to be completely honest with you, which is probably not what you want to hear, but what you need to hear just the same: Your attitude stinks! To write the things you wrote about your sorority sisters shows a complete lack of ethics and is a betrayal to your vows of sisterhood.
In deciding for yourself that they are "single for a reason" and then seating them all together at the same table makes them sound like "the mutants at table 9" from the movie The Wedding Singer. Just because somebody is single does not mean that they do not date, and would not enjoy bringing someone with them to a "couples" event. If you think going single to a wedding is a "great way" to meet someone, you have obviously never gone solo to a wedding. Plus, by your own admission, your sorority sisters will be the only single people there, making it impossible to meet someone.
Even if every person you invited to your wedding R.S.V.P.'s with a "yes", the cost to serve an additional "table full" of guests - which is what you would have, if all of them brought guests - would be around $500 for the average wedding. Again by your own admission, there would be plenty of room for the extra people; thus solving the "huge gap" in your seating plan should your offended sisters not show.
Considering that your parents are paying for your wedding, I think you should offer to cover this nominal amount personally, as a peace offering for your truly horrid attitude. It is up to you to decide if this is too much to pay for the price of sisterhood; but should you refuse, you may discover the price you end up paying to be much higher than that.
--Tazi-Kat
I think instead if insulting the sisters, she could have just wrote "do not bring an extra guest". That way the bride does not have the added expense, yet they sisters don't assume that the bride thinks they are single. As a single woman myself, by adding do not bring a guest would make me know not to do that. Plus, I would not assume that the bride thinks I can not get a date. You are right Tai, she may have to rethink this. It is a very difficult call.
ReplyDeleteDear Maya:
ReplyDeleteThe original letter was quite rambling, and was edited for continuity, but basically the bride had mentioned she had "over 200 invited guests"; was "not sure if they would all show, since many had to travel long distances"; but "you never know". (Can you imagine being 1 of only 10 single guests in a crowd of 200+? And to all be seated at the same table? AWK-ward!).
The bride mentioned that she had offered to let her sorority sisters invite dates "last minute, if there is room, sort of like a second tier invite" which is what made them threaten to boycott and upset the rest of her sisters, too.
Additionally, her dateless sisters - a few of who were single but always had dates for formal dances at school - were upset that she made the judgement call of who was in a "serious" relationship and who wasn't. Perhaps I edited out a little too much information!