Dear Tazi:
I am a junior in high school and my boyfriend is a senior.
We have been dating for almost a year and I love him very, very much. He will
graduate in June, and is planning on going to college. His first choice is Notre
Dame, and judging from his grades, activities, and recommendations it looks
like he is going to get in. We live on the West Coast, so Notre Dame is a few
thousand miles away. “Bobby” has said that we could remain a couple and have a
long-distance relationship for a year, and then I can either join him at
another school in Indiana (I don’t have the grades for Notre Dame) or that we
can continue to try working things out long-distance. I don’t like the sound of
this, and neither do any of my friends. They all think that Bobby will probably
break up with me or cheat on me after he moves away.
I am thinking of “accidentally” getting pregnant so Bobby
won’t leave. If he and I have a baby, I just know that he will stick around,
and maybe even ask me to marry him after we are both done with school. I haven’t
told anyone about my plan, because I am afraid that someone might tell Bobby
that my pregnancy wasn’t so accidental and he will be angry with me. I have
gone over every angle of my plan, and cannot find any flaws in it, except that
Bobby and I have not had sex yet because I wanted to wait until we were
together for at least a year and that anniversary will soon be here. I cannot
imagine he will say no when I offer him my virginity.
My one concern with my plan will be how to juggle my senior
year of high school and a newborn baby. School is tough enough as it is without
having to take care of a baby on top of it, but if I don’t go through with my
plan I might lose Bobby altogether. I thought of waiting until the summer to
get pregnant, so I won’t deliver until the end of the school year, but by that
point Bobby will have committed to going to Notre Dame and would be out a large
deposit that could otherwise go towards expenses for the baby. I guess it is
like they say, there is no perfect time to have a baby. When do you think I
should plan my pregnancy for, Tazi?
Signed,
Hopefully Expecting Soon
Dear Hopefully Expecting Soon:
I think the best time for you to get pregnant will be after you have finished high school, landed a job that pays well enough to support yourself and a baby, and can be honest with your boyfriend about your intentions. Until then, no…just no. You may think that you have looked ahead by attempting to plan when to get pregnant, but you have not looked ahead long enough; try looking 18 – 22 years into the future, because this is how long it will take for you to raise a properly educated, morally responsible, contributing member of society. Are you willing to try and go to school and raise a child - quite possibly on your own - during this time? If not, are you willing to put college or vocational training on hold for that long? Is Bobby?
I think the best time for you to get pregnant will be after you have finished high school, landed a job that pays well enough to support yourself and a baby, and can be honest with your boyfriend about your intentions. Until then, no…just no. You may think that you have looked ahead by attempting to plan when to get pregnant, but you have not looked ahead long enough; try looking 18 – 22 years into the future, because this is how long it will take for you to raise a properly educated, morally responsible, contributing member of society. Are you willing to try and go to school and raise a child - quite possibly on your own - during this time? If not, are you willing to put college or vocational training on hold for that long? Is Bobby?
Your decision to wait to have sex has been a mature one, up
until now. You fear that your boyfriend may leave you over the stress of
carrying on a long-distance relationship is a valid one, and I am sure that he
has the same fear – that you will leave him for another guy. Having his baby
may ensure that he stays with you on the West coast – and gives up his dream of
attending the University of Notre Dame and the bright future that goes along
with it – however, nothing in life is guaranteed.
When you are ready to enter into a sexual relationship, you
should also be ready to embrace any consequences that may result from it. I do
not only mean pregnancy and STD’s, but the oft overlooked emotional changes
that occur. These changes are different for everyone, and can run the gamut
from clinginess to regret. You already strike me as clingy to a fault with your
plan to deceive your boyfriend; will you lie to him and tell him you are on
birth control if he suggests that he uses a condom? Take a pin to his stash if
he insists on using one anyway?
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| Sometimes, we need to ask ourselves, "What would Touchdown Jesus do?" |
I suggest that rather than talking to your friends you talk
to your boyfriend, and tell him plainly that you fear losing him if your
relationship goes long distance. Some couples are able to survive the stress of
a long-distance romance; these people generally have a few major traits in
common: they have lives independent of their partners, and they trust their
partners not to cheat. Many couples are unable to handle a long-distance
relationship because they drift apart when their partner is not a part of their
day to day life.
You and Bobby are both very young, and have a lot of growing
up and exploring to do before you settle down and have children. You do not
know what the future holds, or even if you will be spending it together. Please
rethink your plan to become a single, teenage mother. Any guidance counselor
can tell you that being 16 and Pregnant is not as cool as it looks on TV; I suggest that you talk with yours ASAP.
Snuggles,
TaziAsk Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.
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