Unplanned Pregnancy Puts Man In A Bind

Dear Tazi:

Several months ago, I met a woman online (I'll call her "Cindy") and we hit it off really well; so we decided to meet in person. One thing led to another and we ended up having sex on our first date. Since I could never have a relationship with a woman of such loose morals, I chose not to see her again. (I realize this sounds like a double standard, but she initiated it). Shortly after this incident, Cindy called me to tell me that she was pregnant and that it was mine. I obviously have no proof of this, and for all I know she could have slept with a dozen guys that week; but Cindy insists I was the one, so I accepted her at her word and let her know that I support a woman's right to choose; which everyone knows is a euphemism meaning I would be willing to pay for half of the cost of an abortion. At least, I thought that's what everyone knew.

Upon hearing that I supported her right to choose Cindy told me she needed some time to think about what she wanted to do, and a few weeks later she called me back and told me that she had decided to keep the baby. When I told her that I did not want to have a child with her and demanded that she take care of the problem, she told me she was "exercising her right to choose". We argued, and I hung up on her and had my phone number changed. This week, I received a letter from an attorney demanding child support for the baby that I made very clear I did not want. Somehow, using whatever tactics these slime-ball lawyers use, the man found my home address and my employer information and is threatening to have my wages garnished if I do not agree to some sort of child support agreement.

Tazi, is this even legal? The man obviously invaded my personal privacy to track me down, and is now attempting to force me to agree to pay 25% of my (net) income "to avoid the inconvenience of going to court" and "the embarrassment of garnished wages". I am tempted to let this slut take me to court just so I can tell the judge my side of the story, but my friends have advised otherwise, saying that a court judgement could end up costing me an even larger percentage of my paycheck. What do you think I should do?

Signed,
Stuck With The Wrong Choice

Dear Stuck With The Wrong Choice:

Is the "wrong choice' to which you refer the choice you made to engage in unprotected sexual intercourse with a woman you barely knew? Or was the wrong choice the decision you made to blow off the mother of your child, hoping that she would just go away and forget the baby that you and she created together?

Whether or not you wanted to pursue a relationship with Cindy or have a child with her was a decision that was removed from your hands the moment you removed something else from your pants. Nobody expects a one-night-stand to have such long-term consequences, but the possibility is there. You played a game of sexual Russian roulette and lost - now, you have to man up and accept the consequences of your actions.

My bigger concern is your belief that a woman's "right to choose" is a euphemism for offering to pay for half of the cost for an abortion. If that is the case, a woman's body and reproductive rights are still not her own, but something to be controlled by a man, which is a chilling thought. Cindy chose to keep the baby, knowing that her life would change - in some ways for the better, in others for the worse. Whether or not you choose to involve yourself in the life of your child is your business; but the responsibility of providing fair financial support is not a choice - it is a legal obligation, and an offer of 25% of your net income is a very generous offer, indeed. If I were you, I would jump at this opportunity because from the tone of your letter I find it difficult to believe that a judge would be sympathetic to your "side of the story". I would first demand a paternity test - but then, I am sure that you have already done that.

As an aside, you should also know that in this day and age, Cindy's attorney would not have to "invade" your privacy to find out your personal information - a visit to your Facebook page could tell him all he needed to know; a search on MyLife.com would give him even more information; and a copy of your IP address (which would have been stored in Cindy's computer under her Internet history) would also provide the personal information he needed to find you.

-- Tazi

(No snuggles for you!).

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Self-Righteous Hypocrite Calls Ex-Wife A Sinner

Dear Tazi:

My ex-wife is calling me a hypocrite, and I am not sure if I am or not. I am afraid to talk to my Pastor about this situation, because the man I am today is not the man I once was and I do not wish for him to see that deeply into my past. The Lord has forgiven me my sins; they are in the past.

Back when we were dating, my now ex-wife "Darcy" got pregnant. She wanted to keep the baby but I was not comfortable with this decision; I was not ready to be a father and we did not have the money to get married. We would have ended up on welfare and other government services which was not then nor now the future I ever envisioned for myself. I convinced Darcy of the logic of having an abortion, which she had. We were married a few years later but things did not work out between us, partially because Darcy could never get over the loss of her child and my refusal to start a family until I felt we were financially secure.

It's been a little over a year since our divorce finalized and I have been born again in the Faith. Darcy's attendance at the Mass has always been spotty, but she generally goes once a month and on the holidays. I have discovered through mutual friends that she continues to receive the Eucharist, in spite of her mortal sin (you know, her abortion). I wrote Darcy a nice letter explaining to her that she had ex-communicated herself when she chose to commit her sin, and that she should excuse herself from receiving until her soul has been cleansed through the sacrament of confession - and maybe not even then.

Darcy showed up at my house a few days later with my letter in her hand. I thought she wanted to politely discuss the matter, but to my dismay she threw accusations at me! In addition to calling me a hypocrite, she accused me of forcing her to have her abortion! I may have driven her to the clinic, yes, but who else was going to take her? Ultimately, it was her decision not mine; after all, it is a woman's right to choose, not a man's!

My friends have confirmed that Darcy continues to receive the gift of the Eucharist when she goes to church, and this is bothering me. I would like to go to her Pastor to reveal her dark past to him, but I fear doing so would result in my part of the sin - for which I have cleansed myself - being revealed. Only my Lord has the right to judge me, so while I am not ashamed of my past I would rather it not be known. I called Darcy and reiterated my disappointment over her decision to receive the Blessed Sacrament and even suggested that I might tell her Pastor what she seeks to hide, but she threatened to tell "everyone" that I forced her to have an abortion! Obviously, I have kept my mouth shut and prayed quite a bit on this matter and I think my decision to go to Darcy's Pastor is the right one. Yet, I cannot stop hearing her voice calling me a hypocrite. Am I?

Signed,
Washed Clean In The Water

Dear Washed Clean In The Water:

Yes. Yes, you are a hypocrite and not only that you are the worst kind of hypocrite - a self-righteous hypocrite who believes in forgiveness 'for me but not for thee' as the expression goes. Your ex-wife was in a very vulnerable position - unmarried and pregnant - when her support system (you) pushed for her to terminate her pregnancy. Your suggestion that it was Darcy's "choice" makes me sick, considering you gave her a choice between a rock and a hard place, considerately offering to drive her to the clinic but not offering to be there for her if she chose to carry to term.

You twice comment that your sins have been forgiven yet assume that Darcy's sins have not (and then pontificate that even if they have she should continue to self-flagellate in punishment). Reconciliation and Penance are a very personal topic. I can understand why Darcy would have no desire to discuss the two with you. You further comment that you are not ashamed of your past but would prefer it not be known. This is the very definition of shame!

You do not mention what denomination your faith is, but my teachings are Catholic and your views seem equally strict, so I will work from that point. According to the writings of Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI "Regarding the grave sin of abortion or euthanasia, when a person’s formal cooperation becomes manifest...his Pastor should meet with him, instructing him about the Church’s teaching, informing him that he is not to present himself for Holy Communion until he brings to an end the objective situation of sin, and warning him that he will otherwise be denied the Eucharist." (Courtesy of Evangelical Word Television Network).

The fact that you have not told your Pastor about your "part of the sin" leaves me wondering if you have received the sacrament of reconciliation that you seem so gung-ho to force upon Darcy. My advice to you is to seek the advice of your Pastor with regard to your behavior - past and present - and to leave Darcy alone before you find yourself in trouble with the laws of this world (harassment and emotional abuse come to mind).

-- Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.