Religious Differences Between Siblings Lead To More Than A Difference Of Opinion

Dear Tazi:

My brother is very religious. I am not. I respect his views, but he does not respect mine, telling me that it is his "duty as a Christian to bring the word of Christ" to me - which he attempts to do quite frequently, which is why I try to limit our contact with each other. (The operative word here is "try").

"Joshua" is my only sibling, so in spite of our differences I do try to be there for him when he needs me - which is also frequently. Apparently, following the word of Christ has not led him to a steady job with a paycheck high enough to cover his debts. When I mentioned this to him once, in jest, he got upset and told me that his "rewards are in Heaven". Have I painted a clear enough picture for you?

A few weeks ago, Joshua's car - which was pretty run-down to begin with - finally died on him. It was a day that he actually happened to have a job interview for a good paying job in his professional field, so I loaned him my car. When I got it back the gas tank was empty (I was not surprised) but there was an addition to my dashboard - a small crucifix on a stand had been super-glued directly under by rear-view mirror. The crucifix is made of pewter, so it is not some cheap plastic chotchkie that cost him  a dollar at the religious relics store.

I am very upset with Joshua for a) defacing my vehicle. Super-glue can do some damage and b) spending gas money on a decorative item that I don't even want! When I explained to Joshua that what he did was wrong, he gave me a new reason to be upset with him: he told me he'd had my car blessed for me while he was out. WHO does this sort of thing to someone else's stuff? The blessing does not bother me; it is the fact that he felt the need to have my car blessed - like it is the Satanmobile or something!

I have told Josh that I don't appreciate his spending gas money on decorations for my car and that I would appreciate it if he didn't drive it all over town when he is only supposed to be going to a job interview (his church, where he had my car blessed, is across town). Joshua's feelings are now hurt, and our mother has asked me to apologize to Joshua "in the spirit of the season". I understand her request but feel that it brushes aside my feelings on the matter, as if Joshua's feelings are more important because they coincide better with her own (she is religious, but not super-so). Should I apologize to Joshua for offending him and just never loan him my car again? Or should I stand my ground, and never loan him my car again? (Either way, I am never loaning him my car again!).

Signed,
Unapologetic

Dear Unapologetic:

I think that you and Joshua both owe each other apologies. Joshua was very wrong to use all of your vehicle's gas and not replace it. He was also very wrong to use money that should have gone for gas to buy you a present that he knew you would not appreciate. Finally, he was wrong to super-glue a statuette of anything to your dashboard without your expressed permission. For this he owes you a big ol' mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa!

Although it could have been worse than an innocent crucifix!

On the flip side...are you certain that your brother got your car blessed because he viewed your persona vehicle as some kind of "Satanmobhile"? Was it possible that he felt blessing the vehicle was his way of asking God to watch over you and keep you safe while you are driving? Have you never heard of the annual Blessing of the Bikes? And honestly, if Joshua thought your vehicle was Satan's Caddie he would never have asked to borrow it in the first place!

It is possible that your mother has chosen to get involved and ask you to apologize to your brother because he has been bemoaning his case to her and she believes an apology received will be the quickest way make him stop. It is wrong of her to take sides in an argument between her children; however, if you both wish for her to moderate the issue than you may want to print out a copy of this letter and show it to both your Mom and your brother. There is a dreadful lack of clear and peaceful communication between you and Joshua that can only lead to further problems down the road - regardless of the path either of you choose to follow.

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Differing Musical Tastes Leads To Relationship Discord

Dear Tazi:

I have been dating a guy for a few months, and I like him a lot...except for one odd quirk: He refuses to listen to any music recorded after 1988. "Shawn" is a big fan of music from the 1970's and '80's, and claims that the music recorded today is garbage. I have tried to keep an open mind and listen to some of the stuff he likes, but stuff like Led Zeppelin and Bread just don't work for me. I like music by girl singers like Beyoncé and Katy Perry - stuff Shawn will not ever consider allowing on in his presence. I am starting to wonder if this is a deal-breaker.

I like going dancing, and Shawn won't go with me because he doesn't like the music. I like listening to music in the car, but there is never anything we can agree upon so we ride in silence or to Shawn's music. I feel like I am missing out on things I enjoy in order to be with Shawn - which is something I also enjoy, but I am wondering if trading music for my man is worth it.

Signed,
Missing My Beats

Dear Missing My Beats:

Serious musicians understand the importance of bands from the 1970's and early 1980's; these are/were musicians that not only sang, but wrote their own music and lyrics; played their own instruments; and understood how to read music in the first place. The difficulty level of much of the music from this time - much of which contains multiple chord changes - is extraordinary. This is why the 1970's is considered the classical era of rock and roll - because the music itself represents a great deal of classical training and education. Much of today's popular music owes a debt to the singer-songwriters of the 1980's and '80's. Have you listened to Eminem's new release "So Far"? Those amazing guitar riffs are actually former Eagles' guitarist Joe Walsh's guitar riffs. Compare the two:

Eminem

Joe Walsh

Even the lyrics Eminem writes are a parody of the original Joe Walsh song. I hope this comparison helps you to understand Shawn's point of view. My concern for this relationship is Shawn's refusal to compromise. You say he "doesn't allow" music by Katy Perry, et al to be played in his presence. This intolerance of other musical tastes is in poor form, and crosses the line into controlling behavior. You need to ask yourself how long it will be before this control turns into abuse. Is there really no musical genre upon which the two of you can agree? Remember a compromise is only a compromise when both sides give something, and it appears that you are the only one giving in for the sake of harmony. Only you can decide whether you want to stay or go, but since you asked for my advice I will offer it: leave, and find someone who appreciates you for who you are, not in spite of who you are.

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Tazi's Corner #32 - Are Black History/Women's History Months Achieving Their Goals?

Dear Readers:

February is Black History Month; March is Women’s History Month. Does this mean that the remaining ten months of the year are dedicated to White Men’s History? And if so, what happens to Native American History and Latino History? Asian-American History? Do they not get a month of their own, too? I ask these questions not to cause fractiousness but out of true concern for the teaching of history in our American schools.

I realize that much of history’s recorded deeds are credited to men by men, and this is not a screed against those men; rather, it is a suggestion that that those who record history look deeper before recording our posterities. Surely there are people whose skin color and sex differ from that of our Founding Fathers who worked to imprint their mark directly alongside those who shaped our nation! Why not include their accomplishments along with these teachings, instead of relegating them to a separate month, as if these accomplishments are somehow made all the more impressive because it was a black man – or a woman of any color – who accomplished them? Would the words of Frederick Douglass be any less thought provoking if they were orated by a white man? Would First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt’s tireless work for Civil Rights be any less noteworthy if she were born with a scrotum? I realize that at the time these events took place both sex and skin color did make the words and behaviors of these now historical figures shocking, but must we still be shocked and amazed that words and actions of such high caliber could be achieved by those possessed of these traits? Haven’t we moved forward at all over the last 75 – 150 years?

Please don’t misunderstand me; I will take Black History and Women’s History any way I can get it, if only to be assured that it remains a part of a well-rounded educational curriculum, but I feel that setting aside a separate month to focus on the subject in depth leads to educators focusing on the subject solely during that prescribed time. This, to me, is the greater ignorance, and my goal is to combat this ignorance! I ask: Are Black History Month and Women’s History Month accomplishing their goals of making Americans aware of the accomplishments of our minority populations?

Many years ago, one of my Mommie’s friends challenged her to name fifty Black people of historical note. (This was before the Internet was in wide use!). Between her and a few very well-learned friends (one who is now a Librarian!) they were able to accomplish this goal. The challenger, not to be vanquished, put forth a second challenge: name ten historically notable women. Again, the group pulled it out and came up with an even dozen names at which point a final challenge was issued: name five historically notable Native Americans. All were thankful she did not ask for ten, since all they could come up with at the time was five: Sacajawea, who also counted as a woman; Geronimo; Sequoia (for whom the tree is named, but they did not know what else he did); Crazy Horse; and Sitting Bull. Squanto was remembered after the fact, and Jim Thorpe was mentioned, but it his place in history was questioned. Does sports history count as American History?

Today, I set forth this same challenge to you, my readers: How many historically notable American minorities can you name? Please leave your answers in my comments section, along with any links to further information about them!

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.