Moving In Together Too Soon Can Lead To The End Of A Promising Relationship

Dear Tazi:

I am no longer in love with my boyfriend. I thought I loved him, which is why we moved in together, but after two months of living together I have come to dislike him. He is a slob who expects me to clean up after him, cook all his meals, do his laundry as well as all of the other housework, and pay most of the bills because I make more money than him.

We were together only six months before we moved in together, to see if we could make things work and get married, and I think I should have waited to get to know him better. I would like to move out, but we have signed a one year lease and there is no way “Joey” would be able to afford the place on his own and my name would still be on the lease, so I would be legally responsible for whatever he does not pay.

I am considering finding him a new roommate and then moving out into my own place – and obviously breaking up with Joey in the process, but I am afraid he would not go for any of that, refuse to pay the rent or keep up the apartment, and leave me on the hook for back-rent and any property damages. Do you think I should just suck it up for the next nine months and leave during the last month of my lease? The last months’ rent was due at signing, so Joey can’t skip out on paying it. I want my freedom but not at the cost of ruining my credit.

Signed,

20/20 Hindsight

Dear 20/20 Hindsight:

Was Joey a dependent slob before you moved in together or are his behaviors new? If you knew what you were getting into and moved in with him anyway I will say that you made your bed (literally and figuratively) and you must now lay in it. If Joey’s behaviors are new it could be a sign of mental illness or depression or some other problem related to the two of you living together, such as passive aggression. Could Joey be trying to push you out of the apartment?

I think you and Joey need to sit down and have a talk about what is going on in your living situation and in your relationship. Tell him that you are not happy and he needs to clean up his act or you will be moving out as soon as the lease is up – sooner if that is what he wants. You may be surprised to find that Joey is not adjusting well to living with you but is afraid that you will leave him if he suggests separate living quarters.

You should also talk to your landlord or apartment manager about getting your name off of the lease. Tell them that your living situation has become untenable and that Joey will be remaining in the apartment as the responsible lessee. Some landlords will allow a person out of a lease so long as they are not losing the tenancy all together; others will remove you from the lease but you will have to pay a fee for it – usually the equivalent of one or two months rent. This time around, think things through before changing your living arrangement.

Snuggles,

Tazi

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