Dear Tazi:
My friends staged an intervention for me this past weekend, to point out that my behavior has gotten out of control. I don't drink or do drugs or party too much but, long story short, I tend to fall into bed with guys far too quickly and far too often than is healthy.
I am in my late twenties, and all I have ever wanted is to meet a nice guy, settle down, and get married and start a family. My friends pointed out that the way I am going about it is not working. At first I was very angry with my friends, until my best friend pointed out that in 10 years I have slept with - by her count - 100 men. I am embarrassed to admit, her count is a bit low because I have not told her about every guy I have slept with; just the ones I really, really liked.
Most of the guys I have been intimate with seemed like great guys, but they only stuck around for a one or two night stand. I used to think I was getting too clingy, too fast and that is why they ran; so I stopped trying to push them into a relationship, but that doesn't seem to be working, either. How can I meet a nice guy that doesn't seem to want only one thing?
Signed,
Crossed Legs
Dear Crossed Legs:
You can meet a nice guy who doesn't seem to want only one thing by not acting like a woman who has only one thing to give. I realize this statement sounds harsh; but by my math you have slept with - on average - a new man every month for the past ten years. That is not the behavior of a woman seeking to settle down with one man, but the behavior of a woman who is advertising that she is open for business.
You say you are looking for a long-term relationship that could lead to marriage and family, so your first step is to start behaving like a woman who wants to settle down with one man. I am not promoting a sexual double standard, but I am pointing out that there are the type of women men date and then there are the type of women men marry - and 100% of my male sources tell me that they can't see themselves getting serious with a woman who has sex on a first date. (When I pointed out that they, too, must be having sex on a first date they countered by saying it was "recreational sex", not "relationship sex". Apparently, there is a difference).
I find it hard to believe that over the last ten years you have met 100 men who you "really, really like" enough to consider marriage material. I suggest that the next time you meet a man who interests you that much, get to know him before jumping into a physical relationship. You may discover that he is not the type of man you would be interested in for the long haul, and pass on seeing him further; or you may discover that you have a great deal in common. It has often been said that sex and love are like peanut butter and jelly - great by themselves, but there is something about each that complements the other.
On a closing note, I want you to know that your past is behind you; don't dwell on it but do learn from it. Change the behaviors that are not taking you on a path to your goals and set yourself on a new way in your journey to marriage and children.
Snuggles,
Tazi
P.S. How the heck does your best friend remember how many men you have bedded? Does she keep a scorecard? Or does she have total recall of everything?
Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.
My friends staged an intervention for me this past weekend, to point out that my behavior has gotten out of control. I don't drink or do drugs or party too much but, long story short, I tend to fall into bed with guys far too quickly and far too often than is healthy.
I am in my late twenties, and all I have ever wanted is to meet a nice guy, settle down, and get married and start a family. My friends pointed out that the way I am going about it is not working. At first I was very angry with my friends, until my best friend pointed out that in 10 years I have slept with - by her count - 100 men. I am embarrassed to admit, her count is a bit low because I have not told her about every guy I have slept with; just the ones I really, really liked.
Most of the guys I have been intimate with seemed like great guys, but they only stuck around for a one or two night stand. I used to think I was getting too clingy, too fast and that is why they ran; so I stopped trying to push them into a relationship, but that doesn't seem to be working, either. How can I meet a nice guy that doesn't seem to want only one thing?
Signed,
Crossed Legs
Dear Crossed Legs:
You can meet a nice guy who doesn't seem to want only one thing by not acting like a woman who has only one thing to give. I realize this statement sounds harsh; but by my math you have slept with - on average - a new man every month for the past ten years. That is not the behavior of a woman seeking to settle down with one man, but the behavior of a woman who is advertising that she is open for business.
You say you are looking for a long-term relationship that could lead to marriage and family, so your first step is to start behaving like a woman who wants to settle down with one man. I am not promoting a sexual double standard, but I am pointing out that there are the type of women men date and then there are the type of women men marry - and 100% of my male sources tell me that they can't see themselves getting serious with a woman who has sex on a first date. (When I pointed out that they, too, must be having sex on a first date they countered by saying it was "recreational sex", not "relationship sex". Apparently, there is a difference).
I find it hard to believe that over the last ten years you have met 100 men who you "really, really like" enough to consider marriage material. I suggest that the next time you meet a man who interests you that much, get to know him before jumping into a physical relationship. You may discover that he is not the type of man you would be interested in for the long haul, and pass on seeing him further; or you may discover that you have a great deal in common. It has often been said that sex and love are like peanut butter and jelly - great by themselves, but there is something about each that complements the other.
On a closing note, I want you to know that your past is behind you; don't dwell on it but do learn from it. Change the behaviors that are not taking you on a path to your goals and set yourself on a new way in your journey to marriage and children.
Snuggles,
Tazi
P.S. How the heck does your best friend remember how many men you have bedded? Does she keep a scorecard? Or does she have total recall of everything?
Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.
