The "Other Woman" Really Isn't, But She Still Needs To Go!

Dear Tazi:

I have been in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend since I moved away from his hometown two years ago.  We have had frequent visits back and forth to see each other and we call or Skype daily, but these past several months something has felt “off” between us.  Every time I mention this to him, he tells me I shouldn't worry, that he is just stressed over things at work.

I decided to surprise him with an unexpected visit this past weekend, but I was the one who got the surprise – when I found out that he has another woman living with him!  It turns out he met her in a bar one night and she was too drunk to drive home and had no money for cab fare (she drank it all up).  Since she lived on the other side of town, “Alan” let her crash on his couch – and she’s been there ever since!

Alan insists that there is nothing going on between them, that “Sheila” was out getting drunk that night because her roommate had kicked her out of their apartment.  He says he felt bad for her and that she had nowhere to go so he couldn't send her out into the street.  He also told me that Sheila is the real reason he has been so stressed lately.  He is afraid that she thinks something is eventually going to develop between them, even though he has made it clear to both of us that I am the only woman he loves.

Tazi, should I trust Alan at his word?  He has always been honest with me in the past, but we have never had anything this huge come between us.  Also, should I tell this woman that she can no longer live on my boyfriend’s couch, since I doubt Alan will tell her himself?

Signed,

#1 Lady

Dear #1 Lady:

It appears that your boyfriend is in a heap of #2, if you catch my meaning!  I can imagine your shock and indignation at discovering this lie of omission camping out on your boyfriend’s couch, and believe that your anger is understandable; your boyfriend DID lie to you about the true reason for his stress, but I believe this was a lie born out of fear of how you would react to his soft-heartedness for a woman in need.  This, however, does not let him off the hook!

How is it that you have visited your boyfriend over the past several months and not noticed evidence of another woman in the house?  Does he spend the week before your visit eradicating all evidence of her presence and then send her out drinking (and in search of someone else’s couch) just prior to your arrival?  Or have visits to his place stopped since Sheila moved onto his couch?

I hate to put it so bluntly, but your boyfriend is being a wimp.  He has admitted that having another woman in his life is stressing him out to the point where it is affecting his relationship with you, the woman he loves, yet he refuses to take steps to resolve the situation.  You and Alan need to sit down and have a serious talk about this disturbing situation.

Personally, I suggest getting a cat.  That should solve your problem in no time!

As much as you would like to tell Sheila to get OUT of your boyfriend’s apartment and out of his life it is not your place to do this; it is Alan’s, and he must man up and take care of the situation.  I suggest he set a date by which time Sheila must leave his house, and tell her that the locks will be changed on that day.  If her things are still there they will be packed up and put into a storage area for pick-up.  Once Alan explains the reality of the situation to Sheila her bubble that they will one day be together should burst.  If Alan refuses to take steps to rid himself of this other woman you will have to decide from there if can live with this or without him.

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Teenage Girl Hopes To Ensnare Boyfriend With An "Accidental" Pregnancy

Dear Tazi:

I am a junior in high school and my boyfriend is a senior. We have been dating for almost a year and I love him very, very much. He will graduate in June, and is planning on going to college. His first choice is Notre Dame, and judging from his grades, activities, and recommendations it looks like he is going to get in. We live on the West Coast, so Notre Dame is a few thousand miles away. “Bobby” has said that we could remain a couple and have a long-distance relationship for a year, and then I can either join him at another school in Indiana (I don’t have the grades for Notre Dame) or that we can continue to try working things out long-distance. I don’t like the sound of this, and neither do any of my friends. They all think that Bobby will probably break up with me or cheat on me after he moves away.

I am thinking of “accidentally” getting pregnant so Bobby won’t leave. If he and I have a baby, I just know that he will stick around, and maybe even ask me to marry him after we are both done with school. I haven’t told anyone about my plan, because I am afraid that someone might tell Bobby that my pregnancy wasn’t so accidental and he will be angry with me. I have gone over every angle of my plan, and cannot find any flaws in it, except that Bobby and I have not had sex yet because I wanted to wait until we were together for at least a year and that anniversary will soon be here. I cannot imagine he will say no when I offer him my virginity.

My one concern with my plan will be how to juggle my senior year of high school and a newborn baby. School is tough enough as it is without having to take care of a baby on top of it, but if I don’t go through with my plan I might lose Bobby altogether. I thought of waiting until the summer to get pregnant, so I won’t deliver until the end of the school year, but by that point Bobby will have committed to going to Notre Dame and would be out a large deposit that could otherwise go towards expenses for the baby. I guess it is like they say, there is no perfect time to have a baby. When do you think I should plan my pregnancy for, Tazi?

Signed,

Hopefully Expecting Soon

Dear Hopefully Expecting Soon:

I think the best time for you to get pregnant will be after you have finished high school, landed a job that pays well enough to support yourself and a baby, and can be honest with your boyfriend about your intentions. Until then, no…just no. You may think that you have looked ahead by attempting to plan when to get pregnant, but you have not looked ahead long enough; try looking 18 – 22 years into the future, because this is how long it will take for you to raise a properly educated, morally responsible, contributing member of society. Are you willing to try and go to school and raise a child - quite possibly on your own - during this time? If not, are you willing to put college or vocational training on hold for that long? Is Bobby?

Your decision to wait to have sex has been a mature one, up until now. You fear that your boyfriend may leave you over the stress of carrying on a long-distance relationship is a valid one, and I am sure that he has the same fear – that you will leave him for another guy. Having his baby may ensure that he stays with you on the West coast – and gives up his dream of attending the University of Notre Dame and the bright future that goes along with it – however, nothing in life is guaranteed.

When you are ready to enter into a sexual relationship, you should also be ready to embrace any consequences that may result from it. I do not only mean pregnancy and STD’s, but the oft overlooked emotional changes that occur. These changes are different for everyone, and can run the gamut from clinginess to regret. You already strike me as clingy to a fault with your plan to deceive your boyfriend; will you lie to him and tell him you are on birth control if he suggests that he uses a condom? Take a pin to his stash if he insists on using one anyway?

Sometimes, we need to ask ourselves,
"What would Touchdown Jesus do?"

I suggest that rather than talking to your friends you talk to your boyfriend, and tell him plainly that you fear losing him if your relationship goes long distance. Some couples are able to survive the stress of a long-distance romance; these people generally have a few major traits in common: they have lives independent of their partners, and they trust their partners not to cheat. Many couples are unable to handle a long-distance relationship because they drift apart when their partner is not a part of their day to day life.

You and Bobby are both very young, and have a lot of growing up and exploring to do before you settle down and have children. You do not know what the future holds, or even if you will be spending it together. Please rethink your plan to become a single, teenage mother. Any guidance counselor can tell you that being 16 and Pregnant is not as cool as it looks on TV; I suggest that you talk with yours ASAP.

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

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