On #Charlottesville, Hate, and the Constitution

Good Morning.

I return from my self-induced absence to say a few words because I believe that those with a widely heard voice, the platform upon which to speak, and the education to know what is fact and what is fake have an obligation to speak out against wrongdoing – not because it will turn the minds of the ignorant, but because it will show them that the power they think they possess is nothing more than a fantasy they created. Just as the breaking of dawn casts nightmares back to the dark realm from which they sprung, the light of justice can shatter the fantasy that some are more equal than others. In the words of Edmund Burke, “the only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing”. And so, I use my platform to speak these few words: Chaplinksy v. New Hampshire, 1942.

Click the link. Circulate the word. Hate speech is not constitutionally protected speech.  You do not get to wave a flag with a swastika on it and then complain that your rights to free speech and peaceable assembly have been violated, not in America. The Supreme Court of the land has ruled – and that ruling has been upheld time and again over the last 75 years – that fighting words are not protected under our Constitution; that if you choose to express yourself in a way that you know will incite violence that you are the aggressor, not the victim.

I could go on, but I won't, as I have said all that is needed.

Peace,

Tazi

 



Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Racism, Racial Phobia Not The Same Thing; One Is Curable

Dear Tazi:

I think I might be racist, but I am not sure. I feel incredibly uncomfortable around black people. I think this is because whenever I turn on the news and see that some violent crime has been committed, the criminal is a black person. I realize that people of other races commit crimes, too, but I feel like if I am going to be a victim of crime it will most likely be committed by a black person. Do these feelings make me racist?

Signed,
Racist?

Dear Racist:

It should bring you comfort to know that almost every serial killer in American history has been white. Ditto with every homegrown terrorist - including assassins and potential assassins - every guy that has ever shot up a school, mall, or movie theater.  Child molesters are more likely to be white men than men of any other race (or women in general), and studies have shown that rapists almost exclusively (over 75% of the time) rape women of their own race. A study by SUNY - Buffalo reports that 92% of white, working-class women have experienced serious domestic violence in the home, as opposed to only 62% of black working-class women (and no, black men are not breaking in and beating on white women!).  Do these statistics help to alleviate your misguided fear that black people are more prone to violence than any other racial group? In fact, it appears that white people have a lock on crazy!

I do not think your irrational fear of African-Americans makes you a racist, per se, since racism springs from feelings of hatred of other races, along with the belief that the white race is superior to all others. I do think that your phobia could morph into full-fledged racism if you do not seek counseling for it. Furthermore, I am concerned about your statement that the only crimes you see reported are committed by black people. Is this your experience? Are you watching a biased news station? Or are these the claims of a racist close to you that has you believing that the overwhelming majority of crimes are committed by black people? A professional counselor could help you dig into the roots of your fear and uproot them once and for all, allowing you to get to know people for who they are - regardless of skin color - and not what you have been taught to believe they are.

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Is It Racism Or Paranoia?

Dear Tazi:

I think my father might secretly be racist.  I have been dating my boyfriend for about a year now, and decided it was finally time to introduce him to my parents, who live two hours away from me.  Although emails and pictures have been sent over the past eleven months, my parents have never met “Elmont” in person.  Elmont is a light-skinned black man, so it can be difficult to tell his race from pictures.  Since his race has never mattered to me, I never thought to mention to my parents that he is black.

Over the Labor Day weekend, Elmont and I took a trip back to my home to visit with my parents and have a meet and greet with the family.  My mother was her usual cordial self but my father was not.  Dad is normally a very welcoming person; he has a big Irish personality and is the kind of person who likes everybody and everybody likes.  This is why I was very surprised to see him greet Elmont with a handshake instead of a big hug.  His excuse was that he was coming down with a cold and did not wish to spread it, but I thought he looked fine.

That evening, after dinner, Dad did not offer Elmont a drink as is his custom when he and Mom host guests.  When I pulled him aside to ask why, Dad blamed his non-existent cold.  Although the conversation was polite, Dad seemed detached; he claimed it was the cold medicine he was taking. 

The next morning was Sunday, and Elmont and I had planned on taking Mom and Dad out for brunch but Mom said that my father was not feeling very well, and that perhaps brunch could wait until the next day.  Tazi, we had a barbecue to attend the next day; we didn’t want to make it a full day of eating and socializing so Elmont and I went to brunch by ourselves.  Later, my father told me that he was hurt that we did not want to wait a day to have brunch with him and my mother! 

On Labor Day, Elmont and I attended a barbeque with family and friends and everyone was happy to meet him.  I thought once my father saw how everyone loved Elmont that he would warm up to my boyfriend, but he claimed that he was not feeling well and left the party early; by the time Elmont and I returned from the party it was late and we had to start back home because we were working the next day.

At first I thought I was just being paranoid about my father’s coolness towards Elmont, but he mentioned to me that he thought my father did not like him.  After I got home I called my Mom to let her know that we were home safe, and I asked her how my father was.  Mom told me that Dad was “resting in front of the TV” and that the weekend had really worn him out.  Tazi, he didn’t do anything!  I asked Mom to put Dad on the phone so I could talk to him, and once again he seemed fine – no hint of a cold!

This week, when I spoke to my parents in my weekly phone call, I broached the idea about Elmont and I coming home for Thanksgiving, but Mom told me that she and Dad had plans!  They will supposedly be taking a four-day cruise with my aunt and uncle.  When I mentioned that Auntie and Uncle made no mention of the cruise on Labor Day my mother responded that Labor Day was when the plans were first made; that it was a last minute thing.  I feel like my parents made these plans just to avoid spending Thanksgiving with Elmont!  When I told my mother this, she was hurt that I could think such a thing and defended my Dad, saying he really was feeling under the weather.

Tazi, do you think I am being paranoid and hypersensitive, like my Mom says I am?  Or could my father be a closet racist, like Elmont and I are thinking?  I have never seen my father act this way before, but I also grew up in an exclusive, all-white neighborhood so I have no standard of reference by which to judge.

Signed,

Biracial Blues

Dear Biracial Blues:

Late August and early September is high time for ragweed allergies to make their appearance, making those susceptible feel horrible by turning them into an itchy, watery-eyed, sneezing mess.  Allergy medications and cough and cold syrups can help alleviate these symptoms so as to appear like nothing is wrong, but the side effects include lethargy.  If your father is one of millions who suffer from allergies this could explain his aberrant behavior. 

Although it seems deliberate that your parents have planned to be away for the Thanksgiving holiday, it is probably just a coincidence.  You do not say if you have siblings still living at or near home, but you do mention that you live two hours away from your parents and have not been home to visit in several months.  Your parents probably decided to plan some “me” time for the holidays and Thanksgiving was the logical choice; it is America’s busiest travel time of the year. 

I sympathize with you and Elmont; I cannot imagine what you have been through in the past that would make you jump to such drastic conclusions but it must not have been pleasant.  I suggest that you make a second attempt with your parents and Elmont.  You say that your mother was pleasant and welcoming of him, so I suggest you give her the benefit of the doubt when she says that your father was not feeling well.  If your father truly was racist, he would not have welcomed Elmont into his home; rather, he would have used his cold as an excuse to send you both to a hotel and cancel all plans to spend time with the two of you.  The fact that he was hurt that you would not reschedule brunch lends credence to this view.  If a second visit with your parents does not alleviate your uneasiness I suggest that you have a frank discussion of your concerns with dear old Dad!  You may or may not like what he has to say, but at least you will know where things stand.  Sometimes, it is what it is.

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Racist At The Coffee Shop Needs To Be Grounded

Ed. Note: This article is being reprinted in memory of Maya Angelou, who fought the erase the hate. May her legacy live on in us.

Dear Tazi:

I have a coffee-shop acquaintance that I will call "Archie". He is one of several who gather for caffeine and conversation, mostly political, at our local non-alcoholic watering hole. Most of us are white, retired professionals, but all races and walks of life are welcome and we do not discriminate on any basis - except for Archie.

Archie is a racist. The man jokes that he "won't even take his coffee black", and always quotes statistics on how the black people of this country are the root cause of all social ills. Abortion? [According to Archie] Black people have the highest rate of it. Poverty? [According to Archie] Black people make up the majority of the welfare rolls. Fatherless households? Well, you get the picture. Archie always has percentages and numbers to make his arguments sound believable; but is never able to remember his sources, always telling us that "the mainstream media will never tell you the truth. You need to read the alternate sources".

We - and other patrons of this particular coffee shop - tolerate Archie because he is the owner's father, and we do not wish to punish a young entrepreneur by withholding our business; but what Archie said recently about the late Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was out of control, and needs to be addressed.

As a group, we were discussing the Arab Spring, which led to a comparison of the Civil Rights Movement of the 1960's, and the question of whether or not the Occupy Wall Street movement could be as successful as either - typical political debate - when Archie claimed that Dr. King was a "reverse racist" who hated white people; that the FBI was investigating him; that his PhD was honorary; that he wasn't even a real minister, that he had dropped out of the seminary; and that Martin Luther King was not his father's given name, so "how could he be a 'junior'?". A stony silence was the response we all gave, and as a group we all got up and distanced ourselves from Archie.

As I have said, we do not wish to patron another coffee shop; but we can't see ourselves rejoining Archie - who comes with the place - in political debate. Do you have a rejoinder with which I might present Archie? Educated debate does not work on the man, nor does presenting him with academically acceptable materials (which he considers "mainstream" and therefore biased). As a retired college professor, I find the man's ignorance astounding. I would like to ignore him, but that doesn't feel right; yet I am unable to reach him through traditional means. Might you have some ideas that I am overlooking? I am in my late seventies, and admit that Internet research is not my forte.

Signed,
The Professor

Dear Professor:

You get one paw up on your desire to educate, for it was Dr. King himself who said, "In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends." (By the way, his doctorate was not an honorary; he earned a PhD in Philosophy from Boston University in 1955. His Bachelors in Divinity was from Crozer Theological Seminary in Chester, Pennsylvania, 1951). The other paw stays down, due to your tolerance of racism up to this point.

Where Archie is getting his "facts" on issues like abortion, poverty, welfare, etc. is questionable. I would suggest that you ask him to produce his sources the next time he decides to sound off on something. Use words he will understand: Put up or shut up! Raw statistics never tell the full story, nor the reasoning behind the numbers - they are just numbers. Whereas there is a crisis in the Black community with regard to absentee fathers and abortion (might there be a connection?); according to the U.S. House of Representatives Ways and Means Committee, white people actually make up the plurality of America's welfare rolls. Is the U.S. Government Printing Office too mainstream a media source for Archie?

As for Archie's comments on Dr. King's credentials, it appears he gets his information from very questionable, completely un-sourced articles written by authors with no searchable credentials. When I Google searched "Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr." and "not a minister", I found a hate-speech links sponsored by the ironically titled website "JesusIsSavior.com". When I did a Google Scholar search for the same, I found nothing. Ditto with a Lexis-Nexis search, JSTOR search, and other highly respected search engines. Does Archie consider scholarly journals to be "mainstream media" as well? If so, it would appear that his mind is closed to all sources but his own.

Snuggles,
Tazi

P.S. As for not wanting to punish the son for the sins of the father: While this is admirable, I am sure that there are others who are not so sympathetic. You would do well to complain to the owner. If enough people start taking their business elsewhere, he will have no choice but to "ground" his father.

Adopted Child Discovers Who She Is, Fears Rejection From Family

Dear Tazi:

I was adopted as a baby, and with my family’s encouragement I decided to look for my birth parents now that I am an adult, getting married, and planning on starting a family of my own. There are questions I need answered, and the only way to get them was to look for my birth family. Well, I found them, and they were overjoyed to meet me. There is just one problem – my parentage is of mixed race, and my adoptive family is terribly racist, so I have not told them that I have found and met with my birth parents.

My birth mother is very light-skinned, and probably at least half-white considering her features (which I have quite obviously inherited), but is still black just the same; my birth-father is quite obviously black. They were just teenagers when I was born and decided to put me up for adoption so I would have a better life than they could offer me. Meeting them – and knowing that I am black and not olive-skinned – has set me on ear. Although I do not consider myself to be racist (I do have black friends, and they don’t seem to think I am a racist) I have grown up my whole life hearing how black people are lazy, poor, and the kind who take no responsibility for their actions. After leaving my birth parents home, all I could hear was my adoptive father’s words ringing in my ears about how [black people] go and have kids without any ways to support them and expect the state to care for their “mistakes”. I felt sick to my stomach thinking that, in my adoptive father’s eyes, I am a “mistake”.

I want desperately for my birth family to be a part of my life and to introduce them to my adoptive family, but I can’t see how that would ever happen. I want to invite my birth parents – and my birth brothers and sister – to my wedding next year, but how do I do that? My adoptive family will find out that I am actually black and completely reject me, I just know it. I don’t want to deny my birth family or keep them a secret, but I can’t see my adoptive family welcoming them with open arms. Or me, once they know who I really am. How can I resolve this situation? My fiancé knows, and he is fine with everything; he has said he can’t wait to meet my birth family and is being very supportive of me. I feel like I am going to have to trade one family for the other.

Signed,

Passing…Without Even Knowing It

Dear Passing…Without Even Knowing It:

Your letter is one of the most heart-wrenching letters I have ever received, and the most difficult I have ever had to answer. My heart goes out to you, and I will pray that your adoptive family members are able to overcome their prejudices and accept your birth family into your life and theirs.

Racism is an ugly, ugly trait that can be difficult to overcome – not only for the victims of it, but for those who hold such beliefs that they are somehow superior to others. While I cannot see your adoptive family rejecting you – and I am sure they will be full of excuses as to why you are an “exception” because you are their daughter – it is going to take a great deal of time and understanding on the part of both families before any sort of true acceptance can take place.

The sooner you tell your adoptive parents that you have found your birth parents the better. By keeping them a secret your adoptive parents may think that you are ashamed of your birth parents (considering the way your adoptive parents believe) and you will need to correct them of any such notion. Sit down with your adoptive parents and tell them the truth – that you have found your adoptive family, met with them, and that they are wonderful people who chose to place you for adoption because they were young and unable to give you the kind of life they wanted for you. Tell your adoptive parents that your birth parents are grateful that you were raised to be such a competent, caring adult and that you had a wonderful childhood with all the things that they hoped adoption would provide. Add any other sentiments you feel are appropriate or that you feel need to be said. Then, add that there is just one thing that you know will be of a bother to your adoptive parents, but that you would like them to work on getting past it for your sake, and explain to your adoptive parents that you are not olive skinned, but black. Your adoptive parents may already know this, but if they don’t it is a good way to reveal that, “quite obviously”, your birth parents are also black.

People with strongly held views tend to make exceptions for those they love; I hope that your adoptive parents will be willing to see past their racist views and look at the situation through the eyes of love. Explain to them that you want your birth parents – and your birth siblings – to be a part of your life, and that you will be working on developing a relationship with them, and that you plan on inviting them to your wedding. Be prepared for objections from your adoptive parents, but be firm in telling them that any rejection of your birth family is a rejection of you. Remind them that your birth parents are your blood, a phrase that tends to diffuse resentments and build loyalties.

I wish you all the luck in the world and hope that bridges can be built between both sets of your parents. Although I doubt they will change their racist views, perhaps your adoptive parents can learn to judge people on a case by case basis. This is all we can ever ask of anyone. Please write back and let me (and my readers) know how things go.

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Danger: Racism At Work! But Which One Is The Racist?

Dear Tazi:

I am a freshman in college, and I think one of my professors is failing me because they don't like me. I am from the deep south, and yes I have an accent. My teacher, who is black, has made several comments about it and has made rude and presumptuous comments.

One day, when I came to class 5 minutes late he cussed me out, saying he expected to be treated with RESPECT! No other student has ever been yelled at for being late, so I think I have the right to take it personally. Another time, he made a crack about how my accent made me sound like a redneck. Yesterday, he overheard my girlfriend and I in the dining hall; she was reminding me that I needed to wash my bed-sheets. She was hoping for a romantic evening, and was reminding me that dirty sheets are a turn-off. The teacher turned to me and told me that if I wanted to dress up in bed-sheets I should go back home to "Crackerville". Before I could say anything, my girlfriend set him straight but he didn't apologize or anything.

When I got my midterm grades, all were respectable except the grade from this professor; I had an F, which reflects the grades he has been giving me on my essays. I would have liked to talk to him about my grades - and I still would - but I am afraid it will get me nowhere. I can't talk to his boss because the first thing he will ask is if I talked to the professor. The professor is tenured, so its not like he can be reprimanded. I don't want to drop the class, but I don't know what else I should do.

Singed,
Red-Head, Not Neck

Dear Red-Head, Not Neck:

Since I only have one side of the story - yours - I do not want to rush to any judgments on this inflammatory topic. I can say that for some people a strong southern accent can bring back terrible emotional pain from a past that they would rather forget. Your professor is tenured, which means he has been teaching for several years. It could very well be that he was a child during the violent Civil Rights Era of the 1960's. If he grew up during this time in the deep south, I can see why he would have a prejudice against you. This in no way excuses his behavior; it only explains it. Or, he could just not like Southerners. Or, you may have to examine your own behavior and see if you have said or done something to make your professor think poorly of you.

Unless your girlfriend or classmates are willing to come forward and attest to your story it will be your word against that of a tenured professor. I suggest you document the incidents that have occurred, along with the time; date; and names of any witnesses. Set this aside and do not mention it unless you need. Next, request a meeting with the professor to discuss your enrollment in his class. Explain to him that you feel he has the wrong impression of you based upon your accent, and that his comments are upsetting you and that they are affecting your schoolwork. If this shuts a door rather than opens one, then go to the Department Chair to discuss the issue. Hopefully, the professor will realize that his "jokes" are not funny. Some people really are ignorant of how their comments affect others.

If the professor is willing to discuss matters with you, ask that a third party be present or that the meeting be recorded, for the comfort of all involved. You may have to schedule something in advance, but you may not, so be prepared regardless. From there, ask the professor what is wrong with the quality of the work you are handing in to him, and listen to his answers. If you feel his answers an subjective and based upon his opinion rather than solid academic principles, ask the Department Chair to review your work.

All of this will take a strong backbone. If you do not feel up to it, ask your Academic Adviser to assist you through the process. If this is still too much to ask of you, you may have to drop the class. Just know that this will put you behind in your academic pacing, and summer classes may be required in order to graduate on schedule.

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.