Dear Tazi-Kat:
My heart is breaking. The woman I love just got engaged to another man. I have been best friends with “Cherie” since kindergarten, and have always been secretly in love with her. I never said anything because I did not want to risk ruining our friendship, and now she is promised to another man. Tazi, she has only been dating him for six weeks! I think this is far too soon to make such a serious commitment to someone.
I realize that Cherie and her fiancé will not be able to get married until after they finish school, which is not for another four years – eight, if Cherie decides to follow her dream of going to college – and a lot can happen during that time that would cause either of them to change their minds, but I am still tempted to try and do something to push them towards a break up – like telling her parents – and then, as the best friend, I could be there for Cherie to help her pick up the pieces of her broken heart and maybe even find the courage to ask for a chance of winning her hand for myself. What do you think I should do, Tazi?
Signed,
Head Over Heels
Dear Head Over Heels:
I would recommend that all of you concentrate on your school-work – middle school and high school can be an academically taxing time without having to worry about the stress of a marital relationship.
At 13 or 14, six weeks can seem like a lifetime to have spent with someone; and heart-break can feel like a slow and painful death, but trust me when I say that this, too, shall pass. I will not deny the validity of your feelings – or those of Cherie for her fiancé – but I will express doubt over how long they will last. You may find that you will not have to do anything to “push” Cherie and her fiancé towards a break-up because there is a strong chance that this will occur as a natural turn of events. The fact that Cherie is not mature enough to tell her parents about her “engagement” speaks to the fact that she is not mature enough to be engaged.
Right now, the best course of action for you is to continue to be Cherie’s best friend. The trust and emotional intimacy you share is a very precious gift in and of itself, so please do not sabotage it by plotting to undermine her happiness. Instead, nurture it with continued friendship and loving actions. Some of the most lasting romances have started between the closest of friends; and in a few years – when you are both a little bit older and a little bit wiser – Cherie may discover that the one she has been looking for has been by her side all along.
Regardless of what happens, remember that ladies love the man who treats their girlfriends well; so if you look around, you may find several sets of eyes looking back at you. Don’t be afraid to get to know some of these young women. You may find one you like as much – or more – than your life-long crush.
--Tazi-Kat
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