The Laws of Physics Meet The Laws Of Society In An Unlikely Romance

Dear Readers:

In honor of my 10th birthday this week (6/26) I am taking a week-long vacation! For your entertainment, I am re-posting some classic columns that you may have missed the first time!

--T.K.

Dear Tazi-Kat:


I am 25 years old, recently completed my PhD in Physics, and for the first time in my life I am in LOVE! ♥ ♥ ♥ I have not dated much in the quarter-century that I have been on this earth, because I have dedicated my time to educating myself, but I know a good man when I see one.  “Earl” is everything a woman could want in a man – he is kind, romantic, responsible, and treats me well.  He always calls when he says he will, and we never, ever argue.  The one snag in our relationship is that Earl is currently ten years through a twenty year sentence for assault with a deadly weapon. 

Earl was 18 and foolish when he committed the crime, and tells me he has since seen the error of his ways.  Do you see what I mean when I say he is responsible?  Many men would not own up to such behavior, insisting they are innocent and were unfairly convicted; but not my Earl!  He has been using his time in the penitentiary to earn his high school diploma, has completed anger management counseling, and has also taken some courses through the community college.  He wants to go to law school after he is paroled, and become a Prosecutor in order to give back to the community from which he took.  Doesn’t he sound every bit as wonderful as I have described?

Earl has told me that he wants to marry me after he finishes law school, but I don’t want to wait that long!  I want to become his legal wife as soon as possible, so I can be there for him as he bravely faces the struggle of paying his debt to society.  I am willing to have a small, jailhouse ceremony for now; and then a big celebration once Earl is released, but he is adamant about waiting.  Tazi-Kat, what can I do to convince Earl to marry me now, like I want – and then again later, like he wants?

Signed,

Lady-in-Waiting

Dear L-I-W:

I realize the one has to kiss a lot of frogs to find their prince, so I have to ask: Are you certain that Earl is not just another frog?  Though rare, some romances that start behind prison walls do lead to marriage; however, most are just scams perpetrated on lonely women by crafty con-men.

Are you sending Earl money on a regular basis?  If so, you need to stop immediately.  Tell Earl that you have hit a financial rough spot and cannot send him any cash for the next few months, and then watch his reaction closely.  Does he understand, or does he get angry?  Is his first reaction to say he understands, but then to pressure you for money within the first few weeks?  Does he put a guilt trip on you in order to get you to relent and continue to send money?  If anything but gentle and continuous acceptance is the result; run, don’t walk, away from this relationship, singing "Goodbye Earl" all the way.  You are probably one of many women that Earl is stringing along for financial gain.  

If possible, contact the Warden of the prison where Earl is incarcerated and report that you have been in regular communication with Earl.  The Warden will be more familiar with Earl – and his background – than you are, and he can confirm or correct any of the details Earl has given you about his life.  The truth you discover may be different than the tale that Earl has told you; so be prepared for your heart to break, and to learn from this life experience.  If the Warden confirms all that Earl has told you, then I wish you nothing but the best – and I suggest to Earl to stop dragging his feet, because a catch like you may not wait around forever.  Regardless of the outcome, speaking with a professional counselor to help you deal with the stress of the entire situation may be something you find very helpful.  

--Tazi-Kat