Child Support Does Not Cover All The Child's Expenses

Dear Tazi:

I like to consider myself a good father - I support my kids - but I am really starting to resent paying child support only to see it go to luxuries for their mothers. I have two children with ex-girlfriends, and pay $300/month to each of them for a total of $600/month in child support. I pay on time every week ($75/week to each) and have never missed a payment, even if it means going without for myself.

I would really like to buy a new iPhone; I think it would be a good investment as I am trying to launch my own side business as a disc jockey, and a DJ without the latest swag is going to get left in the dust by the competition. My problem is, I can't afford a new iPhone - not with the size of my monthly child support payments. My problem is, BOTH of my ex-girlfriends (the mothers of my kids) have iPhones! I feel like the child support I pay should be going to support my kids, not their mothers' iPhones; and if their mothers can afford the cost of iPhones on their own, than why am I paying so much child support? Shouldn't they be using some of that money to pay the cost of raising the kids? I am seriously considering going to court to ask for a reduction in child support, but want an impartial opinion first.

Signed,
iBroke

Dear iBroke:

There is a big difference between being a good father and simply offering court mandated child support, but I will not go there today; I will stick to the issue at hand. It appears that you do not understand how child support works: it's purpose is to cover your fair share of raising your child, and $300 does not appear to come close to covering 50% of a child's monthly expenses. I spoke to a few single/divorced mothers, and here is a conservative breakdown of monthly expenses:

1. Housing. A child is required to have their own bedroom, which means higher rent. the cost-differential between a 1-bedroom and a 2-bedroom apartment is an average of $200. A 50% share of that would be $100, or 1/3 of your monthly child-support payment.

2. Food. A child needs a nutritionally balanced diet, and food is not cheap. Giving a conservative estimate, it costs around $10/day to feed a child. Assuming you have the children for visitation, this leaves their mothers responsible for the food bill approximately 20 days a month - that's 60 meals + snacks - coming to a total of $200/month for food. A 50% share of that would be another $100, or another 1/3 of your monthly child support.

This leaves $100 left over to pay for:

3. Transportation
4. Increased utility expenses
5. Clothing
6. Incidentals (from baby aspirin to medical co-pays and life insurance)
7. Entertainment/Sports Leagues/Scouts/Etc.

If $100 is enough to cover these expenses in the world where you live, single mothers everywhere would like to know where it is so that they can move there!

It sounds to me that the mothers of your two children are making sacrifices in their own lives - or simply have higher paychecks than you - that allow them to afford the luxury of an iPhone, because the child support you pay each month does not come close to covering even half the expense of raising a child. Unless you have proof positive that your children are being neglected/going without so that their mothers can afford their iPhones, I would suggest you leave well enough alone and stay out of the court system - because you may find yourself counter-sued for higher child support payments.

-- Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

An iPhone Camera And An Instagram Account Does Not A Professional Photographer Make

Dear Tazi:

I have a friend who has a bad habit of posting every picture she takes to Facebook, Pinterest, and Instagram.  I would not mind if she only posted every now and again, but she is constantly taking pictures and posting them, and then mass emailing to let everyone she knows know that she has posted more pictures to her account pages, and demanding that we check out and "like" her pictures.

"Abby" thinks that with enough  "likes" she will eventually be able to launch her own business as a professional photographer - freelance or for a large newspaper.  This is in complete disregard for the fact that she has no professional training or equipment; she uses her iPhone to take and upload pictures.  I have tried to explain to her that professional photographers - like all professionals in a field - have learned their craft through years of study  and training; that you need to know things like lighting, angles, lenses, shutter speeds, and a whole bunch of other stuff before you can be a professional photographer.  Abby, however, will not listen and has accused me of being jealous of her dream.

Tazi, I have a very fulfilling career that allows me to express my creativity while bringing home a sizable paycheck.  I graduated one of the top art schools in the country, and have the student loans to prove it.  I have several friends that I met while in school who are working as professional photographers, and I think that Abby's attitude is insulting to the hard work and sacrifices that they have made in order to work in their field.  I have reached the point where I am sick and tired of Abby's incessant demands to "like" her mundane photos.  I would like to remove myself as a friend/contact from her social media accounts, but then I would have to explain to her why I did it.  You seem pretty good at giving advice, kitty; got any for me?

Signed,
Becoming Photo-Phobic

Dear Becoming Photo-Phobic:

I can completely understand your point of view.  When Mommie first helped me to start this column, she had a few acquaintances who said that it sounded like fun and that they should start an advice blog, too!  These people had no writing skills, no background in Psychology, Communications, Cultural Anthropology, or any education even remotely connected to human behavior.  Mommie advised me to keep my temper and not do my scratchy-bitey thing, that some humans don't realize how foolish they sound sometimes.  I now give you the same advice.

As difficult as it is to ignore Abby, try for the sake of your friendship.  Ignore the pleading emails; don't bother to "like" her photos unless you actually do like them; and turn a deaf ear to her when she starts vocalizing her dream of becoming a professional photographer without any education, training, or equipment.  Eventually, she will see that her dream is actually fantasy (which is a dream that has no hope of coming true without some major planning and effort) and either move on to something new or make the investments required to reach her goal.

As much as you would like to delete Abby from your social media contacts, this is probably not a good idea.  As sensitive as Abby sounds, this may cause irreparable damage to your friendship.  Simply limit the number of updates allowed from Abby or ignore them altogether.  If she asks why you are not commenting on  her work, tell her that you are very busy with your own (paying) work and have little time to peruse all of her photographs; encourage her to cut down on quantity and go for quality - you will be doing her (and those who view her stuff) a big favor.  Last of all, remember that nobody can take advantage of your time unless you let them.

Snuggles,
Tazi

P.S.  This video came to my attention just before this article was set to publish.  I hope it gives you a laugh!  [Ed. Note: Email subscribers, please click here to see video].

CollegeHumor's Favorite Funny Videos

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Farmville Fanatic Has Withering Relationships

Dear Tazi-Kat:

I need help. For the last few years, I have been playing Farmville to the point of addiction! It has taken over my life to the point where I spend several hundred dollars a month on Farmville cash to spend on my farm. At first I justified the expense, arguing that Farmville is my only form of entertainment, but I have reached the point where I can no longer justify the amount of time and money I spend playing this online game.

This year, I found myself unable to sit through Thanksgiving dinner with my in-laws because I kept excusing myself to go to the bathroom. My mother-in-law thought her cooking wasn't agreeing with me; but the truth is, I was playing Farmville on my iPhone. I did not start my holiday shopping until Christmas Eve, because it seemed like every time I had a spare moment, my farm needed my attention. At Christmas dinner, I excused myself at least a dozen times to check on my Farmville missions before my husband confiscated my iPhone and told me that I could choose between Farmville or the Funny Farm, because that is where he will be sending me if I don't start putting people ahead of my gaming.

I tried to make an honest effort to give up Farmville, but found myself unable to go more than a few hours without checking on my farm. Unlike the rest of my life, Farmville brings me such delight! I thought I could sneak in some Farmville time while my husband is at work and the kids are out of the house, and set my crops to grow/pause when my husband is home, but I discovered this morning that he put a parental block on Facebook and Farmville.com! He has not given me back my iPhone, so I went to store to try and buy a new laptop (so I could play on a computer without a parental block) where I discovered that he removed my name from our credit card accounts! As a homemaker, I have no income of my own; and cannot get a credit card in my name to outmaneuver my husband. I decided to try one last tactic and went to the local library to log-on to Farmville from there, but I discovered that my password is no longer working!

When I confronted my husband about my day, he confirmed setting the parental controls after changing my Facebook password; removing my name from our credit card accounts; and cancelling my iPhone service (and paying a hefty fee that could have been spent on more useful items). I feel like he is treating me like a child! I realize that I have an addiction, but I think I should be allowed to overcome it in my own way; in my own time. My husband disagrees, saying that he has been trying to get me to stop playing Farmville for months now, and that his extreme measures were required. Tazi-Kat, I honestly don't know what he is talking about; these extreme measures are the first time I have noticed his disapproval of my gaming, and I think he is making things up to defend his grossly inappropriate behavior. What do you think, Tazi-Kat?

Signed,
Suzie The Farmer

Dear Suzie The Farmer:

Although I do not approve of your husband's tactics - or his use of the play-on-words "Funny Farm" - I am going to split my decision on this argument. Your addiction is far too strong to try and conquer on your own, and drastic measures may be required. However, the controlling measures your husband took to try and get you to stop gaming were just plain wrong. You are his wife, not his child, and this addiction is one that you must work to conquer together.

From the tone of your letter, you have been tuning out life around you in preference for Farmville; to the point where you ignore your family on the holidays. Are you aware of how much you have been ignoring your husband and children the rest of the year? The fact that your husband claims that he has been trying to get you to stop playing Farmville "for months now" and this is the first time you are actually hearing him - after he has taken away your access to the game - leads me to believe that you have been tuning out much more than you realize.

I realize that Farmville brings you great joy, but that joy is coming at the detriment of your relationships with others. If the rest of your life is not as delightful as Farmville, you need to concentrate your energies on discovering why you find life to be such a drag, and take steps to remedy the problem(s). Since you are unable to go for more than a few hours without playing Farmville, I do not think independently weaning yourself off of the game is the best course of action at this point.

Video games - and computer games, like Farmville - provide for instant gratification, and can be as addictive as drugs or alcohol. For that reason, you will need a supervised recovery program. I suggest that you contact a certified mental health professional, and make an appointment to discuss the issues that leave you seeking an escape from real life. Once you are aware of how to conquer that which is driving you to invest so much time, money, and attention into Farmville you may discover that the game holds less and less of an attraction to you.

As an aside, I would like to mention that marriage counseling might be helpful in opening the doors of communication between you and your husband. You lament the "hefty fee" your husband had to pay when he cancelled your iPhone account; yet you admit to spending "several hundred dollars a month" on Farmville. It seems to me that the Great Shut Off was an investment in your financial future, as well as your marital future; but again, this is something that you should discuss with a licensed therapist, not a cat.

-- Tazi-Kat

P.S. Please give a snuggle to your children from me. It sounds like they could use some attention.