Spread The Word: It's Okay To Be Asexual

Dear Tazi:

I am 25 years old and have never dated anyone. I have gone on dates, but I have never been interested in the person to see them more than two or three times. I have no interest in romance with a man or a woman, and no interest in sex. I am completely fine with this, since I have no desire to have children, either.

My parents are constantly pressuring me to meet someone and settle down, but I am settled. I have a job that I love, a college education, and I am looking to buy my first home. I have two pet cats that I adore who provide every day companionship and many friends that I see on a fairly regular basis. I have hobbies and play softball for a community team. I like to think I am a well-rounded person who lives a fulfilling life. All of this is not enough for my parents, though.

My mother would like me to seek counseling to “figure out what is wrong” with me; my father has asked me straight out if I am gay. I am not gay, and I don’t think there is anything wrong with me; at least nothing that going to a counselor would fix. Should I humor my Mom and go to counseling and maybe find a way to overcome my lack of interest in partnering up with someone? Or should I stand my ground and tell my parents that they need to accept me for who I am, how I am?

Signed,

Not Perfect But Perfectly Happy

Dear Not Perfect but Perfectly Happy:

None of us are perfect (not even us kitties!) and if we spent our lives chasing perfection we would not be perfectly happy; we would be miserable because we are chasing after the unattainable and refusing to be content with all that we do have.

Not having an interest in a romantic relationship with another is unusual, but not unheard of and certainly not abnormal. It sounds to me that you are asexual – having no interest in either men or women. In a culture where everything must be paired (salt and pepper; lettuce and tomato; ketchup and mustard; for every sock a shoe) being asexual can be seen as an aberration to what is correct. However, if you are happy and feeling fulfilled just the way you are who is anyone to say that your asexuality is incorrect?

Say it loud and proud!

If you would like to seek counseling to further explore the idea that you may be asexual – or seek a medical opinion to rule out low testosterone – your health insurance should cover the expense. I would recommend a physical exam, because low testosterone can cause heart problems in men. If, however, you check out completely healthy I see no reason to worry about who you are. While your parents may be hoping for grandchildren the decision to have children or not have children is yours and yours alone; your parents need to understand that not everyone is cut out for marriage and parenthood, and that you are cut from a different mold. Perhaps your parents are the ones who should seek counseling to help them learn to accept you as you are.

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.